Fandom Confessional
Nov. 3rd, 2005 05:12 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dangermousieDo you ever fall so much in love with something that you become a bit...irrational...about it?
No, I don't mean "tattoo 'Spike' into your forehead or go to work, every day, dressed as Obi-Wan Kenobi" irrational, but sort of get an emotional reaction to it that your saner self knows is out of bounds: don't want to share your "precious" with somebody who you think it not "worthy" of appreciating it, or when someone criticizes it, you actually feel hurt?
Because, much as I try to control it, it happens to me. Now, there are fandoms where I am happy and active in, where I stay dispassionate. I adore Battlestar Galactica but it wouldn't bother me to read people stating (as long as they have reasons and spell-check their posts) how and why BSG is a bad bad show, even though I'd disagree with them to the bitter end. If people don't like Bollywood, I shrug and move on. I won't even argue but will amicably agree to disagree.
But for a lot of things, I fall in love. For example, I am very careful with who I recommend The Lymond Chronicles to because the books are such a big part of my mental landscape and are so important to me (my BFF and I still end most of our conversations with a mention of Lymond. The books ate our sophomore year in college). I don't want people to read them and hate them, or worse, be indifferent. My connection to them is entirely too personal.
And the few times I read people dissing Firefly, I get a sense of irrational hurt. I logically comprehend that there are people, people of excellent taste, who just don't like it. But logic has nothing to do with my inner 5 year old throwing a tantrum. Because it makes me feel so much and we are all ultimately solipcicistic. And the same is true with Farscape, especially Crichton's character. I don't think I am able to read posts hating either of the two. I just don't read that because it feels too personal. Which is ridiculous but there it is. And you know, I think with Veronica Mars, I am approaching that level, at least with Logan's character. I think when you end up loving something so much, it's because it strikes some deeply personal chord within you, hits something important. So when other people don't share that feeling, or worse, feel completely the opposite way, it feels as if they are rejecting you, or at least some intrinsic, basic part of you that matters, some world-view or emotion that is necessary to you. It's ridiculous, it's irrational, it's utterly childish, but there it is.
So, am I the only lunatic of that sort?
No, I don't mean "tattoo 'Spike' into your forehead or go to work, every day, dressed as Obi-Wan Kenobi" irrational, but sort of get an emotional reaction to it that your saner self knows is out of bounds: don't want to share your "precious" with somebody who you think it not "worthy" of appreciating it, or when someone criticizes it, you actually feel hurt?
Because, much as I try to control it, it happens to me. Now, there are fandoms where I am happy and active in, where I stay dispassionate. I adore Battlestar Galactica but it wouldn't bother me to read people stating (as long as they have reasons and spell-check their posts) how and why BSG is a bad bad show, even though I'd disagree with them to the bitter end. If people don't like Bollywood, I shrug and move on. I won't even argue but will amicably agree to disagree.
But for a lot of things, I fall in love. For example, I am very careful with who I recommend The Lymond Chronicles to because the books are such a big part of my mental landscape and are so important to me (my BFF and I still end most of our conversations with a mention of Lymond. The books ate our sophomore year in college). I don't want people to read them and hate them, or worse, be indifferent. My connection to them is entirely too personal.
And the few times I read people dissing Firefly, I get a sense of irrational hurt. I logically comprehend that there are people, people of excellent taste, who just don't like it. But logic has nothing to do with my inner 5 year old throwing a tantrum. Because it makes me feel so much and we are all ultimately solipcicistic. And the same is true with Farscape, especially Crichton's character. I don't think I am able to read posts hating either of the two. I just don't read that because it feels too personal. Which is ridiculous but there it is. And you know, I think with Veronica Mars, I am approaching that level, at least with Logan's character. I think when you end up loving something so much, it's because it strikes some deeply personal chord within you, hits something important. So when other people don't share that feeling, or worse, feel completely the opposite way, it feels as if they are rejecting you, or at least some intrinsic, basic part of you that matters, some world-view or emotion that is necessary to you. It's ridiculous, it's irrational, it's utterly childish, but there it is.
So, am I the only lunatic of that sort?
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Date: 2005-11-03 10:28 pm (UTC)That's it, exactly.
I used to be that way - well, I still am, actually, in some ways - about Star Wars. Though academically I understand people have a perfect right to whatever opinions they want to express, whenever I see SW (or more specifically the prequels/Anakin/A&P) slammed for what I think is a stupid reason, there's this tiny voice in me that wants to just snap 'it's because you just don't get it, idiot.' I've learned to tune out a lot of the bashing, and be more careful about what circles I discuss SW in, but every now and then something leaks in that just irks me.
I think I'm starting to get that way about Firefly, too - when I saw this hotbed of negativity about it on F_W, I was surprised at how annoyed it made me, and I also had to bite back the 'you just don't get it' response, because IMO it's one of the most brilliant pieces of TV I've ever seen.
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Date: 2005-11-04 06:04 am (UTC)Yeah, I think that's where my annoyance comes in also. I'm cool with other people not liking the same characters, blah blah, but it's when they actively slam the characters I love for wholly stupid reasons that I start to feel a little violent. There's a particular brand of smugness that comes with Anakin bashing, for example, that gets me every time.
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Date: 2005-11-03 10:32 pm (UTC)Then there is S:AAB (Space: Above And Beyond) which I still get pretty much emotional about even though the series was axed ten years ago. That series, but especially the characters, saved my life back then when I went through my first chemo. I was so tired and hurting, only the thought of just another new episode each week kept me going like a good Marine. And the sensitive play of both James Morrison and Rodney Rowland as the tanks McQueen and Hawkes still have me in tears. And yes, even though I have seen the series innumerous times, I have seen the last ep only twice, and then afterwards I'm an emotional wreck.
So yes, I know where you are coming from ... I've been there, got the t-shirt and the emotional hang-ups afterwards :)
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Date: 2005-11-04 04:09 pm (UTC)Oh yes. Sometimes you get so involved with the characters that you end up being happy and sad WITH them. And I love when that happens...
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Date: 2005-11-03 10:33 pm (UTC)I'm only like this with VM and Farscape though. I used to be like it with HP waaay back but then the evil that is the HP fandom numbed me...
So, to answer your question. You are not the only crazy one ;)
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Date: 2005-11-04 04:08 pm (UTC)ROFL but true.
Yes, HP fandom is scary scary place.
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Date: 2005-11-03 10:41 pm (UTC)Although, because I'm nutty, I tread carefully around other people's fandoms, even if I don't especially like them myself, because I know what it's like to have feelings hurt and I don't want to do it to someone else, even unintentionally.
Actually, you and
That's it, exactly.
And I actually think, in some ways, it's these little intrinsic part of our hearts that shape us a bit. <3 In a good way.
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Date: 2005-11-04 04:07 pm (UTC)Yes.
The thing that bothers me with SW criticism is not if people don't like the movies. Because? Whatever. But if they think Anakin is horrible before he becomes Vader because that is an absolute and just guuuhhhh...
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Date: 2005-11-03 10:55 pm (UTC)So, am I the only lunatic of that sort?
No time to give this a more well-thought-out response, but in a word, No.
The things we love define us somehow, and say something about who we are.
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Date: 2005-11-04 04:06 pm (UTC)That is realy really well put.
Btw, icon swoon!
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Date: 2005-11-03 11:03 pm (UTC)My older brother doesn't like Veronica Mars, so I forbid him to speak about it. I feel like I'm the only one that is allowed to say anything negative about any of my obsessions, because I know that when I say it, it's with unconditioinal love. I make fun of, say, "Lost", all the time, but get incredibly pissed off if anybody else does the same.
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Date: 2005-11-04 04:04 pm (UTC)Does it work?
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Date: 2005-11-03 11:13 pm (UTC)I actually close my eyes and squeak as the feeling of impending doom, knowing that Battlestar G WILL probably kill off all of the people that I love just because they can.
And there's the irrational part. They're not people. They do not exist. I fully realize that...and yet, they're real to me, in a way. *shrugs* I want them happy.
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Date: 2005-11-04 04:06 pm (UTC)The thing is, that is why I am trying to stay detached with BSG. Because I fully expect a bloodbath by the end. Which is a pity. I am the type of person who always peeks at the end of books and reads spoilers because I usually care too much and I want that safety net of knowing what happens so I won't love certain characters too much or ship certain characters too much.
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Date: 2005-11-03 11:15 pm (UTC)The problem is Master and Commander and then 2046 came along and no one liked those movies except me so I had to revise my threat ;)
As to Logan ... no one bags out Logan on my watch ....
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Date: 2005-11-04 12:32 am (UTC)Obviously, we're meant to be enemies.
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Date: 2005-11-03 11:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-11-04 04:01 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2005-11-03 11:51 pm (UTC)I used to be like that and in regards to VM, I still sort of am. The thing is, I always try to get my friends to be obsessed about the same things I am and that usually backfires 'cause we have such diff personalities and wants and we end up having such different reactions.
It makes for some interesting some interesting ship discussions though. I am the lone H/Hr and D/Hr shipper in the sea of my die hard R/Hr friends.
And I introduced my friends to VM by way of inviting them over for a sleepover (kidnapping them) and forcing them to watch VM with me. While they agree it's a good show they don't understand my obsession and when I explain about the *Logan* and Veronica love they're all 'meh' about it.
Like someone mentioned ahead of me, it was the Harry Potter fandom and the 6th book that killed that in me. You can only see your fave characters trashed so many times before you stop caring 'cause it hurts so much.
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Date: 2005-11-04 04:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-11-04 12:08 am (UTC)Other people...honestly I don't care what they think, but then I don't really talk about fandoms with people outside them...
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Date: 2005-11-04 04:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-11-04 12:30 am (UTC)When we had shared music on iTunes at work, I wouldn't put up the albums of my favorite musciacian because, as I explained to my coworkers, "he's mine and you don't deserve him."
I'm often reluctant to recommend deeply beloved and personal books and movies too, because I'm afraod the recommendee won't get them, or because I want to keep them special and for myself.
So you're not the only crazy one. :-P
And I think you well know that no-one's allowed to diss Oscar Wilde in my prescence.
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Date: 2005-11-04 04:00 pm (UTC)ROFL. I probably wouldn't be so blunt, but I've certainly shared the sentiment in the past.
And ITA on the books.
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Date: 2005-11-04 12:37 am (UTC)So when other people don't share that feeling, or worse, feel completely the opposite way, it feels as if they are rejecting you, or at least some intrinsic, basic part of you that matters, some world-view or emotion that is necessary to you.
Oh yes, I understand that feeling, and I'm still in that stage with VM. I hate that fans are disappointed this year. I don't mean that they shouldn't be, just that I wish they weren't, because I love it (despite it's flaws) and I want everyone to love it. I can't even go into the negativity thread on TWOP. I cannot even imagine what it would be like for the RT or the actors, particularly TT and TD. I hope they stay off the net.
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Date: 2005-11-04 03:59 pm (UTC)Well, RT posted on TWOP recently in the episode thread (I think that's basically the only one they check).
But yes, I am not the world's number one fan of either TT or TD but that's got to be...ouch, some of those things on TWOP.
Personally, I love the second season.
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Date: 2005-11-04 01:24 am (UTC)That said, yeah, sometimes I find myself taking things WAY too personally ;) *coughApollocough*
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Date: 2005-11-04 03:58 pm (UTC)really dislikes Dunnett
*gasp* The funn thing, even reading that statement was mildly upsetting. I need help.
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Date: 2005-11-04 02:01 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-11-04 03:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-11-04 02:02 am (UTC)If I already love them I can accept that they don't like it and move on (but not talk about it) but if they are randoms in a bar then I can't talk to them at all.
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Date: 2005-11-04 03:55 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2005-11-04 03:17 am (UTC)I am that way about Farscape, and Crichton, and Chiana, and BSG, and Helo, and... well, you get the picture.
And, for what it's worth, you and another friend both recced the Lymond Chronicles to me, and while it *is* taking a good deal of time for me to get through them, I *adore* them. They're so incredibly well-written and just... *guh*
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Date: 2005-11-04 04:12 am (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2005-11-04 03:25 am (UTC)Oh, god, no.
I think that's always been my problem. I don't just get into the fandom. I don't just 'obsess.' I honestly care about my interests in a deeply personal sense, in much exactly the same way that I care about people (which sounds dreadful, but isn't, really). And the complicating factor for me, of course, is that my 'fandom' interests usually are tied to an affection for a particular 'person'; all the fandoms I've ever really cared about have centered on the fandom of a specific character. (I.e. Achilles, Brian in 'Velvet Goldmine,' Maximilien Robespierre in the French Revolution, etc.) And it really hurts to hear these people insulted or maligned, just like it would hurt to hear a good friend of mine insulted.
The complicating factor for me is that the characters I like are generally 'bad' or 'immoral' in some way, and I enter into this complex balance of admitting their faults myself while still hurting to hear other people mention them. Leopold and Loeb are heartless child murderers, and their sexual relationship is certainly disfunctional and arguably somewhat degenerate. I can say this, I can use words like 'rape' or 'twisted' to refer to their relationship, but when I a friend of mine referred to the 'perversion' element of the case, I was incredibly offended. Logically, perhaps, I can understand that you canrefer to the case as perverted, but it still really affronted me to hear the judgment from some one else. There's almost this feeling that I understand the case, that I understand the nuances, that I can use words like this because from my mouth they are mitigated by a deeper compassion and comprehension of the history's depth. But other people--people who don't know as much about it as me--don't get that privilege, and from them any negative judgment is somehow 'blind,' judgmental, or missing the point.
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Date: 2005-11-04 03:52 pm (UTC)But yes, even if ou criticize something/someone you love, fictional/historical/real, you know you are doing it with understanding and love and when others do it, you better be convinced they are fellow fans because otherwise it hurts.
It's actually a bizarre parallel to the whole "if you are a member of ethnic group, you can call each other derogatory names, but if an outsider does it it's an insult."
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Date: 2005-11-04 04:37 am (UTC)For example, my cousin just doesn't care about procedurals. I love procedurals, but they just don't anything for her. So me squeeing about the latest CSI or Law and Order just earns a shoulder shrug from her. On the other hand, I can't understand for the love of God how she can watch things like Felicity or the 8th+ season of E.R. It's just like a whole area of things that just doesn't interest me at all. It can be as well written as you want, it's still not going to fascinate me.
But I do dislike it when people hate on a show or a character, especially when I feel like they are doing it without being really informed about the details. Basically, don't hate on something if you don't know it or care to know it.
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Date: 2005-11-04 03:50 pm (UTC)See rationally I know people's tastes differ. And I guess if they confined themselves to ___ doesn't work for me, I am fine (though my perception of them is that we are fundamentally incompatible on some very small level) but if they go into a long diatribe against something I love...it's hard to deal. Which is ridiculous but there it is.
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Date: 2005-11-04 09:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-11-04 02:23 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2005-11-04 12:55 pm (UTC)He has talent, damnit. You (and by you I mean the people) just don't have to watch his movies is all. But I'd so rather you did. And like it.
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Date: 2005-11-04 03:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-11-05 02:00 am (UTC)no subject
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