Things that Star Wars have taught me
Mar. 20th, 2005 11:57 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dangermousie1 Don't hit on the pretty girl, she might be your sister.
2 If you have family problems, don't work it out through counselling. Start an intergalactic war instead.
3 The best way to get a girl is either by being an obnoxious rascal engaging in illegal activities or a future Dark Lord with issues. If you are a noble and good-looking farmboy hero, you are out of luck.
4 If stangers show up stating you are the Chosen One, kill them quickly. Or else tell them it's actually the guy next door. Otherwise you'll end up mutilated, evil and dead, in that order. That or the alternatives (mutilated, good and dead (the Neo corollary), or mutilated, good and just wishing you were dead (the Frodo principle)) are not really a dream career path unless you are a masochist.
5 Bun hairstyles are in.
6 Elaborate gladiatorial contests should be avoided at all costs. Not only might your enemies escape and wreak havoc, just think of all the wasted beasts! A good Evil Overlord is a Thrifty Evil Overlord.
7 If your powerful young protege wants to love and get married, let him. After all, he could be doing worse. Like killing you and your entire order and taking over the Galaxy.
8 Helpful, loyal and adorable little kids are the Spawn of Satan. You are better off killing them now.
9 Politicians can't be trusted. Unless they are young and beautiful girls.
10 If an anoyingly cutesy character with mangled English tries to save your life, don't let him. After 5 minutes of his conversation, you'd wish you were dead anyway. Don't save his life either. The Universe will thank you.
11 Younger men are HOT
12 If you are a captive Jedi and are talking to a person who sounds like Christopher Lee, no matter how reasonable he sounds, he is up to no good. Haven't you seen Lord of the Rings?
13 If the only way you can think of to free your lover will ultimately involve dancing in a metal bikini with a chain attached, find another plan. Or another lover.
14 Due to Lamark theory of evolution, if your father lost his hand, so will you.
15 Muppets are SEXY
16 Always be thorough. If you are killing the men, kill the women and children as well.
17 A small space shuttle will hold an infinite amount of clothing. But only if it is female apparel.
18 Ewoks are the other White Meat.
19 Brothers and Sisters kiss each other on the mouth, and not just in West Virginia.
20 Replying "I know" to a first-ever "I love you" from the woman of your dreams, will not get you clobbered to death with her shoe.
2 If you have family problems, don't work it out through counselling. Start an intergalactic war instead.
3 The best way to get a girl is either by being an obnoxious rascal engaging in illegal activities or a future Dark Lord with issues. If you are a noble and good-looking farmboy hero, you are out of luck.
4 If stangers show up stating you are the Chosen One, kill them quickly. Or else tell them it's actually the guy next door. Otherwise you'll end up mutilated, evil and dead, in that order. That or the alternatives (mutilated, good and dead (the Neo corollary), or mutilated, good and just wishing you were dead (the Frodo principle)) are not really a dream career path unless you are a masochist.
5 Bun hairstyles are in.
6 Elaborate gladiatorial contests should be avoided at all costs. Not only might your enemies escape and wreak havoc, just think of all the wasted beasts! A good Evil Overlord is a Thrifty Evil Overlord.
7 If your powerful young protege wants to love and get married, let him. After all, he could be doing worse. Like killing you and your entire order and taking over the Galaxy.
8 Helpful, loyal and adorable little kids are the Spawn of Satan. You are better off killing them now.
9 Politicians can't be trusted. Unless they are young and beautiful girls.
10 If an anoyingly cutesy character with mangled English tries to save your life, don't let him. After 5 minutes of his conversation, you'd wish you were dead anyway. Don't save his life either. The Universe will thank you.
11 Younger men are HOT
12 If you are a captive Jedi and are talking to a person who sounds like Christopher Lee, no matter how reasonable he sounds, he is up to no good. Haven't you seen Lord of the Rings?
13 If the only way you can think of to free your lover will ultimately involve dancing in a metal bikini with a chain attached, find another plan. Or another lover.
14 Due to Lamark theory of evolution, if your father lost his hand, so will you.
15 Muppets are SEXY
16 Always be thorough. If you are killing the men, kill the women and children as well.
17 A small space shuttle will hold an infinite amount of clothing. But only if it is female apparel.
18 Ewoks are the other White Meat.
19 Brothers and Sisters kiss each other on the mouth, and not just in West Virginia.
20 Replying "I know" to a first-ever "I love you" from the woman of your dreams, will not get you clobbered to death with her shoe.
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Date: 2005-03-21 01:21 am (UTC)