Things that Star Wars have taught me

[dangermousie]

1 Don't hit on the pretty girl, she might be your sister.

2 If you have family problems, don't work it out through counselling. Start an intergalactic war instead.

3 The best way to get a girl is either by being an obnoxious rascal engaging in illegal activities or a future Dark Lord with issues. If you are a noble and good-looking farmboy hero, you are out of luck.

4 If stangers show up stating you are the Chosen One, kill them quickly. Or else tell them it's actually the guy next door. Otherwise you'll end up mutilated, evil and dead, in that order. That or the alternatives (mutilated, good and dead (the Neo corollary), or mutilated, good and just wishing you were dead (the Frodo principle)) are not really a dream career path unless you are a masochist.

5 Bun hairstyles are in.

6 Elaborate gladiatorial contests should be avoided at all costs. Not only might your enemies escape and wreak havoc, just think of all the wasted beasts! A good Evil Overlord is a Thrifty Evil Overlord.

7 If your powerful young protege wants to love and get married, let him. After all, he could be doing worse. Like killing you and your entire order and taking over the Galaxy.

8 Helpful, loyal and adorable little kids are the Spawn of Satan. You are better off killing them now.

9 Politicians can't be trusted. Unless they are young and beautiful girls.

10 If an anoyingly cutesy character with mangled English tries to save your life, don't let him. After 5 minutes of his conversation, you'd wish you were dead anyway. Don't save his life either. The Universe will thank you.

11 Younger men are HOT

12 If you are a captive Jedi and are talking to a person who sounds like Christopher Lee, no matter how reasonable he sounds, he is up to no good. Haven't you seen Lord of the Rings?

13 If the only way you can think of to free your lover will ultimately involve dancing in a metal bikini with a chain attached, find another plan. Or another lover.

14 Due to Lamark theory of evolution, if your father lost his hand, so will you.

15 Muppets are SEXY

16 Always be thorough. If you are killing the men, kill the women and children as well.

17 A small space shuttle will hold an infinite amount of clothing. But only if it is female apparel.

18 Ewoks are the other White Meat.

19 Brothers and Sisters kiss each other on the mouth, and not just in West Virginia.

20 Replying "I know" to a first-ever "I love you" from the woman of your dreams, will not get you clobbered to death with her shoe.

Comments

[plazmah.livejournal.com]

Hahahah! I'm gonna put #4 in metaquotes :D

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

*Is flattered*

[whitewithsnow.livejournal.com]

Brilliant.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Thankee...mmmmm, avatar love!

[silmaril.livejournal.com]

Here from metaquotes; good job.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Love the user name. You must be familiar with fandoms with hand injuries. But be careful of those crazy Feanorean brothers...they are up to no good!

[dracothelizard.livejournal.com]

From metaquotes, but:

"If you are a noble and good-looking farmboy hero, you are out of luck."

Unless you're Westley in the Princess Bride ;).

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Mmmmm, Westley...*spazzes out*

But he still didn't get "get" Buttercup until he because The Dread Pirate Roberts, did he?

[hydnfn4evr.livejournal.com]

The best way to get a girl is either by being an obnoxious rascal engaging in illegal activities or a future Dark Lord with issues. If you are a noble and good-looking farmboy hero, you are out of luck.

poor Luke, never gets the love.... women always go for the scroundrels..and if said scoundrel is angsty ,powerful "chosen one"......all the better :D

If your powerful young protege wants to love and get married, let him. After all, he could be doing worse. Like killing you and your entire order and taking over the Galaxy.

ROFL!!! too perfect!!

Younger men are HOT
amen!! yeah Padme!!! u go gurl!!

Always be thorough. If you are killing the men, kill the women and children as well.
Anakin would agree... :D

Brothers and Sisters kiss each other on the mouth, and not just in West Virginia.
now see..bee-in native West Virginny gurl...gots to defend and say we dont do that enee-mor....we just kess the cozins now....

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Hee.

Younger men might be hot, but so is your avatar.

poor Luke, never gets the love.... women always go for the scroundrels..and if said scoundrel is angsty ,powerful "chosen one"......all the better :D

Well, the only women in SW in prominent roles are his Mom and Sister so he is kinda out of luck unless he wants to keep it in the family :D That's OK. I am willing to offer him some consolation any time!

[crumpeteer.livejournal.com]

I must say that the icon is brilliant.

[damanique.livejournal.com]

Hahahahahaha!! XD XD Those are brilliant. Thanks.

says yet another metaquotes viewer and Star Wars fan.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Thank you! Mmmmmmm, Elf ears...

[mindthegaps.livejournal.com]

*joins the Star-Wars-fan-from-metaquotes parade* Tremendous! And so true. hehe. But I dare somebody to try #20 on me...my shoe would be the least of my weapons...

ps: love your username/pic! Dangermouse is one of my all-time favorite shows. :D

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

If any SO of mine tried it, he'd be in the morgue. OTOH, you can get away with more things if you are about to be encased in carbonite :)

And yeah, Dangermouse is the greatest. Though I think he and Penfold had OTP.

[lizzyrose89.livejournal.com]

20 Replying "I know" to a first-ever "I love you" from the woman of your dreams, will not get you clobbered to death with her shoe.

Ahahahahahaha! Teh funneh!

*is here from metaquotes*

[all-ephemera.livejournal.com]

I still love the story (true or not) that originally Harrison's line was, "I love you too" but after multiple takes that Carrie screwed up because she was so high on lots and lots of drugs oh noes! life, he finally got frustrated and said, "I know." and Lucas thought, "Brilliant!"

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Thankee :)

[ayn-rand-fan-13.livejournal.com]

21. Arm prosthetics do wonders for your love life. I'm just saying.
Hey, did you ever wonder how Anakin got his wedding ring on with the metal arm thing? Was it his left or right hand?

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Yeah, and 22: Secret marriages never work out. Just read Romeo and Juliet.

His right. If the galaxy far far away follows not only exchange of rings, but also US customs, the ring would be on his left hand so he'd be OK. Though I don't think they'd go for the rings because of the whole secret wedding thing.

And if they do have rings on the right hand than he is kinda excused from wearing one, which for some men would be a very welcome excuse :)

There is an old movie "Best Years of Our Lives" where one of the main characters was a WWII Vet who had hooks for hands and he had problems during his wedding ceremony. So Anakin got off OK...

[mercurialnature.livejournal.com]

Due to Lamark theory of evolution, if your father lost his hand, so will you.

*cackles and falls over* Brilliant, just brilliant.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

I say, Luke's future offspring (though its existence is doubtful due to Principle No. 2) better look out for his hands!

[maramala.livejournal.com]

Another passerby from metaquotes.

Funny, funny stuff. *adds to memories* Danke.

(And DANGER MOUSE! Oooh.)

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Bitte.

And yeah, Dangermouse rules!

[ladynemo.livejournal.com]

A good Evil Overlord is a Thrifty Evil Overlord.

Bwuahahahaha!!!!

Beautiful!

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

If you think about, Evil Overlords already probably overtax the populace: Death Stars, Doomsday Machines and Evil Menageries don't come cheap as they are probably custom-made. So they really should try to cut corners, and not just by hiring incompetent flunkies.

[crumpeteer.livejournal.com]

Yes, being the Chosen One seems to leave a lot to be desired. Bet Obi Wan wishes people would have listened to him when he wanted to kill Jar Jar and leave the obnoxiously cute little kid on the desert planet.

And it's never a good idea to trust Christopher Lee. Ever.

Brilliant list.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Heee. Always listen to Obi-Wan, people! :)

Btw, is "crumpeteer" a reference to Horatio Hornblower?

[elvensapphire.livejournal.com]

LMAO! These were brilliant, hon! Thank you for making me laugh! :D

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

You are welcome!

Must say that Padme shouldn't be crying in your icon because it's one heck of stylish maternity wear :)