Hana Yori Dango: Fantasy and Reality of Romance

[dangermousie]

OK, now that I've discovered a thing for Hana Yori Dango, you'll have to put up with a few posts about it.

I do like what it has to say about fantasy v. reality of romance and crushes and things. Because what Tsukushi finds out when she finally goes on a date with Rui, her dream guy, the one she's been pining for for 20+ episodes, is that if you crush on a boy because he is quiet, mysterious, elusive et al, when you actually have to spend time interacting with him, these qualities will make for a really boring date.

Her 'dream' date is uncomfortable (as she is on pins and needles from worry), awkward, and they are always out of sync. Hint: if you are out on a date and you aren't enjoying yourself and he doesn't get your jokes, and you don't really have a conversation, and he is so absent minded that he doesn't even notice when you bump and hit your face but keeps on walking? He might be a nice guy, but chances are you aren't going to work out. Your crush just might not stand up to reality of daily interactions. These qualities of otherworldly detached elusiveness which make him so attractive and appealing in fantasy will, in RL, make him a bad companion (at least for Tsukushi who is all about the real and now and practical).

And I do like the fact that Rui is a nice guy. He isn't secretly a white slaver, or a horrid womanizer, or a violent bastard. He is exactly what he appears to be, an introverted, somewhat passive, rather nice guy (certainly at his baseline, he is far nicer than Tsukushi's other admirer Doumyouji). Nothing wrong with that, but Tsukushi has to realize (and I assume she does eventually) that much as it's nice in the abstract, this just doesn't work in real life for her. They just aren't compatible.


And it's not that it would be bad for Tsukushi. It would be bad for Rui. She keeps putting her foot in it and bringing up all these issues that for Rui is like salt on a wound (Shizuka, his former friends etc) and doesn't notice the signals he puts out until a bit late. She and Doumyouji both face the world with a certain bullish determination and rather thick skin and sort of unsubtle relish. Rui is different. He is 'delicate' (I can't think of another word for it) and Tsukushi's cheerful tactlessness just doesn't work for him. With Doumyouji, she calls him an idiot, he tells her to shut up, they both shrug it off and aren't any the worse for wear. And if something bothers either of them, they would speak out about it loudly and repeatedly until everyone around them got the point. With Rui, you have to guess and to puzzle out his feelings, as he clams up, and Tsukushi is too buldozerish to deal with it. Maybe that is why Tsukushi could always interact with Doumyouji, even when they were enemies, without any constraint (whether their interaction was antagonistic or not), because they have the same baseline.

Of course, Doumyouji is not a nice person at all. And he would drive me up the wall in about 20 minutes (About the third time he'd mention his family is super rich and I bet I never saw anything so cool in my life I'd hit him). But, I think the point is, he is very compatible for Tsukushi, and all the abstractions of what is attractive, or makes a guy alluring, or who is a better person in theory or what not, are secondary to what works for a particular person.

And of course, there is the matter of the fact that for Rui she is a rebound girl from his OTP, the girl he loved for years, Shizuka (and how French of Rui to move in with her in Paris and basically spend his days just waiting for her and then leave because she was going to get proposed to by a French politician. Ahhhh, Rui. I can see you in a Zola novel). Doumyouji, her other option, was really really crazy for her. The pragmatic in me believes that you are better off with someone for whom you are number one and who loves you more than you love them, than with someone in whom you are interested more than they return it.

Basically, a mysterious gorgeous boy who plays the violin is nice. But hey, no matter how cool, that just might not work for you and you can be better off with the brusque, hot-tempered, not full of milk of human kindness best friend of his. No absolutes.

Comments

[crumpeteer.livejournal.com]

It is rather normal though, isn't it. You spend all your time thinking someone or something is perfect only to realize that no matter how great that thing may be, it's not exactly what you thought.

And that is the thing about anime males, as impossible as they might be to get along with sometimes, there's no questioning their devotion.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Oh yes. When I think back on my high school crushes, they would have made pretty bad boyfriends. You spend so much time in your head building a perfect ideal that reality will, no matter what, fall short. In a way, it's better when you slowly fall for someone because it will give you time to adjust, as if you are in a starry love-struck mode, any normal interaction will be impossible. You don't want to be a groupie in your own relationship.

anime males, as impossible as they might be to get along with sometimes, there's no questioning their devotion.

Heh. Well, I'd actually take Vash any day if I was single. Actually, probably not. I like my men issue-free. Well, Hotohori then :P

[crumpeteer.livejournal.com]

I've always been of the opinion you should be friends before anything else. You're more inclined to make it through the hard times with someone you have a working friendship with than someone you've idealized but who really doesn't understand you.

Trigun is one of the few anime whose main men, though issue ridden, are actually pretty well adjusted. Both Vash and Wolfwood could probably get along in society pretty well, angst and all. Guys like say, Aoshi from RK, Suzumu from Peacemaker, and Alex from Last Exile, while all good men in their own ways, would be difficult to live with. Aoshi because he takes things to seriously, Suzumu because he's fairly emotionally crippled and Alex because he's so emotionally closed off to everyone (this is actually probably the most understandable since he's the commander of an illegal ship that will be blown off the map if he ever screws up, so he has a bit of the Mal "Never Let Them See You Sweat" thing going on). This is a typical thing with anime males. You may love them, but you'd sure as heck not want to be around them for a long span of time. More power to the women they end up with.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

typical thing with anime males. You may love them, but you'd sure as heck not want to be around them for a long span of time.

But then, that is true for many a fictional man I like. In RL, I'd run away screaming.

[crumpeteer.livejournal.com]

Interestingly, I think I'd actually get along with most of the fictional men I really like. Erik might be a bit of a stretch, but I'm pretty used to wrangling irritable males. :D

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

See, in RL, I like my men really nice, boy-scouty, good members of society with a sense of humor and largely laid back. This would probably not make for a good fictional hero though. But angst in RL? Not so much fun.

[crumpeteer.livejournal.com]

If I'm remembering correctly though, yours tend to have a lot more angst than mine. Even fictional I like 'em functional.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Yup, I am all about fictional angst.

Btw, your icon is the prettiest thing I've seen all day.

[crumpeteer.livejournal.com]

Why thank you. I'm partial to his bedhead and biceps myself. ;p