Break my heart, will you? Heart of Gold (oh yeah, and The Message)

[dangermousie]

Now have only one Firefly episode left, Objects in Space. It's pretty early and I could have finished it, I suppose, but I am so in love with Heart of Gold (and kinda in shock), that it's waiting till tomorrow. OMG, Mal and Inara=OTP! The angst and the emotional mess and the loveliness and guuuuuuhhhh... I haven't seen anything as angstily, perfectly OTP as Mal and Inara, except John and Aeryn. Ever.


The Message

I think I know why rawles doesn't care for this one this much, as Kaylee flirts with Annoying Guy. But I do think it was a reaction to her being peeved at Simon.

Bits I loved?

The opening Simon and Kaylee scene. Awww. Simon is so adorably socially awkward and earnest and beyond adorable. Mal and Inara might be a thing of sheer painful beauty, but it's fun to see the warmth between Simon and Kaylee. And of course, then his lack of skill with women leaves Kaylee in a miff. Awww. But never worry, at the end she takes his hand.

How much do I love Mal? Well, if it wasn't for Crichton, I'd say he was my favorite sf character ever. The bit at the end, where he says he will turn Tracy over to the Feds, because Tracy basically brought all this trouble on them, is amazing. He is both really and truly inflexibly stern and yet you can see how much this is hurting him. Tracy has him right: gun slinger reputation, but under it all, he is a "sap." I like the image of no one of them really fitting in after the war. Mal is walking wounded too.

And oooh, Mal and Inara goodness. I loved them walking together in the beginning, when he doesn't want her to be involved in selling the gun, because he doesn't want her to be a crook (awwwwwww). And his asking if she'd mind changing her plans because they have to bury Tracy, and her quiet "of course." And then he, Zoe and Inara are drinking and Mal is telling a war story and they all laugh and this is their way of grieving and there is this comfort between Mal and Inara and she keeps looking at him. And this brings me to:

Heart of Gold

Yeah, tear my heart out, Joss Whedon, and stomp on it with nail-studded boots. And make me beg for more.

Hands down, my favorite episode so far.

There are some nice funny bits (like Jayne who is in pig heaven), but the rest of this is going to be about Mal and Inara. Who are so impossibly, brilliantly, painfully fucked-up. There all these things that are unsaid between them even in the beginning of the episode: the way she teases him about his guns, the way she tells him about Nandi's request. And then they enter the dangerous currents of all that they will not allow themselves to speak of, when he takes on the job of protecting Nandi and the "girls" because Inara asked and says he won't take payment. And she says that she will pay because she wants their relationship "professional" and you can tell he is hurt at her words, though he will never say.

And of course, it's very obvious to an outsider the way they feel about each other. Nandi zeroes in right away on how Mal feels about Inara (it takes her a bit longer with Inara because of the latter's mask). And she does warn him about Inara, that she hates "complications." And then of course Nandi and Mal drink together and end up deciding to go to bed together and I love it when Nandi looks him straight in the face and says: "I am not her" and the look on his face. Guuuuuh. Mal and Inara are fucked-up heaven. I think Mal is desperately lonely (and all too human) and nothing will ever happen with Inara who sleeps with a "client" on a regular basis, and he might die tomorrow, so he figures "why not?" (And I love how he tells Nandi he wants to be sure he is not overstepping his bounds).

Of course, he walks out in the morning, half-dressed, and by Whedon-law bumps straight into Inara. And I love that he stammers and tries to explain, because it's the same thing as when Kara slept with Baltar and was quiet around Apollo. The other person has no claim on you, but in your heart they do. And of course Inara saying she is actually glad Nandi and Mal slept together and you just see the moment his eyes die. And then of course the next shot of her is huddled in a corner somewhere, weeping as if her heart is breaking. (I don't feel super-sorry for her, I confess, because how does she think Mal feels when she goes off on business?)

And yeah, Mal doesn't know how she feels, as his later aborted attempt to talk to Nandi shows. Guuuuh. He has no idea she likes him back.

And then of course Nandi gets shot and Mal thinks it's his fault and you get that tag that just tore my heart out of my chest. Where Mal is brought really low, because he feels so guilty for Nandi's death and Inara says that now that Nandi died, she is glas N. had Mal with her, her last night on earth, and Mal catches really quickly and asks "does it mean you weren't glad before" and there is all that hope and I can't bear it...

Because then he says that he is "feeling truthful" because he is so tired of all the games and you just know he wants to pour his heart out to her and she starts speaking, saying that Nandi taught her things about love and how it ties you down and you never even want to break away and she is going to do something she should have done a long time ago for both their sakes and you know he is thinking that she will tell him she loves him and instead she says she is leaving. Oh. My. God. Ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod.

Oh Inara, you silly silly stupid fool! Throwing away something and someone like that is criminal. He is brave and strong and honorable and he loves you and you just broke his heart.

I need some Mal/Inara in "Serenity." Please. I'd offer my firstborn, but my husband will object.

Comments

[ayn-rand-fan-13.livejournal.com]

Awww. I've never seen the show and even I'm heartbroken! *angsts in a corner*

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Heee. Maybe angst is contageous, like measles?

[ayn-rand-fan-13.livejournal.com]

Hmmm...I don't know. I mean, usually when I'm super happy everyone around me is miserable. That may be just me, though...

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Maybe you need a stronger happiness virus injection :)

[ayn-rand-fan-13.livejournal.com]

I should sue my doctor.
Squeee! I can spin my pen around my fingers! Yes!
Sorry, that just happened as I was one-handed typing.

[grace-om.livejournal.com]

Now have only one Firefly episode left, Objects in Space. It's pretty early and I could have finished it, I suppose,

Yeah,...savor...definitely!

And Simon/Kaylee :-) She's gonna have to get a mite less sensitive if they're ever gonna get together, because I don't think he's ever gonna be able to go for long without chewing on one or both of his feet =8-]

And "Heart of Gold"...::sob:: And poor Nandi had to die, because once she realized what was going on with Mal and Inara, she would have knocked their heads together and made them deal with it. Of course Joss could never allow that :-(

And then of course the next shot of her is huddled in a corner somewhere, weeping as if her heart is breaking. (I don't feel super-sorry for her, I confess, because how does she think Mal feels when she goes off on business?)

I think that was part of her pain. You know, if she could have been *mad* about it, it would have been easier for her. But she knows she's been pushing him away, so in essence she got what she pretended to want and so is in no position to blame anyone but herself.

And yeah, Mal doesn't know how she feels, as his later aborted attempt to talk to Nandi shows. Guuuuh. He has no idea she likes him back.

He sure is stupid, isn't he?

There's a lot of speculation out there that something we don't know yet about Inara--something more complicated than just her being a companion--which makes her believe she can't get involved. One theory is that she's dying, though I don't buy that myself. Remember how Nandi talks about Inara having been so highly placed within the "order" (I think that was the phrase she used, but whatever, she made it sound like a convent, LOL!), and no-one knew why Inara gave that up to wander around the stars? I wonder if maybe she doesn't have a secret child she's trying to protect, or maybe she has information about someone powerful...or...something.

Anyway, enjoy "Objects" tomorrow ::squeeing on your behalf::

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

She's gonna have to get a mite less sensitive if they're ever gonna get together, because I don't think he's ever gonna be able to go for long without chewing on one or both of his feet

That's rather an adorable image! I think if they were deeper in a relationship, she'd feel more secure of his affection, but they are in the early courting stages and so she is still a bit sensitive, especially since he is a "flash doctor from the capital" and she is a grease monkey.

And "Heart of Gold"...::sob::

I am actually still up, because I am too keyed up from the ep to fall alseep. Ack!

poor Nandi had to die, because once she realized what was going on with Mal and Inara, she would have knocked their heads together and made them deal with it

Yes. Mal doesn't need much talking to, really (as the end of the ep shows), but someone should really snap Inara out of it. She is giving up loving someone and being loved in return, for what? So she can sleep with people for $ for a few more years until her looks fade and no one wants her? If she stuck with Mal (or actually any other decent man), she'd be sure of being wanted many years after she'd be a lonely old wreck in her profession. And she loves him back, so... :twaps Inara:

And of course Nandi also fell afoul of the old principle of scifi and adventure shows "if you shag the lead and you are not in the opening credits, better buy your funeral clothes."

if she could have been *mad* about it, it would have been easier for her.

Basically, she wants to have her cake and eat it too, and she can't. She can keep Mal away from every other woman and not have to worry about competition ever, but she'd have to commit. She really has to choose.

He sure is stupid, isn't he

I'd say "endearingly clueless" but it's the same thing :) I rather like that he is not conceited enough and is blinded enough by his feelings to not see what is as plain as a nose on your face, i.e. Inara's feelings for him.

something more complicated than just her being a companion--which makes her believe she can't get involved

There certainly is something odd about her just ditching for no reason and coming out to nowhere. I don't know, but hope to find out. I do think honesty is the best policy, all around. *flails*

Oh, Joss sure knows how to make the OTP go through hell.

[rawles.livejournal.com]

I think I know why rawles doesn't care for this one this much, as Kaylee flirts with Annoying Guy. But I do think it was a reaction to her being peeved at Simon.

It's not actually that that bothers but rather the fact that the episode is just generally weak. It has a very simple linear plotline and a single subplot, but it compeltely fails to give the subplot any resolution whatsoever.

Simon and Kaylee go on a proto-date. The differences in their life experiences are highlighted. Kaylee meets someone closer to her in life experience. Simon is sad. Person More Similar To Kaylee puts her life in danger and turns out to be Not Good. And...then...Simon and Kaylee hold hands and don't speak and...wtf?

No parallels between Tracey and Simon and the whole thing where they both sort of hold Kaylee hostage in an effort to get the crew to do what they want? Nothing about how Tracey talks about his family blah blah and that endears him to Kaylee but is really all about himself whereas Simon really was doing everything for his family? No...nothing. Just whoops we forgot.

And let us not speak of how it MAKES NO SENSE that they didn't just tell Tracey the plan and it is made even worse by the fact that in the script Book tries to tell Tracey and Tracey just doesn't believe him which works with his franticness and whatnot so it could have been so easily fixed. And I can even fanwank why the crooked cop wouldn't have just blown them up anyway, but the whole WE WILL NOT TELL YOU PLAN! NO NOT AT ALL! thing just bugs.

And, and, and...gragh.

I try to be lenient about it because it was the last episode they shot and it was after they found they were cancelled and were all sad and distraught and whatnot, but still. Weakest episode of the series.

because it's the same thing as when Kara slept with Baltar and was quiet around Apollo.

And all I will say about this is that KLG1 killed dearladydisdain and me extra because we were immediately freaking out and yelling "IT'S HEART OF GOLD AGAIN NOOOOOOO." Which I think is present in the chat logs somewhere.

But KLG1 was so much less flaily cos it's completely text that Kara really wanted Lee and was imagining it was Lee and, but mostly because it wasn't stupid holy, cleansing Sex of Light. Gah.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Well, I think it's pretty clear Mal wanted Inara, but thought he could never have her and was just tired of the whole game. Though I would have taken fantasy sex :)

I actually liked that Mal and Nandi had a good night in the sack. The poor guy deserved it. And unlike with Kara, where she knew she could have just made a move with Lee and seen how it went, Mal is not the one holding back in this relationship. Kara is the screw-up in K/L. And it's definitely Inara who is messing things in M/I. So it made sense to me.

I think Heart of Gold tore my heart out more than KLG1. I think the only eps to beat it were some of Farscape episodes.

I didn't mind The Message because I just thought those other things about Simon and Tracy were kinda implied. It could also be read as a simple "she is in a snit, and this guy seems nice and more her class" which would have been OK.

The "won't tell you the plan"? Hee, I didn't even think about it. Maybe they had no time. I am good at fanwanking after a few fandoms I've been in :)

It's not my favorite episode, but it't not my least favorite either. Because it's got Mal angst and Mal/Inara and Simon/Kaylee and I am very easy to please.

[hobviously.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't mind that Mal got to have some angst-producing fun with Nandi — well, I would in a omgzmypoorOTP! sense, but that's not all that counts — if it weren't for the Pure Cleansing Sacred Sweatdrops Troo Connection aspect of it. Because then it becomes this whole thing about how Nandi is so much better for Mal because she's just an ain't-sayin' whore instead of a high-falutin Companion like Inara, and yet it's undermined by the Holy White Sheets of Slow-Motion Kissage which directly contradicts the casual sitting-around-drinking-shots connection Mal and Nandi had previously had. To me it's extremely manipulative, dishonest storytelling that is pretty insulting to all involved. Whereas Kara's indiscretion in KLG is perfect because it's GAIUS BALTAR. The king of sleaze, and there's no bones about it. It's a mistake for everyone, instead of being some impossible standard of Spiritual Bonding like Mal/Nandi. I know I'm not articulating it well, but - gah. Haaaaate.

(And, of course, HoG also contains the truthsome scene which I adore even as it rips my heart to shreds. I have a very confused, conflicted relationship with that episode.)

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

I don't know, I didn't see it as spiritual bonding, just a really good night of sex between people who like each other, and who in other circumstances could be quite compatible.

I think in some ways Nandi is better for Mal, because
a. she likes him, she acts on it and
b. He doesn't love her. There is no potential for huge heartbeak, just some good time.

But it doesn't matter, because she isn't Inara, someone who he is in love with, and who does seem somehow perfectly suited for him.

Basically, I didn't see the sex scene as "OMG soulmates" (and I don't think it's what HoG was implying).

This is actually reminding me of a Farscape ep where Crichton has sex with someone who is not Aeryn (the OTP for that show). Aeryn's rejected him, and they were never together in the first place, but the sex scene is shot very sensually, and I know people who had a problem with it (I didn't). So I think this kind of a scene is polarizing in general, but it didn't bother me.

As to the truthsome scene? My favorite Firefly scene, ever. It's just utterly romantic and heartbreaking and amazing at the same time.

[sg1padawan.livejournal.com]

Thank you for everything you said about Mal/Inara in HOG - great big DITTO from me. Yes, I too suffered the "ripped my heart out and stomped on it 'til it was a quivering hamburger" thing. I loved how you described their relationship and THAT SCENE - his stammered explanation, her dismissal, his hurt, her heart breaking in the scene after... GAH!

I've only just discovered Firefly (um... a week ago?) but I've been through the series once, and I'm about to make my second go-through. And I'm loving every minute of it. HOG, though, is also my favourite.

Sorry for barging in - just wanted to say thank you for putting it all so much more succinctly than I could have (and tried to - LOL!). (Found you via scottishlass, btw. :))

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Oh, I love your icon. I know, as soon as I finish the series, I think I am going to go for rewatch anf HoG just blew the rest of the eps (though they are excellent) out of the water. It's just that sense of all that love and all those barriers, and that immense hurt...ahhhhhhh.

It really did mae my heart into a hamburger.

[sg1padawan.livejournal.com]

Thanks - wish I could take credit for the icon, but it's not one of mine. LOL

It's just that sense of all that love and all those barriers, and that immense hurt...ahhhhhhh.

Exactly. I live for angst and that was some A-Grade stuff... even though OMGIwantittostopnow! Because there's angst and then there's JOSS-angst, and it's the latter that will probably kill me.

Do you mind if I friend you? I notice we've got a few similar interests (Firefly obviously, Farscape, Mr 'The One True Batman' Bale, Star Wars) and I've really enjoyed reading your FF posts. :)

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Oh, I would be flattered (and I've friended you back).

OMGIwantittostopnow! Because there's angst and then there's JOSS-angst, and it's the latter that will probably kill me.

Yes indeed. I love angst with a happy ending, the way it was in Farscape, where John and Aeryn go through hell (nothing on the angst-o-meter tops the end of Dog with Two Bones, where he lays his pride, his hope of going home and his very soul at her feet, and it's not enough and she walks away), but end up being happy.

Joss always makes me nervous because he tends to be truly brilliantly horrific to his OTPs (still have scars from Buffy's S2 ending). And the Hand of Gold tag is up with those kind of moments that I adore.

But then of course I want a HEA eventually for them. After much angst, of course.

[sg1padawan.livejournal.com]

I love angst with a happy ending, the way it was in Farscape, where John and Aeryn go through hell (nothing on the angst-o-meter tops the end of Dog with Two Bones, where he lays his pride, his hope of going home and his very soul at her feet, and it's not enough and she walks away), but end up being happy.

I agree. I love angst, but I want the HEA. Maybe definitely I'm a sap, but there it is. I like there to be a bit of pay-off at the end for all the pain we've had to suffer. LOL Having beautiful angst in an OTP is a wonderful wonderful thing, but if they're not going to have any resolution (the good kind) to that... not happy Jan!

Joss always makes me nervous because he tends to be truly brilliantly horrific to his OTPs (still have scars from Buffy's S2 ending).

Augh. DITTO. I was never a HUGE Buffy fan, but I really liked seasons 1-3 and season 2 left me a mess. I loved the angst in the B/A relationship but the season 2 ender... yowza. That was just about physically painful. Part of me is almost relieved we didn't have to go through that with M/I, though I would have, if there'd been a happy ending (eventually - and knowing Joss, that 'eventually' would've been a long time coming...).

But then of course I want a HEA eventually for them. After much angst, of course.

Of course! Angst makes the world go round. :)

Friended you, now. :)

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

I like there to be a bit of pay-off at the end for all the pain we've had to suffer

Yes, there has to be payback for all that misery.

was never a HUGE Buffy fan, but I really liked seasons 1-3 and season 2 left me a mess

Here's me, watching the end of S2. Here's me, crying on the sofa.

I preferred Buffy's high school years to the rest, as that was the format that worked and it got thrown off by college etc. But I own S1-3 and love them, and yeah, I am a sap the Buffy/Angel angst is a big reason why.

almost relieved we didn't have to go through that with M/I, though I would have

Joss being Joss, he probably would have broken all the OTPs, given time. But hopefully he won't have time if there is only a trilogy of movies. I need some Mal/Inara happiness, dammit!

[sg1padawan.livejournal.com]

I preferred Buffy's high school years to the rest, as that was the format that worked and it got thrown off by college etc. But I own S1-3 and love them, and yeah, I am a sap the Buffy/Angel angst is a big reason why.

You just summed up all my reasons for watching Buffy. I stopped after season 3 finished - the Angel element was missing and then there was the whole college thing - and I just didn't find the series worked as well as it had. B/A was one of my major reasons for watching (Yay! Let's see how our emotions can get screwed over this week!) so with that gone, I wasn't as motivated to watch.

Joss being Joss, he probably would have broken all the OTPs, given time.

Gah. I know. Hence my somewhat reluctant relief (though I would have LOVED to see where it was going...).

But hopefully he won't have time if there is only a trilogy of movies. I need some Mal/Inara happiness, dammit!

And a huge a-freaking-men to that! Though... I wouldn't put anything past Joss. I'm half expecting him to really screw us over with either M/I or S/K in the first or second movie and leave us hanging until (hopefully!) a third is made.

This is all assuming the first movie will be a complete hit. *crosses fingers*

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

B/A was one of my major reasons for watching (Yay! Let's see how our emotions can get screwed over this week!) so with that gone, I wasn't as motivated to watch.

Oh yes, :fervent nod: It still had outstanding eps in S4-6 (7 was just a mess), but I found my attention drifting a bit as a rule.

really screw us over with either M/I or S/K in the first or second movie and leave us hanging until (hopefully!) a third is made

I will be in the corner, breathing into my paper bag.

This is all assuming the first movie will be a complete hit. *crosses fingers*

Well it was really cheap to make (by HW standards), so it shouldn't have to make that much to be successful, especially if you consider foreign + domestic + DVDs. And september is a good time as there isn't much competition. So I really really REALLY hope it's a huge hit. (not just for Serenity's sake, but also for Farscape's as I read somewhere they are watching to see how Serenity does).

[sg1padawan.livejournal.com]

Oh yes, :fervent nod: It still had outstanding eps in S4-6 (7 was just a mess), but I found my attention drifting a bit as a rule.

I'd basically stopped watching (mostly) by season 4, but then with the introduction of the whole "Spuffy" thing... O_O Yeah, I don't think I watched anything else. Oh, no, wait I tell a lie. I watched the season ender where Willow was evil then her hair turned red again, and I watched bits and pieces of the finale.

Of course, now hearing that Nathan was in season 7 (or was it season 6) I want to go back and watch them all. *G* (Shallow? Moi?)

I will be in the corner, breathing into my paper bag.

...aaaand I will be right there beside you.

And september is a good time as there isn't much competition.

That's true. Though a friend of mine who works in the cinema industry said September/October are known as the 'dumping' months because they're so quiet. Movies which are released in those months generally make barely a peep (hence why so many Orlando fans are concerned about Elizabethtown being released mid-October).

So I really really REALLY hope it's a huge hit. (not just for Serenity's sake, but also for Farscape's as I read somewhere they are watching to see how Serenity does).

Oooh? Really? Do tell. I hadn't heard about that...

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Nathan was the super Bad's henchman at the end of S7. He played a Satanic mysogynistic psyscho preacher. And he put out Xander's eye. It's funn, because that was the first thing I saw him in, and my Firefly watching friend was crazy for him, and I remember watching and thinking: He is hot? In what Universe? Then, two+ years later I start Firefly, and the thud you hear is me hitting the floor at the hotness. Yeah. :D

Re: Trilogy. Apparently, if Serenity does well (i.e. recovers its investment), it might be made into a trilogy.

September might be a dumping month, but I actually think it's good. Serenity isn't going to be competing for any Oscars, and to make back its costs it doesn't need to make a huge amount, so it's OK if it's not a SW-like blockbuster. It will be able to make what it needs better when there isn't a Batman Begins or War of the Worlds, or High Brow Oscar Fair competing.

Re: Elizabethtown. I guess it depends on when in October. Late Oscotber is early Oscar season.

Re: Spuffy. Well, seeing I was a B/A shipper, I wasn't too thrilled, but it just bugged me that it wasn't resolved one way or another by the end. I just wanted some kind of definitiveness (even if it involved her discovering that the new dark Buffy wanted Spike). Not this endless hanging and story backtracking, and character distortion. Argh.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

P.S. Sorry for the spelling. Argh!

[crumpeteer.livejournal.com]

Inara makes me angry. A lot. I just don't understand why she has to be so adamant about her position of being right when she is smart enough to know she is wrong. She throws a hissy when Mal goes with someone else, but then he's supposed to be perfectly okay with her sleeping around as a profession. Then she gets all high and mighty when he acts like he doesn't approve. She repeatedly takes his heart and stomps on it when if she had two brain cells to rub together she'd realize he loved her. She's got a good man standing in front of her, willing to take her as she is a love her not because of her status or looks, but because he loves her and she won't take his love because she's too proud and won't think. Inara makes me more furious that any other character in the romance department on a tv show.

And Simon/Kaylee. Kaylee is so overly sensitive when it comes to him. Poor Simon. He doesn't mean to be insensitive, he just doesn't know yet. The issues with that relationship stem from Kaylee not being secure in having him yet. They aren't a "couple" and Kaylee doesn't really know how he feels about her making her extremely sensitive to everything he does. I think him getting through the awkwardness and finally saying flat out what he feels in no uncertain terms would fix the issues in that relationship. It's one of those things where Simon is going to have to pull a Harry Potter and just grab her and kiss her.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Re: Simon/Kaylee. Yes, I think if she knew, for sure, that he loved her, than she would relax and not try to read the slightest clues. I can't really imagine Simon doing a Harry though, unless really distracted. Hmmmm :)

Re: Inara. She drives me up the wall (though I do like her character). I think she is afraid that if she opens up to Mal and has a relationship, she will be hurt, but that's a risk in any relationship, and it's still better than to go through life without ever having loved. And of course she still hurts, anyway, no matter how much she pushes him away.

I think being with Mal is such a huge step for her, as it would (likely) be the first romantic relationship for her, and she would have to give up her job and the status (which would bring up her issues of her being a "whore" and trying to deny it), and in some ways it would be easier for her if Mal was a less intense person and she wanted him less, because she can tell that if it's with Mal, it's for keeps.

I really do think she is feeling love for the first time, and she's been trained to never feel it and to stomp on it, and it's making her brain all wonky :) Basically, she has been pretending for months that there is nothing between them (that is why she would have snits about Mal being jealous of her clients, because she would think in her head "he really has no feelings for me, he is just being provoking" and ditto for herself), but after her reaction to him and Nandi, she couldn't lie to herself any longer.

Now, any right-thinking person would tell Mal what she felt and drag him off to bed never to be seen again :P, but I think Inara is so confused, screwed-up, and plainly scared, she is thowing away Mal's heart in the process of dealing with her feelings.

I can understand her, but it still makes me want to shake her until her teeth rattle and go: What more could you want, woman? He loves you (for herself, as you said it), and you love him and he is a good man and how could you prefer a meaningless life you have to being with someone who loves you. Gaaaaaah.

[crumpeteer.livejournal.com]

I could see Simon getting pushed far enough to do something completely out of character. He'd have to not be thinking at the moment and just reacting. Considering the environment he's in now, that doesn't seem too far fetched.

And in the process of trying to convince herself that she doesn't care anything about Mal, Inara is hurting him as much as herself but she's too concerned about herself to see that. She's used to reading men, but she seems to completely misread Mal every time. Maybe it's because she's never been with men like him in her profession. And Mal IS intense. Once he gets her, he's going to consume her. That's just how Mal is. He will be unshakably loyal and would die for her, come back, and die again if he has to. I think the hint of that scares Inara, though she's a complete heifer to not see that any woman would kill for that.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

He'd have to not be thinking at the moment and just reacting.

Yes, I could see that. And then of course he'd be horrified or apologetic but hey, she'll be kissing him back and it won't matter. *Pets the fluffy*

Inara is hurting him as much as herself but she's too concerned about herself to see that.

That's the thing about her that bothers me the most. You can play with your own heart and feelings as much as you want, but how thick must your blinders be to not be able to see what she is doing to Mal. He is not a hard to read man, nor is he hiding behind a mask of any sort. What you see is what you get. Nandi, who's known him for less than a day, can tell how he feels. Inara has been around him for months.

because she's never been with men like him in her profession

because, let's face it, men like him aren't going to be hiring a Companion, no matter their station in life.

she's a complete heifer to not see that any woman would kill for that.

I love how well you put it above, about Mal's intensity. And really, that is what drives me crazy about Inara. Any woman in her right mind (and some who aren't) would want someone like that. Someone who not only loves you and is devoted to you, but who is also completely capable and will brave hell for you and win. And she is just throwing it away.

[crumpeteer.livejournal.com]

The thing with Simon is that he's SO awkward Kaylee's forthrightness gets him off kilter when she's so blatant about her feelings. He's used to formality and ritual, but that's all shot to hell where he is now. Of course Kaylee takes everything reading way too much into it at this point. Like in Jaynestown when Simon made her mad by denying that anything happened. The boy was trying to keep from getting killed by Mal, not insult her, but that's how she took it. Poor Simon needs to fluffy to get his show on the road.

You can play with your own heart and feelings as much as you want, but how thick must your blinders be to not be able to see what she is doing to Mal.

And that's why I have issues with Inara. She unnecessarily complicates the relationship. Ironically Nandi says that Inara doesn't like complications, but SHE'S the one complicating things with Mal. Mal is straightforward. He wants her, he'll take her, he won't ever leave her. Somehow Inara finds this all too complicated for her mind.

Someone who not only loves you and is devoted to you, but who is also completely capable and will brave hell for you and win.

It's interesting to me how different Simon and Mal are, but fundementally they're willing to die for what they believe in. Simon is willing to sacrifice himself to protect loved ones. He doesn't have the ability to fight like a warrior for his own, but he'll give everything he can. Mal is the same way, he's just going to take down as many people as he can with him. The fact that Kaylee can see that about Simon yet Inara, the man savvy one, can't see that Mal has that same quality that makes him worth giving up everything for. I just don't get Inara.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Poor Simon needs to fluffy to get his show on the road

ROFL. As Mal said in HoG, he needs to relax for 30 seconds :D

I think their different styles clash a bit, especially since Kaylee really does feel a bit inadequate.

Ironically Nandi says that Inara doesn't like complications, but SHE'S the one complicating things with Mal.

I guess Nandi meant "emotional complications." Still, she really should either progress with the relationship or shut it down forever. Because not only is it grossly unfair to Mal to keep it in the no-man's land, it not doing her any good either. She needs to decide.

they're willing to die for what they believe in.

And that is why I love them both. I like characters who have a capacity for loving.

Inara, the man savvy one, can't see that Mal has that same quality that makes him worth giving up everything for

I think she can see that Mal is that way, but emotionally, she is still scared of what if it ends: he leaves, he dies (his line of work isn't super-safe). I think she is hiding from future hurt, but her hypothetical loss is making her shy away from present, and very real, happiness.

I think she is trying to think she is completely in control and doesn't need anyone (in her job, she has to worship at the shrine of control) and being with Mal would make her let go of all that control because as you put it above, he'd consume her.

I think it would be more than worth it, but I think she is petrified with uncertainty.

[crumpeteer.livejournal.com]

I have faith that Simon will eventually come around. As Kaylee says "he's still learning". And he honestly is trying. He and Kaylee are so suited otherwise.

I guess Nandi meant "emotional complications."

But she's even complicating it from that stand point. Mal's pretty much got his cards on the table in the emotions department, it's Inara who's got the poker face.

I think she is hiding from future hurt, but her hypothetical loss is making her shy away from present, and very real, happiness.

What she doesn't realize that even if he dies now, the hurt is going to be the same, only there's going to be regret there that she didn't take him while he was there. She missed entirely because she didn't want to hurt. A happy ending doesn't necessarily mean that you grow old together. You take what you get and make a happy ending out of it. Inara just can't see that bit.

being with Mal would make her let go of all that control because as you put it above, he'd consume her.

Because when you really passionately love someone, you don't have any control. It's about giving control to the other person. Mal is willing to do that. He tries, but Inara will have none of it. So it ends up hurting both of them. Selfish love that doesn't give the other party access isn't really love, it's more self gratification and manipulation.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

He and Kaylee are so suited otherwise

I love it when he says (in The Message) that she sees the best in everyone and everything. Because this sunshine is something he desperately needs in his own life.

it's Inara who's got the poker face

Yes, she just wants not to feel, but it's way too late for that.

You take what you get and make a happy ending out of it.

Exactly. Once your feelings are already involved, nothing can help, anyway. Everyone dies sooner or later anyway. Heck, if you continue Inara's philosophy logically, why live at all, if all you do is die at the end?

Because when you really passionately love someone, you don't have any control. It's about giving control to the other person.

As someone who has been in a relationship for 5+ years, that is so true, and it's both exhilarating and scary. Inara is so fixated on keeping her control (I think really because of her professional training) that she doesn't realize what she will gain by giving it up.