Oh Bollywood. How you make me laugh...

[dangermousie]

OK, OK, I know I shouldn't but whatever. This is probably of amusement/interest only to fivil, thelana and smartylibrarian but whatever.

Anyway, Saif Ali Khan (see my Eklavya posts) recently ended up in the hospital with chest pains. Which is sad blah blah but he is supposed to be OK now, so I am not going to tear out my fangirl hair.

So this is not what the post is about. I am severely bemused by the media reaction which just...oh, Bollywood press, never change. There are articles about women crying because the guy is in the hospital (I don't mean family members, I mean fangirls), the 'eeeeee'-toned summary of a conversation with his girlfriend who understandably sounds cranky (and one with his ex-wife, who understandably sounds even crankier), some sort of 'aren't they wonderful' puff piece about the fact that his sister and girlfriend actually came to the hospital by rikshaw as opposed to a car (see! see! see! they are totally humble!), and a salivating breathless list of all the gliteratti who came to see him.

The thing that absolutely made me ROFL like crazy was a piece* by Subhash K. Jha, a celebrity journalist who makes me cringe like no other, exorting Saif to stop being so selfless in working himself to death in making all that money for his kids and the fact that he owes it to the movie industry to take care of himself, and (my favorite bit, horrific enough to be quoted directly), the statement that '[f]or a guy whose Nawabi antecedents sit naturally on his aristocratic shoulders the working-class anxiety is a bit too much to bear.'

*choke*

*pause*

*choke again*

How can anyone write this with a straight face? How?

There is also the comment about giving paternal advice and "I've always found you enormously laidback, to the point of seeming indifferent to social niceties" which makes me LOL like mad because in non-ass-kissing speak it just means 'really really blunt at best or totally rude at worst' (which, reading Saif's interviews, I could definitely see as he didn't mince words at all).

Oh God. Who said old time Hollywood is dead. We have it right here. Hellllllo Hedda Hopper. So, if Aishwarya is his 'daughter' is Saif his 'son?' I bet if they ever did a movie together, Jha would have a heart attack himself, trying to come up with enough superlatives for how awesome the movie is even before it releases.

I dread to think what would happen if SRK ever landed in the hospital. I wonder what articles were around when he had his back surgery.

*(That article does have a random quote I really loved though, Jha asking Saif 'Are you indecisive?' and him replying "No! Well…maybe yes…" Heh).

Comments

[fivil.livejournal.com]

Bwahahaha. Dude, links, please. My Google Fu is failing to come up with this article in question.

I occasionally agree with Subhash's movie reviews but yeah, his interviews can be pretty particular.

There are articles about women crying because the guy is in the hospital (I don't mean family members, I mean fangirls), the 'eeeeee'-toned summary of a conversation with his girlfriend who understandably sounds cranky (and one with his ex-wife, who understandably sounds even crankier), some sort of 'aren't they wonderful' puff piece about the fact that his sister and girlfriend actually came to the hospital by rikshaw as opposed to a car (see! see! see! they are totally humble!), and a salivating breathless list of all the gliteratti who came to see him.

Whoaahhh. Especially considering it turned out to exhaustion/stress/whatever and nothing really, really serious. Poor Rosa! Would suck to have random girls cry over your boyfriend. XD!

I am the worst fan ever for joking about this like, "Aww, his heart must be breaking because I can't see Eklavya until DVD release!". Bad Sanni, bad.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

The article is on TB at the last (for now) page of the Saif thread (page 12 I think). It's actually fairly short, so here it is in its entirety:

Dear Saif,
My favourite and most emblematic question defining your personality is, 'Are you indecisive?' I can never forget your answer. "No! Well…maybe yes…"

But, I am not even perturbed by your now-legendary indecisiveness. What really bothers me is how frantic you've become about filling up your bank account for the children's sake. Everything that you do now is for Sarah and Ebrahim. You've a number of times told me you'd like to make loads of money, hence the profusion of ads and live performances.

Like it or not, today you're in an irreplaceable position in the industry. Roles are being written specially for you. And if not written for you, then tailored to suit your personality.

This is something we've laughed together about on several occasions. Just three years, Dil Chahta Hai had happened and Kal Ho Na Ho had also come along. You were determined to fight out the 'Best Supporting Actor' tag. I remember how apprehensive you were when you did your first major solo act in Ek Haseena Thi.

Now it's time to give you some paternal advice. You really need to bring down your stress level. Stop pushing down on the pedal. It sounds strange saying this because I've always found you enormously laidback, to the point of seeming indifferent to social niceties.

Evidently you're over-doing it. For a guy whose Nawabi antecedents sit naturally on his aristocratic shoulders the working-class anxiety is a bit too much to bear. You need to stop and look closely at your work pace. Just take a deep breath and stop stressing about your responsibilities as a householder.

Get well soon,
Subhash K Jha

If you are still alive after this, fivil, wow!


The 'interviews' with Rosa and Amrita are also hilarious because they say that Amrita is 'tight-lipped' when asked about reason for Saif being ill. I mean, come on! How would she know. Haven't they been divorced for years? ROFL. I can't see how she'd have a clue unless she stalks him :P

And in their Rosa interview-non-interview (I quote) "she insists that there’s no reason to worry, we can’t help but notice the change of tone in her usually calm voice. Moreover, she has already cancelled all her appointments for the coming days. “Saif has always been my priority and it’s no different now. Of course, I’m going to be by his side,” she explains." LOL. Come on, people. Is the fact that a gf is worried somewhat when her bf is in the hospital and so she wants to hang out with him really newsworthy? Heeee.

Poor Rosa! Would suck to have random girls cry over your boyfriend. XD!

LOL. She could always have Suzanne's attitude. She was asked what she thinks about all those women having a thing for Hrithik and she said it's awesome to have a guy all women want, want you. :P What was she anyway (Rosa) before she hooked up with him? Was she a model or am I confusing her with someone? I wonder what she thinks about Bolly zoo.

"Aww, his heart must be breaking because I can't see Eklavya until DVD release!". Bad Sanni, bad.

LOL.

[fivil.livejournal.com]

Yeah, she was a model. They met during Hum Tum shooting, I think. I don't know much about her but I know enough - she's seen some of Saif's 90's films and they're still together so clearly, it's love.

And yeah, that was a nauseating letter. Christ.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

OK, Jha has made me cringe before, but never like this. *shudder* It's even worse than Taran Adarsh's 'well-wisher' letter to Salman that actually bashes him for his movie choices.

she's seen some of Saif's 90's films and they're still together so clearly, it's love.

ROTFLOL. Any woman not scared by The Mullet (it deserves capitalization) is either brave or blind...

[fivil.livejournal.com]

Taran Adarsh's 'well-wisher' letter to Salman that actually bashes him for his movie choices.
HATED it. Fucking Taran and his trade analyst ways. JEM was a fab flick even if it didn't make it big in the BO - did he see the movie? Salman rocked it. Same with SEI, though again bad BO result. Aahh, who cares, both were good roles for Sallu, even if they weren't No Entry type of blockbusters.

Hahaha, yeah. Though I think it's probably easier to endure the 90's shockers when you have the current (hot!) version next to you. Or so I'd imagine, anyway.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

it's probably easier to endure the 90's shockers when you have the current (hot!) version next to you

LOL. I don't think I'd ever be able to look at my date the same way again though, if I saw him cavorting in a lake with Akshay Kumar. Maybe it's just me. :D

HATED it. Fucking Taran and his trade analyst ways.

Exactly. I thought they were both good movies and he was awesome in both. When TA asked what on earth possessed Salman to sign SeI? *stab* *in the face*

Ugh

[jonaki.livejournal.com]

Subhash K Jha makes my stomach turn. He is the biggest ass kisser in Bollywood today. I hate his articles on the Bachchan family most.

Re: Ugh

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Exactly. He must have died of joy when Aish-Abhi stuff broke.

[thelana.livejournal.com]

Subhash K Jha, always sure to bring the WTF? and the *headdesk*

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Exactly, The man must be covered in goo.