City Hunter ep 16 - the beginning
Jul. 14th, 2011 05:35 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dangermousieOh my God.
His face! His face when the Prosecutor calls his Thai name (how dare you call him by the name his dead surrogate mother called him! I am not rational about this!) And then as soon as he gets out of sight, he collapses - the amount of will he had to stand there talking to Prosecutor when he was hurt like that, my God. And why is he thinking of Nana shooting him when he's in bed? And why is he giving Ahjusshi money, Nana's house deed etc - it's like he's setting his affairs in order, noooo!
And when Ahjusshi flips, YS says that he's lived forgetting who he is but he remembers now - oh God, I fucking want to kill Prosecutor for finishing the job Undaddy started and convincing Yoon Sung he has no future, only the horrific past and the awful present. Oh God.
Oh...I am not crying, I am not. I am literally sitting here sobbing and my chest hurts. It's ridiculous - they are fictional fictional fictional why am I fucking bawling? But that scene with him and Nana just tore my heart out of my chest. I wanted to hear him tell her he loves her for so long and now we have and it was gorgeous and perfect and I am bawling! Because in the same breath as telling her he loves her he tells her to let go of him because he has no strength to let go of her. And when he adds "I beg you" and that if he comes seeking her out to please turn him away. And then he asks her to forgive him for loving her and coming into her life and he should have stayed away because he finally understands his father's words as to why he cannot love. Oh God Oh God Oh God. It's such an admission - not just that he loves her, but that he loves her so much he cannot stay away despite knowing he should so he asks her to so it for him to protect herself when he cannot protect her in this way. I love that this isn't a typical 'push away for your own good' stuff where the guy acts like a jerk/leaves to protect - he tried that and he simply cannot do it - it's for her own good but he admits his feelings and that he cannot do what he thinks should be done and so he must beg her to do it - and his desperation and shame at it - he bares his whole soul to her, nothing is hidden. It's a confession not just of love but of need, of dependency, and of unworthiness - because he's given up fighting for his chance at a normal life, at happiness, at loving and being loved because he feels he does not deserve it and can never have it. But he should never give up or be ashamed because this confession just proves how worthy he is of everything good.
Oh God. And I love that Nana does not agree, she never agrees! Oh God. Oh God. He does it because he doesn't want her to be in danger or to grieve when he dies or (best case scenario) goes to jail and she misses him and he's yet another person she keeps on loving despite him being gone forever (like with her parents) but she is never going to agree.
Oh God.
I need to stop to pick up Baby Mousie, which is just as well, as I am too overwhelmed. Oh God, my face is a mess.
His face! His face when the Prosecutor calls his Thai name (how dare you call him by the name his dead surrogate mother called him! I am not rational about this!) And then as soon as he gets out of sight, he collapses - the amount of will he had to stand there talking to Prosecutor when he was hurt like that, my God. And why is he thinking of Nana shooting him when he's in bed? And why is he giving Ahjusshi money, Nana's house deed etc - it's like he's setting his affairs in order, noooo!
And when Ahjusshi flips, YS says that he's lived forgetting who he is but he remembers now - oh God, I fucking want to kill Prosecutor for finishing the job Undaddy started and convincing Yoon Sung he has no future, only the horrific past and the awful present. Oh God.
Oh...I am not crying, I am not. I am literally sitting here sobbing and my chest hurts. It's ridiculous - they are fictional fictional fictional why am I fucking bawling? But that scene with him and Nana just tore my heart out of my chest. I wanted to hear him tell her he loves her for so long and now we have and it was gorgeous and perfect and I am bawling! Because in the same breath as telling her he loves her he tells her to let go of him because he has no strength to let go of her. And when he adds "I beg you" and that if he comes seeking her out to please turn him away. And then he asks her to forgive him for loving her and coming into her life and he should have stayed away because he finally understands his father's words as to why he cannot love. Oh God Oh God Oh God. It's such an admission - not just that he loves her, but that he loves her so much he cannot stay away despite knowing he should so he asks her to so it for him to protect herself when he cannot protect her in this way. I love that this isn't a typical 'push away for your own good' stuff where the guy acts like a jerk/leaves to protect - he tried that and he simply cannot do it - it's for her own good but he admits his feelings and that he cannot do what he thinks should be done and so he must beg her to do it - and his desperation and shame at it - he bares his whole soul to her, nothing is hidden. It's a confession not just of love but of need, of dependency, and of unworthiness - because he's given up fighting for his chance at a normal life, at happiness, at loving and being loved because he feels he does not deserve it and can never have it. But he should never give up or be ashamed because this confession just proves how worthy he is of everything good.
Oh God. And I love that Nana does not agree, she never agrees! Oh God. Oh God. He does it because he doesn't want her to be in danger or to grieve when he dies or (best case scenario) goes to jail and she misses him and he's yet another person she keeps on loving despite him being gone forever (like with her parents) but she is never going to agree.
Oh God.
I need to stop to pick up Baby Mousie, which is just as well, as I am too overwhelmed. Oh God, my face is a mess.
