Family Values

[dangermousie]

This post is all about family values. Sounds grandiose, doesn't it? But since I am not a politician out campagning, this post is actually about how interesting I find the non-romantic, famly relationships in TV shows which deal with them at length or show them as important.

I think it's an unusual and relatively new phenomenon (or maybe I am not watching the right shows). I mean family relationships outside of the old sitcom standby of lame father, crazy mother, bizarre children, all yoked together by the needs of situational comedy, are a bit new. What I am talking about is a serious and dramatic exploration of family possibilities that is just as complex and interesting as any romantic relationship can possibly be.



The first show I really noticed that in was Firefly. Unlike Whedon's own Buffy, where family was at best peripheral, one of the central relationships on Firefly was the sibling relationship between Simon and River. Watching them in all their permutations, I'd realized that I'd never seen a show before that explored the depths of the sibling bond, or the love of a brother for his sister, that was unafraid to show that emotion, not worrying if people were going to think it's incest just because it was such a strong love (judging by a number of S/R fic out there, some people did think of incest, and whatever floats their boat, but I find a purely family relationship a lot more interesting than I would Crazy Space Incest. To me, a complicated relationship between siblings is more interesting than yet another OMG!sex). When you saw Simon cradling crazy River, willing to die on the stake with her so she wouldn't be lonely, or River telling wounded Simon in Serenity, that now she is the one who was going to take care of him, it not only really illuminated so much about the characters and brought a lump or two into my throat (when River said "My turn," I literally started to cry), but it also rang true. We often see lovers go through amazing things for each other on our TV screens (every soap is built on that), but family love gets sadly neglected. It's as if TPTB are ashamed to show familial love, as if it's inherently less worthy, or as if everything's become so sexualized that if it's not sexual relationship with UST and possibility of smooches at the end, it's not worth telling. And that really neglects so much of our interactions, our experience. Most of us are going to have a SO at one time or another. But everyone has some family and those relationships are often more lasting and inluential.

I've started watching Supernatural, and I am not that far in, but this seems yet another show where the central emotional bond is not between a holding-hands couple, but a pair of different yet emotionally entangled brothers. It seems to navigate the messed up bnds of siblinghood and even *gasp* male affection. It doesn't neglect it (too often, men on TV will never show any emotion towards other men except for joking because OMG!Gay), it makes it interesting. Family you are stuck with. You can't divorce it and it's really till death do you part. So yay for that exploration.

And then there are the shows that explore the parent-child bonds. There is Veronica Mars, which in some ways is all about importance of family. There the relationship between Veronica and her father is one of the crucial parts of the show. It's her emotional strength and stability, just as Logan's horrible father is also the source of a lot of Logan's conflict and messed-uppedness. The families, for good or ill, are ever-present.

And we have Battlestar Galactica, where one of the most interesting relationships isn't Lee/Kara or whatever, but that of Lee and his father. Adama and Lee are caught in a tug of affection and awkwardness. Neither of them know each other too well, and their personalities differ and Adama's expectations and Lee's conflict are, to me, one of the most interesting parts of the show (it's something Farscape touched on, with John and Jack, but understandably, it was a minor part of the show).

So yes, bring it on, shows! It's a pity to exclude most relationships from our screens because they aren't shippy. So thank you, TPTB, for the new trend.

And to make it all ironic, it turns out I have no sibling icons, so I will use the only father-son one I have...

Comments

[crumpeteer.livejournal.com]

With Supernatural, while the main issue is between brothers, when John shows up again it becomes all about the family dynamic. John KNOWS he wasn't a good father and that he demanded far too much out of Dean and was far too controlling with Sam, but in spite of that, you still end up liking John because he's only human. He loves his sons more than anything, but he's also fighting addiction in his need to kill the demon that killed Mary. It's a complicated relationship, with snarky, tough Dean not being able to stand up to his father while it's Sam who can.

And there are complicated brotherly issues. Dean resents Sam for getting a shot at a normal life as voiced in "Skin". Dean defends his father and reveals some things Sam didn't know about him in "Bugs" (their entirely different perception of their father in this ep is interesting). Sam literally facing down death and doing something very unethical to save Dean's life in "Faith". Sam walking out on Dean but then realizing that Dean needs him in "Scarecrow". Sam's complete faith that his big brother will save him in "Benders". Dean's complete flipping out in "Devil's Trap" where he terrifies himself by killing innocent people to protect his family and has a truly frightening scene where he pretty much promises to march on Hell itself if it means saving his family. Also the Demon's use of Dean's insecurity about his place in the family as a weapon and the sad little scene where Dean realizes that there's something wrong with John simply because John isn't yelling at him for disobeying. Dean breaking down and crying on the phone in "Home" under the increasing pressure of a severely messed up brother and the thought of having to go back to the place where his mother died. The incredible flashback in "Something Wicked" which shows the stem of a lot of Dean's problems.

The show is entirely about family in my mind (with some scary stuff thrown in). Sam and Dean would unapologetically do anything for each other and it's extremely refreshing to see a show that allows guys to be "manly", but doesn't shy away from emotions. Interestingly it's Dean who cries more than Sam and Jensen is one of the few actors who can get away with crying without looking in the slightest bit weak. Vulnerable, yes. Weak, no.

And I went off on a tangent.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

And I went off on a tangent.

You should go off on tangents more often. This was brilliant and I haven't even seen the eps you talk about (though I am watching more tomorrow). I just love shows (or books or movies) that show family relationships in their all-too-complex glory.

And Dean cries? You are kidding. *melts preemtively*

Btw, where can I get some good SPN icons?

[crumpeteer.livejournal.com]

While he doesn't break down sobbing, Dean does get teary quite frequently mainly when trying to deal with emotional issues. You get the feeling that he's been holding it back for so long that if he lets much out he'll totally go to pieces.

supernatu_icons is the best icon site for the show, but you have to join. The fandom has some of the most incredible icon makers out there. Also try carmendove's icon journal.

[raincitygirl.livejournal.com]

I would also add that in BSG, Adama's relationship with his surrogate daughter Starbuck is also one that is pretty important to the show.

Re: the crazyspaceincest in Firefly/Serenity, I kind of sort of see it, but mainly as a function of River's flawed mental state. She's sufficiently messed up that it seems fairly plausible to me that she might have no real understanding of personal space boundaries and/or get mixed up between sexual love and non-sexual love. Particularly since she had no opportunity to develop a normal, healthy adolescent sexuality. It's not so much that I don't think she'd understand the reason for incest taboos (because she's certainly bright enough), she just might not care.

So I can buy the crazyspaceincest as something that River might initiate and Simon would put a stop to, but I can't see him reciprocating, because the character has been presented as a decent person. I mean, even leaving aside the whole incest issue (which is no small issue), she's mentally ill, for Pete's sake. She's in no fit state to give meaningful consent to a sexual relationship with anybody at this point. And Simon is too smart and too non-sociopathic not to realize that he'd be victimizing her just like everybody else has if he went along with it. I mean, yeah, she's certainly on an upward trajectory in terms of her mental health stabilizing, but she's not suddenly fixed.

But yeah, I really do enjoy the relationship they have, because you're right, we're far more likely to see romantic relationships on TV or in the movies than we are non-sexual relationships between family members. But love of parents/siblings/children is often just as intense for the average person as love for their spouse, just in a diferent way.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

That's true, re: BSG.

I agree with you on River and Simon. River is as crazy as a bug, so I can see her doing anything. I just can't see Simon reciprocating in any way.

[koalathebear.livejournal.com]

Thanks for this post. It's fabulous. I agree with your comments.

I'd also like to throw Numb3rs into the mix here because that's a sensational series that focuses on father / son relationships and also fraternal love. Unfortunately all the fan fic is incest but the show is wonderful and very touching.

I'm also a huge sucker for the fraternal relationship in Supernatural as well - but again most of the fic is incesty :P

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

I haven't sen Numb3rs but I've heard good things about it.

I've noticed it too. If relationships are familial, then the fic is incesty. I guess the shipping desire is pretty deeply ingrained.

[shadowserenity.livejournal.com]

I'm just commenting to say that I loved this post :).

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[thelana.livejournal.com]

One thing I really like about sibling shows like Supernatural is that I run across a lot of people that go "Wow, I'm a slasher, but for the first time, I find myself reading/writing Gen fic, OMG; what has happened to me.".

I found that especially in sibling fandoms a good Gen story can sometimes be at least as emotionally satisfying than any incest story, if not more. Sigh, which reminds me that I wanted to post this long ramby meta about how in incest heavy fandoms Gen probably fills the same emotional need as romance (as opposed to porn, basically any non NC17 shippy fic), because in the end it too is about love and relationships.

Maybe one factor of those sibling shows is that the relationship is obvious, it is there, it is canon. People don't have to argue whether character A and B really love each other of if they are just friends, enemies, people with UST. The *love* is canon. In slash people often have to add the sexual desire component to make the characters take the step from whatever they are in canon to something closer. Family relationships are already canonically close and so you don't have to add a sexual component.

[raincitygirl.livejournal.com]

I found that especially in sibling fandoms a good Gen story can sometimes be at least as emotionally satisfying than any incest story, if not more. Sigh, which reminds me that I wanted to post this long ramby meta about how in incest heavy fandoms Gen probably fills the same emotional need as romance (as opposed to porn, basically any non NC17 shippy fic), because in the end it too is about love and relationships.

Yup. Mind you, I would say incest fics aren't satisfying exactly, because, well, society generally thinks of incest as a bad thing for a REASON. And you get into issues of exploitation and other such tricky concepts, and it's a little difficult to focus on "this is hot" when you're worrying about the mental health of characters who really need to start looking outside their family circle for sexual partners.

[thelana.livejournal.com]

Well, the average Supernatural writer's attitude towards it seems to be (1) they have chemistry (2) there are no other characters as potential love interests on the show and off the writing goes. Plus, plenty of writers seem to be ok with the dysfunction of writing incest couples (at least I got the impression that people who were writing Duncan/Lilly weren't really writing it to be romantic or cute, but to be dark).

=> somebody
s Sam/Dean shipper manifesto

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Yes, I admit incest fic creeps me out. So not my thing...

[weissman.livejournal.com]

I with Ames I loves this post and the discussions
Thanks

Bob

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

[dizzy4411.livejournal.com]

ITA about familial relationships being ignored. I also, however, find the whole tendency of fandoms to write sibling incest fic *really* disturbing. I don't understand why a strong love has to be sexual. Sometimes (like in Firefly) familial love can be the most powerful.

I don't think you're right about Buffy, though. As Joss has said and made *very* clear in the season 5 episode "Family," he was exploring the idea that family is not just your blood, it's who you choose. Giles, Buffy, Willow and Xander are family. Also, Buffy's utter devastation at Joyce's death and her resolve not to kill Dawn speak to family.

Have you seen Everwood? It's a brilliant show that was recently (and unfairly) cancelled after four years about a family whose mother was killed and the father decides to stop being a famous surgeon and move his son and daughter to a small town in Colorado. (That's the short description). IMO, no show does family relationships better than Everwood. Family is actually one of the most important aspects of the show. I highly recommend you check it out. (FYI, I also love Buffy, Farscape, VM, Star Wars and watch Supernatural, so my taste isn't that bad :)

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

I haven't seen Everwood. Will definitely check it out now.

[dizzy4411.livejournal.com]

I hope you enjoy. Unfortunately, only the first season has been released on DVD (fans are lobbying for the rest). There are a few lj communities with episodes if you're interested. Also, if you're in the US, reruns are starting on ABC Family in the fall.