dangermousie | Self Infliced Wounds. Despite the title, it's not about Crichton cutting himself...

So. It was the Self-Inflicted Wounds two-parter tonight.

Yeah.

I am kinda verklempt. And that was it for tonight because if I made a trio with Different Destinations, there'd be some serious wrist-slitting.

Lengthy meta behind cut.

SIW is an ep I don't like as much as I should, all things considered. Maybe it's too much technobabble, or a bit of an odd pacing (it should have been a one-and-a-half parter, if there is such a thing, not a two parter).

This said, Zhaaaaaaaaaaan. *wails* It makes sense from story point (nothing is for free, life for a life) and from behind the scenes point as poor Virginia Hey was getting ill from the make-up, but still...wail!

Non-Zhaan stuff out of the way first:

I get totally annoyed with the crew in this one when they blame Crichton for what happened. Zhaan gets a pass because she is dying, but I want to smack the rest of them silly. How is this Crichton's fault? How? It's just the Moyans' rotten luck. Pilot was the one who stopped the ship when they saw a wormhole, and they were there for a millisecond only before the pathfinders' ship crashed into them. They wouldn't have time to get out of the way regardless of anything, even Pilot stopping.

And yeah, he trusted the aliens. But hey, even without wormholes, John is often too trusting, this is about the last spark of it. And considered abandoning ship but so did they all! But any 'selfishness' is certainly taumatized out of him with this.

But then the crew doesn't really believe it's Crichton's fault: if they did, his throat would be ripped out. It's just a convenient target for frustrations. And hello, Crichton? Would take it and ask for more. So this ep ends with Crichton enjoying his favorite game: guilt and self-blame for something not really his fault.

Harvey! Beginning of such brilliant, brilliant Harvey scenes!

And I loved the brief guy-to-guy discussion between D'Argo and John: what if you try your best and it's not enough? That is something everyone on board Moya is familiar with.

And John and Aeryn? Work so in unison. Heck, Aeryn is beginning to develop her own unworthiness issues as her convo with Zhaan shows. (I love the bit where Zhaan highlights similarities between them. She forgot to add 'we love insane men' to the list though).

Jool? God, I'd forgotten how irritating she was when she first joined. I ended up liking her by the end, but seriously, I want to strangle her. Crichton is being amazingly patient with her evn when she tries to off him (probably out of obligation/guilt) but argh. I love Chiana's smackdown of her. And Zhaan's. But I like her around because I love seeing nasty things happen to her. Some relief from the darkness of S3: bad things happening to someone you actually don't like.

Chiana is wonderful too: so young, so brave, so scared. Yet so unwilling to abandon Moya. Crying to Zhaan about it. What a difference from season 1, when she was all for getting off at the least sign of trouble and Moya be damned. But they do have a bond, don't they?

Other things? I love Stark in these eps. From his subtle manipulation of Rygel (by telling him Pilot likes him) from his snarking (when Rygel says he didn't vote for staying or leaving Moya. Rygel makes me want to choke him in these eps) that yeah, Rygel voted because 'I was your proxy.' Heh.

And the bit with Jool, when the snitty bitch is having her little hissy fit and he flips on her because they are all dead, and his love is dead. And he tells her he will show her something that will make her weep forever. Stark can be scary!

Oh, and the bits with Zhaan, from his seeing her look at her ravaged face in the mirror, and he is silent behind the door, and crying. To her trying to prepare him and his refusal. To the end, when he runs around like a trapped animal trying to get to her. To when he helps her cross-over. Ohhhh, my lovely secondary ship. I love the bit at the end when Aeryn wants to know why he isn't flipping and he is, in a contained way, and tells her it's because Zhaan was so at peace (and of course, death is what he knows best). But of course, his 'dealing' is temporary and comes and goes, as he admits to her (and see him crazed in DD).

I posted this in a reply to

lizamanynames, but it really is about SIW so I copy it here: Zhaan and Stark are very yin-yang "because in SIW he tells her he has a darkness 'which frightens lovers away' but he is amazingly good despite it, and she is, after all, the good peaceful spiritual being who is, at the same time, had serious darkness and overcame madness. They are more similar than it appears."

I love Zhaan in this ep so much. She is scared yet brave, determined yet frail. And her farewell is lovely. I love how she hits exactly the hidden thing in each of her crewmates (D'Argo's sensitivity, John's innocence).

And of course, the ep ends with John and Harvey, dressed in funeral attire. And even Harvey blames John! WTF!!!!!! Am so mad. And ends with John throwing his bottle at the screen, shattering it.

Grrrr.

John is NOT selfish. He has a few things he would give anything for (AERYN. AERYN. AERYN) but that is true for anyone who is not a saint. Moyans have certainly done a lot of unforgivable things when their wishes were strong. Remember D'Argo, Zhaan and Rygel hacking off Pilot's arm for a chance at the map? Remember Chi and her stealing and thus unleashing the virus that leads to the Gammack Base and everything else etc? (Aeryn is rather exempt because she's been brought up to not want anything). Remember Moya's irrationality about Talyn? Their desires lead to anything from sheer irresponsibility and badcatastrophes because of recklessness to predetermined badness.

John is obsessed with going home and wormholes (though even now, I think he is too damaged for Earth already, and not as much as with Aeryn). But I am sorry, comparing him with the actions above? Are you kidding? Considering giving up the ship? Wanting to check out wormholes for a second but not even having a chance to before the collision? (It's not like they were parked there for an hour and that's how they got hit).

Seriously, the guy has enough self-loathing. He does not need any more. Lay off, the guy is already broken.

Next? Different Destinations, and then the joy of two Crichtons: double your character, double your pain.