What will NOT happen in Serenity, Characters and Episodes lists

[dangermousie]

After seeing some hideous Firefly fanfic, and seeing the trailer for the movie, I decided to come up with my own list of what we are NOT going to see in "Serenity" the movie, despite the fanfic wishes. I cannot imagine this is spoilery. If it is, I will be in the corner, beating my head against the wall.


10. Inara tells Mal she wants a baby. Mal obliges. They have adorable triplets.

9. A mysterious and beautiful woman comes on board Serenity. She has violet eyes and impossible hair. Mal and Simon fall madly in love with her and the whole movie is about who will win her hand.

8. In fact, three mysterious and beautiful women come on board. Mal, Simon and Jayne spend the entire time proclaiming undying love to these goddesses, and at the end, Book marries them. Inara and Kaylee are uncharacteristically absent.

7. Jayne and River find true love with each other.

6. Simon and River find true love with each other.

5. "Womenfolk are complicated" declares Mal, and the last scene shows Mal and Simon locked in a passionate embrace.

4. Wash takes Mal and Zoe up on their offer of having sex on the condition he can videotape. The tape becomes a bestseller, and the crew retires profitably for the rest of their life.

3. Book opens a new line of hair products.

2. There is no plot. Only happy couples shagging like bunnies. The movie is renamed "Serenity: when Booty calls."

1. Serenity ends up transporting some Jedi.


Here is my ranking of all the episodes, starting with most, ending with least (though I loved them all).

1 Heart of Gold: As a Mal/Inara shipper, this ep is pure heaven. If you like angst, or Magnificent Seven type shoot-outs ditto. The final scene alone would make it my favorite.

2 Out of Gas: Because I love the circular storytelling, and because it's all about h/c Mal.

3 Ariel: Simon being creative and brave and decent, the nefarious Blue Gloves people, and the amazing tag with Mal and Jayne

4 Safe: It was hard to pick between this and Ariel. This is the ep that made me fall in love with Simon, and that broke my heart.

5 Objects in Space: Tightly plotted, tense, and actually poetic. Plus, Simon/Kaylee squee and Mal/Inara angst.

6 War Stories: What did I say about h/c Mal?

7 Our Mrs Reynolds: utterly hilarious AND shippy.

8 Jaynetown: Plenty of cute Kaylee/Simon and also in the running as the funniest of the bunch.

9 Shindig: The duel. And Inara teaching Mal to sword fight. And the tag.

10 Serenity 1 & 2: So much brilliant stuff. Simon's desperate ploy, the Serenity Valley flashback where you see the moment Mal loses his faith etc etc etc etc.

11 Trash: Funny and twisty.

12 The Message: rawles pointed out the plotholes, but I love the opening scenes and the angst.

13 Bushwhacked: Interesting and creepy concept.

14 Train Job: Good. It's just the others are better.


And here is my character ranking, after seeing all of Firefly:

1 Mal: Started out with him as my favorite, and ended this way, too. He is complicated and simple at the same time. He is a disillusioned idealist who is full of principles, snark, and painful love for Inara. And he's a heck of a leader, too. Also, I wouldn't kick him out of bed, period.

2 Simon: I started out thinking he is bland, but fell in love with him along the way. He is quiet, with a lovely hidden sense of sarcasm. He is a decent person who would do anything for his loved ones, and his care for River, and enormous emotional bravery, won me over utterly.

3 Jayne: Good guy? Nope. Smart? No again. But he makes me laugh more than anyone else.

4 Kaylee: Sweet, and warm, and loving, and very capable. Just what Simon needs, IMO.

5 Wash: Because he is funny. And he doesn't mind a wife who is a better fighter than he is.

6 Inara: Complicated and poised and clever, but loses points for being insane enough to turn away Mal.

7 Zoe: She is strong, and a good wife and second in command. But not as interesting at the top 6.

8 River: When she is more "sane," she is quite lovely, in a childlike way. And she is interesting even without meds, and I feel huge pity for her. But is too wiggy for me to fall in love with.

9 Book: He is nice (and must have a secret), but I don't find him as interesting as the rest.

Comments

[garnettrees.livejournal.com]

8. In fact, three mysterious and beautiful women come on board. Mal, Simon and Jayne spend the entire time proclaiming undying love to these goddesses, and at the end, Book marries them. Inara and Kaylee are uncharacteristically absent.
MarySues are Satan, are they not? I think almost everyone makes the mistake of doing one early in their fic-writing career (mostly out of ignorance) but there are some offenders who show no remorse. *shudder*

6. Simon and River find true love with each other.
Incest, anyone? *shudders again* Simon's protective of River but not... no, that would actually make all the sweet things he does for her just really creepy.

10. Inara tells Mal she wants a baby. Mal obliges. They have adorable triplets.
Having babies would be bad for Inara's business.

5 Wash: Because he is funny. And he doesn't mind a wife who is a better fighter than he is.
See, Wash is my favorite character. He's so Xander-like. But you're right, one of his best aspects is being secure enough in his masculinity to let Zoe shine. Also, Re: Mal/Zoe/Wash threesome? There is no WAY Wash would agree to that.

I love River *because* she's weird... ^_^
-Meredith

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

some offenders who show no remorse

It cracks me up when writers put "Not a Mary Sue!" into their summaries. Because a deader givaway I never saw.

Wash isn't screwed up enough to be my favorite character, but he is beyond cool.

[ayn-rand-fan-13.livejournal.com]

I dunno, I rather liked number four, about the video tape. As far as possibilities go, it is the most realistic...
I can't wait until my birthday, when I get the DVD's! *squees for hours on end*

[hawkmoth.livejournal.com]

Psssst! That's "War Stories."

[sg1padawan.livejournal.com]

Here is my ranking of all the episodes, starting with most, ending with least (though I loved them all).

Your top 3 are the same as my top 3, for essentially the same reasons, but I'd probably put OIS at #4 and Serenity as #5 (simply because it gives us so much info about the characters and introduces them brilliantly).

Oh, and how spewing am I? I just checked my disc for Heart of Gold to see if there's a commentary - nada! I was really hoping there'd be a good one there with Nathan and Morena and/or Joss. Siiiigh.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Heee. Sorry :) *corrected*

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

LOL. Movie's ratd PG-13, so unlikely...

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

I think since Serenity was the first one, I didn't care for it as much as some others because I didn't know the characters well yet.