What annoys you in fic?

[dangermousie]

Open Season, folks. Post what drives you crazy in fanfics, what makes you roll your eyes and go "not again" or fight an urge to stab the author with a rusty knife. It can be general (e.g. "twincest sucks") or fandom specific ("how can anyone have Jedi eat hamburgers?"), long or short. Rant and vent away. Oh, and anonymous posting is enabled, as it always is.

I'll start. My pet peeves:

Song fic

I don't care if you think Celine Dion or Linkin Park is the coolest thing ever to happen to music. Chances are, an ancient Greek or a futuristic alien would have never heard of either of them. Moreover, if all I wanted to do was to read lyrics for a song as opposed to fanfic, I'd read liner notes. If your fic is two-thirds someone else's words, I am forced to conclude you have no imagination.

Author Notes in the middle of the story itself

Should lead to instant strangulation.

We are friends? I am your sister? We shook hands once? It means we are so doing the nasty

No, not everything is about burning secret love, crossing the boundaries of sexual orientation and familial taboo. According to this logic, every person who isn't an orphan and has been on a deserted island his whole life, has had way too much sex. F-R-I-E-N-D-S. And F-A-M-I-L-Y. Look it up in the dictionary. I guarantee neither one has "fuck buddies" listed as synonyms. It is possible to interact for *gasp* hours with another person without wanting to shag them senseless. Oh, and incest fic? Incest is sick, sorry. If you write it as a disturbed thing, fine. But happy flowers and kittens are not for that particular thing.

Bwa-ha-ha. You know how you like those 19th century English Gentry, or alien robots, or Jedi, or Japanese samurai? Well, they are even cooler now because they are in HIGH SCHOOL

High school was boring enough the first time around. Besides, robots would bust metal detectors and so will the samurai, and the gentry have already had a good classical education, thank you very much.


OMG! My arms/legs/neck are broken but I can still have a marathon sex session

Fanfic biology and earth biology have nothing in common. If your arms are broken, you are more likely to holler for painkillers than act out the kama sutra. Come on, stupid fanfic author, I am sure you've had a cold or a flu. Does it make you amorous? No, it makes you want to drink tea and sleep. The only thing these fanfics evoke in me is a strong desire to break the author's arms so she won't get to the keyboard. We can see if her sexual urges will spike when she is in traction.

Corollary: I was raped/horribly abused/mentally tortured. I need the healing sex

I would imagine a person is more likely not to want to have sex or to find an enemy to off, rather than to engage in pillow games with an OTP of their choice. Screwing up a person does not lead to screwing of a person.

Strong women in canon are helpless so the male can rescue them

Why? If you like childlike, helpless women, I guess it's your own business, but why write in fandoms with strong women in the first place? Why are you even attracted to the fandoms? I have lost count of stories which are made AU for the sheer purpose of Buffy being a helpless girl rescued by big strong Angel or Spike, stories where Kara becomes a snivelling, nightmare-ridden girlie to be comforted and impregnated by Lee, or where Misao loses her spunky cheery attitude and weeps while she slashes her wrists, feebly.

M-preg

I've heard of chicks with dicks, but that is going beyond it. Into the "I want to disembowel you with a rusty knife" territory. If a biologist won't get to you first.

Men who have feeeeeelings

Yes, you are a girl. Yes, it's hard to write men believably. This does not mean that you must have them constantly weeping, fainting, confessing emo secrets and discussing said secrets ad nauseam, and generally talking and behaving like 14 year old girls with PMS.

Turning staight characters gay and gay characters straight

Why? I will use Peacemaker Kurogane as an example. It has straight couples, a gay couple, and a huge number of characters where their sexual orientation is not specified so you can write anything you like. But no, we have Tetsu slash (why? He is one of two indubitably straight men in the show) and Okita getting female Mary Sues. Why? It can't be that you want to write slash and can't, or het and can't, without bending canon.

I like het. I like slash. But if you make a gay character straight or vice versa, you better have a better explanation than "All of a sudden, X really liked girls/boys." Ugh.

Fake Japanese

I've discovered this wonderful thing once I got into anime. Characters in canon speak Japanese, not English with Japanese words thrown in. So either you translate the whole thing (in which case your fanfic is entirely in Japanese, good for you) or it's in English. And this is not to mention all the anime where the language wouldn't be Japanese: I doubt the denizens of Gaia or the protagonists of Trigun speak Japanese.

Babies

Lovely creatures. And OK when they exist in canon. But no, Kara isn't suddenly going to want to be a baby factory. The last person who espoused that idea on the show ended up with a broken piece of glass sticking out of his jugular. Warning?

"I love you, Character X, even though we've never spoken in canon"

Harry/Ginny? Great, it's canon. Harry/Hermione? Also plenty of interaction in canon. Ron/Pansy? Unlikely. I have no problem with UC fics of such nature, but they better have some set up. If a fic starts with "I have always loved you, Legolas, whispered Rosie Cotton," I am out of there. And I would love to sic Gollum on the author.

Anyone going to Hogwarts. Who is not created by J.K. Rowling

Do I need to even explain this? If I had a cent for every American transfer student, Elf, or Star Wars who character ended up in Hogwarts, I'd have enough money to close ff.net forever.

I am sooooo dark. Look at my darkness and despair

You are also in eighth grade, mentally. I like good dark fic, but with disclaimers like this, your story's true darkness is only in how bad it is.

"Give me reviews or I won't write"

'nuff said.

"Better than the summary, I swear"

Never is.

Character X changed over the summer. He/she developed breasts/pecs and now everyone wanted him/her."

Canon character made into Mary Sue/Gary Stu. Is there anything sadder?

Gandalf's offspring

Gandalf. Does Not. Have a Daughter. Don't make me hurt you.

Yours?

Comments

[morwen_peredhil]

I agree with all of the above. Vehemently.

Kara isn't suddenly going to want to be a baby factory. The last person who espoused that idea on the show ended up with a broken piece of glass sticking out of his jugular.

HEE!

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

I think it should be a warning to fangirls, but they sadly don't consider it as such.

[aliterati.livejournal.com]

Omg, this is hilarious. Agree on most counts (have no experience others).

Hmm... My pet peeves?

Mislisted warnings. Seriously, pairing warnings are there for a reason. People get attached to their ships. I actually once read a story advertised as a ship I liked, which then ended up being the rival ship. I wanted to cry. Or hurt someone.

Chicks with dicks phenomenon. Listen, sweeties, they're gay. They're not girls. Men do not generaly like flowers, poetry, teddy bears, or long heart-to-hearts, and they do not use "I love you" as a catchphrase.

AU beyond recognition. I'm reading fics because I like the characters. Why would I want to see these characters overhauled and mauled out of recognition in an AU?

...Erm, sexual politics. Or top/bottom politics in slash. Just because he's the character you have a crush on does not mean that he will immediately be top. Pause to think that these characters have personalities that extend to their sexual identities, and get over your own coded homophobia.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Mislisted warnings.

People who do that should be stabbed with farm implements.

And AMEN on chicks with dicks. Drives me nuts.

[latteaddict.livejournal.com]

Mislisted warnings. Seriously, pairing warnings are there for a reason. People get attached to their ships. I actually once read a story advertised as a ship I liked, which then ended up being the rival ship. I wanted to cry. Or hurt someone.

Hell, yes. I've been stung twice by that and now I make sure to never read those authors EVER again.

My biggest peeve, though it's not just related to fic, but commenting in general, is people who try to undermine peoples favourite pairings in a community specifically for that pairing. If they hate the pairing so much, please step the fuck off and leave the rest of us alone to fangirl in peace.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

If they hate the pairing so much, please step the fuck off and leave the rest of us alone to fangirl in peace.


That does seem bizarre. There are plenty of pairings I don't care for, so I don't go to the comms.

[antiqueskies.livejournal.com]

God, I hate badfic. You hit all of my peeves except one:

The missing scenes for relationships where, upon the first date/fuck/whatever, the two characters adamantly DECLARE THEIR UNDYING LOVE FOR ONE ANOTHER.

...on the first date.

Right. Sorry, folks, they may have been eyeing each other from afar and doing the best friends thing, but they aren't amazingly in love. God, that annoys me.

OH! Also!

Warping characters that clearly are not virgins and haven't been for a long time back into virgins so the first time can be "special." It's special anyway. No need to regress to high school/college mentalities. Sheesh.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

.on the first date.

But don't you know that is how it happens in stalkerdom real life?

[lazypadawan.livejournal.com]

Pet peeves? I got yer pet peeves right here:

1. Mpregs: My theory is that most slash is about feminizing men and this biologically impossible and annoying subgenre proves it.

2. Excessive and gratuitous violence.

3. In SW most of the slash pairings are familial or quasi-familial in canon (i.e. master-padawan). Squick.

4. Harry Potter/SW crossovers.

5. "Romantic" sex scenes that use vulgar language or cheap slang. It pulls you out of that universe and cheapens what could have been a sweet lovemaking scene. (It also proves the author can't write.)

6. Songfic. Pretty much for the same reasons you cited. It's fic for people too lazy to write a filk or an actual story.

7. Women who feel like having hot monkey love right after being brutally raped. I once read a fan fic where Leia is gang raped by space pirates and after Han rescues her, she immediately tries to get a little "healing sex" from him in the sack. Han thoughtfully turns her down for now, but offers a raincheck. I'M NOT KIDDING.

8. Excessive waterworks. Why must characters express their angst every other paragraph by crying??

[sabaceanbabe.livejournal.com]

5. "Romantic" sex scenes that use vulgar language or cheap slang. It pulls you out of that universe and cheapens what could have been a sweet lovemaking scene. (It also proves the author can't write.)

OMG, YES!

Ahem. Sorry. Didn't mean to yell. :P

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

once read a fan fic where Leia is gang raped by space pirates and after Han rescues her, she immediately tries to get a little "healing sex" from him in the sack. Han thoughtfully turns her down for now, but offers a raincheck

Oh my. Now I am dead.

Harry Potter/SW crossovers.

How does that even work? Argh.

[mycenae.livejournal.com]

"how can anyone have Jedi eat hamburgers?"

Wait, I thought since Coruscant was revealed to have a 50s diner, hamburgers were practically canon! Or are we, rightly, ignoring the new trilogy?

I don't really read enough fic to have specific irks, but I'll just say...

Tantalizing promises to update or that some desired event will happen NEXT CHAPTER I SWEAR! ...which will be out by the end of the year I SWEAR! Stop trying to hold your readership hostage, dammit! The readership has other things to do! ...like school reading.

Netspeak. At all. Anywhere. For any reason. Even if the characters are talking online.

An agenda, trying to prove something, anything with fanfiction? Uh, why?

I'm sure they're are more... Whee! Fun to hate!

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

OK, now I am having a brain sprain trying to figure out of hamburgers will be canon-compliant ;)

Netspeak. At all. Anywhere. For any reason. Even if the characters are talking online.

It's still not as bad as synonym game. As in 'never using the word 'say' and picking every other synonym in the dictionary, including 'ejaculate'"

Or 'orbs' instead if 'eyes.' Cerulean or azure orbs. Makes me want to hurt someone.

And using 'your' instead of 'you're'

[sinclair-furie.livejournal.com]

If I had a cent for every American transfer student, Elf, or Star Wars character ended up in Hogwarts, I'd have enough money to close ff.net forever.
Hear, hear. Seriously, amen to all that.
What I hate. Excessive description. Not your, you know, description of scenery or something breathtaking, but long narrative about what has happened in some character's life, followed by excessive descriptions of them. Like "Ever since the war had finished, Snape wondered where that special someone was."
Ok, that was a bad example, but you know, filler plot. Unfortunately very common in fanfic, even good fanfic, because you often have to get from canon to fanfiction universe and description is the easiet way to do it... but it annoys me.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Yup, too much exposition in one unbaked lump is horrible.

[thelana.livejournal.com]

*pokey* Thought of you =>

Per Hollywood Reporter today, Jason Behr and Majandra Delfino both booked pilots! Both for CBS, too. (Weird.) Jason will co-star as a brother on "The Way" with Peter Strauss, about a New England family who uses witchcraft to further their business enterprises. Majandra will co-star in "Ultra" with Aimee Garcia about a city-gal superhero. Another side kick role for Majandra? Another "powers" related role for Jason? Hmmmm...interesting! LOL

[thelana.livejournal.com]

Note the whole above paragraph was gacked from somebody on my friendslist (actually more like friendsfriendslist).

"Better than the summary, I swear"

Never is.

*sputter* Too true :D

I have to admit I have special hate for "Babies", "I was raped and need healing sex" and random characters going to Hogwarts/joining the Fellowship. I have of course special love for all the female cross dressing Sues that somehow end up on Prison Break and in Michael's cell :)

[neadods.livejournal.com]

"I have always loved you, Legolas, whispered Rosie Cotton,"

Okay, now I'm tempted to write this just because it sprained my brain.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Easy:

On one of his travels, Legolas met Rosie who was all upset because Sam wouldn't let them name their forth child Brumhilde, and a great passion was born.

Now I feel sick.

[lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com]

Babyfic. Why? Whyyy?

Also any fic where you are pairing people up and using it as a way to bash the character you hate. As in 'he slept with his pet monkey/the fridge/someone they picked up on the next planet/a small piece of lint because the girl/boy he loves on the show is a cheap nasty bitch/bastard and I hate her/him.'

And spelling the characters names wrong.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Ohhhh. I hate it when they do that.

As to character names, really, if you don't even know how to spell the names, how can the rest of the fic be any good?

[strippedpink.livejournal.com]

If I had a cent for every American transfer student, Elf, or Star Wars who character ended up in Hogwarts, I'd have enough money to close ff.net forever.

*starts sending you pennies*

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Icon!

I wish I may I wish I might shut down ff.net this very night.

[danceswithwords.livejournal.com]

Mine could probably easily be summed up with: bad writing. I don't even look at stories with gross spelling/grammar problems or idiotic summaries, but even within the realm of what I'd call competent writing, there are two specific things that drive me up the freaking wall:

1. Forcing characters into a romance novel plot whether it fits the characters or not. This is something I encounter a lot since a lot of the fandoms I read in feature strong and often unconventional female characters, and it seems like some writers have internalized romantic cliches that don't work with those characters at all. So Aeryn Sun often makes choices that are based on what she perceives as her duty rather than throwing everything over for love, and Kara Thrace's life goal is not to give up the viper flying so that she can settle down and have Lee's tiny, tiny babies. Love may be an important part of their lives, but it is never the sole focus.

2. Writing a pairing when it's very obvious that you actually don't like one half of it. That never ends well.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Writing a pairing when it's very obvious that you actually don't like one half of it. That never ends well.

I was never able to figure out why people did that.

Why would you even like a pairing if you don't like one person in it?

[grace-om.livejournal.com]

Apart from all the above...

People writing mature characters as if they were randy college students. Sorry, love at 30, 40, 50, 60 really does have its charms, but it is neither mentally nor physically like love at 18-20.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Oh yes. That unfortunately reminded me of a fic where Roslin gets kids from sexing with Adama which burned my eyeballs.

[crumpeteer.livejournal.com]

Crack pairings

While these could conceivably work if well written, when has anything on ff.net ever been well written? Just stop. You're going against a canon pairing than a legitimate author or creator has already gone to great trouble to establish. Just stop while you're ahead.

OMG MAN. OMG OTHER MAN. OMG THEY MUST BE IN LOVE

Just because they are men and are friends does not mean they will be hopping in the sack with each other. Kenshin and Sano are best friends and they are also not interested in having a love in with each other. Just because Sano and Saito fight a lot does not mean they have deep unrequited sexual tension. Come one people. You can tell when characters have feelings for each other. No one is that dense. I just had a discussion today with someone from the GetBackers fandom about how we're so irritated that there are constant vehement yaoi pairings of Ban/Ginji. There is no evidence that they're anything other than friends in the manga and anime (there are promo pictures that work the yaoi angle, but that's a concious marketing ploy on the company's part). Kazu/Juubie, quite possibly yaoi. Ban/Ginji, friends. Shido/anyone, he's TAKEN people.

Legolas the randy elf

I'd like to take this moment to point out that Tolkien always said that male elves were relatively asexual beings. Legolas is not going to be groping women, men, hobbits, dwarves or ents any time in the near future.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Icon!

Now I am imagining Legolas sitting there in a lawn chair and a long line of beings to be groped in front of him.

Just because Sano and Saito fight a lot does not mean they have deep unrequited sexual tension

People write Sano/Saito fic? I think my brain just broke. Why?

As to Sano and Kenshin...deep sigh. Ummm. Straight. On Kenshin's part, a widower in a current canon relationship that results in marriage and a kid. Sano/Kenshin torture my brain in horrifying ways. How do you even write either of them waking up and realizing that they love each other instead?

As to crack pairings, there is a reason why no one writes about them before you, horrid badfic author.

[weissman.livejournal.com]

The whole taking obviously straight characters and turning them gay-ugh!

Bob W

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I don't like it. I don't like taking gay characters and turning them straight either. There are plenty enough fandom characters in any fandom where their sexual orientation is unknown so you can do anything. But to go completely anti-canon without any explanation is bizarre.

[cosmicviolet.livejournal.com]

I don't read enough fanfic to have much criteria, but I agree with the bad spelling and grammar. It could be the best story, but if you haven't edited it, it's going to be very hard to read and most people won't bother with it.
I will say that fic in the Supernatural fandom is predominantly "wincest" (ie, brother sex) which is fine-I get that the show has hoyay to rival Smallville. It's just not my thing.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

OK, that means I stay away from Supernatural fanfic. Siblings. Come on, people. i find it a bit peculiar how accepted this kind of fic is in the netsphere, when in RL incest is a huge taboo.

[ewanspotter.livejournal.com]

Summaries are my biggest pet peeve.

People that are like, “This story is about a lost cat finding it’s way home. OMG THIS IS MY FIRST STORY I know I sux. Please R&R but BE NIIIIICE!”

Stop talking! Summary is just that. SUMMARY.

It also really annoys me when people don’t use proper grammar in a summary. Even for normal sounding plots. If someone can't use a period in summary with two or there statements, I won't even read it. Bad, I know, but true.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

That's not bad. That's only self preservation. If they can't write normal summaries, chances of them writing a normal story are nil.

[fivil.livejournal.com]

Hahahah, I agree with a lot of these. Especially with the "men with feelings"-part. Another related thing is people crying because "they're so happy". I'm sure everyone has moments like that but there are some odd moments in fic where characters kiss or have sex and then one of them starts to cry. I'm sorry, but that's just creepy. Especially during sex. Not romantic - creepy. Also, with like 95% of all characters, it's just OOC.

Turning staight characters gay and gay characters straight

I think all fandoms have the "everyone is gay"-syndrome to a certain extent and I've come to accept that. I think there's a certain hypocricy with some people, too, like that they accept straight characters turned into gay but not vice versa. I remember when I say a Will&Grace fic that was something like Will/Karen and my gut feeling was "that's wrong!" but then I processed it and realized that in my head I make straight characters (or ambiguous-but-most-likely-straight characters) gay all the time and it's no big deal to me.

But yeah, I don't know. I've come to dislike reading fifteen detailed paragraphs on why some character is gay in some story, or how they discovered it or whatever. Nowadays I don't even think about it. Like, if I read a slash story with Harry my only hope is that they somehow deal with his previous hetero relationships and why they happened. After all, gay people can have heterosexual experiences & vice versa.

My peeves:

Using pairing X to get pairing Y together. In other words, the story starts with pairing A/B, where B is a bastard and hurts A, thus leading A to cry in the arms of C, their best friend and slowly discovering their love for C, who was there all along & isn't a bastard. The story ends with A/C. So annoying, especially if you go in liking A/B or liking both pairings a lot, or liking character B... Usually also includes mutilation of character B. :/

Vague warnings, over-done warnings, plain dumb warnings.. There's a lot to go wrong in warning. Like if you warn for darkfic, it could basically mean anything - too vague, be more specific plz. But it's also annoying if a Warnings list includes everything that happens in the story. You know, "Warnings for: Het, character death, psychological disorders, murderous rage, sexual situations, unrequited feelings.." - like WTF, save some surprise for the story! It's like "Warnings: plot, characters". Also, I don't think you need to warn for het. I've seen that done in the slash-obsessed LJ segment of the HP fandom, which annoys me.

I can't think of any others.

[fivil.livejournal.com]

Whooops, html hell. Sorry about that. :/