Things I learned from One Tree Hill

[dangermousie]

One Tree Hill is making my brain die. I really hope Veronica Mars is not like that, because I don't think it has the mostly naked Chad Michael Murray to compensate.

This said, OTH is a valuable learning experience. So far, I've learned that:

1. In the Alternative Universe of OTH, no high school basketball player is Black.

2. If you have two half-brothers, the poor one will be good and the rich one will be bad. To make the difference clearer, the good brother will be blond and the bad one dark-haired. Now that I know to avoid all dark-haired well-off men, my life is set.

3. Corollary to Rule 2. If the bad brother is good-looking, he will be redeemed by the love of a poor girl.

4. If a seemingly sane, well-adjusted guy is offered a choice between three girls: a pretentious bitchy headcase, a village bycicle slut, or a smart, funny, and pretty best friend, he is never ever going to pick the best friend. Ever.

5. Not to worry, because the smart, pretty, funny girl will prefer the petulant, bratty, behavior-challenged jerk over the smart, sweet best guy friend too.

6. The only reason Dad Dan is not twirling a mustache while tying a heroine to a railroad track is because mustaches are passe and he'd never be seen anywhere as tacky as railroad tracks.

7. Basketball=life

8. If someone is supposed to be a good, deep, angsty artist, their drawings usually look like what my little cousin would draw when she was two.

9. "Scrawny" means built in a way a Greek Statue would envy.

10. Reading Ayn Rand makes you deep.

11. Teenangers have more sex than prostitutes. And are better at it, too. And their parents never seem to mind.

12. Marriage at 17 is normal. Especially if you are not trailer trash and no one is pregnant or going away into the military.

13. The utterly gratuitous scene of jocks stealing Chad Michael Murray's clothes and his towel after a shower makes 1-12 utterly bearable, as he demonstrates as much nudity as is humanly possible without sending censors into a frenzy. Where's my rewind button?

Comments

[winterspel.livejournal.com]

Hey dangermousie -- I go on vacation, and you start investigating Veronica Mars! Ahem, it's a subject I'm rather fond of. ;)

Anyway, OTH and VM aren't even in the same universe, imo. VM is loaded with great characters, terrific plot, and incredibly snappy dialogue. The lines are (often) to die for. The first season was fantastic, and after rewatching it a few times now, I appreciate the subtlety of plotting and the character growth immensely. The DVD set comes out soon - it's well worth checking out.

So, there is is nothing for me to say about OTH except that I can't watch more than 5-10 minutes withouteling itchy.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

I've been posting about VM this whole week (obsessive, me?) and am going to watch the season premiere tonight. I actually bought the DVD set on ebay which I hope to see soon.

As to OTH? The pretty is nice but the rest of it is...argh!

[winterspel.livejournal.com]

Oh, hon, I wish you could find a way to record it and hold off actually watching the season premiere tonight, and watch season 1 first. I'd beg you to do that, if I was the begging sort! :D It's that worth it to get the plot and character developments.

It's a damn shame that they couldn't get the DVD set out sooner (which was the original plan-to have it out by the beginning of Sept.), so folks could catch up.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Oh, if I was strong-willed, I'd do that. But I am an utterly weak person and a spoiler-slut into the bargain so I am afraid I won't be able to do that :)

[ladyaeryn.livejournal.com]

Heh. I can't even watch previews for OTH.

And amusingly, if your list is anything to go by, I have missed nothing in this, because the impressions of the show I gleaned from the previews I didn't manage to avoid appear to be dead-on. :P

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

appear to be dead-on. :P

Probably are. You really can't overestimate OTH's intelligence.

I am shallow, so CMM's hotness is keeping me content to watch this on FF, unless he is angsty and/or half-dressed in a scene.

[ladyaeryn.livejournal.com]

Heh. Fortunately, I do not find CMM particularly hot (certainly not bad, but I've seen better and I'm very picky with my affections), so I am thankfully free of the need to further melt my brain with this show. ;)

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

I would have a coherent response but guuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh!

your icon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The only thing I am capable of right now are grunty monosyllables :)

[ladyaeryn.livejournal.com]

Coherence is not required. Merely unadulterated, lavish drooling and aforementioned monosyllabic noises. *g* With magnificence like this around, I feel no need to disperse my affections on the likes of WB teen-bait.

I made this icon simply so I could stare at it and drool. Very dangerous at work. ;) (My only heartbreak is that there is no glorious high-res version of the source image. *sniffs*)

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Very dangerous at work. ;)

Yes *brain short-circuits*

there is no glorious high-res version of the source image

Well, there is that surgery movie coming up. People have to be sans clothes for surgery, don't they? :P

[ladyaeryn.livejournal.com]

Yes *brain short-circuits*

It's a double danger - my brain melting out my ears, and the possibility that a coworker will walk by when that icon is on screen. Hee!

Well, there is that surgery movie coming up. People have to be sans clothes for surgery, don't they? :P

True, but Hayden is no longer as gloriously buff as we was in RotS. Nor will he ever be again. (To hear him speak of it at C3, anyway - it was too grueling.) *woes* Ah well.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

my brain melting out my ears, and the possibility that a coworker will walk by when that icon is on screen.

But so gloriously worth it!

Nor will he ever be again

Woe. But we live in hope of the ROTS DVD extras, right? :)

[crumpeteer.livejournal.com]

Is it okay that seeing that icon makes me feel REALLY naughty?

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

I would imagine so :)

[ladyaeryn.livejournal.com]

As opposed to feeling what? ;) LOL.

[jammer77.livejournal.com]

2. If you have two half-brothers, the poor one will be good and the rich one will be bad. To make the difference clearer, the good brother will be blond and the bad one dark-haired. Now that I know to avoid all dark-haired well-off men, my life is set.

*loves you*

VM and OTH don't even live on the same planet. You'll see that tonight. :) And I'll see it again tomorrow. *dies of UPN-envy*

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

VM and OTH don't even live on the same planet.

That's what I understand...

dies of UPN-envy

This will probably be the first time I watched that channel since Buffy's finale :)

[jammer77.livejournal.com]

Gah. Why couldn't I have cable like normal people? I have satellite but fat lot of good it does me when the UPN affiliate (out of Boston) is part of this movie package that costs an extra $19.99/month.

Boo, I say, boo!!!

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Oh, that's really unfair (and bizarre). UPN is not even a premium channel.

[jammer77.livejournal.com]

I know. But b/c I'm in Canada it is US network/movie channel--ie, it is a premium for us. :(

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Oh...that's annoying!

[snacktastic.livejournal.com]

I don't watch this show, but that never prevents me from commenting.

"10. Reading Ayn Rand makes you deep." Unfortunately, there are way too many assholes who believe that.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Well, it's better than when they were pretending in a previous episode that reading "Julius Caesar" makes you deep :)

[thelana.livejournal.com]

So, did you watch Bones yet?

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Nope. Forgot...

[crumpeteer.livejournal.com]

But there's near naked CMM, and that generally makes up for a multitude of sins.

The one rule that always amuses me the most is that the drop dead gorgeous guy is shunned in his school or by the girls just because he's either "poor" or "quiet" or "shy". This never stopped girls in my highschool. There's also the drop dead gorgeous guy who pines over one girl who will never see him as anything but a friend and dates a pretentious, obnoxious boor with a girly name. That's why Smallville kills me. Tom Welling is one of the most attractive men I've ever laid eyes on, yet he pines over Lana the first couple of seasons because she just can't see him as anything other than a good friend. Dude, if anyone looking like Tom Welling showed up in a highschool, I guarentee that ALL the girls would be on him like white on rice. Give me a break.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

there's near naked CMM, and that generally makes up for a multitude of sins.

Indeed. Though it makes it a tad awkward to watch when Husband is around :P

the drop dead gorgeous guy is shunned in his school or by the girls just because he's either "poor" or "quiet" or "shy".

Exactly. We are supposed to believe that no girl has ever made up to CMM because he is not with the "in" crowd (at least going by his reaction of finding naked Brooke in the car, and not fighting off hordes of girls regularly). Ummm, sorry. If a guy who looked like CMM was in a school, whether he was poor or downright psychotic, there would be SWARMS of girl stalking him non-stop.

I can sort of buy it with Max in Roswell because we do see once or twice a girl try to hit on him and he completely ignores it, so I assume that's what happened with him in the past too, but the cliche generally makes me laugh...of course, in those schools everyone is super-model beautiful, so maybe it makes a difference.

[crumpeteer.livejournal.com]

The logic truly cracks me up. Maybe it is the fact that since they're all models they can shun the lesser models. But even if that's the case CMM is above-par specimen, which makes me wonder about the grey cells of these girls.

The thing with Max makes more sense than most since he seems to have gone out of his way to be cold, with Michael, not so much. I could see him having a string of girls after him (and while he talks like he has in the past, I always wondered). With the Clark Kent thing, it makes no sense at all since Clark is sweet, drop dead gorgeous and friendly. Haven't seen enough OTH to judge. With Reunion, the one character who everyone shuns because he's poor is also gorgeous, sweet natured and sensitive. Apparently I need to transfer high schools.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

the grey cells of these girls

Or their libidos!

The Clark Kent thing makes no sense. The guy is gorgeous enough to stop traffic and is well liked. Yeah, reality *rolls eyes*