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dangermousieOK, so let’s say you found your one true love (YOTL) by being smart and following the patented and foolproof Guide to Finding True Love. Now what? How do you make sure he/she really loves you? What little romantic gestures should you make to keep the spark alive?
For those of us in dire need, here is a Guide to Things That Show that Your One True Love Cares
1. “Piggy Back Rides.” Pretend to be sick/tired/drunk/unconscious. If YOTL loves you, he will carry you to the hospital on his back or in his arms for twenty blocks. If he calls an ambulance or a taxi, his love is a sham. If YOTL is a girl, check if she looks pretty when unconscious. If she is drooling out the corner of her mouth, she is probably not for you.
2. “Running.” When you are sick/in trouble/about to leave forever on some sort of a public conveyance after a huge fight. Does YOTL run like a demented person through the town, looking for you? (Bonus points for evening wear). Or does YOTL prosaically use his cellphone to locate you or calls a cab to get YOTL to his destination? If it’s the former, you lucky girl or boy. If it’s the latter, the YOTL is clearly not in love enough as he/she is able to think straight.
3. “It’s not you, it’s me.” Has your honey gone away and stopped calling you out of the blue? Has your sweetie disappeared without a word? Has the YOTL told you he doesn’t love you and you mean nothing to said YOTL or that the YOTL was after you only for revenge or money? Don’t despair. What the YOTL really means is ‘I love you. Console my deep dark angst.’
4. “It’s not you, it's me, Part II.” Is the YOTL trying to push you into the arms of your ex or some other person who likes you? You might think this is a gentle hint. And indeed it is. It’s a hint that your name is written on said YOTL's heart in letters of blood.
Corollary: Unless the YOTL isn’t very hot. In which case, watch out for the consoler who will come after. They are the true OTP.
5. “Black and blue are the colors of love.” Will he protect you with his body, dripping blood artistically as he is being beaten to death? (In the alternative, will she try to get in between you and the villains?) Or will the YOTL run away like a little girl and call the cops from safe distance? True love hurts, as the saying goes, so figure out which one of the two indicates YOTL cares.
6. “I yell because I care.” Is YOTL always polite and demure? Ditch the loser. They clearly don’t love you enough to get involved. If, instead, YOTL keeps getting in your face, it’s definitely love. But don’t forget to buy earplugs.
7. “Burning gaze of passion.” Does YOTL stare at you all the time with eyes intense to melt glass? These are the eyes of a lover (or a stalker, depending on the hotness). Or are YOTL's eyes resembling a day-old fish? In which case, run.
Corollary: Unless you are blind, in which case you can't test the above point (though you can ask the passerby). In which case check if the YOTL plans to donate his eyeballs to you when he dies.
8. “I am your own Terminator.” Will YOTL beat people up for you? Or will YOTL just mumble about law and order and civilized society? If it’s the former, lucky you. Just stock up on gauze and iodine. If it’s the latter, YOTL is clearly too wimpy to be a mate.
9. “Jailtime is happy time.” Is YOTL willing to go to jail for you? To prove the purity of your love or merely to keep you from going to jail instead? Lucky. Said YOTL might be useful, string this YOTL along.
10. “Blood is thicker than water.” Does that sibling/quasi-sibling/stepsibling not care about the fact that the love is illegal and taboo? Jackpot. Just please don’t reproduce.
11. “Public indecency? What’s that?” Does he randomly swoop onto you for public or spinny or forceful kisses? Do you have to stand on tiptoes for such? True love.
12. “I am soooo prettier than you.” Does YOTL cry prettily? Or does YOTL look like a dead pig when he cries? Also, hair. Does it look good first thing in the morning? If the hair is lacking, so is your OTP status, I am afraid.
Bonus Point just for men: “Genderbender.” Does YOTL cross-dress as a member of the opposite gender just to be near you? That one is obvious.
Happy Hunting!
P.S. Anyone want to guess which dramas these are from? :D
For those of us in dire need, here is a Guide to Things That Show that Your One True Love Cares
1. “Piggy Back Rides.” Pretend to be sick/tired/drunk/unconscious. If YOTL loves you, he will carry you to the hospital on his back or in his arms for twenty blocks. If he calls an ambulance or a taxi, his love is a sham. If YOTL is a girl, check if she looks pretty when unconscious. If she is drooling out the corner of her mouth, she is probably not for you.
2. “Running.” When you are sick/in trouble/about to leave forever on some sort of a public conveyance after a huge fight. Does YOTL run like a demented person through the town, looking for you? (Bonus points for evening wear). Or does YOTL prosaically use his cellphone to locate you or calls a cab to get YOTL to his destination? If it’s the former, you lucky girl or boy. If it’s the latter, the YOTL is clearly not in love enough as he/she is able to think straight.
3. “It’s not you, it’s me.” Has your honey gone away and stopped calling you out of the blue? Has your sweetie disappeared without a word? Has the YOTL told you he doesn’t love you and you mean nothing to said YOTL or that the YOTL was after you only for revenge or money? Don’t despair. What the YOTL really means is ‘I love you. Console my deep dark angst.’
4. “It’s not you, it's me, Part II.” Is the YOTL trying to push you into the arms of your ex or some other person who likes you? You might think this is a gentle hint. And indeed it is. It’s a hint that your name is written on said YOTL's heart in letters of blood.
Corollary: Unless the YOTL isn’t very hot. In which case, watch out for the consoler who will come after. They are the true OTP.
5. “Black and blue are the colors of love.” Will he protect you with his body, dripping blood artistically as he is being beaten to death? (In the alternative, will she try to get in between you and the villains?) Or will the YOTL run away like a little girl and call the cops from safe distance? True love hurts, as the saying goes, so figure out which one of the two indicates YOTL cares.
6. “I yell because I care.” Is YOTL always polite and demure? Ditch the loser. They clearly don’t love you enough to get involved. If, instead, YOTL keeps getting in your face, it’s definitely love. But don’t forget to buy earplugs.
7. “Burning gaze of passion.” Does YOTL stare at you all the time with eyes intense to melt glass? These are the eyes of a lover (or a stalker, depending on the hotness). Or are YOTL's eyes resembling a day-old fish? In which case, run.
Corollary: Unless you are blind, in which case you can't test the above point (though you can ask the passerby). In which case check if the YOTL plans to donate his eyeballs to you when he dies.
8. “I am your own Terminator.” Will YOTL beat people up for you? Or will YOTL just mumble about law and order and civilized society? If it’s the former, lucky you. Just stock up on gauze and iodine. If it’s the latter, YOTL is clearly too wimpy to be a mate.
9. “Jailtime is happy time.” Is YOTL willing to go to jail for you? To prove the purity of your love or merely to keep you from going to jail instead? Lucky. Said YOTL might be useful, string this YOTL along.
10. “Blood is thicker than water.” Does that sibling/quasi-sibling/stepsibling not care about the fact that the love is illegal and taboo? Jackpot. Just please don’t reproduce.
11. “Public indecency? What’s that?” Does he randomly swoop onto you for public or spinny or forceful kisses? Do you have to stand on tiptoes for such? True love.
12. “I am soooo prettier than you.” Does YOTL cry prettily? Or does YOTL look like a dead pig when he cries? Also, hair. Does it look good first thing in the morning? If the hair is lacking, so is your OTP status, I am afraid.
Bonus Point just for men: “Genderbender.” Does YOTL cross-dress as a member of the opposite gender just to be near you? That one is obvious.
Happy Hunting!
P.S. Anyone want to guess which dramas these are from? :D
