Pride: gigantic meta
Nov. 6th, 2006 10:48 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dangermousieOK, first off, a warning. Considering I just mainlined 11 episodes of the amazingness that is Pride and that in the final analysis it is the only dorama that came close to displacing Mars in my list of favorites, this is going to be VERY long.
And hey, probably only part 1 of many, as I am sure to forget things I want to blab about. But never fear. My next dorama? Rewatching Pride again. The other ones will have to wait.
Pride is an 11-ep jdorama following a hockey team, but specifically its captain, Satonaka Halu, and his relationship with Aki, his OTP. So good.
I love it. Love it love it love it love it. Love the script, love the hockey, love the Queen soundtrack, but above all, I love the characters.
Let's start with Halu. Who is so my dorama crush it's not even funny. In RL, he'd be a difficult person to get along with, and dorama comprehends this: witness Tomo tell Aki's evil fiance that he (fiance) can find many women but not that many women would work for 'that idiot' (Halu).
But as a complicated, complex, and ultimately incredibly awesome dorama lead? Oh my God. It's interesting that as Pride progresses, we see that he isn't the stoic, unfeeling, alpha person that he comes across as when first met him. Interestingly, I think it's a combination of his slowly gentling under Aki's care and the simple slow revelation of his character: he doesn't let people in easily and doesn't have effusive demeanor, but as we witness him in action, we see why the whole team loves him so.
He has all these barriers and shields and protections. Something in him revels in being thought purely non-nonsense, unfeeling, tough as nails (probably because of his abandonment issues). Just see him refuse to deny that he is in coach's pocket when he seconds Makoto being got rid of (even when guys declare he isn't their captain any more), but then actually helping Makoto to stay on. But in reality, he will go to bat for you in spectacular ways and deny it. The whole episode when Yamato has his breakdown (Yamato had an accident when he was in junior high when he ran someone over when he was on his motorbike though he wasn't speeding or anything and he felt immensely guilty ever since. That is why he took up hockey: the dead kid was on a high school hockey team) is amazing.
You see the team bus drive on the road where Yamato had the accident and Halu starts quickly closing all the shades. And then, when Yamato is falling apart later, Halu comes to drag him out for a run and circuitously brings him to the kid's tombstone (where Yamato comes to leaves flowers but he can't cope) and he tries to get Yamato to open up (in his own nice guy way Yamato has a shell as impenetrable as Halu) and to confront his anger and guilt an so deal with it (because it was not Yamato's fault at all). And he's arranged to have the team bus with ALL the teammates to show up after this, to get Yamato to go with them all. And when Yamato refuses, saying, with tears in his voice, that it's no use, he won't be forgiven until the day he dies, Halu thinks of something else. And though I will deal with the awesomeness and perfection that is Aki/Halu below in GREAT detail, I have to mention that I love that he asks her what to do about this. He is, for someone who was so fiercely independent and even closed off, gradually beginning to let her in utterly, and ask her advice, and bring her into every aspect of his life. LOVE.
And he actually goes and finds the parents of the boy who got run over (they told Yamato they blame him and 'bring us back our son' all those years ago) and begs them to forgive Yamato. And I love that he is so gently persistent (for such a tough guy, who brawls on the ice every day, he can be amazingly gentle. Just you wait until I get into the lovemaking scene) and that he knows instinctively that this is the one scene that can fix Yamato. (I love how the father says that they know it's not Yamato's fault but blaming him kept their son alive in theireyes all these years. They are afraid if they stop they'll forget their son). And he does persuade them. And he shows up before the game and takes Yamato aside. And tells him he has surprise guests for him in seats so and so. And then tells Yamato that they gave him a talisman which they made for their son but he didn't get to use it. And Yamato gets it and starts falling apart. And then, as a casual aside, Halu mentions 'someone told me they don't blame you and want to ask our forgiveness for making you blame yourself for all these years' and Yamato is sobbing and OMG. It's an amazing scene and OMG. Halu/Yamato such a huge friend!OTP. They are, hands down, my favorite dorama friend!otp. In a way, there is a brother dynamic there: Yamato being the younger brother and Halu the older. Whenever Yamato has Yuri troubles (I don't really like her but I guess Yamato does and I love Yamato so I am OK with her because she makes him happy. And she did come through for him at the end), Halu is the one advising him. I love the scene where Yamato is getting totally blotto in Halu's place and Tomo and Makoto are there too, and Halu makes Tomo give Yamato tea instead of hard liquor. :P
And Halu is the one who takes it upon himself to tell Yamato he is unlikely to play hockey ever again (I love how Halu never shirks anything, however hard or awful it is). And that whole scene is brilliant and made me cry. Or how, on the ice with Green Monsters, he realizes right away that the captain of GM hurt Yamato somehow (the fact Yamato didn't show up for the game and captain's mumbled apology are 2 and 2) and you see murder in his eyes and he completely loses control and goes for the guy's throat. And I also love the scene where he visits Yamato in the hospital and they just hug and it's so gorgeously emotional and then Halu jokes to Yamato to let go or people will misunderstand :P
But Yamato totally repays any caring Halu gives him. He always tries to help Aki to understand Halu, he backs him up no matter what. He sends him that letter that brings him out of his catatonic state in jail. They've been together since high school and they are both loners with hideous inner trauma (for Yamato it's the accident for Halu...I'll get into it later) and both are fiercely loyal and honorable. No wonder that when Halu leaves for Canada, Yamato is the only one he'll let see him off.
As an aside? I have such a huge thing for Yamato. Almost as huge as my thing for Halu. And no, not just because, IMO, he is drop-dead gorgeous. But Yamato is really one of the sweetest, nicest, most loyal, most decent guys I've seen in doramas. And has plenty of will-power.
The thing is, I just love seeing a good, strong, complicated friendship in doramas (or books or anywhere) and it's so rare. So to me, just as amazing as the super awesome OTP in this one, are the strong friendships of the characters.
There is also his friendship with Tomo, the good-humored, worldly rich guy and former gang member (yeah, it makes sense, trust me). I love it when Tomo gives him girl advice, telling him to humble himself. And it's Tomo who is ultimately responsible for the OTP HEA because he and Chika (his gf and Aki's friend) go and ask Aki's fiance to release her and do it in just a right way.
But ultimately, despite all the friendships, what Halu really needs and what makes him come fully alive, to grow up and live fully is his love for Aki. Aki is someone who perfectly complements him. He is a bit out of place in the modern world and so is she (no wonder he refers to her as a 'woman from last century'). In some ways she is incredibly traditional but as![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
kitsune714 said, she is made out of some incredibly tough stuff. Not only does she decide to give up her own wishes and happiness for what she believes is her duty, but she agrees to marry her fiance (and never utters a word of complaint) as an unofficial bargain to get Halu out of jail. But it's not just the traditional 'stand by your man' thing, either. She is tough as nails period. And fearless. One of my favorite scenes is when Halu goes with Tomo to a place where a gang who is trying to blackmail Tomo is gathered. Tomo has been very badly beat up by them just prior (btw, once again, Halu is content with Yamato and the rest thinking he is with Tomo because he wants a job with Tomo's company once he retires, even though in reality it's because they are excellent friends and Tomo won't inherit the company blah blah In a way, he is testing, unconsciously, his friends limit of belief in him.) And Aki insists on coming along, because the guys will need a witness. To a gang meeting. And they get out of the car and the three of them are bantering and Tomo has one arm across Halu's shoulders to help him walk and she steps to the other side of Tomo and puts his other arm around her shoulder and they walk in that way. If there was one cristallizing moment when Halu decidedly fell in love with her, body and soul, this would be it. Halu could never be with a coward and Aki is anything but. And then, she slaps the woman who is running the scam (by pretending to be pregnant), completely heedless of the danger. She is ruled by her principles as much as Halu is. And gets hit back and Halu loses it (I love how he cannot stand her being harmed in any way) and there is that awesome fight.
Halu is always testng boundaries, in love and friendship, like a little kid, as a measure and proof of how much the other person cares for him, because I think a large part of him can't believe anyone can really truly love him. And Aki's response is always perfect: she will stand by him no matter what, but when he is out of line, she will let him know in no uncertain terms. And she trains him up to open up to her: with the Tomo story, when she thinks because of what Yamato said, that he might be helping Tomo because of future job, she simply won't let him in, and instead of storming out in a rage, Halu actually sits on the floor by her door like a little kid and tells the whole story. She is gradually more and more important to him: he doesn't want her to misunderstand him whoever else does. And then she opens the door and I swear he gets up with this little scolded boy look on his face and mutters how cold it is outside, but he doesn't come in until she explicitly invites him in.
But in some ways, Halu has some very boyish mannerisms. When he first falls asleep in her apartment when he is sick, he pulls his blanket up to his face with his fists. I think, this, like his other issues, stem out of his mother issues (the same with his self-punishing drive for perfection in hockey. It's as if he has no internal validation mechanism. He has to be good at hockey or he is good at nothing. He is so driven).
And Aki is perfect for him because she is so loyal. It's both her greatest appeal to Halu (who is incredibly loyal himself and so wants the same) and the catch-22 in their relationship. Because their 'contract' says Halu is just temporary bf until the guy Aki has waited for, for two years, with no message from him, comes back. Halu loves Aki, in part, because she is the kind of girl who would wait like that, but that is what makes her unobtainable, too. If she was the kind of girl who'd ditch the bf, he wouldn't want it etc etc. And a huge part of Halu's growing process is that he gradually comes to the conclusion that no, he loves Aki. He wants her, for himself, he wants to make her break the promise. When he 'retires' when bf comes back, it's not before trying desperately, to keep her. He realizes the bf back because Aki is 'unusually sentimental' (the scene where she asks him to hold her, tighter and tighter, and tighter and you see by his face he's realized what happened) and then he gets a key to his apartment made (with a little ribbon around it) and he goes to her apartment to give it, but she is at his apartment, waiting to talk to him, and they spend most of the night waiting for each other and the looks on their faces OMG. And then next morning he meets her on the bridge and he doesn't know she is there because her bf told her to meet her there (using the guilt card. Hate him), and he tells her she has to guess which pocket, left or right, and if she guesses right, she'll get a present (the key) and she stares at him as she wants to memorize his face and will never see him again and then she looks past him and sees bf and starts walking towards him, tears pouring down her face, and the look of complete loss on Halu's face? OMG. I was bawling SO hard. I feel like tearing up just thinking about it.
And then you see him alone on the hockey rink by himself (this is somewhere he goes to deal with things. When he was with Aki, it's really neat how her apartment also became a safe haven for him. But now of course he can't do that). And you see him reach into his pocket and pull out the gift key with a little ribbon and throw it away and then he reaches into the other pocket and pulls out...his own key, also with a little ribbon on it, and I am crying because it's clear he wasn't playing a guessing game so whichever pocket she'd pick, he'd give her the key. And he just remains motionless on the ice.
The thing is, Halu, even though people think he is a difficult person to get along with, is much better and fairer than Aki's more average bf. He might want a loyal gf who will wait for him but it's not alpha macho crap. It's because of his issues and because he is so loyal himself. He will not demand anything he is unwilling to do himself. At the end, where he goes away to Canada, he did not ask Aki to wait for him (like the bf jerk did) and I love that she didn't either (this temporary separation was the best thing for them. They found out that yes, they really love each other. And they weren't bound by a waiting promise: the reason the weren't with anyone else is not out of misplaced loyalty but because there was no one else for them. They want only each other. Their love was proven to each other beyond a doubt). But he took that lightbulb she wrote on that she loved him and he carried her picture with him throughout. And I love that he did that, loved her, without any necessary expectation of return (and vice versa). They became the best people they could be, independently, so they could truly be together. And thus you get the awesome final scene where she is by herself on the rink which becomes magically empty and a puck hits her skates and then he skates out and she is giddy and at a loss at the same time and he asks her what she is doing and she blurts out 'I am practicing for the NHL' and he grins back 'You can't do that, you'll take my place' and he brings out the whole team and there are fireworks and he tells her she is the only one for him and he swears it on his pride etc etc and asks her to go to Canada with him and it's an amazing scene. And he tells her about the picture. And you see her just bloom (especially since she thought he had a gf, long story) and she smiles up at him and goes 'Maybe' (his catchphrase) and he grins, so joyful, and contradicts her 'Must be' and leans in to kiss her(and it's a real kiss too) and the fireworks go off and it's just...GUUUUUH.
But this is of course only possible because of their incredible history and love for each other. Aki is the first woman to break through his barriers. The reason Halu is the way he is, after all, is because of his dreadful mother who I hate more than any other jdorama character ever. She ran off with a younger man when Halu was still in kindergarten, abandoning a small child on his own. And Yamato tells Aki Halu's never cried since. Even when he went on 'locate this missing person' program as a kid. And that is precisely why Halu is so scarily self-sufficient, why he has all these barriers, why he is desperate to find a woman who will wait for him (because his own mother didn't). And then his mother comes back and Halu looks and acts like someone who's discovered something beautiful he's never had (I love that he asks Aki to come with him to meet his mother. And he says it's because he doesn't want to say anything rude, but it's clear it's because he is terrified. And then he sees his mother, and the look on his face...he is so dreadfully emotionally vulnerable at that moment...so full of longing). But of course, his mother just wanted money and I love how Aki tries to give her money out of her savings so Halu won't know about her being a money grubber but it comes out anyway and the look on Halu's face! You see him just die inside. And then, as she goes to the train, he gets out and runs after her, so desperate only to see her get onto the train with some random guy. It's horrible. The whole ep I was biting my nails, because I knew he was going to get so desperately hurt and it was only a question of how badly and it was horrible. HORRIBLE.
And Aki finds him on the rink. And he tells her he found out about his mother and he invites her into his apartment and she's the first woman who's ever been there. And they are inside and she says she is frightened and he replies he won't do anything to her but that is not what she is talking about. She says she is frightened of being a mother someday, especially to a boy and how boys hold on for so long and then somehow she is across the floor (he is sitting down by the counter) and she is touching him and she says that he never had anyone to complain to because other boys were practicing complaining to their mothers but he couldn't and she says if she was his mother, she'd never leave him (she is trying to express her utter sorrow for his pain and wanting to take it away and it probably never happened to him before) and she is holding him and crying and OMG...the camera cuts to his face and Halu is CRYING!!!!! And she strokes his hair and he is crying (and I love how he can be so completely vulnerable with her). And his arm goes around her (see icon) and then...he reaches for her and there is KISSING. This is their first kiss and it's so incredible, a real gorgeous kiss not those jdorama disappointments and they keep clutching at each other and kissing and coffee spills on the ground and it's just beautiful.
And then it cuts to the two of them in bed, afterwards, and it's so beautifully lit and tender and wonderful, and they are looking at each other and she tells him her dream and he tells her he loves her *thud* and he kisses her eyelid (which is such a parallel to how he kissed her eyelid when they agreed to their 'game') and they just look at each other...
I actually love the parallels in this drama. I mean look at her evil jerk of a boyfriend. Who comes back and thinks he is entitled to Aki (unlike Halu who when he goes away makes her make no promise) and wants to know about Aki and Halu. I love the scene where he finds Halu and asks him and Halu tells him that he swears on his pride whatever happened between them was based on truth and honor (I love Halu's intensity in that scene and his refusal to lie) and Aki's fiance appears as thrown by the sheer unbending purity of it all as by the fact that Aki didn't wait. And I love how Aki refuses to lie too, and tells the fiance.
And then...Oh my God. He hits her. And now she has a cut on her eye. The same eye that Halu kissed so tenderly. And she is screaming 'no' in pure terror and he is trying to hold her and the scene is so horrifying. Oooooh.
And then Halu sees her next morning by accident in a restaurant and she is wearing a hat with a low brim and he apologizes for telling bf the truth and she said she told bf truth too (and Halu is shocked becuse he told her to tell bf he lied. Aki is pure steel) and he begins to realize something is wrong and he asks her to look up and he pulls off the hat and he sees the cut and he goes deadly still.
And later you see him at the hockey rink, alone, and he can't hit the pucks into the net, they are going wide of the goal and all he keeps seeing is the cut on Aki's eyelid, and he remembers kissing her there and the fact that he is helpless to intervene is driving him crazy. He went ballistic when that gang guy just slapped Aki and here it's so much worse.
And then, in the scene that had me cheering until I was hoarse, you see bf in his ritzy architectural firm and the receptionist says there is someone for him and then you hear her go 'sir, where are you going, you can't go there' and bf looks up and sees Halu and Halu hits him, hard, really hard, so bf goes down like a lump, and Halue doesn't pause for a second and walks out. LOVE.
But of course, bf is now pressing charges and Halu is in jail. And it looks like his career is over and the coach tells him how he is trash and he was going to be sent to try out of NHL and now...nothing. And his team is also screwed. All for a woman. And Halu is just in complete trance. He just sits in his cell unmoving.
And then one of my favorite scenes is there. Halu's elder sister figure, the widow of previous coach comes to the jail and sees Aki, standing in front, in the pouring rain, and she tries to get her to get under the umbrella but Aki is completely heedless of the rain. And all she is doing, is repeating in this completely distraught voice 'Halu is crying. Halu is crying. Halu is crying.' And the camera comes the Halu in his cell and OMG. She has lover ESP because he IS crying, completely silently. Go ahead, kill me dorama!
And it's actually Yamato's letter of faith and determination that gets him to snap out of it all and regain his will. And Aki gets bf to drop the suit basically promising to marry him in return.
Gosh, the poor woobie OTP. Halu is trying to hide his feelings under the facade and she overhears his tell Yamato that can you believe, at one point, he thought Aki was even more important than hockey but he now doesn't really feel anything. And it's so clearly a facade but Aki is herself desperate and hurt and OMG the look on his face when he sees her and sees she's heard. And she tells him he's not capable of loving anyone and he never loved her (and I think in a way she wants to believe it, because by agreeing to marriage she's lost him forever) and she is getting married and he stammers out congratulations. And she stumbles into her apartment and collapses by her door, sobbing. And he is just frozen by her door and he just stands there by her apartment and he can't even make himself move away and the look of utter longing and desolation on his face! And then he slowly walks down. Kimura Takuya is SO amazing. He is so intense and such a good actor and has such crazy chemistry with the actress that plays Aki.
Their chemistry just burns up the screen with all that complex longing. Just see the look on his face when he sees her come to his finals match (fiance broke up with her finally). And he hears her yell his name and sees her there and his whole face transforms. I think he won in part because of her. And then there is the scene in the hospital, so full of unspoken yearning and love. And she tells him to take care and he stretches out his hand to shake hands with her and she reaches out and they hold hands like that, not letting go, and then he pulls her closer to him and they freeze like that. Oh my poor OTP.
It's interesting how it started out as a game but became something else so naturally (love the scene where both of them try to repeat 'it's a game' to themselves, because it's so clearly anything but at that point). Just look at the scene where he wants her to show up at the game and watch him if she can and she does and the game has been exhausting and brutal and then he sees her show up and he does this whole 'eyes on me' gesture and grins and I DIE.
So many of their moments are centered around ice and snow (understandable and symbolic). On their first date he takes her to an ice rink and when she can't skate, he picks her up and skates with her in his arms (and that's the rink he proposes to her on, later, eeeee!) She finds him after a particularly emotionally laden moment/game by himself on a zamboni on the ice and they decide to stay just the two of them there for a bit as he says 'because Aki wants' and she says, equally quietly 'because Halu wants.' And then there is the scene on the bridge where the first snow starts falling. And he takes her hands and starts breathing on them to warm them up.
He said earlier on he's never been lonely but it's a total lie and she picks up on it right away and it's a huge reason she agrees to go out with him. He loves her, but he needs her, too.
That is why bf coming back hits them both so hard and they are so uncertain about what was real. He remembers that he said ILY but she didn't. But then he finds what's written on the lightbulb of that lamp she bought him. She tells him it really was only a game and he tells her the same (the scene in the car where he drives her back is painful in its quiet desperation) and a part of them is so uncertain they believe the other person though it's clearly a lie.
OK, this meta is longer than War and Peace so I better stop now, even though I didn't even mention my love for that 'love and fight' routine Halu and Tomo do (guuuuh, love the friendship), or the bit of TK singing and some umm shirtlessness. Maybe later.
If you read it all, you get some sort of an endurance prize.
And a great Pride MV here:
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dorama_chat
And hey, probably only part 1 of many, as I am sure to forget things I want to blab about. But never fear. My next dorama? Rewatching Pride again. The other ones will have to wait.
Pride is an 11-ep jdorama following a hockey team, but specifically its captain, Satonaka Halu, and his relationship with Aki, his OTP. So good.
I love it. Love it love it love it love it. Love the script, love the hockey, love the Queen soundtrack, but above all, I love the characters.
Let's start with Halu. Who is so my dorama crush it's not even funny. In RL, he'd be a difficult person to get along with, and dorama comprehends this: witness Tomo tell Aki's evil fiance that he (fiance) can find many women but not that many women would work for 'that idiot' (Halu).
But as a complicated, complex, and ultimately incredibly awesome dorama lead? Oh my God. It's interesting that as Pride progresses, we see that he isn't the stoic, unfeeling, alpha person that he comes across as when first met him. Interestingly, I think it's a combination of his slowly gentling under Aki's care and the simple slow revelation of his character: he doesn't let people in easily and doesn't have effusive demeanor, but as we witness him in action, we see why the whole team loves him so.
He has all these barriers and shields and protections. Something in him revels in being thought purely non-nonsense, unfeeling, tough as nails (probably because of his abandonment issues). Just see him refuse to deny that he is in coach's pocket when he seconds Makoto being got rid of (even when guys declare he isn't their captain any more), but then actually helping Makoto to stay on. But in reality, he will go to bat for you in spectacular ways and deny it. The whole episode when Yamato has his breakdown (Yamato had an accident when he was in junior high when he ran someone over when he was on his motorbike though he wasn't speeding or anything and he felt immensely guilty ever since. That is why he took up hockey: the dead kid was on a high school hockey team) is amazing.
You see the team bus drive on the road where Yamato had the accident and Halu starts quickly closing all the shades. And then, when Yamato is falling apart later, Halu comes to drag him out for a run and circuitously brings him to the kid's tombstone (where Yamato comes to leaves flowers but he can't cope) and he tries to get Yamato to open up (in his own nice guy way Yamato has a shell as impenetrable as Halu) and to confront his anger and guilt an so deal with it (because it was not Yamato's fault at all). And he's arranged to have the team bus with ALL the teammates to show up after this, to get Yamato to go with them all. And when Yamato refuses, saying, with tears in his voice, that it's no use, he won't be forgiven until the day he dies, Halu thinks of something else. And though I will deal with the awesomeness and perfection that is Aki/Halu below in GREAT detail, I have to mention that I love that he asks her what to do about this. He is, for someone who was so fiercely independent and even closed off, gradually beginning to let her in utterly, and ask her advice, and bring her into every aspect of his life. LOVE.
And he actually goes and finds the parents of the boy who got run over (they told Yamato they blame him and 'bring us back our son' all those years ago) and begs them to forgive Yamato. And I love that he is so gently persistent (for such a tough guy, who brawls on the ice every day, he can be amazingly gentle. Just you wait until I get into the lovemaking scene) and that he knows instinctively that this is the one scene that can fix Yamato. (I love how the father says that they know it's not Yamato's fault but blaming him kept their son alive in theireyes all these years. They are afraid if they stop they'll forget their son). And he does persuade them. And he shows up before the game and takes Yamato aside. And tells him he has surprise guests for him in seats so and so. And then tells Yamato that they gave him a talisman which they made for their son but he didn't get to use it. And Yamato gets it and starts falling apart. And then, as a casual aside, Halu mentions 'someone told me they don't blame you and want to ask our forgiveness for making you blame yourself for all these years' and Yamato is sobbing and OMG. It's an amazing scene and OMG. Halu/Yamato such a huge friend!OTP. They are, hands down, my favorite dorama friend!otp. In a way, there is a brother dynamic there: Yamato being the younger brother and Halu the older. Whenever Yamato has Yuri troubles (I don't really like her but I guess Yamato does and I love Yamato so I am OK with her because she makes him happy. And she did come through for him at the end), Halu is the one advising him. I love the scene where Yamato is getting totally blotto in Halu's place and Tomo and Makoto are there too, and Halu makes Tomo give Yamato tea instead of hard liquor. :P
And Halu is the one who takes it upon himself to tell Yamato he is unlikely to play hockey ever again (I love how Halu never shirks anything, however hard or awful it is). And that whole scene is brilliant and made me cry. Or how, on the ice with Green Monsters, he realizes right away that the captain of GM hurt Yamato somehow (the fact Yamato didn't show up for the game and captain's mumbled apology are 2 and 2) and you see murder in his eyes and he completely loses control and goes for the guy's throat. And I also love the scene where he visits Yamato in the hospital and they just hug and it's so gorgeously emotional and then Halu jokes to Yamato to let go or people will misunderstand :P
But Yamato totally repays any caring Halu gives him. He always tries to help Aki to understand Halu, he backs him up no matter what. He sends him that letter that brings him out of his catatonic state in jail. They've been together since high school and they are both loners with hideous inner trauma (for Yamato it's the accident for Halu...I'll get into it later) and both are fiercely loyal and honorable. No wonder that when Halu leaves for Canada, Yamato is the only one he'll let see him off.
As an aside? I have such a huge thing for Yamato. Almost as huge as my thing for Halu. And no, not just because, IMO, he is drop-dead gorgeous. But Yamato is really one of the sweetest, nicest, most loyal, most decent guys I've seen in doramas. And has plenty of will-power.
The thing is, I just love seeing a good, strong, complicated friendship in doramas (or books or anywhere) and it's so rare. So to me, just as amazing as the super awesome OTP in this one, are the strong friendships of the characters.
There is also his friendship with Tomo, the good-humored, worldly rich guy and former gang member (yeah, it makes sense, trust me). I love it when Tomo gives him girl advice, telling him to humble himself. And it's Tomo who is ultimately responsible for the OTP HEA because he and Chika (his gf and Aki's friend) go and ask Aki's fiance to release her and do it in just a right way.
But ultimately, despite all the friendships, what Halu really needs and what makes him come fully alive, to grow up and live fully is his love for Aki. Aki is someone who perfectly complements him. He is a bit out of place in the modern world and so is she (no wonder he refers to her as a 'woman from last century'). In some ways she is incredibly traditional but as
kitsune714 said, she is made out of some incredibly tough stuff. Not only does she decide to give up her own wishes and happiness for what she believes is her duty, but she agrees to marry her fiance (and never utters a word of complaint) as an unofficial bargain to get Halu out of jail. But it's not just the traditional 'stand by your man' thing, either. She is tough as nails period. And fearless. One of my favorite scenes is when Halu goes with Tomo to a place where a gang who is trying to blackmail Tomo is gathered. Tomo has been very badly beat up by them just prior (btw, once again, Halu is content with Yamato and the rest thinking he is with Tomo because he wants a job with Tomo's company once he retires, even though in reality it's because they are excellent friends and Tomo won't inherit the company blah blah In a way, he is testing, unconsciously, his friends limit of belief in him.) And Aki insists on coming along, because the guys will need a witness. To a gang meeting. And they get out of the car and the three of them are bantering and Tomo has one arm across Halu's shoulders to help him walk and she steps to the other side of Tomo and puts his other arm around her shoulder and they walk in that way. If there was one cristallizing moment when Halu decidedly fell in love with her, body and soul, this would be it. Halu could never be with a coward and Aki is anything but. And then, she slaps the woman who is running the scam (by pretending to be pregnant), completely heedless of the danger. She is ruled by her principles as much as Halu is. And gets hit back and Halu loses it (I love how he cannot stand her being harmed in any way) and there is that awesome fight. Halu is always testng boundaries, in love and friendship, like a little kid, as a measure and proof of how much the other person cares for him, because I think a large part of him can't believe anyone can really truly love him. And Aki's response is always perfect: she will stand by him no matter what, but when he is out of line, she will let him know in no uncertain terms. And she trains him up to open up to her: with the Tomo story, when she thinks because of what Yamato said, that he might be helping Tomo because of future job, she simply won't let him in, and instead of storming out in a rage, Halu actually sits on the floor by her door like a little kid and tells the whole story. She is gradually more and more important to him: he doesn't want her to misunderstand him whoever else does. And then she opens the door and I swear he gets up with this little scolded boy look on his face and mutters how cold it is outside, but he doesn't come in until she explicitly invites him in.
But in some ways, Halu has some very boyish mannerisms. When he first falls asleep in her apartment when he is sick, he pulls his blanket up to his face with his fists. I think, this, like his other issues, stem out of his mother issues (the same with his self-punishing drive for perfection in hockey. It's as if he has no internal validation mechanism. He has to be good at hockey or he is good at nothing. He is so driven).
And Aki is perfect for him because she is so loyal. It's both her greatest appeal to Halu (who is incredibly loyal himself and so wants the same) and the catch-22 in their relationship. Because their 'contract' says Halu is just temporary bf until the guy Aki has waited for, for two years, with no message from him, comes back. Halu loves Aki, in part, because she is the kind of girl who would wait like that, but that is what makes her unobtainable, too. If she was the kind of girl who'd ditch the bf, he wouldn't want it etc etc. And a huge part of Halu's growing process is that he gradually comes to the conclusion that no, he loves Aki. He wants her, for himself, he wants to make her break the promise. When he 'retires' when bf comes back, it's not before trying desperately, to keep her. He realizes the bf back because Aki is 'unusually sentimental' (the scene where she asks him to hold her, tighter and tighter, and tighter and you see by his face he's realized what happened) and then he gets a key to his apartment made (with a little ribbon around it) and he goes to her apartment to give it, but she is at his apartment, waiting to talk to him, and they spend most of the night waiting for each other and the looks on their faces OMG. And then next morning he meets her on the bridge and he doesn't know she is there because her bf told her to meet her there (using the guilt card. Hate him), and he tells her she has to guess which pocket, left or right, and if she guesses right, she'll get a present (the key) and she stares at him as she wants to memorize his face and will never see him again and then she looks past him and sees bf and starts walking towards him, tears pouring down her face, and the look of complete loss on Halu's face? OMG. I was bawling SO hard. I feel like tearing up just thinking about it.
And then you see him alone on the hockey rink by himself (this is somewhere he goes to deal with things. When he was with Aki, it's really neat how her apartment also became a safe haven for him. But now of course he can't do that). And you see him reach into his pocket and pull out the gift key with a little ribbon and throw it away and then he reaches into the other pocket and pulls out...his own key, also with a little ribbon on it, and I am crying because it's clear he wasn't playing a guessing game so whichever pocket she'd pick, he'd give her the key. And he just remains motionless on the ice.
The thing is, Halu, even though people think he is a difficult person to get along with, is much better and fairer than Aki's more average bf. He might want a loyal gf who will wait for him but it's not alpha macho crap. It's because of his issues and because he is so loyal himself. He will not demand anything he is unwilling to do himself. At the end, where he goes away to Canada, he did not ask Aki to wait for him (like the bf jerk did) and I love that she didn't either (this temporary separation was the best thing for them. They found out that yes, they really love each other. And they weren't bound by a waiting promise: the reason the weren't with anyone else is not out of misplaced loyalty but because there was no one else for them. They want only each other. Their love was proven to each other beyond a doubt). But he took that lightbulb she wrote on that she loved him and he carried her picture with him throughout. And I love that he did that, loved her, without any necessary expectation of return (and vice versa). They became the best people they could be, independently, so they could truly be together. And thus you get the awesome final scene where she is by herself on the rink which becomes magically empty and a puck hits her skates and then he skates out and she is giddy and at a loss at the same time and he asks her what she is doing and she blurts out 'I am practicing for the NHL' and he grins back 'You can't do that, you'll take my place' and he brings out the whole team and there are fireworks and he tells her she is the only one for him and he swears it on his pride etc etc and asks her to go to Canada with him and it's an amazing scene. And he tells her about the picture. And you see her just bloom (especially since she thought he had a gf, long story) and she smiles up at him and goes 'Maybe' (his catchphrase) and he grins, so joyful, and contradicts her 'Must be' and leans in to kiss her(and it's a real kiss too) and the fireworks go off and it's just...GUUUUUH.
But this is of course only possible because of their incredible history and love for each other. Aki is the first woman to break through his barriers. The reason Halu is the way he is, after all, is because of his dreadful mother who I hate more than any other jdorama character ever. She ran off with a younger man when Halu was still in kindergarten, abandoning a small child on his own. And Yamato tells Aki Halu's never cried since. Even when he went on 'locate this missing person' program as a kid. And that is precisely why Halu is so scarily self-sufficient, why he has all these barriers, why he is desperate to find a woman who will wait for him (because his own mother didn't). And then his mother comes back and Halu looks and acts like someone who's discovered something beautiful he's never had (I love that he asks Aki to come with him to meet his mother. And he says it's because he doesn't want to say anything rude, but it's clear it's because he is terrified. And then he sees his mother, and the look on his face...he is so dreadfully emotionally vulnerable at that moment...so full of longing). But of course, his mother just wanted money and I love how Aki tries to give her money out of her savings so Halu won't know about her being a money grubber but it comes out anyway and the look on Halu's face! You see him just die inside. And then, as she goes to the train, he gets out and runs after her, so desperate only to see her get onto the train with some random guy. It's horrible. The whole ep I was biting my nails, because I knew he was going to get so desperately hurt and it was only a question of how badly and it was horrible. HORRIBLE.
And Aki finds him on the rink. And he tells her he found out about his mother and he invites her into his apartment and she's the first woman who's ever been there. And they are inside and she says she is frightened and he replies he won't do anything to her but that is not what she is talking about. She says she is frightened of being a mother someday, especially to a boy and how boys hold on for so long and then somehow she is across the floor (he is sitting down by the counter) and she is touching him and she says that he never had anyone to complain to because other boys were practicing complaining to their mothers but he couldn't and she says if she was his mother, she'd never leave him (she is trying to express her utter sorrow for his pain and wanting to take it away and it probably never happened to him before) and she is holding him and crying and OMG...the camera cuts to his face and Halu is CRYING!!!!! And she strokes his hair and he is crying (and I love how he can be so completely vulnerable with her). And his arm goes around her (see icon) and then...he reaches for her and there is KISSING. This is their first kiss and it's so incredible, a real gorgeous kiss not those jdorama disappointments and they keep clutching at each other and kissing and coffee spills on the ground and it's just beautiful.
And then it cuts to the two of them in bed, afterwards, and it's so beautifully lit and tender and wonderful, and they are looking at each other and she tells him her dream and he tells her he loves her *thud* and he kisses her eyelid (which is such a parallel to how he kissed her eyelid when they agreed to their 'game') and they just look at each other...
I actually love the parallels in this drama. I mean look at her evil jerk of a boyfriend. Who comes back and thinks he is entitled to Aki (unlike Halu who when he goes away makes her make no promise) and wants to know about Aki and Halu. I love the scene where he finds Halu and asks him and Halu tells him that he swears on his pride whatever happened between them was based on truth and honor (I love Halu's intensity in that scene and his refusal to lie) and Aki's fiance appears as thrown by the sheer unbending purity of it all as by the fact that Aki didn't wait. And I love how Aki refuses to lie too, and tells the fiance.
And then...Oh my God. He hits her. And now she has a cut on her eye. The same eye that Halu kissed so tenderly. And she is screaming 'no' in pure terror and he is trying to hold her and the scene is so horrifying. Oooooh.
And then Halu sees her next morning by accident in a restaurant and she is wearing a hat with a low brim and he apologizes for telling bf the truth and she said she told bf truth too (and Halu is shocked becuse he told her to tell bf he lied. Aki is pure steel) and he begins to realize something is wrong and he asks her to look up and he pulls off the hat and he sees the cut and he goes deadly still.
And later you see him at the hockey rink, alone, and he can't hit the pucks into the net, they are going wide of the goal and all he keeps seeing is the cut on Aki's eyelid, and he remembers kissing her there and the fact that he is helpless to intervene is driving him crazy. He went ballistic when that gang guy just slapped Aki and here it's so much worse.
And then, in the scene that had me cheering until I was hoarse, you see bf in his ritzy architectural firm and the receptionist says there is someone for him and then you hear her go 'sir, where are you going, you can't go there' and bf looks up and sees Halu and Halu hits him, hard, really hard, so bf goes down like a lump, and Halue doesn't pause for a second and walks out. LOVE.
But of course, bf is now pressing charges and Halu is in jail. And it looks like his career is over and the coach tells him how he is trash and he was going to be sent to try out of NHL and now...nothing. And his team is also screwed. All for a woman. And Halu is just in complete trance. He just sits in his cell unmoving.
And then one of my favorite scenes is there. Halu's elder sister figure, the widow of previous coach comes to the jail and sees Aki, standing in front, in the pouring rain, and she tries to get her to get under the umbrella but Aki is completely heedless of the rain. And all she is doing, is repeating in this completely distraught voice 'Halu is crying. Halu is crying. Halu is crying.' And the camera comes the Halu in his cell and OMG. She has lover ESP because he IS crying, completely silently. Go ahead, kill me dorama!
And it's actually Yamato's letter of faith and determination that gets him to snap out of it all and regain his will. And Aki gets bf to drop the suit basically promising to marry him in return.
Gosh, the poor woobie OTP. Halu is trying to hide his feelings under the facade and she overhears his tell Yamato that can you believe, at one point, he thought Aki was even more important than hockey but he now doesn't really feel anything. And it's so clearly a facade but Aki is herself desperate and hurt and OMG the look on his face when he sees her and sees she's heard. And she tells him he's not capable of loving anyone and he never loved her (and I think in a way she wants to believe it, because by agreeing to marriage she's lost him forever) and she is getting married and he stammers out congratulations. And she stumbles into her apartment and collapses by her door, sobbing. And he is just frozen by her door and he just stands there by her apartment and he can't even make himself move away and the look of utter longing and desolation on his face! And then he slowly walks down. Kimura Takuya is SO amazing. He is so intense and such a good actor and has such crazy chemistry with the actress that plays Aki.
Their chemistry just burns up the screen with all that complex longing. Just see the look on his face when he sees her come to his finals match (fiance broke up with her finally). And he hears her yell his name and sees her there and his whole face transforms. I think he won in part because of her. And then there is the scene in the hospital, so full of unspoken yearning and love. And she tells him to take care and he stretches out his hand to shake hands with her and she reaches out and they hold hands like that, not letting go, and then he pulls her closer to him and they freeze like that. Oh my poor OTP.
It's interesting how it started out as a game but became something else so naturally (love the scene where both of them try to repeat 'it's a game' to themselves, because it's so clearly anything but at that point). Just look at the scene where he wants her to show up at the game and watch him if she can and she does and the game has been exhausting and brutal and then he sees her show up and he does this whole 'eyes on me' gesture and grins and I DIE.
So many of their moments are centered around ice and snow (understandable and symbolic). On their first date he takes her to an ice rink and when she can't skate, he picks her up and skates with her in his arms (and that's the rink he proposes to her on, later, eeeee!) She finds him after a particularly emotionally laden moment/game by himself on a zamboni on the ice and they decide to stay just the two of them there for a bit as he says 'because Aki wants' and she says, equally quietly 'because Halu wants.' And then there is the scene on the bridge where the first snow starts falling. And he takes her hands and starts breathing on them to warm them up.
He said earlier on he's never been lonely but it's a total lie and she picks up on it right away and it's a huge reason she agrees to go out with him. He loves her, but he needs her, too.
That is why bf coming back hits them both so hard and they are so uncertain about what was real. He remembers that he said ILY but she didn't. But then he finds what's written on the lightbulb of that lamp she bought him. She tells him it really was only a game and he tells her the same (the scene in the car where he drives her back is painful in its quiet desperation) and a part of them is so uncertain they believe the other person though it's clearly a lie.
OK, this meta is longer than War and Peace so I better stop now, even though I didn't even mention my love for that 'love and fight' routine Halu and Tomo do (guuuuh, love the friendship), or the bit of TK singing and some umm shirtlessness. Maybe later.
If you read it all, you get some sort of an endurance prize.
And a great Pride MV here:
x-posted in
dorama_chat
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Date: 2006-11-06 02:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-11-06 03:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-11-09 02:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-11-06 08:32 pm (UTC)I am just about to start episode 4 of TattaKoi and will be back with full details after I've seen it (it's my post cardio test reward!).
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Date: 2006-11-06 08:36 pm (UTC)What killed is is when he pulled out the other key.
OMG.
*thud*
They banter SO well, which you don't see that often in jdrama
I know. You really get the sense of them being so compatible even though on the surface they are very different people. There is no spark or excitement with evil fiance. You were right, there is amazing HATE there. OMG. When he hits her? Diiiiiieeeeee. He is supposed to be the civilized one and Halu is the one who brawls on the ice, but in RL there is no comparison between them. Fiance is horrible as onyl weak people are. Ugh.
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Date: 2006-11-09 02:28 am (UTC)I'm going to see whether they have Pride in Indonesia. I'm so into watching jdramas now *still bitten by the "japan" bug* :)
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Date: 2006-11-09 05:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-11-09 05:31 am (UTC)