Constantine badfic sumamries
Dec. 5th, 2005 02:24 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dangermousieCourtesy of ff.net, I bring you Constantine badfic summaries. Whence we learn that Satan likes his slash but has tough competition, that Mary Sues are impervious to holy water, and that overall, it would have been better for fanfic quality if Keanu Reeves wasn't so damn attractive. Oh, and there is mpreg. Because what is a fandom without boys impregnating other boys, after all?
Also, if I have to see the word "chastine" one more time, I will claw someone's eyes out.
Once again, these are actual summaries from ff.net. I haven't read the stories, so for all I know, they might be good. But I doubt it.
”Isabella John Dodson!” Angela screamed while she glared. “Take that cigarette out of your mouth this instant. Didn’t anyone ever tell you that smoking can kill you?”
I could add nothing to this. Except: what kind of a sadist gives a girl a middle name "John?"
”...and if you must endure pain, then let us endure it as one, together.” She murmured into his chest, the heat of her breath grazing his flesh with the sincerity of a thousand angels. [JohnOC]
It's summaries like this that make me wish they'd cast Danny DeVito. Because? Heeeeee.
Red, white and blue the Dutch flag, John has to travel to The Netherlands and takes Chas with him. John is confronted with not only language barriers and time differences but also the question why he brought Chas with him. Chastine.
Or maybe I could just read Frommers and spare myself the pain. Btw, I hate all squished ship names on principle, but this one sounds like a brand of chastity belt.
John hated the same old song and dance with Balthazar.....
The best thing about a supernatural fandom? The slash gets verrrrry interesting. If by "interesting" one means "wanting to tear your own intestines out with a spoon."
Songfic to A Perfect Circle's Passive revolving around Balthazar's first meeting with a young Constantine after the boy's failed suicide attempt. Mild Balthazar x Constantine slash.
Well, at least it makes the fic above it seem tame.
Lucifer wants John too badly to wait. John Lucifer implied slash.
Still better than God/Satan slash in the Bible section.
A songfic to the tune of Anything But Ordinary by Avril Lavigne. Chas lusts for John, but does John know that? Hints of Chastine
OMG! I am soooooo deeeeeeeep.
John and Chas are together, deeply and madly in love and evil comes to their doorstep to tear them apart. It's up to Chas to make things right. Chastine cuz Chastine rules! Part four up!
But is there mpreg?
She stopped at nothing to get him a partner, now John’s mother is determined to get a grandchild. This woman always gets what she wants, but is what she wants more than what Chas and John can handle? Sequel to John's mother comes to stay
And this author obliges.
Their relationship was a walking cliche for a high school romance gone bad but that's the way it had to be, Calla's a nightmare vision and John's not. And now someone's trying to jack up the world again and John needs to play hero.
If Calla is the Mary Sue, I'd definitely agree she is a "nightmare vision" but somehow I don't think that's what the author had in mind.
Chas goes everywhere with his hat. he doesn't take it off willingly, and he wont go out in public without it. John decides he's hidden behind it far too long, and confiscates it. Trying to get Chas out of the bowling alley and out to his cab, to his job,
*is duly boggled*
When Chas Kramer is pulled back from the cusp of heaven, he isn't ready for his sudden entanglement with the archangel Uriel. Yet she is his only comfort. So when he makes the biggest mistake of his life, and perhaps even causes Uriel to be cast out from
OK, let me get this. It's Chas/Mary Sue (btw, why the Chas love?) And this Mary Sue is an actual angel? I always knew Mary Sues aspired to angelic status, but nice to have it in writing...
An assassin is hired to kill John Constantine and Chas Kramer, but seems to have second thoughts about the job. Probable ConstantineOC
Points to the author to alerting us to the Mary Sue at once.
In which John drags a relectant Chas to a quickie wedding chapel
Author? Meet reality. Nevada does not allow gay marriages. You have to be a citizen of Massachusetts and they don't do them in chapels in Vermont. Mmmmmkay?
Four people across the worlds, united under darkness and under light, gifted in their own unique ways and yet more similiar than they know.
It's Captain Planet!!!
Serefina Black has been off of the scene since the age of 19, seven years have passed and she is back, she must work with a certain excorsist to stop Balthazar before he unleashes hell onto Earth, quite literally.
How do you get "off of the scene?" Also, please tell me she is related to Sirius.
3 months after the incident with Mammon, Angela and John got married and were planning to have a child. It turned out to be twins: Two powerful physics. Starting out 8 years later, John has to protect his children from the clutches of Lucifer. Only one pr
But never fear. A few years afterwards, the two twins will reunite their separated parents in a summer camp. Because no fandom can escape parent trap (see previous badfic posts).
John and Angelas daughter is taken by something. Angela goes to LA to get help from Constantine, but John doesnt know about their daughter. Can they save their daughter and maybe the world too? Read and see. R&R
What I want to know is whether he can find the apostrophe taking demon as well.
this is a poem for cats and them only
O-kaaaaay. But who does the cat fall in love with?
One shot. It’s a cold winter morning, and John is on his way to Midnite’s, without the cab, without his coat, and with a pestering apprentice on his heels. And since it never gets cold in LA, this'll have to be a little AU, lets just pretend it does, mm'k
*dies*
Imagine discovering your whole world was a lie. Imagine being suddenly exposed to the world of angels and demons, all around you. Imagine being John Constantine’s daughter. Meet Tefe Holland, whose whole world is now in turmoil.
Weeeeeee!!!! Do you think she hangs out with Eliza Diawna Snape?
Cassandra was never what one would call normal. Her parents left her alone in Detroit when she was 10 and life was pretty much crap after that. But now shes grown and living on her own in L.A. But will past demons come back to haunt her? Who is this my
But what I want to know is, does Cassandra know about word limit?
Every neighbourhood has that one house that is surrounded by hushed whispers. The locals refuse to talk about it and cross the street to avoid it. Somehow, we ended up buying that house. Please R&R.
Now I feel deprived because we don't have a house like that in our neighborhood. Damn!
Chas forces John to join the 21st century and buy a computer, introducing the exorcist to the internet and YIM. A story set in YIM conversations between them [no text talk] It shows how their relationship develops over time, and how they deal with complic
Kill me now.
Gabriel makes a pitstop at Constantine's, the demon slayer couldn't be more put off. Takes place a week after the movie. Gabriel interpreted as a MALE in this. Written for enjoyment only. Slash. Don't like it, bite me. Chapter 2 now here!
Ok, so you make a female into a male just to make is slash? I wouldn't bite you, you are probably rabid.
Tom didn't believe in devils. Until he was attacked by one. He now needs help from the only man that can help him, THE DEVIL DRIVER. Not based on a True Story.
Perfection in itself.
John's the one soul that the Devil would come to earth to collect. (Rating for swearing, slash, and blasphemy ... in that order.) Reviews desired.
Hmmm, swearing, slash and blasphey, in that order. To make the fic short:
Devil: You are fucking hot.
John: Jesus.
When Jonathon Constantine was just a young kid he could still see death surround him. Then death finally found him. Azra, one of the Angels of Death who appears just to be a kid like him and bares a scythe. They share a little conversation.
How do you "bare" a scythe?
Also, if I have to see the word "chastine" one more time, I will claw someone's eyes out.
Once again, these are actual summaries from ff.net. I haven't read the stories, so for all I know, they might be good. But I doubt it.
”Isabella John Dodson!” Angela screamed while she glared. “Take that cigarette out of your mouth this instant. Didn’t anyone ever tell you that smoking can kill you?”
I could add nothing to this. Except: what kind of a sadist gives a girl a middle name "John?"
”...and if you must endure pain, then let us endure it as one, together.” She murmured into his chest, the heat of her breath grazing his flesh with the sincerity of a thousand angels. [JohnOC]
It's summaries like this that make me wish they'd cast Danny DeVito. Because? Heeeeee.
Red, white and blue the Dutch flag, John has to travel to The Netherlands and takes Chas with him. John is confronted with not only language barriers and time differences but also the question why he brought Chas with him. Chastine.
Or maybe I could just read Frommers and spare myself the pain. Btw, I hate all squished ship names on principle, but this one sounds like a brand of chastity belt.
John hated the same old song and dance with Balthazar.....
The best thing about a supernatural fandom? The slash gets verrrrry interesting. If by "interesting" one means "wanting to tear your own intestines out with a spoon."
Songfic to A Perfect Circle's Passive revolving around Balthazar's first meeting with a young Constantine after the boy's failed suicide attempt. Mild Balthazar x Constantine slash.
Well, at least it makes the fic above it seem tame.
Lucifer wants John too badly to wait. John Lucifer implied slash.
Still better than God/Satan slash in the Bible section.
A songfic to the tune of Anything But Ordinary by Avril Lavigne. Chas lusts for John, but does John know that? Hints of Chastine
OMG! I am soooooo deeeeeeeep.
John and Chas are together, deeply and madly in love and evil comes to their doorstep to tear them apart. It's up to Chas to make things right. Chastine cuz Chastine rules! Part four up!
But is there mpreg?
She stopped at nothing to get him a partner, now John’s mother is determined to get a grandchild. This woman always gets what she wants, but is what she wants more than what Chas and John can handle? Sequel to John's mother comes to stay
And this author obliges.
Their relationship was a walking cliche for a high school romance gone bad but that's the way it had to be, Calla's a nightmare vision and John's not. And now someone's trying to jack up the world again and John needs to play hero.
If Calla is the Mary Sue, I'd definitely agree she is a "nightmare vision" but somehow I don't think that's what the author had in mind.
Chas goes everywhere with his hat. he doesn't take it off willingly, and he wont go out in public without it. John decides he's hidden behind it far too long, and confiscates it. Trying to get Chas out of the bowling alley and out to his cab, to his job,
*is duly boggled*
When Chas Kramer is pulled back from the cusp of heaven, he isn't ready for his sudden entanglement with the archangel Uriel. Yet she is his only comfort. So when he makes the biggest mistake of his life, and perhaps even causes Uriel to be cast out from
OK, let me get this. It's Chas/Mary Sue (btw, why the Chas love?) And this Mary Sue is an actual angel? I always knew Mary Sues aspired to angelic status, but nice to have it in writing...
An assassin is hired to kill John Constantine and Chas Kramer, but seems to have second thoughts about the job. Probable ConstantineOC
Points to the author to alerting us to the Mary Sue at once.
In which John drags a relectant Chas to a quickie wedding chapel
Author? Meet reality. Nevada does not allow gay marriages. You have to be a citizen of Massachusetts and they don't do them in chapels in Vermont. Mmmmmkay?
Four people across the worlds, united under darkness and under light, gifted in their own unique ways and yet more similiar than they know.
It's Captain Planet!!!
Serefina Black has been off of the scene since the age of 19, seven years have passed and she is back, she must work with a certain excorsist to stop Balthazar before he unleashes hell onto Earth, quite literally.
How do you get "off of the scene?" Also, please tell me she is related to Sirius.
3 months after the incident with Mammon, Angela and John got married and were planning to have a child. It turned out to be twins: Two powerful physics. Starting out 8 years later, John has to protect his children from the clutches of Lucifer. Only one pr
But never fear. A few years afterwards, the two twins will reunite their separated parents in a summer camp. Because no fandom can escape parent trap (see previous badfic posts).
John and Angelas daughter is taken by something. Angela goes to LA to get help from Constantine, but John doesnt know about their daughter. Can they save their daughter and maybe the world too? Read and see. R&R
What I want to know is whether he can find the apostrophe taking demon as well.
this is a poem for cats and them only
O-kaaaaay. But who does the cat fall in love with?
One shot. It’s a cold winter morning, and John is on his way to Midnite’s, without the cab, without his coat, and with a pestering apprentice on his heels. And since it never gets cold in LA, this'll have to be a little AU, lets just pretend it does, mm'k
*dies*
Imagine discovering your whole world was a lie. Imagine being suddenly exposed to the world of angels and demons, all around you. Imagine being John Constantine’s daughter. Meet Tefe Holland, whose whole world is now in turmoil.
Weeeeeee!!!! Do you think she hangs out with Eliza Diawna Snape?
Cassandra was never what one would call normal. Her parents left her alone in Detroit when she was 10 and life was pretty much crap after that. But now shes grown and living on her own in L.A. But will past demons come back to haunt her? Who is this my
But what I want to know is, does Cassandra know about word limit?
Every neighbourhood has that one house that is surrounded by hushed whispers. The locals refuse to talk about it and cross the street to avoid it. Somehow, we ended up buying that house. Please R&R.
Now I feel deprived because we don't have a house like that in our neighborhood. Damn!
Chas forces John to join the 21st century and buy a computer, introducing the exorcist to the internet and YIM. A story set in YIM conversations between them [no text talk] It shows how their relationship develops over time, and how they deal with complic
Kill me now.
Gabriel makes a pitstop at Constantine's, the demon slayer couldn't be more put off. Takes place a week after the movie. Gabriel interpreted as a MALE in this. Written for enjoyment only. Slash. Don't like it, bite me. Chapter 2 now here!
Ok, so you make a female into a male just to make is slash? I wouldn't bite you, you are probably rabid.
Tom didn't believe in devils. Until he was attacked by one. He now needs help from the only man that can help him, THE DEVIL DRIVER. Not based on a True Story.
Perfection in itself.
John's the one soul that the Devil would come to earth to collect. (Rating for swearing, slash, and blasphemy ... in that order.) Reviews desired.
Hmmm, swearing, slash and blasphey, in that order. To make the fic short:
Devil: You are fucking hot.
John: Jesus.
When Jonathon Constantine was just a young kid he could still see death surround him. Then death finally found him. Azra, one of the Angels of Death who appears just to be a kid like him and bares a scythe. They share a little conversation.
How do you "bare" a scythe?
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-12-05 07:46 pm (UTC)I don't think I even understand what that summary says.
Who the hell is Chas? Why don't I remember him?
no subject
Date: 2005-12-05 07:51 pm (UTC)Ok, so you make a female into a male just to make is slash? I wouldn't bite you, you are probably rabid.
Isn't the whole point of Gabriel that he/she is sexless? Well at least that's the way of the comics.
no subject
Date: 2005-12-05 08:26 pm (UTC)he wasn't even hot
Yeah, but I suppose unless you want to slash with demons (which some hardy souls obviously tried), he's about the only candidate :P
no subject
Date: 2005-12-05 08:59 pm (UTC)Then again, I'm more prone to slash when any side relationship has more interesting dynamics than the main relationship. And to me Angela was a perfectly decent and interesting love interest.
no subject
Date: 2005-12-05 09:08 pm (UTC)to me Angela was a perfectly decent and interesting love interest
Yes, but she didn't have boy parts :P
no subject
Date: 2005-12-05 10:03 pm (UTC)*giggles*
hey, twice this week while reading the local Carroll county paper I saw news items for Bollywood actors! How wierd is that...
no subject
Date: 2005-12-05 10:29 pm (UTC)Yeah, that is pretty odd :P
no subject
Date: 2005-12-06 08:01 am (UTC)Four people across the worlds, united under darkness and under light, gifted in their own unique ways and yet more similiar than they know.
It's Captain Planet!!!
YES!! The second I read this I started sining the Captain Planet theme song. I *loved* that show!
no subject
Date: 2005-12-06 01:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-06 04:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-06 04:51 pm (UTC)Not even the fic where God walked in on Satan giving Jesus a blow job? (Thus creating an interesting metaphysical question about the nature of the Trinity).