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I really wanted to spend last night finishing the adventures of Tae-In and his ‘Biscuit’ but we got invited to an Oscar party so I watched overprivileged unkempt people congratulate each other instead.
So yeah, Oscars:
1. I would imagine, if you work in Hollywood, you can afford a hair-brush, and (if you are a guy) a razor. But clearly I am mistaken. Most of the people looked wild-haired and unshaven, as if they’d slept under a bridge. It’s not cute in a homeless person (but they have a reason for being thus), and it’s doubly uncute in you, overpaid hack(s). Colin Farrell especially. We all know you are sleazy, you don't have to prove it by looking like you just came off a meth binge. (I like CF, I do, but seriously...yikes).
2. Con-di-tio-ner. Not a hard word. Look it up. The hair of all men and most women did not just look like it was cut with garden shears, it looked dank, lackluster, and if they had washed it in household soap at most, or, more likely, not wash it at all.
3. Lopsided dresses might be the newest ‘in’ thing, but all they make me think of is that you were either unable to pay for both sleeves, or that part of your dress got caught in the door.
4. If there was an Oscar for most boring speech, the decision would be almost impossible to make. Look at it this way: I had more fun watching Bae Yong Joon’s acceptance speech at MBC awards in unsubtitled Korean than I did yours, random overpaid actor/producer/whoever. And you know why? Because my level of comprehension and interest is about the same in random names you spout off that I don’t know anything about, and unsubbed Korean, a language I don’t speak. But at least Bae Yong Joon looked like he actually bothered to shower, shave, and dress up before coming out.
5. Helen Mirren, I like you. A lot. And Daniel Day-Lewis, I like you too, even if you did seem to be a victim of the ‘slept on a park bench’ look everybody else was possessed by.
6. The musical numbers had the same production style and values as your local public access TV channel or maybe BBC circa 1965. I would pay NOT to watch them.
7. Cameron Diaz, when you can't read the teleprompter without stumbling, it's time to lay off wine-coolers.
The party though? Was awesome.
So yeah, Oscars:
1. I would imagine, if you work in Hollywood, you can afford a hair-brush, and (if you are a guy) a razor. But clearly I am mistaken. Most of the people looked wild-haired and unshaven, as if they’d slept under a bridge. It’s not cute in a homeless person (but they have a reason for being thus), and it’s doubly uncute in you, overpaid hack(s). Colin Farrell especially. We all know you are sleazy, you don't have to prove it by looking like you just came off a meth binge. (I like CF, I do, but seriously...yikes).
2. Con-di-tio-ner. Not a hard word. Look it up. The hair of all men and most women did not just look like it was cut with garden shears, it looked dank, lackluster, and if they had washed it in household soap at most, or, more likely, not wash it at all.
3. Lopsided dresses might be the newest ‘in’ thing, but all they make me think of is that you were either unable to pay for both sleeves, or that part of your dress got caught in the door.
4. If there was an Oscar for most boring speech, the decision would be almost impossible to make. Look at it this way: I had more fun watching Bae Yong Joon’s acceptance speech at MBC awards in unsubtitled Korean than I did yours, random overpaid actor/producer/whoever. And you know why? Because my level of comprehension and interest is about the same in random names you spout off that I don’t know anything about, and unsubbed Korean, a language I don’t speak. But at least Bae Yong Joon looked like he actually bothered to shower, shave, and dress up before coming out.
5. Helen Mirren, I like you. A lot. And Daniel Day-Lewis, I like you too, even if you did seem to be a victim of the ‘slept on a park bench’ look everybody else was possessed by.
6. The musical numbers had the same production style and values as your local public access TV channel or maybe BBC circa 1965. I would pay NOT to watch them.
7. Cameron Diaz, when you can't read the teleprompter without stumbling, it's time to lay off wine-coolers.
The party though? Was awesome.
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