Supernatural: angst to the max

[dangermousie]

Sam shutup shutup shutup. Seriously. You are losing all the coolness points you've accumulated. I am watching "Scarecrow" and Sam tearing into Dean about not knowing how he (Sam) feels because he (Dean) was four when Mom died but Jess died six months ago, and the look on Dean's face, as if he's been slapped, just...grrrrrrr. Now, I think Dean's obedience to their father is excessive, and God knows, families fight enough under best circumstances which these aren't, but Sam? Hitting below the belt is just wrong wrong wrong. Especially since you are just fresh off the events of "Asylum" which was creepy and heart-breaking, where you ended up voicing all your resentment when possessed and pulled the trigger on your brother. True, that is a contrast to the real Sam not being able to pull the trigger on the shapeshifter who looked like Dean and Sam not being freaked out by what SS shared about Dean's thoughts, but the fact remains. You said some awful things, things he knows you meant (you can just watch shutters come down behind Dean's eyes at the end of that ep) so you really should stop. You are having an emotional equivalent of kicking someone who is down, and you know he thinks everyone will leave him and you are feeding into it, and as a bonus insulting his one held ideal aka his feelings for mother. Your pain is great, true, but it doesn't make others' pain any less. Not good. Quit while you are behind.

I do understand, boy do I understand, the desire to lash out at who is nearest since you can't lash out at the true source of your frustration: Dad (who continues to not win parenting awards. They aren't ten. Ordering doesn't work so well, not without reasons. Also, your reasons for staying away? Suck). And right now, Sam sees Dean as Dad's representative (Dean does what Dad says because I think he doesn't know what else to do. It's ingrained). I do love the phone conversation, with Sam demanding answers and being so young and lost and yet probably the most forceful of the three men (he and Daddy are scary similar, even in their driving, all consuming need for revenge. Careful, Sam. Don't turn into Daddy). And all the emotional puzzlement of being abandoned. And Dean wanting the phone, and not just for orders. Mess, mess, mess, mess.

And then of course, Sam walking off, and Dean calling Sam selfish, and I think it's Dean's own resentment breaking through (because Sam did get to go off and do what he wanted and Dean never did) and no one can hurt you like family because no one knows you like them. And it's all so heart-breaking, and Sam gets out of the car, and says he is going to California, even if it's the middle of the night, and Dean looks heart-broken and angry, but also accepting, as if he expected Sam to leave him just like everyone, sooner or later, so it's not a surprise. Because even though it's Dean who drives away, it's Sam who leaves. But I do wonder if Sam thought Dean wouldn't? Well, after "Asylum," after this talk, Dean would because he thinks he's already been left, in all ways that matter.

Comments

[strippedpink.livejournal.com]

KEEP WATCHING.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

They'd have to drag me away with pitchforks from it.

[strippedpink.livejournal.com]

Seriously though, you're gonna get frustrated with Sam. But Something Wicked and Devil's Trap make up for EVERYTHING, dude.

I mean, Sam is obviously my favorite, but that doesn't mean I didn't want to strangle him on occasion. But those two episodes just...you'll see. *wide grin*

OH, and Faith. FAITH FAITH FAITH FAITH FAITH! (Which I *think* is up right after Scarecrow.)

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

I've heard..ahem..things about Faith. Which make my angstoholic heart happy...

[strippedpink.livejournal.com]

Let's just say...you're gonna find out how Sam REALLY feels about Dean in Faith. And you'll probably cry.

*is all vague and mysterious* Hee.

[crumpeteer.livejournal.com]

Love the icon. Where'd you find that one? There's something inexplicably hot when the two of them take orders.

[strippedpink.livejournal.com]

I made it, actually, so feel free to snag it if you want! :D

And yes, the simultaneous "Yes sir" pretty much killed me for days.

Sigh.

[podgie.livejournal.com]

Dean's obedience to their father is adorable :]

And yes, KEEP WATCHING KEEP WATCHING KEEP WATCHING!!!

It all makes sense later. :D

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

In RL, obedient guys aren't my thing, but I'd make an exception for Dean :P

[podgie.livejournal.com]

Everything's always an exception for Dean, because he's Dean.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Couldn't have put it better myself. :P

[sabaceanbabe.livejournal.com]

You think this was angst to the max? I just got finished watching Faith about an hour and a half ago. Honey. You ain't met angst yet.

Oh, my poor, poor Dean. *wibble*

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Oh wow. I am half dread half drooling anticipation.

Poor poor Dean. Indeed.

[crumpeteer.livejournal.com]

Like I said, it's not really until the end of the season that Sam really starts to understand how fragile Dean actually is. Sam might be able to take the verbal gut punches people throw, but Dean just can't. And Dean actually rarely lashes out. The end of "Asylum" is a killer because Dean knows Sam was telling the truth, possessed or not. And the look on his face when Sam pulls the trigger is a credit to Jensen's acting. It says something about Dean's insecurity too that he'd goad Sam into doing it. There's a quality of wanting his worst fears validated in it all.

And with "Faith" you start to forgive Sam. He can be a brat, but he loves Dean and is willing to fight when Dean just gives up (and part of that is I think Dean is just so tired). You begin to wonder if Dean's just holding on because he feels he needs to take care of Sam. If anything ever did happen to Sam, Dean would just fall apart in the worst possible way. I don't think you'd want to see Dean after it happened. There's a frightening quality to Dean when he loses it that you see in "Devil's Trap". When the switch flips, it's truly rather horrifying, and Dean knows it is and he fears it.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Dean projects this brash invulnerable facade, so I can see how Sam is misled by it. The facade protects Dean but it also keeps people at a distance in bad ways as well.

It says something about Dean's insecurity too that he'd goad Sam into doing it. There's a quality of wanting his worst fears validated in it all.


Agreed. Basically, it has the quality "I am not paranoid. They all ARE after me." That way he knows he isn't irrational, even if the knowledge hurts more than wondering would. I think Dean is so fragile because he doesn't release his emotions but also because this narrow life is all he has and knows. No safety valves.

When the switch flips, it's truly rather horrifying, and Dean knows it is and he fears it.

How anime. And I mean it in the best possible way.

[crumpeteer.livejournal.com]

I can see how Sam is misled by it

And I think part of it is that Dean is the big brother too. Whether Sam wants to admit it or not, he hero worships Dean to a degree. It's pretty obvious in "Benders" when he keeps asserting that "my brother will come for us". In certain ways Dean will always be ten feet tall to Sam, which is why he seems to struggle to realize that Dean really is messed up in a lot of ways.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Yeah, childhood perceptions stick with you for years (and it's true of the relationship between all three men). It's hard to realize your childhood heroes have feet of clay. And severely dysfunctional souls.