I should tell you, I should tell you, I have always loved you...

[dangermousie]

Went to see Rent again today, and loved it even more this time. In fact, it just might be my favorite movie this year, which when you consider Serenity or Revenge of the Sith, is quite a thing to say. It's amazing what a difference not being zonked and not having a screaming kid in the audience (what crazy person takes a 4 year old to Rent anyway?) makes.

I am such a sap but I ended up crying at the end. I wasn't the only one: the audience was full of sniffles. It's funny, because I've gotten a lot more "I want some happiness for the characters" as the years go on. I thought I'd prefer La Boheme's ending (Mimi dies for real and Rodolpho (Roger's equivalent) just scream sings over her body "Mimi!!!!" and the curtain falls. But no, I am too wimpy. I choked back a happy sob and all that when her hand started twitching. I couldn't have borne for her to die (and it's not as if she won't die soon anyway. But Roger and Mimi deserve some happiness in their life for a bit, at least). This way I got the best of both worlds: there is the angst of her "dying" and his screaming. But then it turns out somewhat OK. And I am bawling.

I've also decided I have a fiction crush on Roger. Not only because of the blond/blue-eyed combo which is a favorite, and the fact that he's got an amazing amazing voice, but because I got such an impression of his steady, gentle strength this time around (just as elvensapphire was talking about.) He is not my type at all (I prefer them solvent and not dying), but I do love him. And I do agree with elvensapphire that the flashback does show he always was caring, witness that flashback with gf who finds she is HIV+.


I've also decided that "One Song Glory" is my favorite song on the soundtrack. It's funny that he wants throughout the whole show to write one great song, and "One Song Glory" is exactly that, better than the one he does write, "Your Eyes" (though unlike katranna, I do like the latter one).

Also, I don't normally go for the punk rocker look, but Roger with the bleach spiky hair and the bracelet and all that other stuff? Whoa. I want to drag him into a corner and have (safe) sex with him. My favorite image in the whole movie is also from that song. It's April in the alley, with the needle, and he on his knees in front of her (I assume waiting for a hit). There is something so striking about the way light filters, the way he looks like a suppliant on his knees, the whole doomedness and wrongness of it. I love it.

Of course, no wonder he is so locked up internally and withdrawn after that, and resists Mimi for so long (because you can see during the "Out Tonight" song, he really wants her. Heck, I wanted her). If anyone has reason to be catious, it's him: his previous girlfriend hooked him on drugs and gave him HIV+ and now Mimi is also is drug addict. I do love that part of the reason he doesn't want to involve Mimi is because he is HIV+ and only lets his guard down when he finds out she is too. He really is an awfully nice guy. I loved his slightly nervous and clueless interaction with Mimi during the candle song. Boy, those two have great chemistry. I loved their first kiss. And I love that after they get together, you see him smile a lot (and he didn't at all before). He's got a lovely smile. His whole face lights up. And I love that she seems to have parked on his lap during Joanne/Maureen's engagement.

Of course I do love how he takes care of Mimi during her withdrawal. He is totally tender and caring. And I do love that he does draw a line and after he sees her falling off the wagon again, he does walk away. I guess he isn't into being co-dependent (though I do think his jealousy of Benny also added to the whole situation, and also his fear of losing her).

And the end, where he is crying? And I love his "gentle" voice. Guuuuuuh.

I need some Rent icons.

Comments

[elvensapphire.livejournal.com]

In fact, it just might be my favorite movie this year, which when you consider Serenity or Revenge of the Sith, is quite a thing to say. Same here. The fact that anything could beat Episode III (as I didn't see Serenity...) is amazing, but I honestly think RENT beat it.

And if you're a sap, then I am a basket case, because I was bawling (silently, which is a difficult trick to pull off) by the end. In fact, I was crying from "Without You" onward. The thing is, I would swear that practically everyone else in the theatre was, too. I have never heard so much collective sniffling in a theatre, and somehow seeing both my mother (who generally can be found crying with me) AND my best male friend crying, too moved me even more. I couldn't have borne for her to die (and it's not as if she won't die soon anyway. But Roger and Mimi deserve some happiness in their life for a bit, at least). This way I got the best of both worlds: there is the angst of her "dying" and his screaming. But then it turns out somewhat OK. And I am bawling. Oh yes - this is me, too. I couldn't stand it if both Angel and Mimi died in the show. We know that Mimi is probably going to die too young and too soon, anyway, but seeing she and Roger be able to share their love means so much that it somehow makes it all right. In a twisted way, though I do so love his scream of "Mimi!" at the end of "Your Eyes."

I've also decided I have a fiction crush on Roger. Told you so. ;) He's attractive, and his voice is just gorgeous, but he's also got this gravitas to him, this gentle, caring soul that all seems to pour forth from those eyes and that voice, and it makes him vulnerable and strong in the same breath. He's not my type, but neither is Anakin really - yet in fiction I tend to go for the doomed, beautiful, angsty heroic-types.

I love both "One Song Glory" and "Your Eyes," because while OSG may be the better song, YE is the perfect expression of how he discovers his love for Mimi.

Also, I don't normally go for the punk rocker look, but Roger with the bleach spiky hair and the bracelet and all that other stuff? Whoa. Neither do I! I generally can't stand it, and it's irresistible on him. And I too loved that scene with April. It's absolutely and flawlessly heartbreaking to see them spiraling towards their destruction without being able to stop it - and the look on Roger's face seems to suggest that he knows it's a path to disaster, and he just can't help it.

Regarding his realization that Mimi is also HIV+ - that's one of my favourite moments of the music. Here we have "La Vie Boheme" in its upbeat, glorifying, sometimes raunchy anthem-ness, and at the end of the song is one of the most simple and beautiful moments of character interaction: "AZT break"/"You?"/"Me. You?"/"Mimi..." The way he whispers her name at the end, a combination of sadness and sudden realization that he doesn't have as much to be afraid of as he thought he did, is gorgeous.

"Light My Candle" is wonderful because it has so many layered meanings. I love that he is nervous and yet clearly likes her, I love that he immediately wants to protect her (by taking her stash and by pinching out her candle, as she needs it in part to prep her heroin), I love how he tries to mask himself with cynicism and yet manages to show he's a romantic despite himself.

He's got a lovely smile. His whole face lights up. My mom and I saw a commercial on television tonight and she turned to me and said, "Adam is adorable when he smiles. He lights up like a little boy." Hee.

Of course I do love how he takes care of Mimi during her withdrawal. He is totally tender and caring. Those scenes just kill me.

And the end, where he is crying? And I love his "gentle" voice. Guuuuuuh. Couldn't have said it better.

Have I mentioned how happy I am that someone else loves this as much as I do? And in a way it makes me even happier that you weren't acquainted with it already, because it proves that it has an audience beyond the one that was there to begin with. *squee*

Reply Part 1

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

How much do I love your replies? Thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis much! :P

The fact that anything could beat Episode III (as I didn't see Serenity...) is amazing, but I honestly think RENT beat it.

I think it's my second time that clinched it. That time, not only there were no screaming kids, or bad sound system, I knew the story so could just fall into it and it just tore my heart out, but in a good way.

I was crying from "Without You" onward. The thing is, I would swear that practically everyone else in the theatre was, too.

You could definitely hear the sniffles (and girls were fixing their make-up in the bathroom after the end, too). I was actually surprised by myself. Because I could see crying when Angel died, but that last scene with Roger and Mimi? I knew she lived and still I bawled.

seeing she and Roger be able to share their love means so much that it somehow makes it all right

Yes. After all, she is ot magically healthy, she's just had a reprieve. And she'll be able to have happy months (hopefully) with Roger and thus experience what "Angel had" because before, even when they were happy together, they hadn't admitted their love to each other yet. Oh, I am such a sap. And I agree with you btw, Rent is perfectly paired and ends just at the right moment. I often look for fanfic if I love something, but here, I have no desire for it at all (and not just because if badfic summaries).

In a twisted way, though I do so love his scream of "Mimi!" at the end of "Your Eyes."

Me too. Oh, me too. And the way he holds her limp body in his arms. I love that his eyes are wet when she "comes back." And I do love that Collins got a bit of hope too.

Told you so...he's also got this gravitas to him, this gentle, caring soul that all seems to pour forth from those eyes and that voice, and it makes him vulnerable and strong in the same breath.

Mmmmm. That description made me swoon all over again. Yeah, I think it's the quiet caring that got me so into him. And you can see that contrast in the voice too: in "Another Day" there are all those parts where he is rejecting her and it's in such a contrast with the quiet, heartbroken, intimate "I should tell you" parts of that song.

I generally can't stand it, and it's irresistible on him.

I totally need an icon or cap of that scene. And of course, it makes him look ages younger.

It's absolutely and flawlessly heartbreaking to see them spiraling towards their destruction without being able to stop it - and the look on Roger's face seems to suggest that he knows it's a path to disaster, and he just can't help it.

Yes, yes, yes. He's got this resigned and sligtly helpless look on his face. I think it was April's death and the HIV+ news that made him give up drugs. Which definitely shows he has one heck of a strong will (especially since I don't think he could afford to do rehab and must have done it on his own) and which makes him understanding and yet very frustrated with Mimi. You get the sense that he was just "young and stupid" with April but unfortunately is paying for his mistake with his life.

I have t split this in two, because my reply is too long...

Re: Reply Part 1

[elvensapphire.livejournal.com]

Yay, now I can finally get around to your replies!

I knew the story so could just fall into it and it just tore my heart out, but in a good way. *nods* I knew it going in, and I think that's a large part of the reason why it affected me so much the first time. My mom would probably be like you- she wants to see it again because the first time she was too busy taking it all in to be completely invested emotionally.

I knew she lived and still I bawled. I'm very guilty of that, too. And I can't listen to the reprise of "I'll Cover You" or "Your Eyes"/"Finale B" without feeling like I'm going to tear up.

she'll be able to have happy months (hopefully) with Roger and thus experience what "Angel had" because before, even when they were happy together, they hadn't admitted their love to each other yet. Yes, exactly. The line of, "I'd be happy to die for a taste of what Angel had! Someone to live for, unafraid to say 'I love you!'" always gets to me, because in Mimi's case she has to come as close as possible to death before she can experience that, but at least she has the chance.

I agree with you btw, Rent is perfectly paired and ends just at the right moment. I often look for fanfic if I love something, but here, I have no desire for it at all (and not just because if badfic summaries). Somehow, even if there was wonderful fic, I just wouldn't be able to read it. Rent is all about the moment, the time, the here and now, and going beyond it's basic story doesn't fit the heart of it.

I do love that Collins got a bit of hope too. Collins kills me in that scene. The pain in his face as he's watching Roger cry over Mimi, and then the look of just...purity in a way, when she comes back and mentions that "Angel was there" is so touching and beautiful.

it's the quiet caring that got me so into him. And you can see that contrast in the voice too: in "Another Day" there are all those parts where he is rejecting her and it's in such a contrast with the quiet, heartbroken, intimate "I should tell you" parts of that song. That's why I love that song so much! It's all about contrasts. He's telling her to come back another day, she's countering that today might be the only chance they have, and he just can't decide. You can see that he cares, that he hears her, that he'd like nothing better than to be with her, but he isn't ready to emotionally open up yet - there are too many open factors and stinging wounds that he has to cope with first.

I think it was April's death and the HIV+ news that made him give up drugs. Which definitely shows he has one heck of a strong will (especially since I don't think he could afford to do rehab and must have done it on his own) and which makes him understanding and yet very frustrated with Mimi. You get the sense that he was just "young and stupid" with April but unfortunately is paying for his mistake with his life. Completely agreed. I also figure he just quit on his own because, in the show, Mark has a line (I can't remember if it's in the movie or not) - "Close on Roger, tuning the fender guitar he hasn't played in a year...he's just coming back from half a year of withdrawal." So it sets up not only the time, but the emotional/physical factor. I actually think that his first step towards coming out of withdrawal - emotionally and physically - is picking up that guitar again.

Re: Reply Part 1

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

The pain in his face as he's watching Roger cry over Mimi, and then the look of just...purity in a way, when she comes back and mentions that "Angel was there" is so touching and beautiful.

Oh yes. In a way, he got peace too, knowing that Angel wasn't completely snuffed out of the universe. And watching Roger earlier must have been nightmarish because it would have brought back memories of Angel dying. He's so been here.

I actually think that his first step towards coming out of withdrawal - emotionally and physically - is picking up that guitar again.

He is kinda shell-shocked early on but as he comes out of it slowly, you do see that it's not an intrinsic thing to him: you see him all hppy and interactive and outgoing (and he obviously had to be earlier, too, to make all those friends). Is it too fangirly to say: "awwwww?"

Re: Reply Part 1

[elvensapphire.livejournal.com]

And watching Roger earlier must have been nightmarish because it would have brought back memories of Angel dying. He's so been here. All it takes is that shot of the expression on his face. He knows what's happening, he's seen it, and once again he doesn't know what to do, or if he can help it, stop it. Collins is just left hanging, hovering, and praying for a miracle. And Angel grants it for all of them.

By the way, one can never be too fangirly. ;)

Re: Reply Part 1

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

And Angel grants it for all of them.


Oh yes. I love how Collins just collapses sobbing as if he's been granted his own kind of grace.

Reply Part 2

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Here we have "La Vie Boheme" in its upbeat, glorifying, sometimes raunchy anthem-ness, and at the end of the song is one of the most simple and beautiful moments of character interaction: "AZT break"/"You?"/"Me. You?"/"Mimi..."

I think it also shows that bohemia has its very dark side. There is nonconformism and fun and all that, but there are all these people at the table with AIDS. It's not all hunky-dory.

The way he whispers her name at the end, a combination of sadness and sudden realization that he doesn't have as much to be afraid of as he thought he did, is gorgeous.

Oh yes. And then they walk out into the snow. I think that "AZT" moment is when he lets down his guard. Because (and I love that) he was not going to drag a healthy girl in or lead her on considering he as HIV+. He couldn't lie to her about his health and he couldn't expect her to stick around once he told (or wouldn't want her to, in good conscience, either, it's risky) so he does a preventative shut-down. And then, in one minute, he finds out he doesn't have to. I love that. Mmmmm, and then the kissing.

I love how he tries to mask himself with cynicism and yet manages to show he's a romantic despite himself.

Yup. And he can't help but reveal what he is thinking: "Nothing...your hair in the moonlight" And I get the feeling he doesn't know where to put his hands :P I do think it really helps him that a complete stranger finds him attractive. His self-esteem can't be that great (illogical but true) and now a complete stranger sees him as attractive and not "damaged."

He lights up like a little boy.

Definitely. It's actually lovely to see Roger start to smile because he doesn't at all in the first half. It's actually sort of telling how differently he and Mark greet Collins when he walks through the door. Mark gives a hug, and Roger just quietly says hi until Collins drags him into a hug.

in a way it makes me even happier that you weren't acquainted with it already

Yes. It does translate beautifully as I knew nothing about this before...

Re: Reply Part 2

[elvensapphire.livejournal.com]

I think it also shows that bohemia has its very dark side. There is nonconformism and fun and all that, but there are all these people at the table with AIDS. It's not all hunky-dory Oh, yes, I totally agree. I didn't mean to completely dismiss the darker undertones of that song. Again, it's all about contrasts and juxtapositions. (Random, but do you remember a while ago I asked you what S&M stood for? LVB is why. lol - I get the Langston Hughes/Pablo Neruda/Sondheim, etc. references, but I had no idea what the S&M was. One of my friends found this highly amusing.)

so he does a preventative shut-down. And then, in one minute, he finds out he doesn't have to. I love that. Mmmmm, and then the kissing. Couldn't have said it better. And the kissing! *melts* I also love the multiple lyrical references to baggage in the show: "Don't got much baggage to lay at your feet, but sweet kisses I've got to spare..." to "I've been tryin', I'm not lyin', no one's perfect, I've got baggage!" to (in the cut portion of "Goodbye Love") "You don't want baggage without lifetime guarantees, you don't want to watch me die" - it's all so multi-layered and symbolic and I love that. (Jonathan Larson also did this with the word "rent" and its multiple uses - it's not just a matter of payment, it's the temporal quality of life itself.)


His self-esteem can't be that great (illogical but true) and now a complete stranger sees him as attractive and not "damaged." I love it that Mimi doesn't really seem to care, certainly not initally, that he IS damaged. He sees himself as disaster, and her basic response is along the lines of, "it's okay - I'm an emotional wreck, too." She's been damaged and she needs someone else who understands that destruction, and can be sympathetic while pulling her through it.

It's actually lovely to see Roger start to smile because he doesn't at all in the first half. It's actually sort of telling how differently he and Mark greet Collins when he walks through the door. Mark gives a hug, and Roger just quietly says hi until Collins drags him into a hug. I love how much we see him smiling in Mark's footage during the little midsection of the film. It's so sweet. Also, I have to mention that I adore how Collins enters - Collins and Angel are both marvelously alive in their own ways, and the two of them won't LET Roger shut down. I think that they actually add to the catalyst that gets him out of his emotionally withdrawn shell. They want him to be included, as Mark does, as Mimi does, and the combination of all of their efforts, and all the different ways they love/care about him finally brings him back to life.

Re: Reply Part 2

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Jonathan Larson also did this with the word "rent" and its multiple uses - it's not just a matter of payment, it's the temporal quality of life itself.

Oh yeah. I especially love the line about not owning emotion but renting it. Mmmm, love clever wordplay.

She's been damaged and she needs someone else who understands that destruction, and can be sympathetic while pulling her through it.


Yes, because let's face it. A completely mentally and physically healthy person wouldn't go for her: she is too much trouble to deal with. But someone whose issues complement (largely) hers? Is another matter.

Collins and Angel are both marvelously alive in their own ways, and the two of them won't LET Roger shut down. I think that they actually add to the catalyst that gets him out of his emotionally withdrawn shell.

Yup. I don't think Mark by himself was enough (he is a bit on a meek side), but all those vibrant people around him, who do like him? Is another matter entirely.

Re: Reply Part 2

[elvensapphire.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah. I especially love the line about not owning emotion but renting it. Mmmm, love clever wordplay. That is one of my favorite lines. Partly because of the boys' harmony in it. "I don't own emotion! I rent!" Ahguhsplutter.

I don't think Mark by himself was enough (he is a bit on a meek side), but all those vibrant people around him, who do like him? Is another matter entirely I think part of the problem with Mark is that Mark and Roger know each other so well, they don't need words to communicate things. It's that best friend connection - but because of that, and because Mark has been the one to see Roger through April's suicide, through his withdrawal, Mark is afraid to push to hard. He allows Roger to ruminate because he's lost and just doesn't know what else to do. You know he wants to fix things, but has no idea where to start. He gently nudges, but it's never enough. Collins and Angel tug Roger mercilessly because they haven't been around to watch Roger suffer - which is okay. They love him regardless. And Mimi doesn't just nudge or tug - she pushes him. She pushes him right into the Life Support meeting without even realizing she's done it. I love that scene because the first time he goes out, it is because of Mimi, but not with her. He has to get out on his own two feet first, and then he opens up enough to ask her to go with him to Maureen's show. Also, I adore the looks on Mark, Collins, and Angel's faces when he walks into that meeting. And the way Collins wraps his arms around his shoulder. They all care so much about each other, and in different ways, and that's what makes the story powerful.

Re: Reply Part 2

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

He has to get out on his own two feet first, and then he opens up enough to ask her to go with him to Maureen's show

Oh yes. You know, I never thought about that. Basically, he comes out of his shell under the influence of all these people and when it all falls apart with Angel's death and Mimi's addiction and what not, he can never fully withdraw again, and that is wonderful.

Re: Reply Part 2

[elvensapphire.livejournal.com]

Exactly. Angel's death is horrible, but they all know he's sick, they know it's happening, and they have become such a tight knit group that Roger wouldn't be allowed to withdraw even if he wanted to. With April, he got no time to even absorb the fact that she was sick (if you go with the original story) because she took her life into her own hands, and it was that violence and shock that really pushed him over. Angel, on the other hand, is a slow, tedious, and heartbreaking death to go through, but it manages to only strengthen the bonds the rest of them share. I think Roger almost has trouble processing the fact that Angel's gone - "How could we lose Angel?" and that he only fully grasps it by finding himself, and discovering how deeply he loves Mimi, while he's alone in Santa Fe.