Top 10 things UNlikely to happen on Veronica Mars

[dangermousie]

Yes, yes, yes. We are all curious who's behind the crash, what was Meg hiding, who stabbed Felix, and will Logan and Veronica ever have passionate sex on the floor? (Well, that last one might have just been me).

And there are all sorts of spoilers flying out there, some more plausible than others. So in honor of that, I decided to come up with things you won't see on Veronica Mars. Or if you will, the Apocalypse is coming and you should stop reading this and go build your Arc.

Top 10 things you will not see on Season 2 of Veronica Mars:

1 Duncan and Veronica finally realize they are wrong for each other. Unfortunately, that realization is the result of each of them realizing they prefer Logan to their current partner. A different, and much more entertaining, romantic triangle ensues.

2 What is Meg's Big Secret? Two words: Rosemary's Baby. How do you think she survived that fall?

3 In the season finale, after a long and careful investigation, Veronica determines that the bus crash was indeed caused by Ed Doyle's suicide, just as Lamb originally thought, and the rest of the information was, unfortunately, purely misleadng.

4 Tired of campaigning, and soured on women after the Alicia debacle, Keith realizes there is another way to Sheriff's position as he succumbs to his passion for Lamb and becomes the power behind the throne.

5 One fine day, Jackie just evaporates. Nobody notices.

6 Aaron Echolls gets acquitted of murder and next year recieves acclaim for his moving portrayal of a man on death row in a hit movie. In his Oscar-winning speech he thanks Veronica Mars for providing him with an opportunity to perfect his method acting.

7 Fed up with Neptune's endless drama, Kendall Casablancas moves to LA and is hired by a Vampire with a Soul who is seeking to rid the world of evil.

8 After reviewing his horrendous dating track record, Logan sees the light and joins a Trappist Monastery. The fangirls commit mass suicide.

9 In a shocking twist, it turns out that the lab results were incorrect and Jake Kane is Veronica Mars' biological father. Veronica and Duncan decide to "keep it in the family" anyway as the show moves to HBO and wins a slew of Emmies.

10 Wallace Fennel moves in with his father, starts a new high school and joins their basketball team. His father's address? One Tree Hill.

Comments

[raelee.livejournal.com]

And, now that I've read #9, I must go wash my brain out with extremely strong disinfectant.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Icon! *loves madly*

Well, RT did say that they were considering having Duncan and Veronica really be siblings if the show ended up on HBO or similar.

[sadiekate.livejournal.com]

You should write a TV show.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Heh. Well, I probably wouldn't be any worse than the "geniuses" who come up with reality programming, at that :)

[femmenerd.livejournal.com]

HA!

After reviewing his horrendous dating track record, Logan sees the light and joins a Trappist Monastery. The fangirls commit mass suicide.


Horrors!

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

I know. I think RT would get stoned to death :P

[femmenerd.livejournal.com]

For your general amusement (I hope) I send you where I invaded the Roswell board I'm a mod for with my Logan obsessed silliness. (http://deelicious-abyss.com/php/viewtopic.php?p=23173#23173)

[femmenerd.livejournal.com]

Er, scroll up.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Best. Thread. Ever.

[missmarch.livejournal.com]

Hilarious. I love them all, but I'd actually enjoy watching #1.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't mind, as long as Logan picked Veronica in the end. It would do the boy good to have someone vie for him for once :P Plus, Duncan and Veronica both have way more chemistry with Logan than they do with each other...

[femmenerd.livejournal.com]

Hee. I really should have included a pic of when Michael goes to Maria's house all wet dog and bedraggled and she holds him while he cries

::wibbles::

But at that point I knew I was just wasting time.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Oh yes...Michael was definitely a woobie. Not as much as poor Max during and post White Room though...

[winterspel.livejournal.com]

Fabulous! The whole thing is just fabulous. :)

[bluehyacinth.livejournal.com]

This is killing me (softly with its song).
Three is my favoritest ever.
In the spirit, here are a few more:

a. In a very special episode, Veronica finds out that Keith really is coming on to her when he asks, "Who's your daddy?"

b. Mystery of the Week: Savage dog mauling turns out to be the work of Backup (Jackie, we hardly knew ye). Veronica gives him a milkbone.

c. Logan finds out that he is really the adopted son of Aaron and Lynne. Oh yeah, and he is an alien prince from another plant. Episode revolves around whether he had super-strength or is one of the royal four (with Duncan, Lilly, and another girl to be introduced at the end of the season).

[missmarch.livejournal.com]

Oh, that goes without saying. V/L to the bitter end, baby.

I also wouldn't mind seeing someone chase after him a bit. But it may end up being Jackie or even Kendall-she seemed to enjoy her boytoy. And damn, thinking about it, Logan definitely has a type, ie he likes them bitchy, so we may see J/L after all.

[raelee.livejournal.com]

Icon! *loves madly*

Thanks :) - It came about in a convo with a friend about picturing Duncan as Chicken Boo.

Yes, but... but... that was before he had Veronica say, "Dim sum and then some?" Eek! I need to go scrub my brain.

I didn't say it before but #5 keeps cracking me up.

[raelee.livejournal.com]

(a) is an episode in the same HBO version as #9 above isn't it? Dang but you can get away with anything on HBO.

[femmenerd.livejournal.com]

OMG - the White Room! ::woobs::

I think I was mostly thinking of Michael in relation to the whole Hank beating him thing because we'd been talking about Logan. And because Michael, like Logan is a woobie with a jerky covering.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Number 5 is pure wishful thinking on my part....

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Well, if we have to wait two weeks until an ep, I have to make my own fun.

Btw, have I mentioned how much I love your icon?

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Jackie/Logan? Ick. Ick to the 10th power. Ick! *scrubs out brain* Because I actually enjoy Logan/Kendall because Kendall is so much fun, sort of like the way Cordy would have been if she never met the Scoobs. But I resent every minute they spend on Jackie.

*ponders starting "Die Jackie Die" society*

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

ROTFLOL!

I think those are brilliant:

Re: (a) I have been worrying about those vibes :P

(b) Yes, please. I'd buy Backup a milkbone myself.

(c) *dies with Roswell love* I think Lilly would fulfill a role of Tess admirably though :P The thought of Trina as Isabel though...mind boggles :P

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Maybe it could be a Keith-Veronica-Duncan triangle *bleaches brain*

[missmarch.livejournal.com]

I bet they'll end up going there. I don't hate Jackie as much as the rest of the fandom seems to, so I can stand it if it happens. But I definitely prefer Kendall/Logan, which I too enjoy.

I'm surprised someone hasn't started that community already. The girl is not very popular anywhere. Teddy Dunn probably loves having her around.

[winterspel.livejournal.com]

I have to make my own fun.

Of course! And your fun is always so entertaining for the rest of us :)

And thanks. I love that icon to pieces, too. *laughs*

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Oh yes. I was always more of a Max girl (because responsible is such a kink of mine) but poor Michael had it rough too...

The first time I saw "White Room" I was by myself in a dark room and it really adds to the feeling. I was freaked out beyond belief by Pierce and I haven't wanted a fictional character dead that much for a long time. And then I watched Destiny right away and ended up a hideous sobbing mess...

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

ROFL! Well, it's either that or scour the net for spoilers when there are no new ones to be had

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

I have no problem with Logan with others, I just really am bored/frustrated by Jackie. They keep pushing her and she just makes me want to claw my own eyes out. She isn't fun to hate. She is just severely irritating to watch.

Jackie to Veronica Mars as is Riley to Buffy or Jesse to Roswell. Waste of space.

[cosmicviolet.livejournal.com]

This is the funniest post I've read in awhile. :D I hope #5 does come true but, alas, I doubt it. I'd also like to add:

11. Logan starts spending a lot of time at the sheriff's department and gets friendly with Lamb. Their collective snarkiness explodes onscreen.
12. The show moves to HBO and we to see get an obligatory Logan sex scene of Nip/Tuck proportions (which is to say, graphic) each week, plus lots of him saying "fuck". Hey, a girl can dream. :P
There was actually a great article (http://www.slweekly.com/editorial/2005/tube_2005-10-13.cfm) recently along these lines, that predicted by 2010 VM would be on ShowTime and include plenty of nudity.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

That linked article was hi-la-ri-ous.

And yes please on No 12!

[bluehyacinth.livejournal.com]

I thought you might appreciate the Roswell nod. That one was especially for you.

Trina as Isabel is really scary.
I wonder what she would do with her powers?

Maybe Meg is Tess.
And then her secret could be that she is carrying an alien baby who must leave Neptune FOR Neptune or it will die. The bus was just a really poor choice of spaceship.
Duncan can't talk to Veronica about it because although he really loves her, it is fate he be with Meg.

Conservative parents like Meg's would probably frown on interplanetary interspecies premarital sex.

Now Veronica, is she Liz or Maria? Would that solve the whole Duncan/Logan thing?

Maybe she is actually Kyle.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

And then her secret could be that she is carrying an alien baby who must leave Neptune FOR Neptune or it will die. The bus was just a really poor choice of spaceship.
Duncan can't talk to Veronica about it because although he really loves her, it is fate he be with Meg.

Conservative parents like Meg's would probably frown on interplanetary interspecies premarital sex.


ROTFLOL. Best. Post. Ever.


She can't be Kyle. Because Kyle (who I keep typing up as "Kule") is all alone by the end. Wallace can be Kyle.

I'd say Veronica is Maria and Logan is Michael because they snark at each other, and Duncan and Meg are the more conservative one so I suppose they could be Max/Liz except I adore Max/Liz and Duncan/Meg are two boring flavors that are boring together. Also, mind boggles at Max/Maria :P

Trina? Her powers would be the super powers of Skank!

[bluehyacinth.livejournal.com]

See, I was really worried that Wallace would be killed off by evil!Tess after writing a bunch of digits on a receipt for food delivered by some guy who looks like...

Oh wait, the snake just ate its own tail.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Does that mean Wallace had a thing for Trina? Yikes!

receipt for food delivered by some guy who looks like...

You know how I said the post upthread was the best post ever? Forget it, this one is :P