dangermousie | Lord Haemyeong for President! (Reply)

I have decided. We would not have our present economic and political problems if Lord Haemyeong, The Crown Prince of Gogureyo from The Kingdom of the Winds was our president.

* Worried about thieving ~~merchants~~ bankers who are irresponsible and have gotten too big for their britches? That's all right. No bailout for them. Seeing the way he objected when his father forgave them, Lord Haemyeong woudl exile them all (to Canada?) and deprive them of their power. If Lord Haemyeong was our Chief Executive, head of AIG would be beheaded in the middle of Wall Street to the sound of Korean drums.

* Family values. Lord Haemyeong is full to bursting with family values. He is willing to lose his position or even his life for his little brother. He is a dutiful son. Lord Haemyeong won't cheat on his wife with sleazy assistants. In fact, he is not married at all because he is pining for his dead brother's ex. OK, maybe that's not so family values, but it is sexy.

* Worried about getting into an irresponsible war for no good reason? Problem solved when the leader will personally infiltrate the potential-enemy country to find out what they are up to and if there is something to worry about.

* Don't want your President to be a screw-up who has never been in any fight in his life but is OK with sending his soldiers to die? Vote for Lord Haemyeong. His family has a history of leadership, swiftly ~~dispatching~~ peacefully outmaneuvering those who try to interfere with that history. He has led his troops in battle for a couple of decades, is good with a sword and takes 'leave no man behind' extremely seriously. Perhaps too seriously, seeing that he invades an enemy camp and risks war to save a single soldier under his command.

Of course, the opponents will point to numerous flaws in my candidate:

* Cronyism and favoritism. It has come to their attention that he has offered promising trade routes to a particular merchant in return for help with his spying. Trade routs should be awarded in open competion. Not to mention the fatal entanglement of the military-industrial complex.

* Family values, you say? He invaded a neighboring country while his father was visiting said country, plainly unconcerned with the fact that it put his father in jeopardy. His idea of a treat for his baby brother is to take him on a secret and perilous spying mission together. He refuses to get married, instead lusting for his dead brother's concubine. And did we mention that he refused to have her burned on his brother's funeral pyre as per custom? What kind of family values are that? Also, he is a pagan.

* Irresponsible war for no reason? Still better than the future head of state wandering in incognito and going on dangerous spying tasks which might result in said head losing his head. Plus, imagine the diplomatic nightmare if discovered!

* There is such a thing as too much loyalty to one's underlings. He invaded a neighboring country, that was currently at peace with his ~~forget the ninjas of death they send to raid regularly~~ to rescue a single soldier, merely because waiting to go through diplomatic channels would be too late and said soldier would be beheaded. Are we to fight a war any time a countryman gets kidnapped? We'd run out of nukes. True, the rumors say the soldier was his brother, but that makes it worse: he is willing to have his country at war to save a crony. Uh-oh.

* And then there is that little matter of that young hot soldier he is always dragging around, rescuing from death (risking a war and his father's life in the process), taking on "special" trips. Maybe he isn't married for other reasons than devotion to a particular woman, after all. He might claim the guy's his "brother' but we all watch Supernatural, we know what that is a code word for.

But anyway. Despite all this, we are forced to tell you.

VOTE LORD HAEMYEONG.