Things I learned from One Tree Hill
Sep. 28th, 2005 10:45 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dangermousieOne Tree Hill is making my brain die. I really hope Veronica Mars is not like that, because I don't think it has the mostly naked Chad Michael Murray to compensate.
This said, OTH is a valuable learning experience. So far, I've learned that:
1. In the Alternative Universe of OTH, no high school basketball player is Black.
2. If you have two half-brothers, the poor one will be good and the rich one will be bad. To make the difference clearer, the good brother will be blond and the bad one dark-haired. Now that I know to avoid all dark-haired well-off men, my life is set.
3. Corollary to Rule 2. If the bad brother is good-looking, he will be redeemed by the love of a poor girl.
4. If a seemingly sane, well-adjusted guy is offered a choice between three girls: a pretentious bitchy headcase, a village bycicle slut, or a smart, funny, and pretty best friend, he is never ever going to pick the best friend. Ever.
5. Not to worry, because the smart, pretty, funny girl will prefer the petulant, bratty, behavior-challenged jerk over the smart, sweet best guy friend too.
6. The only reason Dad Dan is not twirling a mustache while tying a heroine to a railroad track is because mustaches are passe and he'd never be seen anywhere as tacky as railroad tracks.
7. Basketball=life
8. If someone is supposed to be a good, deep, angsty artist, their drawings usually look like what my little cousin would draw when she was two.
9. "Scrawny" means built in a way a Greek Statue would envy.
10. Reading Ayn Rand makes you deep.
11. Teenangers have more sex than prostitutes. And are better at it, too. And their parents never seem to mind.
12. Marriage at 17 is normal. Especially if you are not trailer trash and no one is pregnant or going away into the military.
13. The utterly gratuitous scene of jocks stealing Chad Michael Murray's clothes and his towel after a shower makes 1-12 utterly bearable, as he demonstrates as much nudity as is humanly possible without sending censors into a frenzy. Where's my rewind button?
This said, OTH is a valuable learning experience. So far, I've learned that:
1. In the Alternative Universe of OTH, no high school basketball player is Black.
2. If you have two half-brothers, the poor one will be good and the rich one will be bad. To make the difference clearer, the good brother will be blond and the bad one dark-haired. Now that I know to avoid all dark-haired well-off men, my life is set.
3. Corollary to Rule 2. If the bad brother is good-looking, he will be redeemed by the love of a poor girl.
4. If a seemingly sane, well-adjusted guy is offered a choice between three girls: a pretentious bitchy headcase, a village bycicle slut, or a smart, funny, and pretty best friend, he is never ever going to pick the best friend. Ever.
5. Not to worry, because the smart, pretty, funny girl will prefer the petulant, bratty, behavior-challenged jerk over the smart, sweet best guy friend too.
6. The only reason Dad Dan is not twirling a mustache while tying a heroine to a railroad track is because mustaches are passe and he'd never be seen anywhere as tacky as railroad tracks.
7. Basketball=life
8. If someone is supposed to be a good, deep, angsty artist, their drawings usually look like what my little cousin would draw when she was two.
9. "Scrawny" means built in a way a Greek Statue would envy.
10. Reading Ayn Rand makes you deep.
11. Teenangers have more sex than prostitutes. And are better at it, too. And their parents never seem to mind.
12. Marriage at 17 is normal. Especially if you are not trailer trash and no one is pregnant or going away into the military.
13. The utterly gratuitous scene of jocks stealing Chad Michael Murray's clothes and his towel after a shower makes 1-12 utterly bearable, as he demonstrates as much nudity as is humanly possible without sending censors into a frenzy. Where's my rewind button?
