Pretear: aaaaah, the angsty drama

[dangermousie]

OK, the climactic confrontation between the Princess of Disaster, the two Knights and the new Pretear goes something like this:

Takako: Hayate! Now I shall wreak my vengeance on you for your hideous desertion.
Himeno: How is it your fault again, Hayate? Just because you were nice to her but not in love with her, she decided to burn her Ani DeFranco tapes, paint her nails black and oh yeah, take on the world. According to this logic I should fall for Sasame and go mad when he doesn’t return my love.
Sasame: You must have been reading some of the fanfic on ff.net.
Takako: Bwahahahaha, Himeno! You think you are so special, but believe me, Hayate will use you and discard you just as he did me.
Hayate: Is now the time to say something suitably melodramatic? Ahem…”here is a place where my sin sleeps.”
Himeno: What does that even mean?
Hayate: Well, I am the only male with long dark hair. I simply have to be Byronic.
Takako: Sure, explain the abstract concepts to the girl who doesn’t even notice there is a roofing tile on her head for half a day.
Himeno: Shut it. I am still trying to figure out how old my crush is. If he was old enough to fight and hook up 16 years ago, he is old enough to be my father. I know I was watching too much Buffy! I have an angst-ridden senior citizen on my hands. Should I just nickname him ‘Angel’ and be done with it?
Hayate: Woe. I’d answer but I am too busy perfecting the brooding pose.
Himeno: So, am I macking on a cradle-robber? Anyone, anyone? Bueller?
Three youngest knights: we are here to look cute, so don’t expect us to say anything useful.
Kei: You have metaphysical sex with multiple men daily, and you are fighting against a strip club escapee, and your date’s age is your biggest problem? You are even dumber than I thought, especially since you are crushing on him over me.
Takako: Hey, don’t ignore meeeeeeee! Anyhow, why is she so special? My bust is bigger than hers! Heck, it’s even bigger than Hayate’s martyr complex.
Hayate: That’s impossible. Nothing is bigger than that.
Takako: That's what you think. I am even bustier than I was when I was good. Evil gave me implants.
Sasame: All of a sudden I am in love.
Takako: Hayate, Hayate, Hayate. He was always ‘let’s practice preting some more. Purely to hone your skills.’ But when I started talking commitment, he was all ‘why buy the cow when you can pret for free?’
Sasame: What is this, a soap opera? Oh wait, I am in love with Takako who was in love with Hayate, who is in love with Himeno. I guess it is.
Animators: Five minutes without nudity? It won’t do. Everyone pret!
Sasame: Screw it. I am going evil. At least than I won’t have to share. And she has good dental.

Or at least this is how it should have gone.

Comments

[crumpeteer.livejournal.com]

ROFL.

Sadly, aside from the metaphysical sex, it's pretty much like high school.

I never got Takako's deal. She's got a perfectly good bish sitting right there, but nooooo, she wants the moody bish who had pretty much made it clear to her all along that they really were just friends. Lor, it's the land of idiot women.

And Kei, as long as equipt with a mirror, will never need anyone.

I've always held to the fact that Sasame actually went evil because he got confused by the plot, paniked and then couldn't figure out what side he was supposed to be on.

When Emo Kids Attack!

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Yeah, Takako seemed to be a wack-job. Among the reasons to destroy the world, this ranks somewhat below "because my colors bled in the washer." And it's not as if Hayate let her on and there was a perfectly willing, hot and good guy who she could give a chance. Basically, she sounds like an emo idiot. Makes Yui from FY seem like a pattern of reason.

Sasame actually went evil because he got confused by the plot, paniked and then couldn't figure out what side he was supposed to be on

Finally, an explanation that makes sense!

[crumpeteer.livejournal.com]

Wait'll you get to the part where Himeno's other sister goes all emo. She makes Takako seem well adjusted. Also, Sasame flaunts his fur coat of evil! Takako comes up with an evil plan using Sasame as bait! Takako pulls out the old 'if you really loved me you'd kill the man who spurned me' cliche! A giant tree grows in Tokyo! Hayate still can't figure out why he's so upset about all this! Himeno laments the loss of a pret partner (greedy ho)! All next on Pretear!

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

You know, you should totally make previews. This sounds a lot more fun than the previews they do have.

Takako comes up with an evil plan using Sasame as bait!

I'd take it!

Sasame flaunts his fur coat of evil!

He's become a pimp? And he's killed a baby seal to make his coat too, I bet.

Takako pulls out the old 'if you really loved me you'd kill the man who spurned me' cliche!

Wow, I have been remiss. Must buy Husband a gun and send him to find my high school ex. Because clearly Husband doesn't love me as ex is still breathing :P

Hayate still can't figure out why he's so upset about all this!

Well, he is upset about so many things already, what's one more thing added to the pile?

Himeno laments the loss of a pret partner (greedy ho)!

What's her deal? That just means she gets to pret twice as often with Hayate! The women on this show are insane.

Himeno's other sister goes all emo. She makes Takako seem well adjusted

The blue hair clearly affected her brain. She is annoying already and I cannot imagine the further depths she'll plumb.

[crumpeteer.livejournal.com]

He's become a pimp?

...just tryin' get his money for the rent...

He now needs Lucius Malfoy's pimp cane.

And he's killed a baby seal to make his coat too, I bet

Clubbed it. He also kicks puppies.

Must buy Husband a gun and send him to find my high school ex. Because clearly Husband doesn't love me as ex is still breathing

Exactly. I seem to be a lot more forgiving of my ex's than I should be.

he is upset about so many things already

You know, he could just start by fixing his pony tail holder and work from there.

She is annoying already and I cannot imagine the further depths she'll plumb.

Oh she plumbs them, and how. There's also a lot of wailing and whining at the end I'll warn you. The last three episodes made me want to go "EVERYONE SHUT UP! We get one whiner a day and even then I only want it to be the bishes".

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

No matter how often I see this icon, it makes the day just a bit better.

He also kicks puppies.

I thought it was kittens. Small ones, with friendly pink tongues.

You know, he could just start by fixing his pony tail holder and work from there.

But that would interfere with the existential despair...

The last three episodes made me want to go "EVERYONE SHUT UP! We get one whiner a day and even then I only want it to be the bishes".

Heeee. Ahhh, teen angst, how you crack me up!

[autumnflame.livejournal.com]

*dies*

That totally should have been how it went. I would have liked the end much better were that the case.

I think the reason the ending annoyed me so much was precisely because Takako was such stupid evil, and Sasame got infected by her, or something--up to that point he'd been my favorite. :/ The idiot spores must be catching. (Sexually Transmitted Idiocy?)

(Also, an idle note on Hayate's hair--it's completely possible to wear hair normally like that for long periods of time. When I had hair that long and wore it back in a ponytail all the time, it did that constantly--slid down bit by bit until it adopted that 'looks loose but is really tied at the bottom' appearance. Then it generally refused to fall off, unless really aggravated.

Hair is funny stuff.)

[crumpeteer.livejournal.com]

The ending that broke down to shrieking and tears for about two episodes is what wore on me.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Wouldn't they lose their voice and dry out their throat?

[crumpeteer.livejournal.com]

You keep wishing, but it never happens. There are also a lot of resurrections going on.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Well, as you pointed out earlier, the key to anime seems to be 'when in doubt, reincarnate.'

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

That totally should have been how it went.

The scary thing is, I can see this in my head. Whatever drugs the animators were on, must be getting to me. Hilarious thing is, if this was Fushigi Yuugi, this is probably how it would have went. At least if Nuriko and Hotohori and even Tamahome on a snarky day were involved.

OK, now I am imagining Kei and Nuriko in a bitchfight.

Sasame got infected by her, or something

But hey, if he goes evil, he doesn't have to play second banana to Hayate. He can be Teh Ebil Bish. Sort of equal and opposite. It must be annoying to be the nice behaved one, and still lose the girl.

Hey, at least if he works for Bimbette of Doom, there is a chance he'll get laid, and exclusive, even if the girl in question might call him "Hayate" in bed.

It must be annoying to have a second Pretear in a row to go for Dark and Grumpy.

Sexually Transmitted Idiocy?

ROFL.

Then it generally refused to fall off, unless really aggravated

I keep wondering about that hair. I used to have ponytails that slipped too, but I would imagine it would get kinda tangled after too much of this. Though maybe Hayate knows the band will end up there anyway and just puts it there to start with to save himself the bother.