dangermousie | Koizora ep 2: and now with even more cheesy goodness!

And I continue my intellectual descent with episode 2 of Koizora, which features almost-gang-rape, unprotected teen sex, and more bleached hair.

I don't even have the excuse of ogling Nagase Tomoya with this one. I mean, the only strong impulse Hiro evokes in me is to take him to an all-you-can-eat buffet and lock him there.

We get a happy montage of dating. That is how we know aaangst is coming.

Man, they must have ridden through half of Japan!

he has that old bear...

More shippy cuteness. You know, if this wasn't the Angst Love Epic of Doom, I'd assume they'd have a nice time dating in school for a year or two, and then go their separate ways and not meet again, and she will marry a banker and he will start an underground band and discover his bisexuality. But it's an Angst Epic of Doom, so there we are...

Awwww...my cranky heart melts. Maybe she'll join him on his band/bisexuality quest and they will have a happy hippie family.

Poor Tatsuya (who I've been told is Eita's brother and thus keeps up the family tradition of not getting the girl). He is the one I'd pick!

This was so cheesy I don't even have snark to cover it.

I repeat. Dear God.

He drops her off and tries to kiss her. She is all shy. I foresee no onscreen tongue in her future..

Frell it, they are cute. I can't even mock.

I have a thing for men having a thing for girls' hair. Luckily for me, so does Hiro.

Her bf is ohmigosh like so cool.

He brings her home:

Cue evil music as Evil Ex stalks successfully. Girl, you can find another skinny pretty boy easily: just go to a Johnny's concert or filming of any of Gokusens.

While unsuspecting Hiro pedals home, finds new bear from Mika and pedals back to thank her.

Only to find Mika mysteriously gone. Oh-oh.

And we are in Hana Yori Dango territory now...

One of Evil Ex's flunkies hits Mika. Now, Makino would have hit back twice as hard, but seeing it's Mika, she cowers.

A family-friendly jdrama. Now with attempted gang rape.

Slomo running in the rain. But where are the sakura petals?

You know, this is the only time so far I found Hiro hot, when he is beating up people. I think there is something wrong with me.

Hiro's sister is refreshingly sane.

Hiro drags in his ex. For a threesome? Nah, for some punishment.

"If you want me to, I will kill her." I don't know, I don't think I'd be keen on such a show of love, but what do I know?

His sister is all 'She won't get away with just a punch.' A family that hits together stays t
together?

Though I don't see how stylish short hair is worse...

OK, I can't help it. I give up. They are super-sweet together, OK?

Hiro does the responsible thing and takes Mika home and introduces himself and tells the family Mika got into an accident because of him and his lack of bike skills. I suppose 'my crazy ex tried to gangrape your presious baby' would not fly well.

Haaaaaah. Mika's father likes Hiro's hairstyle as much as I do. (Did I mention I adore Mika's family?)

Ok that was cute as hell.

Back at the Ditch of Love.

He likes it because her he beat up his bullies for the first time. Heh.

You know, he has no testosterone at all. I find Japanese guys attractive when they look like this (i.e they hit puberty at least a decade ago), but I am not a 15 year old so...

Girls, this thing is getting to me! I am actually finding what he says to her here about protecting her really sweet!

I am getting cavities!

Meanwhile there is nasty graffitti about her all over the school. It wouldn't bug me ('sticks and stones') but I am no delicate flower who needs to be protected by a bishounen...

"Makino Tsukushi had three abortions." Sorry, I couldn't help the Hanadan ref...

Hi, only sane person in this!

She might be evil, but she is still stylish...

Be afriad, be very afraid! Or I shall pout at you!

'I am evil and crazy and get off on Hiro potentially killing me. That way he'll get his hands all over me at least.' OK, I made up some but not all of it...

Pretty:

She wants to tell him she is being threatened again but decides not to. You know, I'd rather my bf went to jail for murder than get attempt-gang-raped myself, but that's just me...

Plus, do you think those wrists have strength enough to choke someone?

So she tells Tatsuya the sane one and he confronts Hiro. Needless to say I am entirely on Tatsuya's side. I am hoping that when Hiro succumbs to Tragic Disease of Doom, Tatsuya will end up with Mika. I don't see why he wants her, but he does, so...

"Hiro, I thought you loved me. Why are you making out with Tatsuya instead? And can I bring a camera?"

Hiro's mature solution? To break windows in school and frame Tatsuya so he'd get expelled. At this point, girl, you pack up your bags and call it quits. Seriously. Yikes.

OK, reading him the riot act is all well and good, but how about you speak up for Tatsuya, moron???? Ugh. I hope you and Hiro both jump off a cliff.

Tatsuya (who is the only character I genuinely like) got expelled and Mika breaks up with Hiro. You know, speaking up would be more effective. Just sayin'!

Emo, photogenic boypain...

OK, maybe there is hope for him after all. He comes to apologize...

Or make out?

OK, to apologize.

And Tatsuya is his awesome self about it...

It turns out being expelled is OK because Tatsuya wanted to take over his Dad's shop. Convenient...And he tells Mika Hiro apologized...

Apologies all around. It was rather cute and grown-up.

She tells him she likes him. Duh?

Well, at least they are not having sex there, right in the library, like the couple in Majo No Jouken.

On the plus side, she is not losing her virginity in the basement but above ground with natural light...

They have some cute cellphones-as-foreplay moments:

Yup...

He tells her he will be gentle. Awww. I actually stop snarking for a second...

They are bathed in the pure glow of loooove. And teenage hormones.

They continue their idyllic relationship for months but all I want to say is 'be careful about birth protection, kids! Condoms are cheap and effective. No need to help Japan's falling birthrate problem yet.'