Twilight, delicious Twilight...

[dangermousie]

Ahhh, Twilight universe of utter amusing idiocy, how I love you! And not just for the wank your fandom creates for my delectation!

Spoilers for the last book are out and apparently



Edward and Bella have a half-vampire baby. WHAT????? Heeeee. But then if vampires can sparkle and wander around in sunlight, who's to know what else they can do?

Even better, I think baby is going to be Jacob's future OTP which is a whole other universe of disturbing as Jacob=Mommy's admirer.

There is also pillow-biting apparently, on part of Edward during making out which makes me so amused I have no words.


Basically=LOL. I am so buying this thing this weekend.

My love for it comes from the same place my love for Ethel M. Dell, cheesy Bollywood, and Taiwanese romcoms comes from: my abiding love for trashy, emo cheese!

Comments

[morwen_peredhil]

I've bought popcorn and am waiting for the snarky summaries, since Twilight was both the first and the last Stephenie Meyer book I will ever read. My toes are curling with glee!

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

I love bad books of a certain nature so this is making me so happy!

[alexandral.livejournal.com]

Heee! Mine too! (and of course from my love for Jacob)

Re: Bella's baby being Jacob's OTP: are these "true" spoilers or your conclusions?

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

True spoilers. He imprints on her. I kid you not.

[meganbmoore.livejournal.com]

This is all kinds of wrong. And considering the wrong in a few of the things I've been reading and watching lately, that's impressive.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

You want wrong AND hilarious?

http://community.livejournal.com/sortofbeautiful/534643.html

That's the summary of the wedding night scenes.

LOLOLOLOLOLROFL*choke*

I think when I was 12 I would have thought this was awesome, though.

[meganbmoore.livejournal.com]

Wow. That killed my brain for the day. Good thing I'm headed for work. I won't need it.

So bad! OMG THAT WAS SO BAD! The fade to black! HAH! I hear the cries of outrage now!

[meganbmoore.livejournal.com]

I...I just love that there's wank over "they get married and have a baby" spoilers. I mean I couldn't get past the first page, but isn't it all wish fulfillment about their epic and angsty love?

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Basically. How is it any surprise. I mean. E/B mawwiage is basically the point of the books!

[meganbmoore.livejournal.com]

Yup. And really, if I'm going to read about something absurd, I'd rather it be a renegade warrior undercover as a blind nun who saves the big bad guardsmen from a huge, rampaging female tentacle monster. You know, the fun kind of crack. Not the wangsty emo kind.

Really, I think my main interest in Twilight(aside from wishing I didn't have to run the gauntlet of black sheets and multiple dumps every time I go to the bookstore) is pity for poor Kristen Stewart. It's like as soon as she was announced, she became the idiot Whore of Babylon, and any word she uttered was immediately assumed to be a sign of stupidity.

[plazmah.livejournal.com]

I thought the pillow-biting happens during the honeymoon?

I don't even read Twilight and I'm far too amused by all this!

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

pillow-biting happens during the honeymoon?

Yup. During the making-out (and more :P) hence the sparkly baby...

ETA: Isn't 'pillow biter' an insult for a certain type of man who is...ermmm...unlikely to have a baby via natural means? :) So amused!

[plazmah.livejournal.com]

Hee, yes! I do believe it’s a euphemism for a queer male, which amused me deeply when I read about Edward’s actions. ;)

[tatterpunk.livejournal.com]

Isn't 'pillow biter' an insult for a certain type of man who is...ermmm...unlikely to have a baby via natural means? :)

YES. Which is just added fodder for my "Edward is for totes Sekrit Gay" thesis.

[shewhohashope.livejournal.com]

Their baby will be called Nessie!!

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Middle name Loch...

(Oh, how I wish!)

[angerfish.livejournal.com]

HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!

Every time I think Twilight can't get better, it proves me wrong...

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

That is why I love it!

[katranna.livejournal.com]

But it's booooring trashy emo cheese! Or maybe only I think so. :-)

Half-vampires are part of vampire lore... they're called dhampirs. Not original lore, of course, but there's been enough other fiction featuring them. I just wish Edward would bite Bella and make her a vampire already though. Maybe if she's cold and undead she won't be so whiny.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

It's not boring. It's so trashy it can't be boring! :P

she's cold and undead she won't be so whiny.

Nothing can cure her!

[sodahands.livejournal.com]

There is also pillow-biting apparently, on part of Edward during making out
BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA

Oh god, that's just... that's just so full of win right there!
Thanks for these spoilers! They're totally making me feel better.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

This book just sounds like everything I want...

Heeeee.

So bad it's good!

[boycottbananas.livejournal.com]

Oh good god I think my brain just died.

Half-vampire? Seriously people.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Yup. Awesome.

[elvensapphire.livejournal.com]

LOOOOOOOOLZ.

Is this stuff true? Because it's so bad that it could easily be SMeyer, but at the same time, it's so bad that I'd like to believe even she couldn't stoop to such levels. I don't know, maybe I am confused by the *~*~*~dazzlement~*~*~*.

VAMPIRE BABY WTF? That's impossible in her universe, she already said they have no reproductive possibilities. Can't even follow her own mythology = epic!fail.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

I think it's true. Multiple sources plus scanned pages. LOLOLOL

[eccequambonum.livejournal.com]

. . . .

i don't even want to think about marble penis and ejaculation.

the thought that there is a publishing company out there that paid her great big flipping wads of cash for this stuff makes my head want to explode.

yeah, this is BEYOND BEYOND BEYOND bad. it is so epic fal you can't even begin to describe it.

and E/B sex is so going to send the fangirls crazy. i don't think i want to click on that link you gave above.

[elvensapphire.livejournal.com]

Part of me wants to be really offended by the fact that they paid her heaven knows how much to turn out crack like this. Because there are better writers out there that cannot get a break, and this woman is becoming ridiculously and undeservedly lauded and famous (and rich). It annoys me in the same sort of way that I get annoyed by clubs paying celebrities to show up and record labels hiring people who cannot carry a tune. There's no standards for real talent anymore and it's sad, and a rather pathetic statement about our culture as a whole. /rant

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

I don't mind, honestly. Publishers are out to make $$$ and for whatever reason, Meyer's books make megabucks. So they definitely made a right choice from their perspective.

[eccequambonum.livejournal.com]

i actually do mind. i know they are in it for the money, but i hate the idea that they are out there promoting this and somehow making utter crap from a woman in need of thesaurus and editor acceptable. i weep for the future.

[eccequambonum.livejournal.com]

agreed 100%. when i think of those i know with amazing talent and imagination, trying like heck to get their foot in the door, and this woman publishes something that even the worst, poorly-written fanfic written by a tween can outshine. . .

[elvensapphire.livejournal.com]

...it's endlessly infuriating.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

and E/B sex is so going to send the fangirls crazy. i don't think i want to click on that link you gave above.

Do it!!!

There is pillow-biting! And broken headboard! And apparently it's almost as good as blood drinking! (Sex that is almost as good as a meal. Compliment indeed).

And I just realized that Edward was a 100 year old virgin. Oh my.

[eccequambonum.livejournal.com]

yeah, someone in one of the Twatlight posts on ONTD posted a mock up of the 40 Year Old Virgin poster to read the 107 Year Old Virgin. I about choked on my lunch...

thank god that post you linked to was sufficiently snarky. i still think that SMeyer should be banned from any more "writing"and have her computer/typewriter/notebook and pens taken away until she gets a clue.

[pourtant.livejournal.com]

So, I was just sitting here staring at the screen going 'what the hell', and my computer suddenly shut off. It just couldn't stand the Twilight crack, apparently.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

You have a deeply smart computer.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_kirsty/]

...baby is going to be Jacob's future OTP

SPARKLY!BABY/JACOB.... WHY.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

To amuse us, that's why! :)

[sodahands.livejournal.com]

Someone on my flist made a a really really good point about Nessie. Vampire = dead so half-vampire = half-dead... ? Oh and did you hear about Bella's loveshield?!

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Half-dead? That's how I feel in the mornings :)

Bella's loveshield?!

Sounds like a form of birth control...

[sodahands.livejournal.com]

LOL

Bella basically turns into Lily Potter at some point...

[hippiebanana132.livejournal.com]

*dies laughing*

I've never understood how vampires have sex, being dead.

I wonder if their baby will sparkle?

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

I hope so! They could save on electricity.

[hippiebanana132.livejournal.com]

They could save on electricity. - LOL!

[hope-fuleigh.livejournal.com]

Hee! I've just bought the first novel in the series, after living under a rock for ever and hearing about this series now. I look forward to it - the cheesier the emo-teen-agnst, the better, I say.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

This is pure velveeta goodness, promise!

[walkwithheroes.livejournal.com]

In recent years, I've noticed that girls/women between 13-50ish have been falling for "these types" of books.


The ones with the main girl/woman whose "average", yet every guy falls for her; she's also whinny or self-rightous as all hell, but no one seems to notice. Then, there are the male leads: "handsome, cold, dark, beautiful eyes" - the main characters of some dark/rape fantasy/smut shoujo manga come to life. And the girl/woman always becomes involved in some crayness because of the guy whose a vampire, hunter, weresomething or other.



Then. . . the authors of these novels write tons of books that are basically excuses to have the girl/woman (whose supposed to be tough) get in trouble, so she can be saved by the "beautiful" vampire/hunter/werewhatever. :/


Blah. Twilight, like so many other books are a waste of paper and money.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Word, word, WORD.