Top dozen things I've learned from Mars
Jan. 24th, 2006 10:50 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dangermousieSeeing that I did one for Star Wars, and Roswell, and One Tree Hill, here’s one for Mars.
Top dozen things I've learned from Mars
1. If you are a sweet, caring, stable guy and your friend is a delinquent nut, guess who the woman of your dreams is going to choose? The most you can hope for is becoming her confidante as she insists on talking to you about him. And taking about him. And talking about him.
Corollary: but never fear. Your friend's rejected ex might take a shine to you. Sloppy seconds are good enough, no?
2. The best way to make friends with the local tough who almost killed you with his little gang? Almost choke him to death in a fit of rage. Slave for life.
3. Perpetually broke, living in a slum guys are secretly from really rich families. And their father will be so happy that at least this time it's not a gold-digging skank, they'll do anything for you.
4. No matter how much the thought of a menage a trois with your hunky boyfriend and his identical twin appeals to you, it's probably a bad idea to keep asking about the sibling if the questions induce fits in your current squeeze. What happened? Probably nothing good.
5. You don't need to be from 'them rural parts' to have your father and your uncle be one and the same thing.
6. You should probably not marry a man whose mother was violently insane and whose twin was a sociopath, and both of whom killed themselves. Unless you are willing to adopt.
7. Pissing off the school Queen Bee is a good idea. If she doesn't maim you, she might even become a friend.
8. Sending your children to school? What with molesting teachers, homicidal thugs, and violent women, you are safer buying them a one-way ticket to Kinshasa.
9. If your boyfriend is the one with male stalkers instead of you, it's time to do something about it. I suggest giving him a haircut.
10. If your stepdaughter's current boyfriend knows that you raped her, it's probably not a good idea to visit him. Or talk to him. Or even breathe on him. Or near him. Especially if he is addicted to physical violence.
Corollary: If you disregard the above, please do it on a hardwood floor. Blood stains are really hard to get out of the carpet.
11. The best way to a guy's heart? A bunch of similarities to his dead brother. There is nothing sexier than a sibling.
12. Death cannot stop True Love. Neither can physical injuries, mental problems, or rape trauma. It's the new panacea.
I am getting a bit tired of Mars, probably because I watched too much of it at once (only one ep yesterday, but it still makes it 6 eps in 2 days). I used to get the same thing with the manga: too much at once and it got very cloying, as if someone was pouring honey directly down my throat. But in small dozes it’s still severe fun (as in when he tells her he never used to be afraid but now is afraid all the time, especially when she is riding his bike with him because then he can't make any mistakes. Heee), and it had an absolutely medieval moment yesterday. Ling is off to the races to compete so Qi-Luo wants to give him the good-luck charm he gave her earlier. He rejects it and says that it’s to protect her now instead and then asks for something “doesn’t matter what, as long as it's yours” (with a line like that, if she was a different girl, he’d be looking at a pair of panties :P). So she takes off his hair-ribbon and he stretches his arm and she ties it around his wrist. Off to the jousts we go. Of course, there was also the horrible moment where she told him racing was cooler than painting because anyone can paint, even if badly. Well, anyone can race motorcycles, if only once, so that argument is so horrible it makes my head hurt…Of course, seeing that her words motivate him to win and she is in it for the long haul and it seems to be his most promising source of income, maybe she is cannier than I thought.
Top dozen things I've learned from Mars
1. If you are a sweet, caring, stable guy and your friend is a delinquent nut, guess who the woman of your dreams is going to choose? The most you can hope for is becoming her confidante as she insists on talking to you about him. And taking about him. And talking about him.
Corollary: but never fear. Your friend's rejected ex might take a shine to you. Sloppy seconds are good enough, no?
2. The best way to make friends with the local tough who almost killed you with his little gang? Almost choke him to death in a fit of rage. Slave for life.
3. Perpetually broke, living in a slum guys are secretly from really rich families. And their father will be so happy that at least this time it's not a gold-digging skank, they'll do anything for you.
4. No matter how much the thought of a menage a trois with your hunky boyfriend and his identical twin appeals to you, it's probably a bad idea to keep asking about the sibling if the questions induce fits in your current squeeze. What happened? Probably nothing good.
5. You don't need to be from 'them rural parts' to have your father and your uncle be one and the same thing.
6. You should probably not marry a man whose mother was violently insane and whose twin was a sociopath, and both of whom killed themselves. Unless you are willing to adopt.
7. Pissing off the school Queen Bee is a good idea. If she doesn't maim you, she might even become a friend.
8. Sending your children to school? What with molesting teachers, homicidal thugs, and violent women, you are safer buying them a one-way ticket to Kinshasa.
9. If your boyfriend is the one with male stalkers instead of you, it's time to do something about it. I suggest giving him a haircut.
10. If your stepdaughter's current boyfriend knows that you raped her, it's probably not a good idea to visit him. Or talk to him. Or even breathe on him. Or near him. Especially if he is addicted to physical violence.
Corollary: If you disregard the above, please do it on a hardwood floor. Blood stains are really hard to get out of the carpet.
11. The best way to a guy's heart? A bunch of similarities to his dead brother. There is nothing sexier than a sibling.
12. Death cannot stop True Love. Neither can physical injuries, mental problems, or rape trauma. It's the new panacea.
I am getting a bit tired of Mars, probably because I watched too much of it at once (only one ep yesterday, but it still makes it 6 eps in 2 days). I used to get the same thing with the manga: too much at once and it got very cloying, as if someone was pouring honey directly down my throat. But in small dozes it’s still severe fun (as in when he tells her he never used to be afraid but now is afraid all the time, especially when she is riding his bike with him because then he can't make any mistakes. Heee), and it had an absolutely medieval moment yesterday. Ling is off to the races to compete so Qi-Luo wants to give him the good-luck charm he gave her earlier. He rejects it and says that it’s to protect her now instead and then asks for something “doesn’t matter what, as long as it's yours” (with a line like that, if she was a different girl, he’d be looking at a pair of panties :P). So she takes off his hair-ribbon and he stretches his arm and she ties it around his wrist. Off to the jousts we go. Of course, there was also the horrible moment where she told him racing was cooler than painting because anyone can paint, even if badly. Well, anyone can race motorcycles, if only once, so that argument is so horrible it makes my head hurt…Of course, seeing that her words motivate him to win and she is in it for the long haul and it seems to be his most promising source of income, maybe she is cannier than I thought.
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Date: 2006-01-24 10:45 pm (UTC)In my geometry class, we were talking about corollaries. No one, not even the British guy, could pronounce it, so my teacher wrote on the board "Koala Bear #1" and that was that.
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Date: 2006-01-25 04:05 am (UTC)Links:
Star Wars (that was before lj had tags. I really need to go back and retag but I am lazy. But I did go crazy for SW for months). List here:
http://dangermousie.livejournal.com/5599.html
One Tree Hill (I can't help it, it's a trainwreck I can't look away from (if you click on my oth tag you will see my repeated mocking yet my equally repeated inability to stay away). List here:
http://dangermousie.livejournal.com/178959.html
Roswell (most of August was Roswell-zone for this lj. I wrote more than Tolstoy. I started my viewings with the famous last words of 'it won't be another Firefly for me'). List here:
http://dangermousie.livejournal.com/118113.html
As a questionable bonus, here is my brief summary of the first eps severey tongue in cheek:
http://dangermousie.livejournal.com/115824.html
And a photo summary of the eps:
http://dangermousie.livejournal.com/116414.html