FMP: TSR steals my soul
Apr. 16th, 2006 02:49 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dangermousieFinished The Second Raid. Wow. put it all together, FMP is now giving Trigun a run for its money as my favorite anime.
I kept expecting Sousuke to have a breakdown, and a breakdown he did have. Wow. But if you think about it, all those years of repression and obedience and negating one's desire were bound to erupt spectacularly.
When he goes to Hong Kong on a mission, you see him getting more and more alienated. Watch him standing, by himself at a window, as Mao regales the rest of the soldiers with her exploits. He is adrift, looking for something to make sense, and he latches on to some of her words momentarily, but they don't provide any help at all.
By taking Chidori away from him, Mithril really broke him loose of any moorings he's had. He's never had problems following orders before but that is because there was never anything he's wanted for himself (which is pretty horrifying if you think about it). And so when he drives with Mao, he is barely holding it together, and then she mentions Tokyo and you see his mind go to Chidori's apartment (and he touches his hair, remembering the haircut). He can't stop thinking about her, and normalcy, and anywhere but where he is right now. He is so occupied by his thoughts of her that he almost crashes their car and brings the police on them. And how scary is the fact that when the bullets start flying, he doesn't even get out of the way and Mao has to pull him down, because he is so dazed and in shock. And then of course, after this, when Mao says that if he is going to be like that, he is useless so he better snap out of it or she'd rather go alone, he quietly opens the door and leaves?
I screamed at the TV. Because he quit. Sousuke, Mithril soldier incarnate, quit. For Chidori. But not just for her, which is what makes it cool. But the thing is, this is such a part of his life and his identity (he's never had any other. I actually think it's horrible that he was a child soldier), that he is in a daze. And then we see him buy a bottle of Scotch, and wander around town where everyone is being evacuated, and tinking dying wouldn't be bad and he has a manner of a sleepwalker. And then he meets a whore who reminds him of Chidori and goes to a room with her. And they have a conversation about love and loyalty, and like all the conversations he participates in during this time, in a way it's Sousuke trying to figure out the world in front of him (after all Mao and Kurtz had normal lives before, but Sousuke is, in some ways, a baby). And then he can't have sex with her because Chidori keeps flashing in his mind and he keeps thinking of what she told him and how she looked (he does it throughout this, the randomest words likely to set him off).
Of course, he later finds out a message for him and follows it, and the thing is, he'd be a lot more paranoid and cautious normally, but he just doesn't care. And this leads him to Gauron, who is Scorpius to his John (yeah, Farscape reference), who barely survived their previous confrontation and is dying, and who's been pulling the strings. And Gauron ha a twisted connection to Sousuke because he thought they were alike, as he met Sousuke years ago, and thought Sousuke's eyes were those of a Saint, unclouded by doubt, the way Gauron is. Of course, what Gauron doesn't realize is that Sousuke is his polar oppposite. Gauron was unclouded by doubt because he desired everything, and Sousuke because he desired nothing. After all, at the end, when Sousuke makes his conditions to Mithril, this is probably the first time he ever used the words "I want." His negation of self was too absolute. And it is Sousuke's greatest fear that he is like Gauron, which is why Chidori's telling him he is weak, is precisely the right thing. He wants to be weak, he doesn't want to be like Gauron. But I am getting way ahead of myself.
And Gauron tells Sousuke that his eyes are not like that now, and he tells him it's Chidori's fault, so he had Chidori eliminated, and he describes Chidori's death, including her last words being 'sorry' as Sousuke falls apart in front of his eyes, and Gauron drinks it all in, every last bit. And Sousuke shoots him, over and over and over again. The thing is, I think this was what Gauron wanted. Not just to torture Sousuke in the worst possible way, but to make him kill like this, to turn him (back) into a killing machine, or worse, into a monster. And he was soooo close. Because with this act, something in Sousuke snaps completely. Yes, 90% of it is Chidori (the way images of her keep flashing in his head is painful), but another part of it is he's never murdered before. He's killed in combat, yes. But not like this, not a defenseless, dying man. And he goes over the brink, and when other people from Mithril track him down (there is a battle raging) and tell him he should join it because his comrades are dying, he just doesn't care, he is full of darkness, saying humans are just meat and what is it all to him? Everything can burn. I think the fact that Mithril took him away from Chidori and he wasn't around to protect her is a huge chunk of this. He blames them. And even when the Arbalest appears, sent to him by Tessa, he just looks at it, and calls it junk. He is done.
Except, not. Because in one of my all time favorite scenes, Chidori who flew all the way to HK has finally tracked him down. I love the scene when he first sees her. And the amazing thing is, she manages to screw his head on straight. Her being alive, of course, and her managing to calm down all his fears (re: Gauron) and even helping him find his identity (because before he thought without Mithril, he was nothing. During his wandering he mentions he has no nationality). And telling Sousuke (who's reverted to a babbling boy but also regained his will to live) to go kick butt. Which he does, and I love that when he introduces himself, he says he is not with Mithril, but that he is Student so and so, class so and so. He's decided who and what he wants to be.
And then, after the battle, when he gets orders to get back to base, he says 'no' and tells them he has somewhere else to be and to pick up the machine or the enemy will get their hands on it (I also love the fact that he's finally managed to establish a rapport with the AI. earlier it was dark sniping but now there is a bizarre comradery. Is that yet another pice of his psyche, symbolically?). And then he tells everyone "she is waiting for me" and leaves and we see Chidori.
And at the end, he's gotten what he wants. He will stay at the school and he renegotiated his contract accordingly, even if his salary is cut in half. He really has grown up (I love it when he tells the board that he did not sign away his soul to Mithril). And after all, Mithril has to go along. Not only is he the only guy who can pilot an Arbalest, it's a mercenary organization, after all.
And we conclude with a scene that made me melt like ten billion pounds of butter in a super-gigantic oven. He's pulled yet another stunt and Chidori is yelling at him, and he bows his head and expects a smack with her paper fan but all she does is repeat the last word ('anything') and he looks up and she is shaking and crying and she asks him "so, is it back to everything as usual?" and just throws herself on his chest as he is motionless, and she weeps "I thought you were going to leave me" and he is just...his arms are at his sides and then he slowly starts putting them around her, as if he doesn't know what he is doing and he isn't sure where to put them (and then I realize that he's probably never hugged anyone before or never been hugged. Heck, Chidori is probably the first person who cares about him and what he wants, as opposed to duty or military or whatever). And then the moment is lost because all her girlfriends converge on the hall and ask him what on earth he did wrong, but during this whole scene she keeps weeping on his chest.
And at the very end, they are on the train going home, and they are both relaxed and happy and everything is perfect and he asks her "In HK, what were you going to tell me?" (she came all the way to HK to tell him she loves him and lost her courage at the last moment) and she replies "nothing" and they ride off and the tag says something like "taking it as it comes, day by day" and it's perfect and adorable and wonderful.
Of course, they both know not only how important the other person is to them, but also how the other person feels about them. And my OTP is the best. Even with no kissing.
I kept expecting Sousuke to have a breakdown, and a breakdown he did have. Wow. But if you think about it, all those years of repression and obedience and negating one's desire were bound to erupt spectacularly.
When he goes to Hong Kong on a mission, you see him getting more and more alienated. Watch him standing, by himself at a window, as Mao regales the rest of the soldiers with her exploits. He is adrift, looking for something to make sense, and he latches on to some of her words momentarily, but they don't provide any help at all.
By taking Chidori away from him, Mithril really broke him loose of any moorings he's had. He's never had problems following orders before but that is because there was never anything he's wanted for himself (which is pretty horrifying if you think about it). And so when he drives with Mao, he is barely holding it together, and then she mentions Tokyo and you see his mind go to Chidori's apartment (and he touches his hair, remembering the haircut). He can't stop thinking about her, and normalcy, and anywhere but where he is right now. He is so occupied by his thoughts of her that he almost crashes their car and brings the police on them. And how scary is the fact that when the bullets start flying, he doesn't even get out of the way and Mao has to pull him down, because he is so dazed and in shock. And then of course, after this, when Mao says that if he is going to be like that, he is useless so he better snap out of it or she'd rather go alone, he quietly opens the door and leaves?
I screamed at the TV. Because he quit. Sousuke, Mithril soldier incarnate, quit. For Chidori. But not just for her, which is what makes it cool. But the thing is, this is such a part of his life and his identity (he's never had any other. I actually think it's horrible that he was a child soldier), that he is in a daze. And then we see him buy a bottle of Scotch, and wander around town where everyone is being evacuated, and tinking dying wouldn't be bad and he has a manner of a sleepwalker. And then he meets a whore who reminds him of Chidori and goes to a room with her. And they have a conversation about love and loyalty, and like all the conversations he participates in during this time, in a way it's Sousuke trying to figure out the world in front of him (after all Mao and Kurtz had normal lives before, but Sousuke is, in some ways, a baby). And then he can't have sex with her because Chidori keeps flashing in his mind and he keeps thinking of what she told him and how she looked (he does it throughout this, the randomest words likely to set him off).
Of course, he later finds out a message for him and follows it, and the thing is, he'd be a lot more paranoid and cautious normally, but he just doesn't care. And this leads him to Gauron, who is Scorpius to his John (yeah, Farscape reference), who barely survived their previous confrontation and is dying, and who's been pulling the strings. And Gauron ha a twisted connection to Sousuke because he thought they were alike, as he met Sousuke years ago, and thought Sousuke's eyes were those of a Saint, unclouded by doubt, the way Gauron is. Of course, what Gauron doesn't realize is that Sousuke is his polar oppposite. Gauron was unclouded by doubt because he desired everything, and Sousuke because he desired nothing. After all, at the end, when Sousuke makes his conditions to Mithril, this is probably the first time he ever used the words "I want." His negation of self was too absolute. And it is Sousuke's greatest fear that he is like Gauron, which is why Chidori's telling him he is weak, is precisely the right thing. He wants to be weak, he doesn't want to be like Gauron. But I am getting way ahead of myself.
And Gauron tells Sousuke that his eyes are not like that now, and he tells him it's Chidori's fault, so he had Chidori eliminated, and he describes Chidori's death, including her last words being 'sorry' as Sousuke falls apart in front of his eyes, and Gauron drinks it all in, every last bit. And Sousuke shoots him, over and over and over again. The thing is, I think this was what Gauron wanted. Not just to torture Sousuke in the worst possible way, but to make him kill like this, to turn him (back) into a killing machine, or worse, into a monster. And he was soooo close. Because with this act, something in Sousuke snaps completely. Yes, 90% of it is Chidori (the way images of her keep flashing in his head is painful), but another part of it is he's never murdered before. He's killed in combat, yes. But not like this, not a defenseless, dying man. And he goes over the brink, and when other people from Mithril track him down (there is a battle raging) and tell him he should join it because his comrades are dying, he just doesn't care, he is full of darkness, saying humans are just meat and what is it all to him? Everything can burn. I think the fact that Mithril took him away from Chidori and he wasn't around to protect her is a huge chunk of this. He blames them. And even when the Arbalest appears, sent to him by Tessa, he just looks at it, and calls it junk. He is done.
Except, not. Because in one of my all time favorite scenes, Chidori who flew all the way to HK has finally tracked him down. I love the scene when he first sees her. And the amazing thing is, she manages to screw his head on straight. Her being alive, of course, and her managing to calm down all his fears (re: Gauron) and even helping him find his identity (because before he thought without Mithril, he was nothing. During his wandering he mentions he has no nationality). And telling Sousuke (who's reverted to a babbling boy but also regained his will to live) to go kick butt. Which he does, and I love that when he introduces himself, he says he is not with Mithril, but that he is Student so and so, class so and so. He's decided who and what he wants to be.
And then, after the battle, when he gets orders to get back to base, he says 'no' and tells them he has somewhere else to be and to pick up the machine or the enemy will get their hands on it (I also love the fact that he's finally managed to establish a rapport with the AI. earlier it was dark sniping but now there is a bizarre comradery. Is that yet another pice of his psyche, symbolically?). And then he tells everyone "she is waiting for me" and leaves and we see Chidori.
And at the end, he's gotten what he wants. He will stay at the school and he renegotiated his contract accordingly, even if his salary is cut in half. He really has grown up (I love it when he tells the board that he did not sign away his soul to Mithril). And after all, Mithril has to go along. Not only is he the only guy who can pilot an Arbalest, it's a mercenary organization, after all.
And we conclude with a scene that made me melt like ten billion pounds of butter in a super-gigantic oven. He's pulled yet another stunt and Chidori is yelling at him, and he bows his head and expects a smack with her paper fan but all she does is repeat the last word ('anything') and he looks up and she is shaking and crying and she asks him "so, is it back to everything as usual?" and just throws herself on his chest as he is motionless, and she weeps "I thought you were going to leave me" and he is just...his arms are at his sides and then he slowly starts putting them around her, as if he doesn't know what he is doing and he isn't sure where to put them (and then I realize that he's probably never hugged anyone before or never been hugged. Heck, Chidori is probably the first person who cares about him and what he wants, as opposed to duty or military or whatever). And then the moment is lost because all her girlfriends converge on the hall and ask him what on earth he did wrong, but during this whole scene she keeps weeping on his chest.
And at the very end, they are on the train going home, and they are both relaxed and happy and everything is perfect and he asks her "In HK, what were you going to tell me?" (she came all the way to HK to tell him she loves him and lost her courage at the last moment) and she replies "nothing" and they ride off and the tag says something like "taking it as it comes, day by day" and it's perfect and adorable and wonderful.
Of course, they both know not only how important the other person is to them, but also how the other person feels about them. And my OTP is the best. Even with no kissing.
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Date: 2006-04-16 07:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-16 07:54 pm (UTC)Hospital Panel
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