An open letter to romance novelists

[dangermousie]

After reading a bunch of romance novels and emerging with my sanity sort of intact, here are the four things I want all the romance novelists to note:

1. If I never see the word "rake" in the book title, it will be too soon. Unless said book is about gardening.

2. There were no turkeys in Medieval England. Just trust me on that one.

3. "Her core was molten lava" is never a good thing unless you are describing a mad scientist's doomsday devise.

4. Well-behaved, reserved, socially conscious and conventionally gentlemanly men can be attractive. More so then the undoubtedly syphilis-ridden bad boys with caveman manners you seem to prefer.

I did find two books I really like, which deserve their own post (Suzanne Enoch's England's Perfect Hero and Lisa Kleypas' Because You Are Mine) so not all was wasted.

Comments

[clairiere.livejournal.com]

If you want a good laugh (unless you're looking for mind bleach), you should try All About Romance's Purple Prose sections. Examples:

"If I have to read about petals opening one more time, I think I'll barf right on someone's manroot!"

"I can't remember the author but someone referred to a part of the female anatomy as pouting nipples. Quick. . . someone cheer them up!!!"

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

OH MY GOD.

*dies*