A Drama Character Guide
Jan. 31st, 2008 03:54 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dangermousieWell, I watch a lot of dramas and a little character guide will never go amiss. Armed with this, you can navigate drama world safely.
The Hero: Your life is no vale of roses. While you are good-looking, tall, white-toothed, and very very rich (unless you are picturesquely dirt poor. No HERO worth his salt can be middle class), you must have really done something terrible in your past life to gather such bad karma. Your family is undeniably psychotically evil and abusive, or if not, poor and dead, in either case giving you enough issues to keep a psychiatrist employed forever. Maybe it’s this craving for family members who are not wanted by family protection services, that will often lead you to fall for someone who is technically related to you.
Not that this would help. Your true love will undoubtedly develop cancer, run away or get engaged to SECONDARY MALE. Whatever it is, it will likely involve a painful scene at the airport, where, instead of being dragged away by Security, you will be left to wail and scream in peace. Your taste in women is questionable enough to start with, if that psycho ex or high-maintenance one-sided childhood love is anything to go by.
Your fashion tends towards pink or v-necked, and to prove your masculinity despite such clothes you often have to fight groups of GANGSTERS at a stretch. Your back needs constant care after all the piggy-back rides you are forced to give, and you must get constant headaches from excess of hair gel. Basically, your life sucks. Sometimes, you might even die yourself. But no matter what, take comfort: you could have the SECONDARY MALE’s lot in life instead.
The Heroine You are kind to stray dogs and small children, are conscientious, hardworking, and law-abiding. Just as well, as you are also dirt-poor and need all the money and societal good-will you can get. Your family is either warm and loving, or exploitative and probably alcoholic. Regardless, since they are also dirt poor, they are a constant money drain, and it would be better for you to change your name and move to a different neighborhood.
You are a one-man woman, unless you simply cannot make up your mind. In the former scenario, you will put up with any indignity and sadness inflicted on you by the HERO, with your love unswerving. Probably because you know a rich sucker when you see one. In the latter scenario, the easy way to solve who you should love is to figure out which one of your suitors is played by a bigger star. If you cannot do so, I suggest you go for the one with the bigger bank account and easier prenup.
You might as well enjoy your cash and furs now, once you hook the HERO, because soon enough you will develop cancer and die. My personal theory is that the excessive dampness created by your constant weeping has probably seeped through your skin and mutated your cells. Hey, it makes as much sense as leukemia you get from being hit by a car!
Secondary Male: Now, you Sir, are a truly pitiable individual. You might be better looking, kinder, richer, saner than the HERO, but even if you amputate your arms as a Valentine’s Day gift to the HEROINE, she will never ever prefer you to the HERO. This sad fact often causes you to go evil, but unlike a proper good VILLAIN you can’t even have fun bullying widows and orphans, because unlike VILLAIN or GANGSTER, you are still fixated on one lachrymose, morose woman, possibly with terminal illness and definitely with a great talent at a martyr routine.
End your misery and kill yourself now. You always have hope of being reincarnated as the HERO in the next life.
Secondary Girl: Your nails are redder, your hair is bigger, and your brain is crazier than of anyone else around. Scientists are still trying to figure out how someone like you is allowed to wander around unsupervised. Hapless HERO seems to have fallen for you at some point, probably as a result of brain trauma induced by beatings from his abusive family, or maybe a mental malfunction caused by inhaling too much hair gel. Whatever the reason, he’s been trying to get rid of you ever since, but you are sort of like VD: easy to get, hard to get rid of, and socially undesirable.
Hero/Heroine’s Best Friend: Unless the individual in question is also in one of the above categories, your job is not so bad. Wearing cooky outfits and commenting on HERO/HEROINE’s personal life seems to be the extent of your lot in life. Clearly, you have no interest in your own affairs and no personality if all you are fixated on is someone else’s life. I suspect you write RPF/S in your free time.
Parents: You are either rich or poor. If you are rich, you are evil and abusive. The end. Your free time seems to be spent in devising new methods of tormenting your child, and as you have years of practice you are quite good at it. Go easy on him/her however. You don’t want their sudden death or the love of that uppity HERO/HEROINE take your favorite abusive pastime away from you.
If you are poor, you might also be abusive, but you might also be good. Fat lot of use that does you, as you seem short on food and rent in either case. But look at it this way, you could be dead, in order to give HERO or HEROINE a character-building lesson, so thank your lucky stars you are left alone in squalor instead.
Gangster: Unless you are the HERO, you exist solely to provide the opportunity for the HERO to show off his masculinity and protective instincts by beating scads of you at once. Let’s hope you have good health insurance, you’ll need it.
Teacher: Either you are an inspiration to HERO or HEROINE, or, if you are young and cute, you are a love interest. In the latter case, I hope you like stripes and confined spaces with regular schedules.
Villain: Boo-hiss. Whether you are a PARENT, GANGSTER, SECONDARY MALE, or SECONDARY GIRL, tone it down a notch! While the HEROINE might die of cancer and the HERO might freeze to death in the snow, they have at least some chance emerging out of this unscathed. But you, sir or ma’am? I hope you have good life insurance policy and funerary arrangements. Enjoy the little cackling time you have left.
The Hero: Your life is no vale of roses. While you are good-looking, tall, white-toothed, and very very rich (unless you are picturesquely dirt poor. No HERO worth his salt can be middle class), you must have really done something terrible in your past life to gather such bad karma. Your family is undeniably psychotically evil and abusive, or if not, poor and dead, in either case giving you enough issues to keep a psychiatrist employed forever. Maybe it’s this craving for family members who are not wanted by family protection services, that will often lead you to fall for someone who is technically related to you.
Not that this would help. Your true love will undoubtedly develop cancer, run away or get engaged to SECONDARY MALE. Whatever it is, it will likely involve a painful scene at the airport, where, instead of being dragged away by Security, you will be left to wail and scream in peace. Your taste in women is questionable enough to start with, if that psycho ex or high-maintenance one-sided childhood love is anything to go by.
Your fashion tends towards pink or v-necked, and to prove your masculinity despite such clothes you often have to fight groups of GANGSTERS at a stretch. Your back needs constant care after all the piggy-back rides you are forced to give, and you must get constant headaches from excess of hair gel. Basically, your life sucks. Sometimes, you might even die yourself. But no matter what, take comfort: you could have the SECONDARY MALE’s lot in life instead.
The Heroine You are kind to stray dogs and small children, are conscientious, hardworking, and law-abiding. Just as well, as you are also dirt-poor and need all the money and societal good-will you can get. Your family is either warm and loving, or exploitative and probably alcoholic. Regardless, since they are also dirt poor, they are a constant money drain, and it would be better for you to change your name and move to a different neighborhood.
You are a one-man woman, unless you simply cannot make up your mind. In the former scenario, you will put up with any indignity and sadness inflicted on you by the HERO, with your love unswerving. Probably because you know a rich sucker when you see one. In the latter scenario, the easy way to solve who you should love is to figure out which one of your suitors is played by a bigger star. If you cannot do so, I suggest you go for the one with the bigger bank account and easier prenup.
You might as well enjoy your cash and furs now, once you hook the HERO, because soon enough you will develop cancer and die. My personal theory is that the excessive dampness created by your constant weeping has probably seeped through your skin and mutated your cells. Hey, it makes as much sense as leukemia you get from being hit by a car!
Secondary Male: Now, you Sir, are a truly pitiable individual. You might be better looking, kinder, richer, saner than the HERO, but even if you amputate your arms as a Valentine’s Day gift to the HEROINE, she will never ever prefer you to the HERO. This sad fact often causes you to go evil, but unlike a proper good VILLAIN you can’t even have fun bullying widows and orphans, because unlike VILLAIN or GANGSTER, you are still fixated on one lachrymose, morose woman, possibly with terminal illness and definitely with a great talent at a martyr routine.
End your misery and kill yourself now. You always have hope of being reincarnated as the HERO in the next life.
Secondary Girl: Your nails are redder, your hair is bigger, and your brain is crazier than of anyone else around. Scientists are still trying to figure out how someone like you is allowed to wander around unsupervised. Hapless HERO seems to have fallen for you at some point, probably as a result of brain trauma induced by beatings from his abusive family, or maybe a mental malfunction caused by inhaling too much hair gel. Whatever the reason, he’s been trying to get rid of you ever since, but you are sort of like VD: easy to get, hard to get rid of, and socially undesirable.
Hero/Heroine’s Best Friend: Unless the individual in question is also in one of the above categories, your job is not so bad. Wearing cooky outfits and commenting on HERO/HEROINE’s personal life seems to be the extent of your lot in life. Clearly, you have no interest in your own affairs and no personality if all you are fixated on is someone else’s life. I suspect you write RPF/S in your free time.
Parents: You are either rich or poor. If you are rich, you are evil and abusive. The end. Your free time seems to be spent in devising new methods of tormenting your child, and as you have years of practice you are quite good at it. Go easy on him/her however. You don’t want their sudden death or the love of that uppity HERO/HEROINE take your favorite abusive pastime away from you.
If you are poor, you might also be abusive, but you might also be good. Fat lot of use that does you, as you seem short on food and rent in either case. But look at it this way, you could be dead, in order to give HERO or HEROINE a character-building lesson, so thank your lucky stars you are left alone in squalor instead.
Gangster: Unless you are the HERO, you exist solely to provide the opportunity for the HERO to show off his masculinity and protective instincts by beating scads of you at once. Let’s hope you have good health insurance, you’ll need it.
Teacher: Either you are an inspiration to HERO or HEROINE, or, if you are young and cute, you are a love interest. In the latter case, I hope you like stripes and confined spaces with regular schedules.
Villain: Boo-hiss. Whether you are a PARENT, GANGSTER, SECONDARY MALE, or SECONDARY GIRL, tone it down a notch! While the HEROINE might die of cancer and the HERO might freeze to death in the snow, they have at least some chance emerging out of this unscathed. But you, sir or ma’am? I hope you have good life insurance policy and funerary arrangements. Enjoy the little cackling time you have left.
