It is easy to be a drama heroine - as heroine death is fairly passe, all you have to do is to be cute and plucky and voila - soon enough you will be Mrs. Chaebol, adored by all, and finally able to afford those eye treatments to fix extensive tear damage.
But if you are Secondary Girl? A Roman Christian has a better chance against a hungry Coliseum lion than you do of things going right. Long a traditional staple of every drama, from the lightest romcom to the weepiest melodrama, Secondary Girl is drama's most comfortingly recognizable presence - hero and heroine may be sweet or damaged, Secondary Guy may be an angel or a psycho, but Secondary Girl was always, always comfortingly evil. As soon as her overly made-up face entered the screen, you knew what to expect.
Until now. Recently, there has been a seismic change and now secondary girls get their own OTPs, get their own storylines and complexity, and occasionally get to live happily ever after. They are still in the minority, but they are there.
So here is my guide for you, Secondary Girl, on how to take advantage and end up with something as opposed to just a bunch of plastic surgery and a jail sentence. Chart your course in these six easy steps.
1. Do you love the hero? Don't. Just don't. I don't care if you grew up together, I don't care if your families betrothed you, if you are best friends, or even if you have killed every other woman in the world so his choice is you or a fat New Mexican named Bob. You are never going to get him
. How to recognize a hero? If he's hot and angsty and has just met a cute poor girl? He's a hero. Just buy the wedding gift already and move on to someone else - you are usually hot and rich, so how hard is it to find someone to date anyway?
2. If you are dating a guy you like, or one you think you may like in the future, or will ever like for even a moment (even if said moment is going to occur during a meth-fueled binge), MARRY HIM. Trust me, however valid your reasons for ditching him (your career, jealousy, trying to protect him from your terminal illness, sheer cussedness), it doesn't matter - you'll never get a second chance and will later be left all alone, gnashing your teeth, as he rides into the sunset with a barely-educated low-class woman who you wouldn't even hire to clean your expensive shoes. He might not even get her, but he will still pine for her rather than have wild whoopie with you. Before a sweet poor girl crosses your man's path, better have him sealed and delivered. Dramas are littered with Secondary Girls doomed to spinsterhood and cat lady status merely because the first time they started paying attention to that cute guy was when he finally got married to heroine - even if said guy has previously been madly proposing marriage to Secondary Girl herself for ten years straight.
3. Even if Restraining Orders seem to be nonexistent in dramaworld, you should probably be cognizant of their existence. Let me put it this way - if he doesn't love you, let it go. Is any man really worth going to jail for? Especially if he'd rather eat arsenic than be with you? Trying to blackmail him into marriage, attempting to kill him, stalking him at every opportunity - clinging and felonies are not sexy. I know Hero's tears are tasty tasty ambrosia to you, but for your own sake, please refrain.
4. That applies to crimes in general. I know it looks tempting to run over that pesky stepsister with your shiny car, to kick some poor people, or to shoplift - but trust me, these will come back to bite you. Do you really want to spend 5-10 in the clink? You'll never be able to get a boyfriend in there.
5. I know plastic surgery is usually a passion and hobby with you. And in normal life, plenty of men, especially powerful and rich men, are attracted to plastic-fantastic ladies with big boobs, long legs and nose jobs. It sucks, then, that you are not in in real world but in dramaworld. And there, men seem to prefer less plastic and less perfect-looking ladies. The less work you've had done, the more likely you'll be to land a man. You can get all the plastic surgery your heart desires after.
6. Quick, quick, while hero and heroine are distracted, grab the Secondary Guy. No guarantees but at least that way you have a fighting chance.
Armed with these six steps, go forth and conquer the world! You may actually have a hope now, especially if you go easy on the crazy eyes.
And if not, maybe you'll get a drama of your own one of these days.
Good luck. You'll need it!