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dangermousieOK, I posted this a long long time ago (it was one of my very first entries) but seeing some clips of this abomination again made me modify and repost it.
Has anyone else seen the world's biggest abomination? Otherwise known as R. Bakshi's "Lord of the Rings" My eyyyyyeeees!
Thought it couldn't possibly be as bad as I've heard. It wasn't. It was worse. It took incredible genius to make something this bad.
Things wrong with it:
1. Aruman the Red. Apparently a hitherto unknown wizard, who narrowly escapes being drowned under his hair.
2. The Wizard duel. I know people had problems with PJ's version of the duel. However, compared to Bakshi's, PJ's version is an immortal masterpiece. I will not mention the light show that should have provoked epileptic seizures. I will not mention the fact that Gandalf is apparently not very bright: he doesn't realize something is wrong even while (S)Aruman explains his evil plans. I will however mention the fact that Gandalf has his staff and Saruman doesn't. Why Gandalf doesn't blast him away meanwhile I do not understand (maybe hanging out with the mentally challenged Sam rubbed off on him). Then Saruman has a flunkie bring him his staff (it's as if Bakshi forgotten that Saruman didn't have his staff and needed to remedy the situation). Then he leaves Gandalf on top of Isengard and Gandalf still has his staff. He can thus escape. How he escaped is however not mentioned anywhere.
3. Sam. Do I even need to say more? He has all the personality, charm and IQ of a road-kill. He acts like a fishwife. His "Oh goody!" type of expressions and happy skipping make me want to strangle him. So does his incessant cowardice. I wonder how Bakshi would have handled him fighting Shelob? This Sam seems to be unable to make a step by himself. He doesn't seem to be particularly concerned for Frodo either. If NL wanted to increase Sean Astin's chance of getting a nom in 2003 they should have sent this tape around. I've liked Astin's Sam ever since the movies came out, but in comparison with this abomination, he becomes the best performance ever by anyone since drama was invented.
4. I have never thought for an instant while reading the books, that Tolkien's Frodo and Sam were a couple. I have never thought so when Elijah Wood and Sean Astin portrayed Sam and Frodo. However, Bakshi's Sam and Frodo couldn't be gayer if they tried (clarify: I have no objections to slashing Frodo/Sam even if JRRT would probably have fits, bit at least do it well). When Aragorn tells the story of Beren and Luthien Frodo and Sam do the lovey-doviest, put-head-on shoulder behavior I've ever seen. I don't think I and Mr. Mousie have ever been that obvious in public. This sexual attraction might however explain why Sam follows Frodo, since he seems to have no loyalty, or brain, or courage whatsoever. With Bakshi's Sam, one is forced to believe that he follows Frodo only because he (Sam) is so loathsome that he knows he won't ever be able to get another date. I am very glad that in this version Sam never gets to reproduce.
5. And that brings me to Prozac Frodo. This is one happy hobbit. He dances in place (!!!!) when he sees Gandalf. He seems to be cheery when told he has an evil ring and has to leave the Shire. He doesn't seem to mind having to take the Ring to Mordor. He takes time out from being sick from Nazgul blade to play tour-guide to Sam ("this is an Elf" which brings another question: how does he know what Elves look like: Bakshi's Elves look like anyone else). Nothing but nothing upsets him. And why should it? With loyal intelligent Sam by his side? Frodo is the original Stepford Wife. Or maybe the immense hair crushed his brain. I have never appreciated EW as much (and believe me, I am an ardent fan) as after seeing Bakshi Frodo.
6. Nazghul. Disguised as Riders in Dirty Grey. Why? How hard is it to draw a Black Rider? it's the color your pencil comes in, for goodness sake! They also move at about 2 mm per hour. And lumber and lurch about as if they would fall apart. The hobbits could outcrawl them! They are also not too bright: they make Merry unconscious and then leave him in the street for no reason. So now he knows they are in Bree. What is the point? Did I mention the silly slashing motions they make (stabbing is much more effective) into the pillows? And way to be secretive: create a huge light show right before you try to kill the hobbits.
7. Pointless Legolas. I will not even mention his appearance. For me the grief is still too near. All I can say is that Liv's Arwen is more masculine than this Legolas. But he doesn't do anything useful! I don't care if they replace Glorfindel. But do something with him. he doesn't ride with Frodo, he doesn't try to fight the Nazgul (one wonders if once the Nazghul chase Frodo, the rest of his companions just stand around muttering "good riddance.") His arrival doesn't even make them go any faster. I cracked up at their leisurly progression to the River, even stopping to talk, all the while mentioning that they needed the greatest speed both to save ME & Frodo. This couldn't have been funnier if it was a parody! "We have Riders behind and probably in front. So we might as well dawdle."
8. After seeing Frodo draw his sword against the Ringwraiths and at the Ford, all I can say is: Thank God PJ didn't have Frodo do it. Frodo might have been defying Nazghul at the Ford, but the scene made no sense, was drawn out, had bad animation, and overall had the feel of Bakshi on LSD.
9. Besides being on Prozac, Frodo has a mean streak. he shows the Ring to a still un-aged Bilbo, and Bilbo gets the shakes. Instead of putting the Ring away, Frodo continues to hold it out, dangling it in front of poor Bilbo, as if taunting him. His other arm is poised to punch the elderly relative in the face.
10. Flying Balrog. Oh how I laughed. Not to mention if he can fly, Gandalf's defending the Bridge makes no sense. Balrog can fly over it, and can certainly fly out of the chasm. Did I mention the slo-mo Orc?
11. Caius Julius Elrondius. Why is Elrond at a toga party? He does have dictator proclivities for ordering people around, because in Bakshi's version only Sam and Frodo (after pointed pushing) volunteered. The rest have been "volunteered" by Elrond. No wonder Viking Boromir is grumpy.
12. The Mordor trip is pointless. Elrond said that the Ring cannot be destroyed and there was no clarification. So why go to Mordor? Especially since defeating a teeny band of Orcs at HD is enough to banish evil forever? I suspect it's to get rid of Sam.
13. The Ridiculous Indecisive Gollum. When debating about Shelob he seems to be a middle-aged clerk debating whether to go out for a pint. He is not sneaky, tormented, threatening. Just lame.
14. Numerous reviews mentioned Aragorn's Indian Chief get-up, miniskirt, and badly broken sword that miraculously gets fixed (for no good reason. This Aragorn is an atrocious fighter). Once again, if NL wanted Viggo to have a nom, they should have sent this tape around. I really, really, really hope he never has to bend over in his miniskirt otherwise this movie would lose it's rating. Though he must be a strong person to survive wearing such a ridiculous buckle all these years. Plus, he seems to be putting the moves on Frodo.
15. Pointless stupidity: Aragorn mentions Elendil who is never mentioned before nor ever again. 'Who is this Elendil?' puzzles the poor audience.
16. More pointless stupidity: this is not how you pronounce "Balin" and "Celeborn"
17. The happy walk Frodo and the rest of the hobbits do. Now I know how Gandalf got his limp. He must have walked like this too until someone like me lobbed a brick at him. Or maybe they lobbed a brick at him for his wild gestures and general lack of personality.
18. And talking of Gandalf. Who is this Gandalf the Blue? I am beginning to think Mr. Bakshi had color-blindness.
19. At the end, the Riders of Rohan are running away from their own reinforcements. Maybe they just want to be out of the movie.
20. Yet more pointless stupidity: why throw the Ring in the fire and never check if there is an inscription. Oh, I forgot: it's Drama Queen Gandalf and Prozac Frodo. They don't need proof.
21. Butterbur has a mental disorder. One minute it's "Save us Strider!" The next (as hobbits agree to go with Strider): "Why would you go with such a disreputable untrustworthy guy?"
22. Aragorn the peerless tracker: let's light a fire and in addition outline our silouettes as much as we can, when we are being followed.
23. Isildur the Sneak (who cut off the Ring when Sauron wasn't looking) apparently spends all his time sitting on a rock at the bank of the river, waiting to be shot. Because a king has nothing better to do.
24. Oh yes, I forgot about Gimli, the amazingly tall escapee from "Snow White and the 7 dwarves."
25. Well Bakshi did invent the Ringwraith look: geriatric lepers in dirty grey, with motor-function coordination trouble. However, I haven't noticed PJ following that look in his movie (thank you, Lord!). Maybe I just dozed off and missed it, while pining for Bakshi's brilliant pacing and characterization skills.
There's more, of course, but I simply must stop somewhere. "Bored of the Rings" is a more faithful and better version of LOTR! Give me fidelity to the spirit (PJ) over fidelity to the letter (Bakshi) any day.
Also, if I never see anything rotoscoped ever again, I'll be a happy happy camper.
Who gave Bakshi the money to make this? And why was most of it spent on booze and drugs?
Has anyone else seen the world's biggest abomination? Otherwise known as R. Bakshi's "Lord of the Rings" My eyyyyyeeees!
Thought it couldn't possibly be as bad as I've heard. It wasn't. It was worse. It took incredible genius to make something this bad.
Things wrong with it:
1. Aruman the Red. Apparently a hitherto unknown wizard, who narrowly escapes being drowned under his hair.
2. The Wizard duel. I know people had problems with PJ's version of the duel. However, compared to Bakshi's, PJ's version is an immortal masterpiece. I will not mention the light show that should have provoked epileptic seizures. I will not mention the fact that Gandalf is apparently not very bright: he doesn't realize something is wrong even while (S)Aruman explains his evil plans. I will however mention the fact that Gandalf has his staff and Saruman doesn't. Why Gandalf doesn't blast him away meanwhile I do not understand (maybe hanging out with the mentally challenged Sam rubbed off on him). Then Saruman has a flunkie bring him his staff (it's as if Bakshi forgotten that Saruman didn't have his staff and needed to remedy the situation). Then he leaves Gandalf on top of Isengard and Gandalf still has his staff. He can thus escape. How he escaped is however not mentioned anywhere.
3. Sam. Do I even need to say more? He has all the personality, charm and IQ of a road-kill. He acts like a fishwife. His "Oh goody!" type of expressions and happy skipping make me want to strangle him. So does his incessant cowardice. I wonder how Bakshi would have handled him fighting Shelob? This Sam seems to be unable to make a step by himself. He doesn't seem to be particularly concerned for Frodo either. If NL wanted to increase Sean Astin's chance of getting a nom in 2003 they should have sent this tape around. I've liked Astin's Sam ever since the movies came out, but in comparison with this abomination, he becomes the best performance ever by anyone since drama was invented.
4. I have never thought for an instant while reading the books, that Tolkien's Frodo and Sam were a couple. I have never thought so when Elijah Wood and Sean Astin portrayed Sam and Frodo. However, Bakshi's Sam and Frodo couldn't be gayer if they tried (clarify: I have no objections to slashing Frodo/Sam even if JRRT would probably have fits, bit at least do it well). When Aragorn tells the story of Beren and Luthien Frodo and Sam do the lovey-doviest, put-head-on shoulder behavior I've ever seen. I don't think I and Mr. Mousie have ever been that obvious in public. This sexual attraction might however explain why Sam follows Frodo, since he seems to have no loyalty, or brain, or courage whatsoever. With Bakshi's Sam, one is forced to believe that he follows Frodo only because he (Sam) is so loathsome that he knows he won't ever be able to get another date. I am very glad that in this version Sam never gets to reproduce.
5. And that brings me to Prozac Frodo. This is one happy hobbit. He dances in place (!!!!) when he sees Gandalf. He seems to be cheery when told he has an evil ring and has to leave the Shire. He doesn't seem to mind having to take the Ring to Mordor. He takes time out from being sick from Nazgul blade to play tour-guide to Sam ("this is an Elf" which brings another question: how does he know what Elves look like: Bakshi's Elves look like anyone else). Nothing but nothing upsets him. And why should it? With loyal intelligent Sam by his side? Frodo is the original Stepford Wife. Or maybe the immense hair crushed his brain. I have never appreciated EW as much (and believe me, I am an ardent fan) as after seeing Bakshi Frodo.
6. Nazghul. Disguised as Riders in Dirty Grey. Why? How hard is it to draw a Black Rider? it's the color your pencil comes in, for goodness sake! They also move at about 2 mm per hour. And lumber and lurch about as if they would fall apart. The hobbits could outcrawl them! They are also not too bright: they make Merry unconscious and then leave him in the street for no reason. So now he knows they are in Bree. What is the point? Did I mention the silly slashing motions they make (stabbing is much more effective) into the pillows? And way to be secretive: create a huge light show right before you try to kill the hobbits.
7. Pointless Legolas. I will not even mention his appearance. For me the grief is still too near. All I can say is that Liv's Arwen is more masculine than this Legolas. But he doesn't do anything useful! I don't care if they replace Glorfindel. But do something with him. he doesn't ride with Frodo, he doesn't try to fight the Nazgul (one wonders if once the Nazghul chase Frodo, the rest of his companions just stand around muttering "good riddance.") His arrival doesn't even make them go any faster. I cracked up at their leisurly progression to the River, even stopping to talk, all the while mentioning that they needed the greatest speed both to save ME & Frodo. This couldn't have been funnier if it was a parody! "We have Riders behind and probably in front. So we might as well dawdle."
8. After seeing Frodo draw his sword against the Ringwraiths and at the Ford, all I can say is: Thank God PJ didn't have Frodo do it. Frodo might have been defying Nazghul at the Ford, but the scene made no sense, was drawn out, had bad animation, and overall had the feel of Bakshi on LSD.
9. Besides being on Prozac, Frodo has a mean streak. he shows the Ring to a still un-aged Bilbo, and Bilbo gets the shakes. Instead of putting the Ring away, Frodo continues to hold it out, dangling it in front of poor Bilbo, as if taunting him. His other arm is poised to punch the elderly relative in the face.
10. Flying Balrog. Oh how I laughed. Not to mention if he can fly, Gandalf's defending the Bridge makes no sense. Balrog can fly over it, and can certainly fly out of the chasm. Did I mention the slo-mo Orc?
11. Caius Julius Elrondius. Why is Elrond at a toga party? He does have dictator proclivities for ordering people around, because in Bakshi's version only Sam and Frodo (after pointed pushing) volunteered. The rest have been "volunteered" by Elrond. No wonder Viking Boromir is grumpy.
12. The Mordor trip is pointless. Elrond said that the Ring cannot be destroyed and there was no clarification. So why go to Mordor? Especially since defeating a teeny band of Orcs at HD is enough to banish evil forever? I suspect it's to get rid of Sam.
13. The Ridiculous Indecisive Gollum. When debating about Shelob he seems to be a middle-aged clerk debating whether to go out for a pint. He is not sneaky, tormented, threatening. Just lame.
14. Numerous reviews mentioned Aragorn's Indian Chief get-up, miniskirt, and badly broken sword that miraculously gets fixed (for no good reason. This Aragorn is an atrocious fighter). Once again, if NL wanted Viggo to have a nom, they should have sent this tape around. I really, really, really hope he never has to bend over in his miniskirt otherwise this movie would lose it's rating. Though he must be a strong person to survive wearing such a ridiculous buckle all these years. Plus, he seems to be putting the moves on Frodo.
15. Pointless stupidity: Aragorn mentions Elendil who is never mentioned before nor ever again. 'Who is this Elendil?' puzzles the poor audience.
16. More pointless stupidity: this is not how you pronounce "Balin" and "Celeborn"
17. The happy walk Frodo and the rest of the hobbits do. Now I know how Gandalf got his limp. He must have walked like this too until someone like me lobbed a brick at him. Or maybe they lobbed a brick at him for his wild gestures and general lack of personality.
18. And talking of Gandalf. Who is this Gandalf the Blue? I am beginning to think Mr. Bakshi had color-blindness.
19. At the end, the Riders of Rohan are running away from their own reinforcements. Maybe they just want to be out of the movie.
20. Yet more pointless stupidity: why throw the Ring in the fire and never check if there is an inscription. Oh, I forgot: it's Drama Queen Gandalf and Prozac Frodo. They don't need proof.
21. Butterbur has a mental disorder. One minute it's "Save us Strider!" The next (as hobbits agree to go with Strider): "Why would you go with such a disreputable untrustworthy guy?"
22. Aragorn the peerless tracker: let's light a fire and in addition outline our silouettes as much as we can, when we are being followed.
23. Isildur the Sneak (who cut off the Ring when Sauron wasn't looking) apparently spends all his time sitting on a rock at the bank of the river, waiting to be shot. Because a king has nothing better to do.
24. Oh yes, I forgot about Gimli, the amazingly tall escapee from "Snow White and the 7 dwarves."
25. Well Bakshi did invent the Ringwraith look: geriatric lepers in dirty grey, with motor-function coordination trouble. However, I haven't noticed PJ following that look in his movie (thank you, Lord!). Maybe I just dozed off and missed it, while pining for Bakshi's brilliant pacing and characterization skills.
There's more, of course, but I simply must stop somewhere. "Bored of the Rings" is a more faithful and better version of LOTR! Give me fidelity to the spirit (PJ) over fidelity to the letter (Bakshi) any day.
Also, if I never see anything rotoscoped ever again, I'll be a happy happy camper.
Who gave Bakshi the money to make this? And why was most of it spent on booze and drugs?
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Date: 2007-05-31 04:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-31 09:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-31 04:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-31 05:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-31 05:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-31 05:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-31 09:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-31 04:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-31 09:56 pm (UTC)But yeah, that's a really good thing.
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Date: 2007-05-31 05:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-31 09:55 pm (UTC)Apparently, there is also a Rankin-Bass Return of the Kings animation which I haven't seen but which has the infamous orc song 'where there is a whip there is a way.'
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Date: 2007-05-31 10:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-31 05:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-31 09:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-31 07:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-31 09:54 pm (UTC)Also, ICON!!!!
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Date: 2007-05-31 10:56 pm (UTC)and thanks i had to troll all over the internet for that pic..... i loved the movie although i get why people didn't like it... and p.s. stay after the credits
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Date: 2007-05-31 10:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-06-01 06:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-06-01 06:10 pm (UTC)I laughed out loud reading this. Seriously, it makes me want to watch it, the obvious crack! that it is. Thanks for posting this. *g*
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Date: 2007-06-01 06:47 pm (UTC)And it is total total scary crack. Mr. Mousie and I had a great deal of fun mocking it.
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Date: 2007-08-01 03:10 pm (UTC)and pretty much everything else as bad too. poor Tolkien -(