The Badfic to end all Badfics and other equally useful stuff

[dangermousie]

After nearly eating my own head in horror after seeing the merest summaries of some "gems" on ff.net, I've decided I am ready to write my own. *shudder*

Title: Luv in Blum
Author: Dangermousie a.k.a. Harry'sLova
Summary: SW/LOTR/HP/Buffy cross-over. Harry finds true luv while on trip to another world. Ch. 29 now up. R&R plz, englsh not first language and my first ffic be kind plz. To the 219 people who flamed me, you are just jelos!

"Oh, Harry" sighed Obi-Wan, happily patting his bulging stomach. "You've made me the happiest of men. First a wedding ring, and now. A baby...our baby."

18-year old Harry, who had developed an amazingly muscular physique over the summer gazed at his lover fondly. He was still amazed that Obiawn ditched his previos boyfriend Anakin to be with him, Harry that is.

"But what shall we do if Legolas comes after us my love?" asked Obiwon timidly. "He is after all, Aragorn's wife. And Aragorn went evil, took the ring and killed everyone in Middle Earth before crossing over to our realm."

Harry had a brilliant idea: "I no. Lets ask Hermione for help. After all, she managed to defeat so much while protecting her true love Ginny. For some weird reason, Hogwarts was after her because they had to kill Ron and eat his head in a ritual."

"You are always right my love," blushed ObiOwn. All of a sudden he felt his water break..."Buffy!" shrieked he...

Ppl, if you want to read more, I need 7.5 reviews or I'll stop forever. And I will kill myself

The scary thing is, this is better than a fanfic I found linked courtesy of ysrith which involved a Lurtz/Legolas romance.

In other news, I am seeing Paheli today.

Finished Eragon which continued deadly dull until the end, with the characters having the charm and brain of rocks.

Also, I am open to suggestions re: which fandoms to use for my future badfic collections. I have to know at least a bit about it, but not much at all.

Comments

[valarltd.livejournal.com]

I go to spork my eyes out and pour brain bleach in the empty sockets.

Or at least tape up the ribs i broke falling out of the chair laughing.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Heeeeeee....I am afraid all the bleach has been already taken. By me.

[crumpeteer.livejournal.com]

involved a Lurtz/Legolas romance.

N..no..nooooooooooooooooooooooo! Now I need to poke out my mind's eye.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

And thou shall behold:

here (http://www.godawful.net/forums/viewtopic.php?t=16391) the true horror (with snark and exerpts). It's also Elrond/Glorfindel.

[crumpeteer.livejournal.com]

It buuuuuuuurns...it buuuuuuuuuurns...

[rabidfangurl.livejournal.com]

::sigh:: Now, as a lesbian, I am all about having more gay characters in fiction. I support slash (well, as long as it doesn't contradict canon; A/P forever!). However, turning everyone gay is not the answer. ::thwacks all the dumb fangirls who think so::

::does not spork your badfic, for it was done with love::

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

I think turning a clearly straight character gay (e.g. Anakin) is as stupid as turning a clearly gay character straight. There is plenty of slash pairing one can do that doesn't contradict canon, but even then the pairings sometimes get screwed up. E.g. we know nothing of Draco Malfoy's sexual preferences. For all we know, he has a huge stash of wizard version of Playgirl under his covers and drools over every other man he sees. But even then, he would NOT hook up with Harry Potter who is straight and whom he loathes and despises with every fiber of his being.

Ditto for Lord of the Rings. I don't think LOTR is very slashable, but of all the pairings, Aragorn/Legolas is the one that makes the least sense and the one that gets slashed the most. It's rather silly, too, as The Silmarillion has Elves galore, gorgeous, doomed, glorious Elves some of whom are eminently slashable (Maedhros, my fave Silm character, is poster boy for this. Maedhros/Fingon is just begging to be an OTP). But of course, the fangirls writing A/L slash haven't read Silm or LOTR, just watched the movies.

Btw, have you ever read Mary Renault? She was an excellent writer, and has prominent gay characters in all her books (and in most, they are the main characters). Most of her books are set in ancient Greece but there are some modern ones as well. They are wonderful books and the characters are wonderful. I always thought people who wanted to write canon slash should just write Renault slash...sigh.

[rabidfangurl.livejournal.com]

Or they could read The Authority. Canon gay superheroes, yo.

I'll buy Anakin/Obi-Wan, but only if it's Anakin/Padme/Obi-Wan. Why isn't there more threesome fic out there?

::also ships Luke/Wedge, which makes her clearly deviant:: ::grin::

[savingmykisses.livejournal.com]

Aragorn/Legolas is the one that makes the least sense and the one that gets slashed the most... Aragorn/Legolas is the one that makes the least sense and the one that gets slashed the most.

You've hit on why Aragorn/Legolas is so popular. It's because the thought of Viggo Mortensen and Orlando Bloom kissing is so totally hot.

(Also what is OTP?)

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

OTP=One True Pairing. A well-established, recognized romantic pairing. E.g. Veer and Zaara in "Veer Zaara"

[katranna.livejournal.com]

Sweetie, your fanfic has far too few spelling errors. Look at your dialogue! It's atrocious! It's far too elegant, and far too well-spelled.

Also, I think slashing everyone was too easy. You need to throw in at least a few het couples in there, but make them even more horrifying. Like... Sauron/Ginny. Or Depressed&helpless!Buffy/Jar-Jar Binks.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

I bow before the Master. I am unworthy....

[wasabi-girl1.livejournal.com]

GRR, too many people seeing Paheli. WHEN DO I GET TO! :(

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Paheli is brilliant. Run, don't walk!

[scottishlass.livejournal.com]

OMG!
My eyes are bleeding :( I can't comprehend how anyone can write such things nor can I understand how anyone would have the bravery or insanity to publish such a drivel. *groan*

As for Paheli, in about three minutes the movie will start in Essen in a small cinema. Found out today, but as it is the only location in Germany where it will be shown and I have no car to drive up there. In about three weeks I will get the DVD

[adhuri-roshni.livejournal.com]

Cute smiley! It looks like SRK! :D
The movie will be out in 3 weeks?

I think you've just proved that you're too good of a writer to write bad fic. It was still too good!

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Heeeeee.

Paheli is amazing. My fave this year.

ROTFL!

[grace-om.livejournal.com]

I've nothing witty to say. Just thanks for the laugh--I needed it this morning!

Re: ROTFL!

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

You are welcome...always ready with the silliness, here.

[musicforcylons.livejournal.com]

I... I don't know what to say except that I am oh so grateful that you aren't serious about this at all and thanks for the laugh. :)

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

If I had to write this for real, I'd spork self to death!

[lazypadawan.livejournal.com]

That was hilarious! A few years ago, I wrote an "outline" of a Luke/Mary Sue story as a joke.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Heeee. Do share. Poor Luke. He could escape the Empire, but not Mary Sues!

[lazypadawan.livejournal.com]

I thought I'd posted it on my LJ a long time ago, but I can't find a copy on my harddrive now :(. And for some reason it's not in my memories (a similar jokey Gary Stu I wrote however, is). The gist of it is, a tornado carries the heroine into the GFFA, Luke finds her and they instantly fall in love. As it turns out she has a midichlorian count higher than Luke and Anakin's combined. She and Luke immediately get married. He takes her back to Coruscant to meet the family. Artoo, Threepio, and Chewbacca appear once, then vanish for the rest of the story. Leia is cold and bitchy and just glares at Jedi Sue the whole time. A stray Sith Lord nobody knew about suddenly attacks Coruscant and Jedi Sue hops into an X-Wing with Rogue Squadron and scores a victory. Leia's still not impressed. Luke and Sue hitch a ride on the Falcon to Yavin IV to go train some Jedi. Han has a heart attack while they are flying through an asteroid field. Not only does Sue perform CPR to save Han's life, she also flies the ship safely through the asteroid field. Han tells her she's a better pilot than he is. Leia still hates her.

On Yavin IV, all of the students love Sue. They fight to be her padawan. But all she wants to do is call Luke "Schmoopie" and have his babies. (She is already pregnant.) Leia and Sue have a cup of Intergalactic House of Coffee (mocha flavor) and Leia breaks down, saying she's jealous because Sue is so much more beautiful and smarter than she is. Sue (who is condescending as hell) says, "There, there, I'm sure Han loves you just the way you are." Leia now wants to be her friend, so she gives Sue the only reminder of Padmé she has, a ring (bear with me, this was written pre-ROTS).

One of the padawans has a torrid crush on Sue. He tries to hit on her but she freaks out and threatens to file suit for sexual harassment. The young man goes bezerk and pushes Sue off of the top of a Massasi temple. Sue dies. There's a big funeral where Leia, delivering the eulogy, says it's a worse tragedy than Alderaan and declares her birthday a galactic holiday. But Sue's not done yet...she uses her amazing Force powers to come back from the dead! Her unborn baby too!! Everyone's thrilled to have Sue back. The guy who tried to kill her breaks down and confesses his crime, but Sue forgives him and even dismisses the lawsuit. Before Sue goes into labor, the ghost of Obi-Wan arrives to deliver astonishing news...Sue is not only Obi-Wan's long-lost daughter, she is also Qui-Gon's long-lost granddaughter!!! Sue gives birth to a boy that is named SuLu, after both of his parents. Not long after giving birth, Luke and Sue have sex and she gets pregnant again. Everyone cries with joy.

(Note: I actually read a fan fic where the Mary Sue gets pregnant AGAIN like a day or two after giving birth...somebody skipped Biology 101.)

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.....*tears hair out*

That was brilliant! We should combine and wreak havoc on the world :D

Mary Sue gets pregnant AGAIN like a day or two after giving birth...somebody skipped Biology 101.

In a world where there is mpreg, anything is possible :D

[lazypadawan.livejournal.com]

That was brilliant! We should combine and wreak havoc on the world :D

Mwahahaha!

[ysrith.livejournal.com]

Harry/Obi-wan!!


I think my brain just exploded.

It is wrong, wrong, wrong.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

But they could have a double date with Lurtz/Legolas....