Supernatural: angst to the max
Jul. 6th, 2006 04:01 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dangermousieSam shutup shutup shutup. Seriously. You are losing all the coolness points you've accumulated. I am watching "Scarecrow" and Sam tearing into Dean about not knowing how he (Sam) feels because he (Dean) was four when Mom died but Jess died six months ago, and the look on Dean's face, as if he's been slapped, just...grrrrrrr. Now, I think Dean's obedience to their father is excessive, and God knows, families fight enough under best circumstances which these aren't, but Sam? Hitting below the belt is just wrong wrong wrong. Especially since you are just fresh off the events of "Asylum" which was creepy and heart-breaking, where you ended up voicing all your resentment when possessed and pulled the trigger on your brother. True, that is a contrast to the real Sam not being able to pull the trigger on the shapeshifter who looked like Dean and Sam not being freaked out by what SS shared about Dean's thoughts, but the fact remains. You said some awful things, things he knows you meant (you can just watch shutters come down behind Dean's eyes at the end of that ep) so you really should stop. You are having an emotional equivalent of kicking someone who is down, and you know he thinks everyone will leave him and you are feeding into it, and as a bonus insulting his one held ideal aka his feelings for mother. Your pain is great, true, but it doesn't make others' pain any less. Not good. Quit while you are behind.
I do understand, boy do I understand, the desire to lash out at who is nearest since you can't lash out at the true source of your frustration: Dad (who continues to not win parenting awards. They aren't ten. Ordering doesn't work so well, not without reasons. Also, your reasons for staying away? Suck). And right now, Sam sees Dean as Dad's representative (Dean does what Dad says because I think he doesn't know what else to do. It's ingrained). I do love the phone conversation, with Sam demanding answers and being so young and lost and yet probably the most forceful of the three men (he and Daddy are scary similar, even in their driving, all consuming need for revenge. Careful, Sam. Don't turn into Daddy). And all the emotional puzzlement of being abandoned. And Dean wanting the phone, and not just for orders. Mess, mess, mess, mess.
And then of course, Sam walking off, and Dean calling Sam selfish, and I think it's Dean's own resentment breaking through (because Sam did get to go off and do what he wanted and Dean never did) and no one can hurt you like family because no one knows you like them. And it's all so heart-breaking, and Sam gets out of the car, and says he is going to California, even if it's the middle of the night, and Dean looks heart-broken and angry, but also accepting, as if he expected Sam to leave him just like everyone, sooner or later, so it's not a surprise. Because even though it's Dean who drives away, it's Sam who leaves. But I do wonder if Sam thought Dean wouldn't? Well, after "Asylum," after this talk, Dean would because he thinks he's already been left, in all ways that matter.
I do understand, boy do I understand, the desire to lash out at who is nearest since you can't lash out at the true source of your frustration: Dad (who continues to not win parenting awards. They aren't ten. Ordering doesn't work so well, not without reasons. Also, your reasons for staying away? Suck). And right now, Sam sees Dean as Dad's representative (Dean does what Dad says because I think he doesn't know what else to do. It's ingrained). I do love the phone conversation, with Sam demanding answers and being so young and lost and yet probably the most forceful of the three men (he and Daddy are scary similar, even in their driving, all consuming need for revenge. Careful, Sam. Don't turn into Daddy). And all the emotional puzzlement of being abandoned. And Dean wanting the phone, and not just for orders. Mess, mess, mess, mess.
And then of course, Sam walking off, and Dean calling Sam selfish, and I think it's Dean's own resentment breaking through (because Sam did get to go off and do what he wanted and Dean never did) and no one can hurt you like family because no one knows you like them. And it's all so heart-breaking, and Sam gets out of the car, and says he is going to California, even if it's the middle of the night, and Dean looks heart-broken and angry, but also accepting, as if he expected Sam to leave him just like everyone, sooner or later, so it's not a surprise. Because even though it's Dean who drives away, it's Sam who leaves. But I do wonder if Sam thought Dean wouldn't? Well, after "Asylum," after this talk, Dean would because he thinks he's already been left, in all ways that matter.
