Musings of the Obsessive Kind

I admit to being morbidly curious as to how Secondary Hag pictures her married life with a man she had to blackmail into marriage and who loathes the sight of her and won't ever be pleasant enough to even say good morning without constant threats.

Because I picture it thusly:

Morning. Kang Ha is eating porridge for breakfast. And chasing it with shots of whiskey.
Hag: Honey, I made some toast for you, have some!
Kang Ha: ...
Hag: I could be so dialing your brother right now!
Kang Ha grits teeth, stuffs toast into his mouth.

Afternoon. Kang Ha is doing something on the computer. A trusty bottle of cognac is by his side.
Hag: Honey, come watch A Story Sadder Than Sadness with me!
Kang Ha: ...
Hag: I wonder what your brother would say if he knew the truth...
Kang Ha grits teeth, comes over.

Evening. Kang Ha is listening to music. He is also knocking back brandy.
Hag: Honey, don't I look sexy in my new nightgown? Come here - I even put some candles in the bedroom!
Kang Ha: ...
Hag: Your brother. Speed dial.
Kang Ha grits teeth, comes over.

Night. In bed. Kang Ha is trying to reach for that bottle of soju on the night table.
Hag: Honey, those green bed sheets are tacky. I want blue ones. Go get them out of the closet.
Kang Ha: ...
Hag: Honestly. Remember? Brother?
Kang Ha snaps and throws her out of the window of their fancy penthouse. We hear a distant thud.

Because seriously - is it going to go any other way?

I admit to being morbidly curious as to how Secondary Hag pictures her married life with a man she had to blackmail into marriage and who loathes the sight of her and won't ever be pleasant enough to even say good morning without constant threats.

Because I picture it thusly:

Morning. Kang Ha is eating porridge for breakfast. And chasing it with shots of whiskey.
Hag: Honey, I made some toast for you, have some!
Kang Ha: ...
Hag: I could be so dialing your brother right now!
Kang Ha grits teeth, stuffs toast into his mouth.

Afternoon. Kang Ha is doing something on the computer. A trusty bottle of cognac is by his side.
Hag: Honey, come watch A Story Sadder Than Sadness with me!
Kang Ha: ...
Hag: I wonder what your brother would say if he knew the truth...
Kang Ha grits teeth, comes over.

Evening. Kang Ha is listening to music. He is also knocking back brandy.
Hag: Honey, don't I look sexy in my new nightgown? Come here - I even put some candles in the bedroom!
Kang Ha: ...
Hag: Your brother. Speed dial.
Kang Ha grits teeth, comes over.

Night. In bed. Kang Ha is trying to reach for that bottle of soju on the night table.
Hag: Honey, those green bed sheets are tacky. I want blue ones. Go get them out of the closet.
Kang Ha: ...
Hag: Honestly. Remember? Brother?
Kang Ha snaps and throws her out of the window of their fancy penthouse. We hear a distant thud.

Because seriously - is it going to go any other way?

So, bored with your current life and considering being a drama hero? Well, before you sell all your belongings and move to Seoul, perhaps a little job guide will be of help? After all, you may want to know what occupations you may be able to find as a kdrama hero - it is important to be able to eat.

BUSINESSMAN



Do you like to paint? Have you won an award for your amazing writing? Do you have the concentration and brain-power of a five-year-old? TOO BAD. Whatever you may think you would like or are equipped to do, you are likely to end up as a BUSINESSMAN. No profession is as ubiquitous as this one - the hero may struggle mightily against it, but no matter how he starts, he is doomed to be a businessman anyway. On the plus side, if you are a BUSINESSMAN, you drive a fancy car and wear a nice suit. However, having the heroine call you "Director" or "Team Leader" all the time is probably off-putting. What if she keeps it up in bed?

( More professions here: click me for an inspiring career path )

Yo, girlie!

I know you are idealistic and unworldly enough to make even a genuine Victorian heroine puke, but word to the wise. If the guy you like ditches out of your party to go on a four-day orgy, perhaps you should move on to someone else more suitable? And less STD-ridden.

Yeah, yeah I know he has the whole "I had to join their orgy to find out where the guy who killed my friend is hiding so I could take revenge" excuse going. Yeah. YEAH. I have heard better rationalizations out of drunken fratboys. What, he was too cheap to hire a private investigator like a normal person?

Yo, girlie!

I know you are idealistic and unworldly enough to make even a genuine Victorian heroine puke, but word to the wise. If the guy you like ditches out of your party to go on a four-day orgy, perhaps you should move on to someone else more suitable? And less STD-ridden.

Yeah, yeah I know he has the whole "I had to join their orgy to find out where the guy who killed my friend is hiding so I could take revenge" excuse going. Yeah. YEAH. I have heard better rationalizations out of drunken fratboys. What, he was too cheap to hire a private investigator like a normal person?

You know, ambergold was so right - BOF is like a bad relationship - you know the guy is no good for you but you keep coming back. I am so irritated with the drama by now, but I still check both the comms and soompi for spoilers, previews etc. And will be watching ep 20 as soon as it's on. Meanwhile, Preview for Boys Over Flowers ep 21:



Much as it's awesome to see Jun Pyo kneel to and beg Jaekyung to let him go, I refer to my previous Man Up post. You know, a wedding involves two people, right? Why beg the girl to call it off when you can freaking call it off yourself! Once again, borrowing from Hanadan2 with odd modifications does not work - in Hanadan2 it made sense for Domyouji to kneel to Rui and ask him to let go of courting Makino because Domyouji has no control whatsoever over what Rui does - he cannot do something unilaterally to stop Rui - he has to ask. Not to mention, Rui is his best friend and he wants to keep the friendship intact, and to go after Makino (who has indicated she is quite willing to be with Domyouji) without clearing it with Rui first, would definitely wreck the friendship. But the relationship with Jaekyung is different, uniquely so - it's a wedding and he has all the power in the world to end it himself. Neither Domoyuji in the manga or jdrama nor Dao Ming Si in the Taiwanese version had any hesitation in calling it off when they felt they couldn't deny their love for Makino (and it didn't go anywhere near close enough to the altar, either). So, MAN UP, Goo Jun Pyo! Seriously, man up.

Honestly, the only time I've seen something close to this was in Save the Last Dance kdrama, but it made sense there - the hero's company was going to be wrecked without the marriage (just as here), but the other girl was a childhood long-term friend, one of his best friends, who tried to kill herself because he wouldn't marry her, and the reason he begged her was not because he was afraid of consequences to himself/company but because what he really was begging was for her not to kill herself, because he could not obtain his happiness at the cost of her life. And even then, he wouldn't marry her until his OTP ditched him in a brutal, brutal fashion to save him. Ahem. Sorry for the sidetrack, I love StLD to bits.

Jun Pyo, go rent Return of the Condor Heroes and take notes - the dude in that one was willing to die a hideous slow agonizing death rather than betray his OTP by marrying someone else. Take notes until it sinks in. Kthanks, bye.

Side note: I can't even be bothered to be irritated that they turned the awesome Shigeru of the manga/twdrama and less awesome but ultimately not too bad Shigeru of the jdrama into the typically evil kdrama other woman - she knows her fiance loves someone else, yet she is happily planning her wedding asap and asking his OTP to be her bridesmaid on purpose, and when he begs her to call the wedding off, telling her he only loves Jandi and will only love Jandi, she is all "I know, it makes me want to marry you all the more". Heh. I've exhausted my ire on all the other character modifications and have none left for this :)

I had a dream where I got to meet Matsujun and Kim Hyun Joong for some sort of bizarre cross-country Hanadan promotion. Even in my dream I was sensisble enough to know I don't speak Japanese or Korean, so I didn't talk to them :)

I've been wanting to tell the entire character roster of Korean Hanadan to man up, so I finally did.

Goo Jun Pyo: I know you are supposed to be a Korean version of Domyouji, not that one can guess it from seeing you being such a gutless, spineless wonder, so stop ruining one of my favorite characters and MAN UP! Either decide to go against Mama and go try to win Jandi back, or decide Mama was right and try to make a go with your fiancee and stay the hell out of Jandi's hair, especially since if you had the IQ of a rabbit, you'd be able to tell any time you are within 10 feet of her you wreck her life. At the very least, you owe her enough to give her an explanation and an apology. So, stop being a worm and MAN UP!

So Yi Jung: Boo-hoo, your Dad is a womanizer and your Mom can't take it and tries to off herself on a regular basis. And the girl you liked hooked up with your older brother who left the family and left you alone. Boo-hoo. Sometimes relationships don't work out! Tell your Dad what you think of him, decide to do better, and move on! Stop getting smashed and trying to hurt people who care about you - if you want chicks, there are plenty out there for adult, no-strings flings, stop trying to hurt Ga Eul just to prove some random point. Man up, sir, man up!

Yoon Ji Hoo: Now, it's no secret I love you to bits, but honestly - the time to not make a claim on Jandi because your friend likes her is past. He clearly seems to be over her and causing her nothing but misery. And as to Jandi? Nothing ventured nothing gained, so MAN UP and confess. I mean, even a five-year-old can tell you love her, anyway.

Song Woo Bin: Woo Bin, MAN UP and get some cooler friends! Or at least share some cool with the emo dorks you got now - you've got cool to spare.

Geum Jandi: I am all for love and all, but when your ex behaves as someone for whom the phrase 'scummy ex' was invented, stop being a martyr and tucking him in, etc, when what he deserves is a punch in the face - after ditching you in a horrible fashion and dating another woman in your face, he is not someone you want to hang out with. Spine! Look up that word in the dictionary. While you are at it, try not to look like a total victim when Kang Mama as much as breathes in your general direction - stand up to her, at least once, stop being so useless and in need of rescue. I'd tell you to MAN UP girl, but at this point I doubt even Makino and Shan Cai combined could get you to do so.

Chu Ga Eul: Man up, girl, MAN UP! I know Yi Jung is hot and all, but he is a mess who was a jerk to you. A glass of water in his face is a step in the right direction, but why are you so chummy with him afterwards? Do you really want to start a jerk collection? Your other jerk bf wasn't enough and you decide ou like the trend?

Mama Kang: I do not need to tell you to MAN UP, lady. You got enough for a platoon. Pity you didn't pass any to your son.

Jun Hee Noona: words about protecting your little bro are all well and good, but since then you've done nothing - not a single thing. MAN UP and either do something or shut up about it.

Han Jae Kyung: For pity's sake, have some pride and MAN UP! Your 'fiance' does not want to date you - you are pretty, rich, and with more personality than the heroine, you can get another guy - stop binge-eating and clinging and start huntin'. I hear Woo Bin is available.

Jandi's Parents: Come on, your hope of salvation is your teen daughter hooking up with a rich guy? There isn't enough MAN UP in the world!

I had a dream where I got to meet Matsujun and Kim Hyun Joong for some sort of bizarre cross-country Hanadan promotion. Even in my dream I was sensisble enough to know I don't speak Japanese or Korean, so I didn't talk to them :)

I've been wanting to tell the entire character roster of Korean Hanadan to man up, so I finally did.

Goo Jun Pyo: I know you are supposed to be a Korean version of Domyouji, not that one can guess it from seeing you being such a gutless, spineless wonder, so stop ruining one of my favorite characters and MAN UP! Either decide to go against Mama and go try to win Jandi back, or decide Mama was right and try to make a go with your fiancee and stay the hell out of Jandi's hair, especially since if you had the IQ of a rabbit, you'd be able to tell any time you are within 10 feet of her you wreck her life. At the very least, you owe her enough to give her an explanation and an apology. So, stop being a worm and MAN UP!

So Yi Jung: Boo-hoo, your Dad is a womanizer and your Mom can't take it and tries to off herself on a regular basis. And the girl you liked hooked up with your older brother who left the family and left you alone. Boo-hoo. Sometimes relationships don't work out! Tell your Dad what you think of him, decide to do better, and move on! Stop getting smashed and trying to hurt people who care about you - if you want chicks, there are plenty out there for adult, no-strings flings, stop trying to hurt Ga Eul just to prove some random point. Man up, sir, man up!

Yoon Ji Hoo: Now, it's no secret I love you to bits, but honestly - the time to not make a claim on Jandi because your friend likes her is past. He clearly seems to be over her and causing her nothing but misery. And as to Jandi? Nothing ventured nothing gained, so MAN UP and confess. I mean, even a five-year-old can tell you love her, anyway.

Song Woo Bin: Woo Bin, MAN UP and get some cooler friends! Or at least share some cool with the emo dorks you got now - you've got cool to spare.

Geum Jandi: I am all for love and all, but when your ex behaves as someone for whom the phrase 'scummy ex' was invented, stop being a martyr and tucking him in, etc, when what he deserves is a punch in the face - after ditching you in a horrible fashion and dating another woman in your face, he is not someone you want to hang out with. Spine! Look up that word in the dictionary. While you are at it, try not to look like a total victim when Kang Mama as much as breathes in your general direction - stand up to her, at least once, stop being so useless and in need of rescue. I'd tell you to MAN UP girl, but at this point I doubt even Makino and Shan Cai combined could get you to do so.

Chu Ga Eul: Man up, girl, MAN UP! I know Yi Jung is hot and all, but he is a mess who was a jerk to you. A glass of water in his face is a step in the right direction, but why are you so chummy with him afterwards? Do you really want to start a jerk collection? Your other jerk bf wasn't enough and you decide ou like the trend?

Mama Kang: I do not need to tell you to MAN UP, lady. You got enough for a platoon. Pity you didn't pass any to your son.

Jun Hee Noona: words about protecting your little bro are all well and good, but since then you've done nothing - not a single thing. MAN UP and either do something or shut up about it.

Han Jae Kyung: For pity's sake, have some pride and MAN UP! Your 'fiance' does not want to date you - you are pretty, rich, and with more personality than the heroine, you can get another guy - stop binge-eating and clinging and start huntin'. I hear Woo Bin is available.

Jandi's Parents: Come on, your hope of salvation is your teen daughter hooking up with a rich guy? There isn't enough MAN UP in the world!

So, in order to relieve stress and to amuse self, I have decided to categorize drama heroes by their occupations. My, my, how many types do we have? And which ones do you want to take home to mother?

So without further ado, I present:

The Guide for Clueless Wannabe Heroine, or How to Pick a Man if You Are Dropped into Drama World

( Guide behind cut )

Well, I watch a lot of dramas and a little character guide will never go amiss. Armed with this, you can navigate drama world safely.

The Hero: Your life is no vale of roses. While you are good-looking, tall, white-toothed, and very very rich (unless you are picturesquely dirt poor. No HERO worth his salt can be middle class), you must have really done something terrible in your past life to gather such bad karma. Your family is undeniably psychotically evil and abusive, or if not, poor and dead, in either case giving you enough issues to keep a psychiatrist employed forever. Maybe it’s this craving for family members who are not wanted by family protection services, that will often lead you to fall for someone who is technically related to you.

Not that this would help. Your true love will undoubtedly develop cancer, run away or get engaged to SECONDARY MALE. Whatever it is, it will likely involve a painful scene at the airport, where, instead of being dragged away by Security, you will be left to wail and scream in peace. Your taste in women is questionable enough to start with, if that psycho ex or high-maintenance one-sided childhood love is anything to go by.

Your fashion tends towards pink or v-necked, and to prove your masculinity despite such clothes you often have to fight groups of GANGSTERS at a stretch. Your back needs constant care after all the piggy-back rides you are forced to give, and you must get constant headaches from excess of hair gel. Basically, your life sucks. Sometimes, you might even die yourself. But no matter what, take comfort: you could have the SECONDARY MALE’s lot in life instead.

The Heroine You are kind to stray dogs and small children, are conscientious, hardworking, and law-abiding. Just as well, as you are also dirt-poor and need all the money and societal good-will you can get. Your family is either warm and loving, or exploitative and probably alcoholic. Regardless, since they are also dirt poor, they are a constant money drain, and it would be better for you to change your name and move to a different neighborhood.

You are a one-man woman, unless you simply cannot make up your mind. In the former scenario, you will put up with any indignity and sadness inflicted on you by the HERO, with your love unswerving. Probably because you know a rich sucker when you see one. In the latter scenario, the easy way to solve who you should love is to figure out which one of your suitors is played by a bigger star. If you cannot do so, I suggest you go for the one with the bigger bank account and easier prenup.

You might as well enjoy your cash and furs now, once you hook the HERO, because soon enough you will develop cancer and die. My personal theory is that the excessive dampness created by your constant weeping has probably seeped through your skin and mutated your cells. Hey, it makes as much sense as leukemia you get from being hit by a car!

Secondary Male: Now, you Sir, are a truly pitiable individual. You might be better looking, kinder, richer, saner than the HERO, but even if you amputate your arms as a Valentine’s Day gift to the HEROINE, she will never ever prefer you to the HERO. This sad fact often causes you to go evil, but unlike a proper good VILLAIN you can’t even have fun bullying widows and orphans, because unlike VILLAIN or GANGSTER, you are still fixated on one lachrymose, morose woman, possibly with terminal illness and definitely with a great talent at a martyr routine.

End your misery and kill yourself now. You always have hope of being reincarnated as the HERO in the next life.

Secondary Girl: Your nails are redder, your hair is bigger, and your brain is crazier than of anyone else around. Scientists are still trying to figure out how someone like you is allowed to wander around unsupervised. Hapless HERO seems to have fallen for you at some point, probably as a result of brain trauma induced by beatings from his abusive family, or maybe a mental malfunction caused by inhaling too much hair gel. Whatever the reason, he’s been trying to get rid of you ever since, but you are sort of like VD: easy to get, hard to get rid of, and socially undesirable.

Hero/Heroine’s Best Friend: Unless the individual in question is also in one of the above categories, your job is not so bad. Wearing cooky outfits and commenting on HERO/HEROINE’s personal life seems to be the extent of your lot in life. Clearly, you have no interest in your own affairs and no personality if all you are fixated on is someone else’s life. I suspect you write RPF/S in your free time.

Parents: You are either rich or poor. If you are rich, you are evil and abusive. The end. Your free time seems to be spent in devising new methods of tormenting your child, and as you have years of practice you are quite good at it. Go easy on him/her however. You don’t want their sudden death or the love of that uppity HERO/HEROINE take your favorite abusive pastime away from you.

If you are poor, you might also be abusive, but you might also be good. Fat lot of use that does you, as you seem short on food and rent in either case. But look at it this way, you could be dead, in order to give HERO or HEROINE a character-building lesson, so thank your lucky stars you are left alone in squalor instead.

Gangster: Unless you are the HERO, you exist solely to provide the opportunity for the HERO to show off his masculinity and protective instincts by beating scads of you at once. Let’s hope you have good health insurance, you’ll need it.

Teacher: Either you are an inspiration to HERO or HEROINE, or, if you are young and cute, you are a love interest. In the latter case, I hope you like stripes and confined spaces with regular schedules.

Villain: Boo-hiss. Whether you are a PARENT, GANGSTER, SECONDARY MALE, or SECONDARY GIRL, tone it down a notch! While the HEROINE might die of cancer and the HERO might freeze to death in the snow, they have at least some chance emerging out of this unscathed. But you, sir or ma’am? I hope you have good life insurance policy and funerary arrangements. Enjoy the little cackling time you have left.