dangermousie: (Default)
I have been reading the Summer Desire translations here and it is such an entertaining bucket of crazy. I mean, here is a sample conversation translated into human speak from emo drama land speak:

Xiamo: Listen, Ou Chen, I know I dumped you 5 years ago telling you to go jump of a cliff, and we haven't been exactly BFFs since, but how about donating a kidney to my little brother?
Ou Chen: No.
Xiamo: Pretty please? With a green ribbon on top?
Ou Chen: I have rehearsed this word for the last 1825 days - nope.
Xiamo: not even if I kneel?
Ou Chen: Unless you have a marriage proposal to go with that kneeling, no. I am going to crush your heart like you crushed mine! It will add to my brooding material.
Xiamo: I'll kiss you, if you give it, come on you got two! I am sure my majorly messed up, trust-issues-having boyfriend won't mind if I make kissy face with his worst enemy.
Ou Chen: Still nope.
Xiamo: OK, fine, I will sleep with you, pig.
Ou Chen: Rich eligible bachelor here, not exactly sexually desperate.
Xiamo: Hey, I've seen the posters you have, with my head cut out and glued to Pamela Anderson's body.
Ou Chen:... That was only for better angsting purposes, I swear!
Xiamo: What do I have to do?
Ou Chen: Willyoumarryme? I just know that marriage with a cold-hearted woman who is in love with another guy and who I have to blackmail into marriage will lead to nuptual bliss.
Xiamo: You do realize that your plan's outcome in any reasonable universe is me marrying you for precisely as long as it takes for the kidney donation to go through and then leaving with the divorce papers and half your fortune? How is that a good plan again?
Ou Chen: Lalalalalalalala I can't hear you!
Xiamo: Oh woe is me, I have to pick between a sexy superstar and an obsessive hot billionaire. My life is tragic. Oh well. Deal.
dangermousie: (Default)
I have been reading the Summer Desire translations here and it is such an entertaining bucket of crazy. I mean, here is a sample conversation translated into human speak from emo drama land speak:

Xiamo: Listen, Ou Chen, I know I dumped you 5 years ago telling you to go jump of a cliff, and we haven't been exactly BFFs since, but how about donating a kidney to my little brother?
Ou Chen: No.
Xiamo: Pretty please? With a green ribbon on top?
Ou Chen: I have rehearsed this word for the last 1825 days - nope.
Xiamo: not even if I kneel?
Ou Chen: Unless you have a marriage proposal to go with that kneeling, no. I am going to crush your heart like you crushed mine! It will add to my brooding material.
Xiamo: I'll kiss you, if you give it, come on you got two! I am sure my majorly messed up, trust-issues-having boyfriend won't mind if I make kissy face with his worst enemy.
Ou Chen: Still nope.
Xiamo: OK, fine, I will sleep with you, pig.
Ou Chen: Rich eligible bachelor here, not exactly sexually desperate.
Xiamo: Hey, I've seen the posters you have, with my head cut out and glued to Pamela Anderson's body.
Ou Chen:... That was only for better angsting purposes, I swear!
Xiamo: What do I have to do?
Ou Chen: Willyoumarryme? I just know that marriage with a cold-hearted woman who is in love with another guy and who I have to blackmail into marriage will lead to nuptual bliss.
Xiamo: You do realize that your plan's outcome in any reasonable universe is me marrying you for precisely as long as it takes for the kidney donation to go through and then leaving with the divorce papers and half your fortune? How is that a good plan again?
Ou Chen: Lalalalalalalala I can't hear you!
Xiamo: Oh woe is me, I have to pick between a sexy superstar and an obsessive hot billionaire. My life is tragic. Oh well. Deal.
dangermousie: (Default)
I have been reading the Summer Desire translations here and it is such an entertaining bucket of crazy. I mean, here is a sample conversation translated into human speak from emo drama land speak:

Xiamo: Listen, Ou Chen, I know I dumped you 5 years ago telling you to go jump of a cliff, and we haven't been exactly BFFs since, but how about donating a kidney to my little brother?
Ou Chen: No.
Xiamo: Pretty please? With a green ribbon on top?
Ou Chen: I have rehearsed this word for the last 1825 days - nope.
Xiamo: not even if I kneel?
Ou Chen: Unless you have a marriage proposal to go with that kneeling, no. I am going to crush your heart like you crushed mine! It will add to my brooding material.
Xiamo: I'll kiss you, if you give it, come on you got two! I am sure my majorly messed up, trust-issues-having boyfriend won't mind if I make kissy face with his worst enemy.
Ou Chen: Still nope.
Xiamo: OK, fine, I will sleep with you, pig.
Ou Chen: Rich eligible bachelor here, not exactly sexually desperate.
Xiamo: Hey, I've seen the posters you have, with my head cut out and glued to Pamela Anderson's body.
Ou Chen:... That was only for better angsting purposes, I swear!
Xiamo: What do I have to do?
Ou Chen: Willyoumarryme? I just know that marriage with a cold-hearted woman who is in love with another guy and who I have to blackmail into marriage will lead to nuptual bliss.
Xiamo: You do realize that your plan's outcome in any reasonable universe is me marrying you for precisely as long as it takes for the kidney donation to go through and then leaving with the divorce papers and half your fortune? How is that a good plan again?
Ou Chen: Lalalalalalalala I can't hear you!
Xiamo: Oh woe is me, I have to pick between a sexy superstar and an obsessive hot billionaire. My life is tragic. Oh well. Deal.
dangermousie: (ROCH by meganbmoore)
I bet this is totally the article that would appear in Dorama Cosmo, if it existed:

How to marry the love of your life

by Yang Guo and Xiao Long Nu, special correspondents

Editor's Note: Our simple 'fancy wedding for the soul' article got a little complicated due to the differences with our writing staff. We would have never imposed such radical suggestions on our readership, but Mr. Yang Guo and Ms. Xiao Long Nu are very proficient with sharp weapons. We have finally compromised by presenting the recommendations we were going to make under the heading 'our magazine's recommendation' and allowing our special guests to submit counterpoints...Ouch, you can put an eye out with those swords, point them somewhere else, you two!

But on to the tips for that perfect day...

Our magazine's recommendation: You know how you have that magical day all planned. Probably since you were ten. You and the love of your life, hundred or so of your closest friends (all with appropriate gifts, of course), nice, long solemn ceremony with people smiling their well-wishes, and maybe your Mom blowing her nose into her silk handkerchief.

Our correspondents' recommendation: Or of course, then there is a do-it-yourself wedding, fighting your way through to the marriage hall, right after the bride had just killed her rapist. You perform your quickie wedding vows in travel garments, while keeping one eye out on hostile warrior monks that are trying to kill you, and add colorful atmosphere to your wedding by shouting 'abomination' and 'blasphemy.' On the plus side, you don't have to worry about parental approval (or tears) though because they are all dead.

To read more of such excellent advice, go behind the cut )
dangermousie: (ROCH by meganbmoore)
I bet this is totally the article that would appear in Dorama Cosmo, if it existed:

How to marry the love of your life

by Yang Guo and Xiao Long Nu, special correspondents

Editor's Note: Our simple 'fancy wedding for the soul' article got a little complicated due to the differences with our writing staff. We would have never imposed such radical suggestions on our readership, but Mr. Yang Guo and Ms. Xiao Long Nu are very proficient with sharp weapons. We have finally compromised by presenting the recommendations we were going to make under the heading 'our magazine's recommendation' and allowing our special guests to submit counterpoints...Ouch, you can put an eye out with those swords, point them somewhere else, you two!

But on to the tips for that perfect day...

Our magazine's recommendation: You know how you have that magical day all planned. Probably since you were ten. You and the love of your life, hundred or so of your closest friends (all with appropriate gifts, of course), nice, long solemn ceremony with people smiling their well-wishes, and maybe your Mom blowing her nose into her silk handkerchief.

Our correspondents' recommendation: Or of course, then there is a do-it-yourself wedding, fighting your way through to the marriage hall, right after the bride had just killed her rapist. You perform your quickie wedding vows in travel garments, while keeping one eye out on hostile warrior monks that are trying to kill you, and add colorful atmosphere to your wedding by shouting 'abomination' and 'blasphemy.' On the plus side, you don't have to worry about parental approval (or tears) though because they are all dead.

To read more of such excellent advice, go behind the cut )
dangermousie: (ROCH by meganbmoore)
I bet this is totally the article that would appear in Dorama Cosmo, if it existed:

How to marry the love of your life

by Yang Guo and Xiao Long Nu, special correspondents

Editor's Note: Our simple 'fancy wedding for the soul' article got a little complicated due to the differences with our writing staff. We would have never imposed such radical suggestions on our readership, but Mr. Yang Guo and Ms. Xiao Long Nu are very proficient with sharp weapons. We have finally compromised by presenting the recommendations we were going to make under the heading 'our magazine's recommendation' and allowing our special guests to submit counterpoints...Ouch, you can put an eye out with those swords, point them somewhere else, you two!

But on to the tips for that perfect day...

Our magazine's recommendation: You know how you have that magical day all planned. Probably since you were ten. You and the love of your life, hundred or so of your closest friends (all with appropriate gifts, of course), nice, long solemn ceremony with people smiling their well-wishes, and maybe your Mom blowing her nose into her silk handkerchief.

Our correspondents' recommendation: Or of course, then there is a do-it-yourself wedding, fighting your way through to the marriage hall, right after the bride had just killed her rapist. You perform your quickie wedding vows in travel garments, while keeping one eye out on hostile warrior monks that are trying to kill you, and add colorful atmosphere to your wedding by shouting 'abomination' and 'blasphemy.' On the plus side, you don't have to worry about parental approval (or tears) though because they are all dead.

To read more of such excellent advice, go behind the cut )

Profile

dangermousie: (Default)
dangermousie

November 2012

S M T W T F S
     1 2 3
45678910
11121314151617
18192021222324
252627282930 

Syndicate

RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Mar. 28th, 2017 11:31 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios