dangermousie | Secret Garden ep 17 - kdrama goes Ladyhawke. Summary, caps and thoughts.

I bawled through the last 30 minutes of this ep straight. You have been warned. At this rate, I am not watching this with subs - I've read softy's recap and watched raw, and going for a third go-around on the torture wheel would really be masochistic.

All the translations are courtesy of awesome softy at http://soulsrebel.wordpress.com.

He finds out something is wrong, most likely having to do with his mother, but she pretends it's normal.

Of course, he finds her crying and she pretends it's because things at the market are so expensive.

Oh God. He's wiping her tears. Oh God.

Such a Joo Won way to comfort her - he gives her his scarves and gloves - and tells her to remember how expensive they are :) (i.e. she's worth all these good things).

OK, in the sea of angst, Oska/Seul are adorable. She's all jealous he's talking about Sun. And he asks her if she can ever forgive the past. And she tells him if he hangs onto her, she'll consider it - in Seul-speak that's like admitting eternal love :) . And he acts like a little kid about it. So adorable! (I love that he's child-like but grown-up in important ways and is capable of learning and correcting himself)

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Oska, you realize this isn't going to help Sun's crush any?

She hides and watches him as she calls him and thanks for her miracle - i.e. the audition and her getting the role in Dark Blood. Oh fuck. If you only knew, darlings.

Seul encouraging Ra Im to hold onto Joo Won - who would have thought, back in ep 1, that Seul would become such a JW/RI shipper? I love that for Ra Im it's never about "OMG, my father died to save JW, how can I be with him?", it's about making sure their relationship doesn't harm JW. She is not as demonstrative or forward as JW but in her quiet way she loves him every bit as much as he loves her (and of course, her being less demonstrative makes sense - a part of her still can't believe they'll be allowed to have lasting happiness).

With JW's evil mother. She tells her "I’m really sorry, but if my father put his life on the line - to save a life – now it’s a precious life to me too because my father put his life on the line to keep him alive. For the rest of my life – I will protect that precious life." JW's bitch of a mother says that then she will take away everything from JW and calls JW telling him to decide if he is going to give up everything for RI and JW says "fine – take it all – all I will never give up that girl" - how far has he come from telling his mother to stop him if he gets serious. And of course RI can't bear it and she begs and kneels and promises to give him up. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK - listen, Mommy Evilest, I know you are not keen on your son marrying someone from the 'lower orders' but why not? If my kid was as screwed up as JW is, I'd consider anything that makes him happier and thus less screwed-up a bonus.

She comes to his house when he's out and puts something in his copy of Alice in Wonderland (did I mention that I love love love JW's huge library - it's as if people are alien to him and that is how he tries to figure them out - within the safety of his head - which, if you think about it, makes so much sense in light of his trauma).

He gets her that jeweled cat ornament and sticks it on her torn old bag, the one he blew up about back in ep 3.

But she pretends to be mad about it and tells him she doesn't want to see his face. And his face - as if he's been slapped - I normally love "give you up for your own good" scenes but I am too invested in these people - this hurt. Especially the part where he asks whether she knows what he gave up for her and she says he should have done it faster.

But after he leaves -

This scene completely proves my point. He hasn't needed meds in ages but now he's downing them in panic. Listen, evil mother - your son has been on antidepressants/anxiety meds for over a decade. He's finally found something that makes him secure enough to be without them and you are doing everything to take it away? WTF, bitch! It's sort of like the Yoon Seo thing in Gloria where I can normally see why someone might not be thrilled his daughter is dating the neighborhood thug but in this case she's actively suicidal with multiple attempts to her credit and he's the one thing she's found which makes her want to live - in that case you are just happy there is something or someone, no matter who or what it is.

In case the ending of the ep left any doubt as to which one of them is the Little Mermaid, these images only reinforce it - he's isolated, locked inside himself, in his own cold world.

Oh, God, this scene (also, how amazing is Hyun Bin - just the slightest changes in his face, the tiny widening of eyes, and you can see his world turn itself over). She tells him that the accident he can't remember involved the death of her father so she can never look at his face. And then she says: "you said before that you would be the Little Mermaid. I’m asking you – like bubbles – disappear." You know – OMG – this is actually the last thing she ever says to him. Need to bawl now. Can you imagine, in ep 18, when she wakes up and realizes that? Also, he basically gave up his life for her, in a way worse than death, after she said that, after he believed she didn’t even want to ever see his face again.

He looks for newspapers from that time and sure enough. Oh, the guilt must be crippling.

Meanwhile at her father’s memorial, she’s weeping that she is sorry but she still loves JW. Ohhhh..

She goes for her first day of filming on Dark Blood and does a car stunt but due to jerk who doesn’t pay attention to ‘road closed’ signs gets into a horrifying accident.

This scene with the vase falling at the same time as the secretary runs in with the news - the look on JW's face - it's as if he knew it even before being told. It's as if he didn't need to be told.

Here is where I lost it.

The way Joo Won is perfectly still and numb as if he's holding himself together through sheer shock.

One silver lining in this all horror is that Seul/Oska come together.

A few days go by but she's still out.

And he's in the hospital taking care of her. Who knew our strung-out, oddball neurotic from ep 1 could be this tender? His narration over this scene breaks my heart: "she is still in her dreams as usual. When I see how comfortable her face is in her dreams, I am not there. So it seems she is waiting for me till I come. She looks like she is waiting tomorrow and the day after tomorrow."

I am having very traumatic flashbacks to Snow Queen.

Oh oh oh oh oh he is looking up the site of the next rainstorm.

Oska tells him about RI coming in back way when and putting something into a book. JW looks and he finds it - she has insterted at the end of Alice in Wonderland a picture of a mermaid and the few last sentences from the story - about the mermaid jumping into the sea and becoming bubbles. And then he really loses it - for the first time since the accident, really really really loses it. And I bawl like a three-year-old.

He sends flowers to his mother with a "I love you" - that's a hugely bad sign of his tying up his affairs but of course Mom doesn't know - I wonder how she feels if she'll ever finds out. The thing is, I love that RI's dire fate is not tied up with Mom's evilness. Even if she didn't dump him to save him, even if everything was perfect between them, RI would still have got into that accident on the site of Dark Blood. But this - this situation makes JW's sacrifice even huger - I don't think he knows at all that she didn't mean the awful stuff she said.

And then he hangs out with Oska and laughs extra hard at his jokes (even Oska is sensing something is off) and then he gives his watches and shoes to Oska. OK, when people who have previously had a major traumatic depressive episode and to whom something really awful has just happened (again) are starting to give away their belongings, this is a huge danger sign! Does nobody in kdramas know any psych?

And then he watches Oska sleep and his voiceover says that he always knew Oska would lose to him on purpose and he knew what he was doing and "I am grateful, hyung." Ooooooooooooooooh. Here come the waterworks again.

He watches Director at RI's bedside.It just occured to me - how tremendously guilty JW must feel - she only got the audition (and thus the role) because of him.

He comes home and writes a letter to Ra Im. " I’m telling you in advance. You are the only poor alienated neighbor to receive a letter from Kim Joo Won who is writing for the first and last time. So it’s ok for you to be proud of yourself. The wind is blowing strong enough to shake the branches this afternoon. When you read the letter too – I hope you can also see the wind blow and shake the branches on a afternoon like this. So that what I saw - I hope you can see it too. The window I stood by - you stand by. The bed I laid on – you lie on it. The books I read - if you read them. Even like that – if we can be together. If is is that much – let’s say we are together. If it is that much-like other dating couples- let’s say we are happy." I would like my heart back, please, drama. I wanted a fun wacky ride, not my heart ripped out.

And then he goes to the hospital and takes her away (oh - this makes me flashback to a much earlier ep whether she was teasing him whether he'd piggyback her if she was injured and he said he'd carry her in his arms instead, so that he could see her face. Ohhhhhhhhh).

And he drives with her close to a storm.

This is giving me Love Contract vibes - that horrifyingly traumatic drama with Mike He and Ariel Lin. I had hysterics as a result of that one. Do not want. He tells her "Don't love anyone else and just think of me and live alone. Don't get too close to Chae Woong - that’s an order. It will seem like a selfish decision but it's made by the person who made the sacrifice so cherish it. The Gil Ra Im that was always cool no matter what - even in the future you have to be cool."

"I’m going to miss you a lot. I love you. I love you." This is the first time he said it to her - and she can't hear it. And if the swap works, she'll never be able to hear it, ever. (No, I don't think he's 100% sure that they will never swap back - yes, that's a possibility because who knows when the magic will run out, and also she can move around to stay out of the rain - I am sure he'll want her to. But in the best case scenario, it's a Ladyhawke situation - they may switch again next time it rains and then again but they will never ever be able to meet or touch ever).