The pits of Firefly fanfic

[dangermousie]

OK, so far I have a number of reasons why I am never going to get into Firefly fic if the fic I’ve read so far is any good sample of it. (though I would gladly have someone change my mind), starting with the least annoying and ending with most.

1. Random Chinese words. Yes, I know it’s canon. I don’t care. It throws me in anime fic, it throws me here. At least italicize them, dammit!

2. I don’t care if the characters drop their “g”s. When a fanfic author keeps writing this way, it drives me crazy. Barring “Uncle Remus,” no one should be allowed to write in dialect. It just makes the speakers sound like a bunch of inbred monkeys, and makes the reader want to sic these inbred monkeys on the author. I know they drop their “g”s, you know they drop their “g”s, how about we all just pretend they don’t and write normally?

3. Down-home folksisms. Yes, I know it’s a Space Western, but how about the “Space” part? If I feel like I am reading Zane Grey, this is not the fanfic for me. Also, all of it is making me picture John Wayne and that is just. Not. Right.

4. Slash? If it floats your boat. But I am allergic to anti-canon slash (thus, if you slash Mal, you better have a damn good reason) and if everyone in your story is involved in multiple slash pairings at the same time, how about you check that you are not stretching the bounds of probability so far that they have burst? This is scifi, not Stonewall in space.

5. Incest is NOT best. Unless you write it as disturbing as it would be, don’t. I also don’t think Inara would be peeking in curiosity. Really.

6. The first fic I clicked had River slip a “potion” in the crew’s meal so everyone ended up sexing like bunnies within the ships of the author’s choice. Yes, I ship Mal/Inara as much as the next person (unless the next person is a slasher), but no. No, no, no. If your story sounds like a plot for a particularly unimaginative porn movie, maybe you should rethink.

7. Strange as it may seem, torture or abuse is not the key to hooking your OTP together. If someone has narrowly missed losing a vital body part or has been abused in tittilatingly graphic fashion for hours/days/weeks/months, their first thought will not be to boink the preferred OTP of your choice as therapy. They are more likely to need drugs, surgery and/or go kill the person responsible. Sexing their way out of trouble isn’t going to be the number one issue on their priority list.

8. Spelling, punctuation and grammar are your friend. Even if you spelled them “speling, puncutation, and grammer.”

This said, I would love for someone to point me in the direction of some good Firefly fic.

Comments

[crumpeteer.livejournal.com]

Fanfic writers who go the torture route often don't understand that it's the emotional torture that leads to sex, not the physical. I'm a stone cold virgin and I know that, come on y'all. Think a little. Banging someone with broken ribs is just not enjoyable for anyone.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

I've been sick (though nowhere near as sick, thankfully, as the authors like to make the characters), but let me tell you: I had NO desire for bunny sex. More like soup, sleep, and maybe if I was feeling adventurous, a bit of toast.

Also, if there is mental torture, the sex isn't going to make the bugbears go away permanently. The issues aren't going to dissapear just because you got laid (unless the mental torture was not getting any :D)

[crumpeteer.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I've had some pretty good injuries and let me tell you, I'm generally more concerned about not passing out or crying than in finding someone for sex. First thing is first, I don't care how hot the other party is.

Emotional torture often leads to sex anyway or vice versa. I'm just not sure about the S&M bit that a lot of fanfic writers head blindly towards with no canon reasoning.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

First thing is first, I don't care how hot the other party is.


Sometimes even canon authors do that. I adore Elizabeth Peters' "Amelia Peabody" series, but when she had wounded and severely whipped Ramses have hot sex with his soon-to-be wife, my eyes rolled so hard I almost hirt myself. Come onnnnn....

[crumpeteer.livejournal.com]

I think writers think it's hot and don't think about the plausibility. Bruising and some scrapes, sure, why not, but when we start getting into the "don't mind that broken ankle" or "look, I've gone and bled out on your nice clean sheets" a line has to be drawn. It doesn't matter if it's hot if it's not feasable.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

ROFL. Now, there's stamina and then there is...are you on crack????

[meyerlemon.livejournal.com]

LOLOLOL!!!!!

This was rad. RAD, I tell you.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

*is flattered*

On the plus side, I haven't seen many Mary Sues in this fandom yet. Probably because all the Sueauthors are busy Sueifying the show's characters.

[ayn-rand-fan-13.livejournal.com]

Re: random Chinese words. I've never seen the show, and am probably totally wrong, but dropping a random word in real life doesn't really merit italics in writing. It just kind of gets incorporated into the vocabulary, like Yiddish.
I feel extremely lucky that Veronica Mars has the least amound of badfic of all the fandoms I'm into. (How's that for incentive to watch it?)

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

That's quite an incentive.

Actually, if a word is a foreign word (and not a word of foreign origin that has been incorporated into English, as is the case with some Yiddish words), I've been "brought up" to italicize it.

[ayn-rand-fan-13.livejournal.com]

I know Yiddish is different, because it's made up of different languages, but...I just like using it as an example. It's fun to bring Yiddish into conversations randomly.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Well, actually Yiddish is its own language, that is originally a mutation from German, but it's a separate language, the same way Italian is, even though it's somewhat derived from Latin :)

[ayn-rand-fan-13.livejournal.com]

It's its own language, but it is constantly evolving. As the Jews moved around to different countries and settlements, they gathered bits of the language from wherever they were. The language itself is a history of the Jewish people. One man, I don't remember how long ago, was giving a lecture in Yiddish, and a portion of it was about animals at a zoo. He actually had to create words in order to give the speech.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Interesting.

Yiddish is pretty dead now, though :(

[ayn-rand-fan-13.livejournal.com]

I was reading this book, I forget what it's called, about this guy who travels around saving Yiddish literature. There was this one heartbreaking scene where he got a call at two in the morning about a dumpster full of Yiddish books, and it was about to rain. He had to travel across the city to save it. That was definitely not beach reading.

[aliterati.livejournal.com]

Remember my long rant on acceptable slash fiction? This story is thus slash, but I really do think it's incredibly good, particularly once you give it a couple of chapters. (And come one--it's structured around T.S. Eliot. T.S. Eliot! With simultaneous references to Humpty Dumpty!)

The story is Kispexi2's 'Trauma Medicine.' You can find it at:

http://firefly.populli.org.

However, I warn you that here, as in all Firefly fic, you will not get away from the Chinese or the southern dialect. Sorry. ^^

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Sorry, this is Mal/Simon, thus not a ship I will read about (yeah, I am a narrow-minded)... No slash for me.

Btw, is your vid on line?

[valarltd.livejournal.com]

Until I watched the premiere ep, I couldn't see Mal/Simon. That introductory bit, Simon in his little glasses, just STARING at Mal. Ooooo.

OTOH, I can so see Kaylee/Inara as well. The whole "Hey, you," thing reminds me of an old girlfriend of my own. Even MUDD got the K/I.

But, my fave rave is still Zoe/Wash.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

See, I am just not a slash fan. If it works for others, great, but not really my thing.

Re: Zoe/Wash. They are just too uncomplicatedly happily married for me :)

[equustel.livejournal.com]

Hey there. I've run across your LJ a couple times before by way of mutual f-list people (mostly SW), but it seems you dig a lot of other stuff I'm into - Firefly (Mal is love), the Bale, etc - so thought I'd just cave and friend you, if that's okay? :) Totally with you on the fic rant, too... fandoms are interesting creatures, that often cause me great confusion.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

I love new friends, so am friending you back.

Fandoms are bizarre, but being a part of so many, what can I say? It's fun to rave and nitpick I guess.

Btw, icon love!

[hawkmoth.livejournal.com]

Huh. Sorry you didn't get much in the way of recs...and as you've seem to have found your way to my journal, let me point you elsewhere:

At Firefly's Glow Archive (http://firefly.populli.org/) check out authors Maystone and Shanna for gen and het. (Maystone has one "experimental" slash story, so watch out.) Both excellent authors.

For tons of Simon.Kaylee goodness, go to You're pretty...pretty (http://www.loony-archivist.com/pretty/frames.htm)


And my personal favorite for lovely gen and het taraljc (http://ljconstantine.com/fanfic/ff.html) Excellent "old school" fan author!

Enjoy!

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much. *runs off to peruse*

ooooh, icon!