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dangermousieSo, the Doctor. Intergalactic travelling champion of humanity, right? Timelord of awesome powers and fearsome intelligence. Right?
Wrong.
What he really is, is a Kissing Monster.
Asexual being, my foot.
Enter behind the cut for a shocking, shocking expose of the Doctor's nefarious activities and his increasingly feeble excuses.
1. "It was an intergalactic omnisexual space alien, and he attacked me first!"
Yeah, sure. Because people always do as they please with you, you being so passive and compliant and all.
(Nine/Jack, S1)
2. "It was to save her life!"
Right. You couldn't transfer that energy in any other way than through mouth-to-mouth? Touching toes never occurred to you?
(Nine/Rose, S1)
3. "It was evil alien possession!"
I am not really seeing you push her away, buster… Yes, any hopes of the new regeneration of the Doctor being less inclined to such activities have vanished.
(Ten/Rose, S2. Side note: possessed or not, Rose loves fixating on his hair during smoochies).
4. "It was only on the forehead. Of my helmet! And not done by me!"
I would be inclined to buy this excuse, but sadly, with such a track record, all I can say is, you must have been putting ideas into her head.
(Ten/Rose, S2)
5. "Genetic transfer! To save hundreds and hundreds and hundreds."
Shockingly similar to excuse in Number 2, though Ten has shamelessly improved on Nine's excuse by offering lives of 'hundreds' of people as justification. To which I repeat: you couldn't get around without suctioning off her face?
(Ten/Martha, S3. Martha, being scientifically minded hoped to replicate the procedure but no luck).
6. "I had amnesia."
Neither amnesia nor an assumed name can help you, buster. Becoming a human and a teacher in Edwardian England does not necessarily involve snogging the Matron. Haven't you read all those boys adventure novels and public school books? For shame, Mr. Smith, what kind of an example are you setting for impressionable young minds?
Thrice!
(John Smith/Matron, S3)
7. "She was dying!"
I don't see how your tongue can help her.
(Ten/Astrid, Christmas Special)
8. "It wasn't me! It was this other bloke who looks like me, thinks like me, feels like me, and has my personality and memories. Actually…he is me…errrrr"
Do I really need to refute this one?*
(HalfHuman!Ten/Rose, S4).
No wonder Master preferred dying to being locked up in the TARDIS with the Doctor, and Davros chose to perish rather than to be rescued. You can bet that they just knew what kind of kissing monster waited for them inside!
And don't even start me on the hugging, we'd be here all night.
* Points to anyone who guessed that this whole post was basically a giant excuse for me to repost this picture.
Wrong.
What he really is, is a Kissing Monster.
Asexual being, my foot.
Enter behind the cut for a shocking, shocking expose of the Doctor's nefarious activities and his increasingly feeble excuses.
1. "It was an intergalactic omnisexual space alien, and he attacked me first!"
Yeah, sure. Because people always do as they please with you, you being so passive and compliant and all.
(Nine/Jack, S1)
2. "It was to save her life!"
Right. You couldn't transfer that energy in any other way than through mouth-to-mouth? Touching toes never occurred to you?
(Nine/Rose, S1)
3. "It was evil alien possession!"
I am not really seeing you push her away, buster… Yes, any hopes of the new regeneration of the Doctor being less inclined to such activities have vanished.
(Ten/Rose, S2. Side note: possessed or not, Rose loves fixating on his hair during smoochies).
4. "It was only on the forehead. Of my helmet! And not done by me!"
I would be inclined to buy this excuse, but sadly, with such a track record, all I can say is, you must have been putting ideas into her head.
(Ten/Rose, S2)
5. "Genetic transfer! To save hundreds and hundreds and hundreds."
Shockingly similar to excuse in Number 2, though Ten has shamelessly improved on Nine's excuse by offering lives of 'hundreds' of people as justification. To which I repeat: you couldn't get around without suctioning off her face?
(Ten/Martha, S3. Martha, being scientifically minded hoped to replicate the procedure but no luck).
6. "I had amnesia."
Neither amnesia nor an assumed name can help you, buster. Becoming a human and a teacher in Edwardian England does not necessarily involve snogging the Matron. Haven't you read all those boys adventure novels and public school books? For shame, Mr. Smith, what kind of an example are you setting for impressionable young minds?
Thrice!
(John Smith/Matron, S3)
7. "She was dying!"
I don't see how your tongue can help her.
(Ten/Astrid, Christmas Special)
8. "It wasn't me! It was this other bloke who looks like me, thinks like me, feels like me, and has my personality and memories. Actually…he is me…errrrr"
Do I really need to refute this one?*
(HalfHuman!Ten/Rose, S4).
No wonder Master preferred dying to being locked up in the TARDIS with the Doctor, and Davros chose to perish rather than to be rescued. You can bet that they just knew what kind of kissing monster waited for them inside!
And don't even start me on the hugging, we'd be here all night.
* Points to anyone who guessed that this whole post was basically a giant excuse for me to repost this picture.
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no subject
Date: 2008-07-08 10:48 pm (UTC)I don't see how your tongue can help her.
I laughed aloud and clapped in amusement. So true.
no subject
Date: 2008-07-08 10:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-07-08 11:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-07-08 11:11 pm (UTC)(Also, it just occured to me. As his HalfHuman Self, he will be able to have the life he saw he could have as John Smith and was denied: marriage and kids and happiness).
no subject
Date: 2008-07-08 11:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-07-08 11:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-07-09 12:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-07-09 07:18 am (UTC)I'm just tuning in to Dr. Who after catching it sporadically during the first two seasons, but I'm so glad Rose got something approaching a happy ending.
"It wasn't me! It was this other bloke who looks like me, thinks like me, feels like me, and has my personality and memories. Actually…he is me…errrrr"
Hey, it worked out for Helo. ;)
no subject
Date: 2008-07-09 07:24 pm (UTC)I was always so amused at Ten getting snogged almost every episode while people still claimed the Doctor was completely asexual... Right. Heck, even Donna got to snog him!
And any excuse to post that cap of the episode is fine with me... Heh.
no subject
Date: 2008-07-09 09:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-07-09 09:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-07-09 09:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-07-09 09:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-07-09 09:46 pm (UTC)And yeah, worked out for Helo. Now I am picturing a Who/BSG crossover.