Roswell S2 quotes
Aug. 17th, 2005 05:04 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dangermousieHere are my faves from S2.
PSYCHIC: This boy...very volatile.
MARIA: That's good for sex, right?
MAX: No one's going to die. Killing people isn't going to solve anything.
NASEDO: Oh, my. A pacifist for a king. Shall we all just commit joint suicide right now, or shall we wait for our enemies to show up and have a nice boxed lunch of us?
MAX: How much do you know about Congressman Whitaker?
NASEDO: I know her intimately.
TESS: Intimately?
NASEDO: To borrow a rather crude human colloquialism, I've been diddling her all summer.
MARIA: I hope he's using birth control.
NASEDO: I must admit, I've grown awfully fond of the foul temptress. It's a shame I may now have to kill her.
SHERIFF: Well, listen, maybe you should...maybe you should cut 'em a little slack, Kyle. I mean, after all, Max Evans did save your life.
KYLE: Damn human of him. Of course, he is the reason I got shot in the first place, but what the hell. No conditions are permanent. No conditions are reliable. Nothing is self.
WHITAKER: Don't be shy. It's not every day you walk in on your boss drinking and shredding...but then again, you've never worked in Washington.
TESS: Kind of uptight about nudity, aren't you, for a guy who reads Jugs?
KYLE: Give me that!
TESS: Oh...the post-its? Nice touch.
KYLE: All right. Ok, listen. I don't know how you do things on planet Vulcan or whatever, but here on Earth we have this primitive human concept called privacy.
TESS: Keep talking to me like that and I'll slag you with my death-ray eyes.
TESS: Kidding. You Buddhists have, like, no sense of humor.
KYLE: How do you know about that?
TESS: "Buddhism for Beginners" is also under your bed. How do you think the Buddha would feel about being sandwiched between Hustler and Busty Biker Babes?
COURTNEY: So, Michael, how do you feel about piercings?
MICHAEL: I don't.
COURTNEY: You should think about it.
MICHAEL: Not into pain.
COURTNEY: Well, it only hurts once, then it's about the stimulation.
MAX: This isn't about Tess. It's about you and me. You think I'm gonna forget about you or get over it or something, but...but I'm not. I don't...I don't care about my destiny or my planet or anything else. All I care about is you. So just know this...I'm coming for you, Liz.
MARIA: Michael. Taken. Or haven't you noticed?
COURTNEY: I noticed he didn't make this cake for you.
MARIA: It's not my birthday.
COURTNEY: Small detail.
MARIA: Me and Michael go way back.
COURTNEY: You sew your name into the back of his jeans?
MARIA: You'll never find out.
KYLE: So, she's got her underwear and her bras and her girlie things all over the bathroom. Every time I go in to shave, I feel like I'm walking into Victoria's Secret.
MICHAEL: So what's not to like?
MARIA: No way. Last time I lent out the Jetta, an uzi took out the back window.
SHERIFF: She wanted to jump your bones, huh?
MAX: Something like that.
SHERIFF: Screws things up every time.
MAX: Happen to you?
SHERIFF: Yeah. In my dreams.
HISTORY TEACHER: Mr. Guerin, true or false? We're not even a month into the semester, and you're already failing my class. This is a new record.
MICHAEL: To be perfectly blunt with you, sir, World War II just doesn't do it for me.
FUTURE MAX: I won't leave you.
FUTURE LIZ: No, no, no. Max, you have to.
FUTURE MAX: If I'm successful, if I can do this, you and I won't exist. Not as we do now.
FUTURE LIZ: Max, if you don't do this, we're gonna die. Everyone will. Max, you have to do this. You have to try it.
FUTURE MAX: I'll never see you again.
FUTURE MAX: Thank you.
FUTURE LIZ: For what?
FUTURE MAX: For every kiss, every smile.
FUTURE LIZ: Max, I don't have any regrets.
PSYCHIC: You are a wonderful friend, her foundation. You will never have a carnal relationship...
ALEX: Oh, come on, Madame Vivian, there's gotta be something in those leaves...a few moments of pure lust? Anything? Uh...Story of my life.
COURTNEY: Well, I guess it's time for another night curled up in my sheets, fondling my remote control.
MICHAEL: I guess.
COURTNEY: Unless, of course, you want to be my remote control for the night?
MICHAEL: Shower.
COURTNEY: Let's.
MICHAEL: Just you.
COURTNEY: What?
MICHAEL: I'm a germ-a-phobe. A clean girl is a sexy girl.
COURTNEY: Ok. Water sports. I like it. I'll play any game you want me to, Mikey G.
FUTURE MAX: We eloped. We were 19.
LIZ: We were 19? Wow, that is so young. That is too young.
FUTURE MAX: That's what I said, but you said that Romeo and Juliet were even younger than us, so we drove to Vegas. Got married at the Elvis chapel. Congratulations, kids.
LIZ: So we didn't have a real wedding.
FUTURE MAX: Oh, we had a great wedding. You called Maria, Michael, Isabel, and Alex, and had them meet us halfway. We spent the whole night singing and dancing in some dive outside Phoenix, and at the end of the night, "I Shall Believe" came on the radio.
LIZ: I love that song.
FUTURE MAX: I know. Everyone else was exhausted, but not us. Oh, we danced...just the two of us. And ever since then, it's been our song.
LIZ: If this works...I'm not gonna have that day.
FUTURE MAX: No, you won't.
LIZ: No. No, Max. I can't go out with you ever again. Please stop doing this.
MAX: I can't.
LIZ: Don't say anything, ok? Um, because I...I came in here with this whole speech, and once you start talking, my speech doesn't apply, and everything gets changed, and I just want to make sure that I say everything to you, so just don't say anything. Just don't say anything. Ok, I...I just re-read "Romeo and Juliet", and you know, the first thing that I realized is that isn't even the title. It's called "The Tragedy of Romeo and Juliet". They die. You know, she's this young girl, she...she's younger than me, and she dies. Look, I think the reason why people think that it's such a romantic play is they don't know what it's like to be put in that position...but when your life and...and other people's lives are...are put at risk, there isn't anything romantic about it. Max, you can't stop what's happening to you. I mean, your life will always be dangerous, but my life, it doesn't have to be. My life is only in danger if I am with you. I...I want to be in love with boys...normal boys. I...I want to see my 21st birthday. I...I want to have a wedding day. I...I...I want to have children...and I want my children to be safe. You know, Max, if...if you truly love me, you'll let me go. I may love you, but I...I don't want to die for you.
LIZ: Do you know how hard it was for me to tell him that I didn't want to die for him? He's the only reason that I'm alive right now. You...you've...you gotta come up with another plan. Please go to someone else. I...I just...I can't do this anymore.
MICHAEL: Transient, fleeting, impermanent. I know what ephemeral means Maxwell. It’s my life.
LIZ (to Future Max): Don't you realize what you are to me...and you're always gonna be? You're the love of my life. Everyone else is gonna be second best. There'll never be another you.
LIZ: Could you dance with me?
FUTURE MAX: What?
LIZ: I wanna have my wedding dance.
at this point I am sobbing so hard I can't see the screen very well
MARIA: Michael, if you can hear me now over the sound of your rapidly inflating ego, could you please tell me that you do not believe what this...this Michael-worshipper here has to say?
MARIA (pulls out bottles from her purse): Ok. We've got ginko, bee pollen, echinacea, C, D, E, calcium, St. John's wort, and Pamprin.
*everyone looks at her*
What? I was dating Michael Guerin.
KYLE: Buddha, forgive me, but I'm gonna kick your ass!
LIZ: I hate this. I hate that we can't even be around each other. Long before we kissed...we were friends. We talked. We laughed. I don't understand why we just can't go back to that.
MAX: We can't. I can't. I just...I need time.
LIZ: Ok. I understand that. I do. I...I can respect it. But, um...I don't want you to hate me.
MARIA: $100 tip? Why?
BRODY: Honestly? It's Ben Franklin. I can't stand lookin' at the bloke. Now, you give me 5 Andrew Jacksons any day. Look. I mean, there's a head of hair. It's nice and thick. It's got kinda an Elvis thing going on. The sideburns...
BRODY: Do you believe in aliens?
MARIA: Why not? I'm dating one.
(Re: living in the sewers) RATH: Beats livin' in Brooklyn.
MICHAEL: Come on, Maxwell. Just pick a tree. It's freezing out here.
MAX: It's not so simple. This tree's got to fall within certain parameters.
MICHAEL: Parameters?
MAX: Height, circumference, color, density of foliage. Look at this diagram. You know how Isabel gets this time of year.
MICHAEL: The Christmas Nazi, driving everyone insane while trying to have the perfect Christmas. The worst thing you can do is play into it, Max. You've got to fight her. You've got to fight the Christmas Nazi.
MICHAEL: I got to get to the hardware store before it closes. I got to get Maria her present.
MAX: Why? Are you gonna get her a ratchet set?
MICHAEL: Never mind. I'm under a lot of pressure. She's been busting my ass for weeks about this present. She says it's got to be significant.
MAX: Then you might want to steer clear of the hardware store.
MICHAEL: I was wondering if it was necessary to exchange presents on Christmas day.
MARIA: Need a little wiggle room?
MICHAEL: If that would be all right. I mean, what's a couple days? You know, I figure we can make a date for the 27th or 28th.
MARIA: Sure. No problem. How about the, uh, second week of january? I mean, what is Christmas but some arbitrary day. What is it again? Oh, yes. The birthday of our lord and savior. It's no big deal.
MICHAEL: So, that's cool?
MARIA: You give me that damn present on December 25th, or I'll never speak to you again.
MICHAEL: No. I tried the "no present" idea last year. It didn't work.
ISABEL: Last year was your first year together, and you didn't give her a present?
MICHAEL: Hey, I don't even believe in this, so why should I get sucked into it? The whole thing's a marketing scam invented to make people buy things they don't even need.
ISABEL: Well, you could write that on the card when you give her a dental product for Christmas.
LIZ: If you healed him, you would have exposed Michael, Isabel, and Tess.
GHOST: Well, that was the sugar-coated version, Max. Now tell her what you were really thinking.
MAX: I wasn't thinking about Michael and Isabel and Tess. I was thinking about myself in the white room and being tortured. I didn't heal that man, because I was protecting myself. Why couldn't I trade my life for his?
LIZ: I thought you didn't believe in God.
MAX: I believe in you.
LIZ: They're just getting away, you know? They're taking in the scenery.
SEAN: Yeah, of a cheap motor inn.
MARIA: We're--we're being free spirits, mom.
AMY: That means you're going to Sedona to get stoned and have sex in the hills?
AMY: Do you think I wasn't seventeen once? Do you think I didn't do crazy, stupid things with a really bad boy when I was your age?
MARIA: Yes, I know you did, Mom -- Dad.
AMY: Michael, I want you to listen to me very, very carefully. On this glorious, rebellious, lost weekend of yours, you will take care of my daughter. You will protect her and be kind to her, and she will have fun. You will not get matching tattoos, and you will not allow her to pierce any part of her body that cannot be shown in polite company. And, Michael, if you have sex with my daughter, I will hunt you down and kill you like the mangy dog you are. Okay?
MICHAEL: Okay.
AMY: Call me if you need bail money.
MARIA: What'd she say?
MICHAEL: She wants you to have fun.
MICHAEL (to Liz): No lecturing, no moralizing, no whining about spending money on the homeless. This weekend it's about fun and debauchery. You got it?
ALEX: Hey! Who do you think you are? You treat her like a lady!
FAT MAN: I'll treat her like a stripping lady, 'cause that what she's auditioning for.
ALEX: Give me this flyer. (To Maria) New talent, big money... Oh! Oh! B.Y.O.G-String.
ALEX: Doesn't Buddhism disapprove of gambling?
KYLE: Actually Buddha himself first coined the phrase "know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away and know when to run"
ALEX: And yours is obviously a deep and abiding spiritual faith.
MICHAEL: I'm thinking a cheeseburger will go down nice right now.
MARIA: You had lobster.
MICHAEL: Yeah, but I'm still hungry. I'm gonna go hit the fast food joint across the street. Green, please.
MARIA: Cheeseburger? Why do I even try?
LIZ: Well, at least he wore a tie.
MICHAEL: So you actually remember our planet?
MAX: Yes!
MICHAEL: What are the chicks like?
MAX: If you're not going to take this seriously...
MICHAEL: I seriously wanna know what the chicks are like.
MICHAEL: Just kill me now. I don't do proms. I don't believe in them.
MARIA: You don't believe in them?!
MICHAEL: The whole thing is totally bogus. It's completely unnatural.
MARIA: You know what? I, I find it to be really unnatural that you're half alien warrior and half Grandpa Dupree! But I make do.
MICHAEL (to Amy): It's not tea. Hot buttered rum -- help you sleep. My foster dad taught me to mix drinks before I could ride a bike. He called it job training. If all else fails I could always tend bar.
MARIA: I can't count on you.
MICHAEL: Yes, you can. I'll take care of this. I mean, I'm right here for you.
MARIA: But you won't always be.
MICHAEL: What?
MARIA: One day you're gonna leave me. You're gonna get on a spaceship and go away, and you being the perfect boyfriend right now is really not helping me. I can't lose anyone else, Michael. My heart can't handle it.
MAX: Isabel... Isabel, if I have to, I will do everything in my power to keep you here. I will tell our parents you have a drug problem. I will notify your teachers that you have cheated on every test for the last 3 years. If you ever leave Roswell without my consent, I will physically drag you back. For the last time, the answer is no. Period.
ISABEL: You're killing me.
MAX: You let it get this far.
ISABEL: Fine. This Isabel Evans is dead. You want to be the leader? See how it works without any followers.
MICHAEL (to Maria): We've been through some rough stuff lately. The thing is, you're right. I can't really imagine it happening, but I am gonna leave someday. It could be a year, or 2, or 50. But I'm gonna leave. It sucks. It's the choice we made to be together. But there is one thing that I can promise you, and that is that I can give you now.
MAX: My whole life I've wanted to be this person, this normal person. Human. My whole life I've been thinking that this alien side of me was this bad thing. This thing that made me a freak. This monster. I realize that I haven't just been hiding from the government and the law all this time. I've been hiding from myself. I don't know what's going on anymore. I thought I knew but I don't. I've lost everyone.
MICHAEL (to Maria): Liz doesn't want us to know because she and Max are at war, so here's the thing: I'm not going to tell Max, but I need to know, because if wherever you're going turns out to be dangerous, I'm sure as hell gonna be there to protect you.
MICHAEL: You and Tess actually had...
MAX: : ...Hot alien sex, yes.
MICHAEL: How was it?
MAX: : Well, it's probably a lot like human sex. Except the point of culmination.
MICHAEL: The point of what?
MAX: : You kinda feel like you're floating and this--this hot electric energy courses through your body.
MICHAEL: How long does that last?
MAX: : About an hour. The thing is, there's been a complication.
MICHAEL: What? Alien herpes?
MAX: : Tess is pregnant.
ISABEL: What?
MAX: : She's pregnant and the baby's dying because it can't live in this atmosphere.
MAX: : And...I don't know what to do because I...I'm so scared. And I don't know what to tell Mom and Dad because I...it's like what would I even tell them. They don't know who I really am. I feel so irresponsible, and stupid and...I know this is supposed to happen, because it's our destiny. Oh my God, what am I gonna do?
LIZ: (yelling) I-I trusted you, I gave you everything. I jumped off bridges for you, I broke laws for you, I risked getting shot for you, I trusted you! And you go off-- God, with Tess-- God, I saved myself for you!
MAX: Saved yourself? You slept with Kyle!
MICHAEL: There's a lot about you, Maria. There's a lot about you, but I think what means the most to me is that you're open. You know I can look into your eyes and I can see you. I can see what you're thinking. I can see what you're feeling. How much I mean to you sometimes, how much I piss you off sometimes. But I can always see you.
MARIA: I see you too.
MICHAEL: No, no you don't see me. You know when Max and Liz would kiss, and Liz would get the flashes? And when we would kiss you didn't. I know how much that hurt you.
MARIA: That doesn't matter to me anymore Michael.
MICHAEL: The reason you didn't get the flashes is because I didn't let you get them. I didn't let you see me. I've never let anyone see me before...because there are things inside of me that I don't want people to see. There's things inside of me that I'm not so proud of. But I've thought about it, and I want you to see me. Take my hands.
that's about the most romantic thing ever
LIZ: I guess that this is our goodbye. Just tell me one thing do you love her?
MAX: Not like I love you.
MAX: When we came out of the pods and we lost Michael, it was just the two of us in the desert and I knew that I wasn't alone - that I had my sister. To me, earth isn't home and whatever's out there isn't home but you're my home.
MAX (to Liz): I've been really wrong about a lot. But I was right about one thing: To get you into my life, to be around you, to love you.
MARIA (to Michael): You opened the door and you came out-- why? (It dawns on her.) You stayed for me.
PSYCHIC: This boy...very volatile.
MARIA: That's good for sex, right?
MAX: No one's going to die. Killing people isn't going to solve anything.
NASEDO: Oh, my. A pacifist for a king. Shall we all just commit joint suicide right now, or shall we wait for our enemies to show up and have a nice boxed lunch of us?
MAX: How much do you know about Congressman Whitaker?
NASEDO: I know her intimately.
TESS: Intimately?
NASEDO: To borrow a rather crude human colloquialism, I've been diddling her all summer.
MARIA: I hope he's using birth control.
NASEDO: I must admit, I've grown awfully fond of the foul temptress. It's a shame I may now have to kill her.
SHERIFF: Well, listen, maybe you should...maybe you should cut 'em a little slack, Kyle. I mean, after all, Max Evans did save your life.
KYLE: Damn human of him. Of course, he is the reason I got shot in the first place, but what the hell. No conditions are permanent. No conditions are reliable. Nothing is self.
WHITAKER: Don't be shy. It's not every day you walk in on your boss drinking and shredding...but then again, you've never worked in Washington.
TESS: Kind of uptight about nudity, aren't you, for a guy who reads Jugs?
KYLE: Give me that!
TESS: Oh...the post-its? Nice touch.
KYLE: All right. Ok, listen. I don't know how you do things on planet Vulcan or whatever, but here on Earth we have this primitive human concept called privacy.
TESS: Keep talking to me like that and I'll slag you with my death-ray eyes.
TESS: Kidding. You Buddhists have, like, no sense of humor.
KYLE: How do you know about that?
TESS: "Buddhism for Beginners" is also under your bed. How do you think the Buddha would feel about being sandwiched between Hustler and Busty Biker Babes?
COURTNEY: So, Michael, how do you feel about piercings?
MICHAEL: I don't.
COURTNEY: You should think about it.
MICHAEL: Not into pain.
COURTNEY: Well, it only hurts once, then it's about the stimulation.
MAX: This isn't about Tess. It's about you and me. You think I'm gonna forget about you or get over it or something, but...but I'm not. I don't...I don't care about my destiny or my planet or anything else. All I care about is you. So just know this...I'm coming for you, Liz.
MARIA: Michael. Taken. Or haven't you noticed?
COURTNEY: I noticed he didn't make this cake for you.
MARIA: It's not my birthday.
COURTNEY: Small detail.
MARIA: Me and Michael go way back.
COURTNEY: You sew your name into the back of his jeans?
MARIA: You'll never find out.
KYLE: So, she's got her underwear and her bras and her girlie things all over the bathroom. Every time I go in to shave, I feel like I'm walking into Victoria's Secret.
MICHAEL: So what's not to like?
MARIA: No way. Last time I lent out the Jetta, an uzi took out the back window.
SHERIFF: She wanted to jump your bones, huh?
MAX: Something like that.
SHERIFF: Screws things up every time.
MAX: Happen to you?
SHERIFF: Yeah. In my dreams.
HISTORY TEACHER: Mr. Guerin, true or false? We're not even a month into the semester, and you're already failing my class. This is a new record.
MICHAEL: To be perfectly blunt with you, sir, World War II just doesn't do it for me.
FUTURE MAX: I won't leave you.
FUTURE LIZ: No, no, no. Max, you have to.
FUTURE MAX: If I'm successful, if I can do this, you and I won't exist. Not as we do now.
FUTURE LIZ: Max, if you don't do this, we're gonna die. Everyone will. Max, you have to do this. You have to try it.
FUTURE MAX: I'll never see you again.
FUTURE MAX: Thank you.
FUTURE LIZ: For what?
FUTURE MAX: For every kiss, every smile.
FUTURE LIZ: Max, I don't have any regrets.
PSYCHIC: You are a wonderful friend, her foundation. You will never have a carnal relationship...
ALEX: Oh, come on, Madame Vivian, there's gotta be something in those leaves...a few moments of pure lust? Anything? Uh...Story of my life.
COURTNEY: Well, I guess it's time for another night curled up in my sheets, fondling my remote control.
MICHAEL: I guess.
COURTNEY: Unless, of course, you want to be my remote control for the night?
MICHAEL: Shower.
COURTNEY: Let's.
MICHAEL: Just you.
COURTNEY: What?
MICHAEL: I'm a germ-a-phobe. A clean girl is a sexy girl.
COURTNEY: Ok. Water sports. I like it. I'll play any game you want me to, Mikey G.
FUTURE MAX: We eloped. We were 19.
LIZ: We were 19? Wow, that is so young. That is too young.
FUTURE MAX: That's what I said, but you said that Romeo and Juliet were even younger than us, so we drove to Vegas. Got married at the Elvis chapel. Congratulations, kids.
LIZ: So we didn't have a real wedding.
FUTURE MAX: Oh, we had a great wedding. You called Maria, Michael, Isabel, and Alex, and had them meet us halfway. We spent the whole night singing and dancing in some dive outside Phoenix, and at the end of the night, "I Shall Believe" came on the radio.
LIZ: I love that song.
FUTURE MAX: I know. Everyone else was exhausted, but not us. Oh, we danced...just the two of us. And ever since then, it's been our song.
LIZ: If this works...I'm not gonna have that day.
FUTURE MAX: No, you won't.
LIZ: No. No, Max. I can't go out with you ever again. Please stop doing this.
MAX: I can't.
LIZ: Don't say anything, ok? Um, because I...I came in here with this whole speech, and once you start talking, my speech doesn't apply, and everything gets changed, and I just want to make sure that I say everything to you, so just don't say anything. Just don't say anything. Ok, I...I just re-read "Romeo and Juliet", and you know, the first thing that I realized is that isn't even the title. It's called "The Tragedy of Romeo and Juliet". They die. You know, she's this young girl, she...she's younger than me, and she dies. Look, I think the reason why people think that it's such a romantic play is they don't know what it's like to be put in that position...but when your life and...and other people's lives are...are put at risk, there isn't anything romantic about it. Max, you can't stop what's happening to you. I mean, your life will always be dangerous, but my life, it doesn't have to be. My life is only in danger if I am with you. I...I want to be in love with boys...normal boys. I...I want to see my 21st birthday. I...I want to have a wedding day. I...I...I want to have children...and I want my children to be safe. You know, Max, if...if you truly love me, you'll let me go. I may love you, but I...I don't want to die for you.
LIZ: Do you know how hard it was for me to tell him that I didn't want to die for him? He's the only reason that I'm alive right now. You...you've...you gotta come up with another plan. Please go to someone else. I...I just...I can't do this anymore.
MICHAEL: Transient, fleeting, impermanent. I know what ephemeral means Maxwell. It’s my life.
LIZ (to Future Max): Don't you realize what you are to me...and you're always gonna be? You're the love of my life. Everyone else is gonna be second best. There'll never be another you.
LIZ: Could you dance with me?
FUTURE MAX: What?
LIZ: I wanna have my wedding dance.
at this point I am sobbing so hard I can't see the screen very well
MARIA: Michael, if you can hear me now over the sound of your rapidly inflating ego, could you please tell me that you do not believe what this...this Michael-worshipper here has to say?
MARIA (pulls out bottles from her purse): Ok. We've got ginko, bee pollen, echinacea, C, D, E, calcium, St. John's wort, and Pamprin.
*everyone looks at her*
What? I was dating Michael Guerin.
KYLE: Buddha, forgive me, but I'm gonna kick your ass!
LIZ: I hate this. I hate that we can't even be around each other. Long before we kissed...we were friends. We talked. We laughed. I don't understand why we just can't go back to that.
MAX: We can't. I can't. I just...I need time.
LIZ: Ok. I understand that. I do. I...I can respect it. But, um...I don't want you to hate me.
MARIA: $100 tip? Why?
BRODY: Honestly? It's Ben Franklin. I can't stand lookin' at the bloke. Now, you give me 5 Andrew Jacksons any day. Look. I mean, there's a head of hair. It's nice and thick. It's got kinda an Elvis thing going on. The sideburns...
BRODY: Do you believe in aliens?
MARIA: Why not? I'm dating one.
(Re: living in the sewers) RATH: Beats livin' in Brooklyn.
MICHAEL: Come on, Maxwell. Just pick a tree. It's freezing out here.
MAX: It's not so simple. This tree's got to fall within certain parameters.
MICHAEL: Parameters?
MAX: Height, circumference, color, density of foliage. Look at this diagram. You know how Isabel gets this time of year.
MICHAEL: The Christmas Nazi, driving everyone insane while trying to have the perfect Christmas. The worst thing you can do is play into it, Max. You've got to fight her. You've got to fight the Christmas Nazi.
MICHAEL: I got to get to the hardware store before it closes. I got to get Maria her present.
MAX: Why? Are you gonna get her a ratchet set?
MICHAEL: Never mind. I'm under a lot of pressure. She's been busting my ass for weeks about this present. She says it's got to be significant.
MAX: Then you might want to steer clear of the hardware store.
MICHAEL: I was wondering if it was necessary to exchange presents on Christmas day.
MARIA: Need a little wiggle room?
MICHAEL: If that would be all right. I mean, what's a couple days? You know, I figure we can make a date for the 27th or 28th.
MARIA: Sure. No problem. How about the, uh, second week of january? I mean, what is Christmas but some arbitrary day. What is it again? Oh, yes. The birthday of our lord and savior. It's no big deal.
MICHAEL: So, that's cool?
MARIA: You give me that damn present on December 25th, or I'll never speak to you again.
MICHAEL: No. I tried the "no present" idea last year. It didn't work.
ISABEL: Last year was your first year together, and you didn't give her a present?
MICHAEL: Hey, I don't even believe in this, so why should I get sucked into it? The whole thing's a marketing scam invented to make people buy things they don't even need.
ISABEL: Well, you could write that on the card when you give her a dental product for Christmas.
LIZ: If you healed him, you would have exposed Michael, Isabel, and Tess.
GHOST: Well, that was the sugar-coated version, Max. Now tell her what you were really thinking.
MAX: I wasn't thinking about Michael and Isabel and Tess. I was thinking about myself in the white room and being tortured. I didn't heal that man, because I was protecting myself. Why couldn't I trade my life for his?
LIZ: I thought you didn't believe in God.
MAX: I believe in you.
LIZ: They're just getting away, you know? They're taking in the scenery.
SEAN: Yeah, of a cheap motor inn.
MARIA: We're--we're being free spirits, mom.
AMY: That means you're going to Sedona to get stoned and have sex in the hills?
AMY: Do you think I wasn't seventeen once? Do you think I didn't do crazy, stupid things with a really bad boy when I was your age?
MARIA: Yes, I know you did, Mom -- Dad.
AMY: Michael, I want you to listen to me very, very carefully. On this glorious, rebellious, lost weekend of yours, you will take care of my daughter. You will protect her and be kind to her, and she will have fun. You will not get matching tattoos, and you will not allow her to pierce any part of her body that cannot be shown in polite company. And, Michael, if you have sex with my daughter, I will hunt you down and kill you like the mangy dog you are. Okay?
MICHAEL: Okay.
AMY: Call me if you need bail money.
MARIA: What'd she say?
MICHAEL: She wants you to have fun.
MICHAEL (to Liz): No lecturing, no moralizing, no whining about spending money on the homeless. This weekend it's about fun and debauchery. You got it?
ALEX: Hey! Who do you think you are? You treat her like a lady!
FAT MAN: I'll treat her like a stripping lady, 'cause that what she's auditioning for.
ALEX: Give me this flyer. (To Maria) New talent, big money... Oh! Oh! B.Y.O.G-String.
ALEX: Doesn't Buddhism disapprove of gambling?
KYLE: Actually Buddha himself first coined the phrase "know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away and know when to run"
ALEX: And yours is obviously a deep and abiding spiritual faith.
MICHAEL: I'm thinking a cheeseburger will go down nice right now.
MARIA: You had lobster.
MICHAEL: Yeah, but I'm still hungry. I'm gonna go hit the fast food joint across the street. Green, please.
MARIA: Cheeseburger? Why do I even try?
LIZ: Well, at least he wore a tie.
MICHAEL: So you actually remember our planet?
MAX: Yes!
MICHAEL: What are the chicks like?
MAX: If you're not going to take this seriously...
MICHAEL: I seriously wanna know what the chicks are like.
MICHAEL: Just kill me now. I don't do proms. I don't believe in them.
MARIA: You don't believe in them?!
MICHAEL: The whole thing is totally bogus. It's completely unnatural.
MARIA: You know what? I, I find it to be really unnatural that you're half alien warrior and half Grandpa Dupree! But I make do.
MICHAEL (to Amy): It's not tea. Hot buttered rum -- help you sleep. My foster dad taught me to mix drinks before I could ride a bike. He called it job training. If all else fails I could always tend bar.
MARIA: I can't count on you.
MICHAEL: Yes, you can. I'll take care of this. I mean, I'm right here for you.
MARIA: But you won't always be.
MICHAEL: What?
MARIA: One day you're gonna leave me. You're gonna get on a spaceship and go away, and you being the perfect boyfriend right now is really not helping me. I can't lose anyone else, Michael. My heart can't handle it.
MAX: Isabel... Isabel, if I have to, I will do everything in my power to keep you here. I will tell our parents you have a drug problem. I will notify your teachers that you have cheated on every test for the last 3 years. If you ever leave Roswell without my consent, I will physically drag you back. For the last time, the answer is no. Period.
ISABEL: You're killing me.
MAX: You let it get this far.
ISABEL: Fine. This Isabel Evans is dead. You want to be the leader? See how it works without any followers.
MICHAEL (to Maria): We've been through some rough stuff lately. The thing is, you're right. I can't really imagine it happening, but I am gonna leave someday. It could be a year, or 2, or 50. But I'm gonna leave. It sucks. It's the choice we made to be together. But there is one thing that I can promise you, and that is that I can give you now.
MAX: My whole life I've wanted to be this person, this normal person. Human. My whole life I've been thinking that this alien side of me was this bad thing. This thing that made me a freak. This monster. I realize that I haven't just been hiding from the government and the law all this time. I've been hiding from myself. I don't know what's going on anymore. I thought I knew but I don't. I've lost everyone.
MICHAEL (to Maria): Liz doesn't want us to know because she and Max are at war, so here's the thing: I'm not going to tell Max, but I need to know, because if wherever you're going turns out to be dangerous, I'm sure as hell gonna be there to protect you.
MICHAEL: You and Tess actually had...
MAX: : ...Hot alien sex, yes.
MICHAEL: How was it?
MAX: : Well, it's probably a lot like human sex. Except the point of culmination.
MICHAEL: The point of what?
MAX: : You kinda feel like you're floating and this--this hot electric energy courses through your body.
MICHAEL: How long does that last?
MAX: : About an hour. The thing is, there's been a complication.
MICHAEL: What? Alien herpes?
MAX: : Tess is pregnant.
ISABEL: What?
MAX: : She's pregnant and the baby's dying because it can't live in this atmosphere.
MAX: : And...I don't know what to do because I...I'm so scared. And I don't know what to tell Mom and Dad because I...it's like what would I even tell them. They don't know who I really am. I feel so irresponsible, and stupid and...I know this is supposed to happen, because it's our destiny. Oh my God, what am I gonna do?
LIZ: (yelling) I-I trusted you, I gave you everything. I jumped off bridges for you, I broke laws for you, I risked getting shot for you, I trusted you! And you go off-- God, with Tess-- God, I saved myself for you!
MAX: Saved yourself? You slept with Kyle!
MICHAEL: There's a lot about you, Maria. There's a lot about you, but I think what means the most to me is that you're open. You know I can look into your eyes and I can see you. I can see what you're thinking. I can see what you're feeling. How much I mean to you sometimes, how much I piss you off sometimes. But I can always see you.
MARIA: I see you too.
MICHAEL: No, no you don't see me. You know when Max and Liz would kiss, and Liz would get the flashes? And when we would kiss you didn't. I know how much that hurt you.
MARIA: That doesn't matter to me anymore Michael.
MICHAEL: The reason you didn't get the flashes is because I didn't let you get them. I didn't let you see me. I've never let anyone see me before...because there are things inside of me that I don't want people to see. There's things inside of me that I'm not so proud of. But I've thought about it, and I want you to see me. Take my hands.
that's about the most romantic thing ever
LIZ: I guess that this is our goodbye. Just tell me one thing do you love her?
MAX: Not like I love you.
MAX: When we came out of the pods and we lost Michael, it was just the two of us in the desert and I knew that I wasn't alone - that I had my sister. To me, earth isn't home and whatever's out there isn't home but you're my home.
MAX (to Liz): I've been really wrong about a lot. But I was right about one thing: To get you into my life, to be around you, to love you.
MARIA (to Michael): You opened the door and you came out-- why? (It dawns on her.) You stayed for me.
