Faith. I give up.

[dangermousie]

OMG FAITH. Keyboard mashing was invented for this ep. And Dean is going to die and he is afraid but he still covers everything with snarky joke and Sam freaking out and trying to keep from cryin in the hospital and making that shaking call to Dad (who continues to be a bastard) and doing everything to save his brother and I love Dean knowing how much he means to Sam. And Sam is uber stubborn and single minded and focused and it's cool to see it all brought to bear on saving Dean and OMG angst.

And Dean being all weak and trying to pick up girls even when dying and being so pragmatic about spiritual stuff and OMG.

And he gets healed and the angst just ratchets UP. And he doesn't want to go on that stage not just because he doesn't believe but because he doesn't feel worthy or special. And he tries to ask Reverend why the Rev. picked him and it's something that anyone would have hard time grasping, but especially Dean who thinks he is broken beyond repair. And he thinks that guy died 'in exchange' and it's one more thing to haunt him, as he is all about saving others. And then he sees that girl with the tumor and her mother asking why he deserves to live instead of her daughter and he has no answer (who would?) and it makes him feel guiltier and guiltier because a part of him wants to live but this is a devil's barain at the cost of others who could have been healed instead and just...how do you pay for it?

And OMG, he has to stop Leila and I can't watch this, it's too depressing. Seriously, this ep is too much for me. I think I am going to stop.

Comments

[syliasyliasylia.livejournal.com]

OMG! I cried my eyes out watching this episode! SO much angst and brotherly love! I'm so glad you're liking this show!

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

This is actually crossing the line into TOO angsty for me.

When Dean has to stop Leila being healed and feels awful and wishes she was healed instead of him, but either way, whether he lets her get healed or stops it, he is playing God and that's bad. Boy needs a shrink...

[thelana.livejournal.com]

So, you are still all brotherly and not craving the wincest-y Hurt/Comfort sex? Congratulations :D

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Yikes. Definitely not. All brotherly.

[thelana.livejournal.com]

Then I'm glad you are sticking with it even though it is (romantic) OTP free.

(though Sam/John/Dean is naturally the family OTP)

Have you seen the one with Missouri yet?

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Yes, I've seen the Missouri one. I am watching them in order. This is a rare rare rare show for me with no OTP.

[thelana.livejournal.com]

That scene, where the mother walks right past Dean. Oh, suckerpunch moment!

[crumpeteer.livejournal.com]

John's inability to return Sam's call here is one of the things I can't forgive him for. I can try to explain away John's detachment until the cows come home, but not this time, and Dean doesn't let go of it either when he sees his father again.

The thing about this ep is that Sam is obviously willing to do the same thing all over again if it means saving Dean. It's unethical, but you get the impression that Sam doesn't care. Dean does. It has nothing to do with it being a human, since he's more than willing to waste the preacher (and Dean is wrong here, which is a nice thing), but because he doesn't want someone innocent to die, especially for him. There's a deep sense of him thinking he's not worth it.

I also had a discussion a long time ago that this is one of the few shows who showed someone of faith who isn't a crack pot. So often all religious characters are like that, yet Layla is obviously a person of faith and she's treated with dignity as is the preacher. I like that the show balances that it's not the faith that's bad, but fanaticism. I give them points for that.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

So often all religious characters are like that, yet Layla is obviously a person of faith and she's treated with dignity as is the preacher.

Exactly. That tag? Just killed me.

SPN does seem to have the idea that all bad stuff that happens in form of spirits or what not is a result of extremes.

It's unethical, but you get the impression that Sam doesn't care. Dean does.

And that's the thing. If it was Sam's life which was in danger, I can see Dean doing what Sam did, and living with the guilt. But not for himself. You are right, you really do get the sense of weariness from him, but also this ep must make him question his own worthiness even further.

It's sort of a loose parallel to Aoshi in Kenshin. Having all those people (or even one person) die for you? Screws you up. How do you live up to it, how do you make it worthwhile? There is no way.

And as to the phonecall thing? I. Hate. John.

[crumpeteer.livejournal.com]

If it was Sam's life which was in danger, I can see Dean doing what Sam did

And he does later on, not in the exact same way, but the results are the same. And Dean hates himself for it. Hurting innocent people deeply bothers Dean. He can't deal with collateral damage.

And I love the bit at the end where Leila pretty much tells him that it's okay. And then Dean tells her he'll pray for her and she says "well that's something right there". She tells him what he needs to hear and seems to understand how much it all hurts him. I like Leila, I really do.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

He can't deal with collateral damage.


And that's ultimately why I love him. He can snark and detach as much as he likes, but underneath it all, he is a deeply good person.

[sabaceanbabe.livejournal.com]

And was I not right earlier, about that angst thing? *nods*

It would make me happy as a cute little clam (whatever that means) if Layla came back in future eps. I could see her and Dean together. Yes.

[sabaceanbabe.livejournal.com]

Although I gotta say, hearing the name "Layla" in regard to a human was freaking me out. (Note the icon.)

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

LOL: re icon.

And yes, this was definitely very angsty. Almost too much for me. I had to stop in the middle.

[cosmicviolet.livejournal.com]

Supernatural is the angstiest show I've ever watched, I think. In a good way. And "Faith" isn't even the angstiest. Wait until you see the finale-you'll have a heart attack.
I thought it was a cute reference that that the girl's name was Layla, like the Eric Clapton song. "Got me on my knees, Layla", indeed.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

It's not the angstiest I've seen (nothing tops Farscape) but it definitely is up there. As to the finale...can't wait.

"Got me on my knees, Layla", indeed

Neat reference. Hasn't caught it, thanks!