Musings of the Obsessive Kind

Courtesy of ff.net, I bring you Constantine badfic summaries. Whence we learn that Satan likes his slash but has tough competition, that Mary Sues are impervious to holy water, and that overall, it would have been better for fanfic quality if Keanu Reeves wasn't so damn attractive. Oh, and there is mpreg. Because what is a fandom without boys impregnating other boys, after all?

Also, if I have to see the word "chastine" one more time, I will claw someone's eyes out.

Once again, these are actual summaries from ff.net. I haven't read the stories, so for all I know, they might be good. But I doubt it.

”Isabella John Dodson!” Angela screamed while she glared. “Take that cigarette out of your mouth this instant. Didn’t anyone ever tell you that smoking can kill you?”

I could add nothing to this. Except: what kind of a sadist gives a girl a middle name "John?"

”...and if you must endure pain, then let us endure it as one, together.” She murmured into his chest, the heat of her breath grazing his flesh with the sincerity of a thousand angels. [JohnOC]

It's summaries like this that make me wish they'd cast Danny DeVito. Because? Heeeeee.

Red, white and blue the Dutch flag, John has to travel to The Netherlands and takes Chas with him. John is confronted with not only language barriers and time differences but also the question why he brought Chas with him. Chastine.

Or maybe I could just read Frommers and spare myself the pain. Btw, I hate all squished ship names on principle, but this one sounds like a brand of chastity belt.

John hated the same old song and dance with Balthazar.....

The best thing about a supernatural fandom? The slash gets verrrrry interesting. If by "interesting" one means "wanting to tear your own intestines out with a spoon."

Songfic to A Perfect Circle's Passive revolving around Balthazar's first meeting with a young Constantine after the boy's failed suicide attempt. Mild Balthazar x Constantine slash.

Well, at least it makes the fic above it seem tame.

Lucifer wants John too badly to wait. John Lucifer implied slash.

Still better than God/Satan slash in the Bible section.

( More Behind the Cut. Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Here )

Rented and saw Constantine today with Mr. Dangermousie. It's about someone who can see demons, angels et al. He also knows he is going to hell when he dies. And since he has lung cancer? That is going to be awfully soon. There is also a cop (Rachel Weitz) who comes seeking his help etc etc. Loved it. It's visually amazing, has nifty Catholic storylines about damnation and redemption and mortal sin and all that, is totally gloomy and atmospheric in a good way and has Keanu Reeves playing someone whose life sucks even more than Neo's. And it kept me on the edge of my seat. Alas, there is no kissing, though by the end I was chanting for Keanu and Rachel Weitz to get it on already, and the evil director kept teasing me instead.

Basically, the whole thing is a film noir seen through an anime lens (and yes, that sentence made sense in my head). It comes with an anti-hero hero, a mysterious woman in need of help, twisty plot, and scenes mostly in night time.

Here is a link to a Flick Filosopher [sic] review that explains so much of what I like about it.

My mother saw Pride and Prejudice today. According to her, not bad, but Lizzy in the BBC version was intelligent. Also, apparently no one owned a comb or a razor. She said Mr. Darcy wandered around hair uncombed, unshaven, and looking like he hasn't been near a bath in 3 or so years (my Dad's comment? That's because they cut out a scene of him in a Turkish bath :P). So glad I am staying away from this one.

Rented and saw Constantine today with Mr. Dangermousie. It's about someone who can see demons, angels et al. He also knows he is going to hell when he dies. And since he has lung cancer? That is going to be awfully soon. There is also a cop (Rachel Weitz) who comes seeking his help etc etc. Loved it. It's visually amazing, has nifty Catholic storylines about damnation and redemption and mortal sin and all that, is totally gloomy and atmospheric in a good way and has Keanu Reeves playing someone whose life sucks even more than Neo's. And it kept me on the edge of my seat. Alas, there is no kissing, though by the end I was chanting for Keanu and Rachel Weitz to get it on already, and the evil director kept teasing me instead.

Basically, the whole thing is a film noir seen through an anime lens (and yes, that sentence made sense in my head). It comes with an anti-hero hero, a mysterious woman in need of help, twisty plot, and scenes mostly in night time.

Here is a link to a Flick Filosopher [sic] review that explains so much of what I like about it.

My mother saw Pride and Prejudice today. According to her, not bad, but Lizzy in the BBC version was intelligent. Also, apparently no one owned a comb or a razor. She said Mr. Darcy wandered around hair uncombed, unshaven, and looking like he hasn't been near a bath in 3 or so years (my Dad's comment? That's because they cut out a scene of him in a Turkish bath :P). So glad I am staying away from this one.